68: Five Thirty
Title text: The 8th panel is my favorite
At 5:30 AM, one's sleep-deprived mind sometimes comes up with things that seem like nonsense later.
None of the twelve panels in this comic seem to have any correlation with one another, each one being its own "story," and none of them really make any sense. It is unknown whether Randall really wrote this comic while awake at 5:30 in the morning, or if he wrote it while completely alert and is trying to pass off his rejected ideas by saying what one's mind may experience when trying to process information at an hour when the person is not used to being awake.
1: "80s night" is a special theme many nightclubs hold, inviting their guests to wear fashions that were popular in the 1980s while playing dance music from the same period.
3: There doesn't seem to be too much to this panel that isn't self-explanatory, but it's possible that there's a reference to the Civilization series of video games, in which it's possible (albeit unlikely) for medieval soldiers to attack and destroy 20th-century military helicopters.
4: Stick figures standing upright are indeed drawn without any thought as to which section of their legs are the shins.
5: It's hard to tell what the two stick figures are actually doing, but the most common guess it that they're both wearing watches. In that case they likely forgot to adjust their clocks for a time change (shortly before this comic was released, Daylight Savings Time had just begun in the United States) and were off in their schedules as a result.
6: "Ointment" may be a reference to the infamous lotion scene in Silence of the Lambs, as the panel appears to be invoking horror movie visuals.
7: The farthest left angle is labeled theta. The joke is that finding the cosine, the length of the adjacent leg divided by the length of the hypotenuse, would be difficult as the adjacent leg is poorly drawn and does not resemble a straight line to be measured.
8: Lots of jokes have been made out of the template "does liking X make you gay?", where the speaker is afraid that he may be a homosexual. Here, the speaker has apparently transformed into a mermaid at some point. His friend seems to be eager to both turn into a mermaid himself, and confirm himself for a homosexual.
Another explanation may be that the friend thinks that a man who was a mermaid for five minutes, should be homosexual afterwards, because he simply can't imagine something else about it. In this explanation the friend has no interest in others being gay or not, he just thinks that this may be a realistic progress.
9: Waving a gun around and declaring that things you hate are "for pussies" is stereotypical "macho" behavior. Possibly, the man with the gun is going to cut the other man's hair with bullets because it's more "macho" than going to the barber.
10: This doesn't seem to mean anything whatsoever. However, both of the characters say something irrational: "My hair is bleeding" is irrational because strands of hair can't bleed, and "√3" is an irrational number.
11: A bachelor party is traditionally raucous party that is thrown for a groom on the night before his wedding. Because these parties can be wild, (involving drinking and such) this may explain why the figure is upside down.
12: Likely a reference to the "ant on a rubber rope" thought experiment. Apparently in Randall's mind the experiment does not end well for the ant.
The title text could actually refer to two different panels. If a person chooses to read the comic left-to-right, top-to-bottom (which is more likely given that this is the order in the official transcript), the eighth panel could be the one with where Cueball asks "Does being a mermaid for five minutes make you gay?" However, if a person chooses to read the comic top-to-bottom, left-to-right, the eighth panel will instead be the one with Cueball hanging upside down shouting "Bachelor party!"
- Comics from 5:30 AM
- [A succession of unrelated and completely random panels.]
- Cueball: It's 80's night at the club. Wanna go?
- Friend: There is no Tuesday.
- Cueball: Jack the Ripper or Jack Black?
- [Cueball in this panel is holding a glinting sword.]
- Friend: You crashed my helicopter!
- Cueball: Verily!
- [A small figure is talking with a larger figure.]
- Figure 1: Basically, neither of us have shins.
- Figure 2: Over and out.
- [Two men are shown: one with three arms, and another with just two. All arms have round appendages at their ends.]
- Men: shitshitshitshitshitshitdaylightsavingsshitshitshitshitsh
- [Two figures with pumpkins (carved with faces) for heads.]
- Figure 1: You're out of ointment and out of time!
- [A diagram of a right-angled triangle, with a theta at the smallest angle.]
- FUCK THE COSINE
- Friend: Does being a mermaid for five minutes make you gay?
- Cueball: I hope so!
- [The friend is holding a gun to Cueball's head.]
- Friend: Barbershops are for pussies.
- Friend: My hair is bleeding.
- Cueball: √3
- [Cueball seems to be walking on the ceiling.]
- Cueball: Bachelor party!
- [Warning sign with picture of an ant.]
- WARNING: STRETCHY DEATH
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