1086: Eyelash Wish Log
|Eyelash Wish Log|
Title text: Ooh, another one. Uh... the ability to alter any coefficients of friction at will during sporting events.
This comic is based on the situation that when someone's eyelash falls out, that person can make a wish on it. This comic appears to be a page from the fictitious Wish Bureau in charge of granting said wishes. And of course the Wisher is Black Hat and he has quite a few wishes, most of them based on the previous wish. A common trope in fiction is that wishing for more wishes is prohibited and for many of his wishes Black Hat attempts to circumvent that.
- January 9
- That wishing on eyelashes worked
- This wish is pointless. If wishing on eyelashes worked, then this would do absolutely nothing (because it already works) and if it didn't then nothing would happen because wishing on eyelashes wouldn't work.
- January 12
- A pony
- This wish functions as a test to see whether or not previous wish worked. It can be assumed that it did, as Black Hat then continued to make additional wishes.
- January 15
- Unlimited wishes
- This appears to have failed, due to the typical ban of wishing for additional wishes in conventional folklore.
- January 19
- Revocation of rules prohibiting unlimited wishes
- An attempt to circumvent the ban in the previous wish.
- January 20
- A finite but arbitrarily large number of wishes
- Another attempt to circumvent the ban on unlimited wishes.
- January 28
- The power to dictate the rules governing wishes
- Yet another attempt to circumvent the ban on unlimited wishes.
- February 5
- Unlimited eyelashes
- This wish likely caused Black Hat to grow unlimited eyelashes, which could be quite inconvenient and painful.
- February 6
- That wish-granting entities be required to interpret wishes in accordance with the intent of the wisher
- This wish is likely a response to the previous day's misguided wish. It's actually quite a common problem that people making wishes leave them open for misinterpretation.
- February 8
- That wish-granting entities be incapable of impatience
- An attempt to prevent whatever being is powerful enough to grant wishes from becoming angry with Black Hat while he tries to manipulate the system.
- February 12 #1
- Unlimited breadsticks
- The first wish of this day seems to be a reference to the unlimited breadsticks offered at Olive Garden.
- February 12 #2
- Veto power over others' wishes
- A power that could be interesting to have. It also very much fits with Black Hat's character.
- February 19
- Veto power over others' wishes and all congressional legislation
- An improvement of the previous wish. This would be very interesting to have indeed, especially if you are Black Hat, because you could veto any law at any time.
- February 23
- The power to override any veto
- This wish would allow Black Hat to override vetos which in addition to the previous wish would effectively make him control the US legislature and, to some extent, also the UN. It will also allow him to turn certain laws off (veto them) and on again (override the veto) at any moment, messing with people and legal authorities alike.
- February 27
- The power to see where any shortened URL goes without clicking
- This wish relates to a common practice especially in tweets or other short length media where full length specific HTML addresses such as www.somewhere.com/articles/specificdate/the page.html would not be feasible. So a more compressed but nonsensical string of seemingly random characters is used which links to a link of the full text address. This creates some problems for people who are security or privacy conscious and prefer to be informed beforehand where they will be traveling on the Internet.
- February 29
- The power to control the direction news anchors are looking while they talk
- This wish likely appeals to Black Hat's mischevious side, allowing him to cause news anchors to look at the wrong camera during live broadcast. Repeatedly switching to the incorrect camera would cause havoc in the studio.
- March 7
- The power to introduce arbitrary error into Nate Silver's predictions
- A reference to Nate Silver, who is a former writer for Baseball Prospectus working on predicting baseball players' stats and now writes for Five Thirty Eight in which he predicts the outcome of elections based on polling data. This would grant Black Hat the power to influence the result of elections. This would tighten the Black Hat's control of the US even more.
- March 15
- A house of stairs
- This wish refers to the lithograph Relativity by M. C. Escher, or perhaps another of his lithographs, House of Stairs
- March 23
- A universe which is a replica of this one sans rules against meta-wishes
- The previous wish obviously failed and this is an attempt to circumvent that.
- March 29
- Free transportation to and from that universe
- Black Hat noted a problem with his previous wish. If that wish was granted, he would still stay in our universe with no ways to get to the new one.
- April 2
- A clear explanation of how wish rules are structured and enforced
- Having clear rules and how they work helps anyone finding loopholes in them.
- April 7
- The power to banish people into the TV show they are talking about
- Black hat is obviously fed up of hearing people talking about certain TV shows, and would like to be able to banish them into the show, thus prevent him having to listen to those people.
- April 8
- Zero wishes
- An attempt to hack the wish-granting system by using a quite common vulnerability in input validation: an unexpected value. There may be multiple vectors this can work:
- in many computer systems, 0 is reserved for unlimited
- the number may be used as a divisor in some equation and this will make the system divide by zero and probably crash
- there also may be an assertion like “number of wishes granted == 1” which would fail, again crashing the system
- However it seems the eyelash wish-granting system does proper input validation on zero because it did not crash or grant unlimited wishes
- April 15
- Veto power over clocks
- Midnight, April 15 is the deadline for filing income tax returns in the United States.
- April 22
- A pokéball that works on strangers' pets
- A reference to the cartoon and video game series Pokémon. A Pokéball can be thrown at a Pokémon (or in this case, a pet that the Pokéball thrower finds either annoying or cute) to capture/contain it and/or achieve ownership of it. In most cases, Pokéballs cannot be used on Pokémon owned by other people.
The title text is a reference to how people often want a ball to either go in or out in a sporting event they are not a part of. Normally, spectators of a game are not actually in the game, but always think that they can somehow influence the game superstitiously, such as perhaps yelling out jinx whenever the opposing team makes a shot, even though if you are watching the game from a television, that would have no effect. By wishing for power over friction, a spectator would have influence over what transpires during a sporting match. In most sporting events which involve running, a sudden drop of friction would make the runner fall over, as this would be like suddenly running out over a sheet of ice. Conversely, in ice hockey an increase in friction could make the puck stop before the goal, and also make the players fall over, as it would be like trying to skate on land.
Eyelash Wish Log Wish bureau ID#: 21118378 Date range: Wisher Jan-Apr 2012 Date Wish Jan 09 That wishing on eyelashes worked Jan 12 A pony Jan 15 Unlimited wishes Jan 19 Revocation of rules prohibiting unlimited wishes Jan 20 A finite but arbitrarily large number of wishes Jan 28 The power to dictate the rules governing wishes Feb 05 Unlimited eyelashes Feb 06 That wish-granting entities be required to interpret wishes in
accordance with the intent of the wisher
Feb 08 That wish-granting entities be incapable of impatience Feb 12 Unlimited breadsticks Feb 12 Veto power over others' wishes Feb 19 Veto power over others' wishes and all congressional legislation Feb 23 The power to override any veto Feb 27 The power to see where any shortened URL goes without clicking Feb 29 The power to control the direction news anchors are looking while they talk Mar 07 The power to introduce arbitrary error into Nate Silver's predictions Mar 15 A house of stairs Mar 23 A universe which is a replica of this one sans rules against meta-wishes Mar 29 Free transportation to and from that universe Apr 02 A clear explanation of how wish rules are structured and enforced Apr 07 The power to banish people into the TV show they're talking about Apr 08 Zero wishes Apr 15 Veto power over clocks Apr 22 A Pokéball that works on strangers' pets