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2018 CVE List
CVE-2018-?????: It turns out Bruce Schneier is just two mischevious kids in a trenchcoat.
Title text: CVE-2018-?????: It turns out Bruce Schneier is just two mischevious kids in a trenchcoat.

Explanation

Ambox notice.png This explanation may be incomplete or incorrect: Created by HACKING THIS WIKI VIA THE EDIT BOX - The explanation looks like a list. Explain the comic and put the security vulnerabilities in a table. Do NOT delete this tag too soon.


CVE (Common Vulnerabilities and Exposures) is a standardized format for assigning an identity to a cybersecurity vulnerability (similar to the way that astronomical bodies are assigned unique identifiers by committees). Giving vulnerabilities a unique identifier makes them easier to talk about and helps in keeping track of the progress made toward resolving them. The typical format of a CVE identifier is CVE-[YEAR]-[NUMBER]. For example, the CVE identifier for 2017's widespread Meltdown vulnerability is CVE-2017-5754. CVEs also contain a short description of the issue.

In this comic (released in February 2018), Randall presents a number of spurious predicted CVEs for later in 2018. Each CVE identifier is given as "CVE-2018-?????", reflecting the fact that they have not yet happened so we don't know exactly what their CVE identifier will be.

Security Vulnerability Notes
Apple products crash when displaying certain Telugu or Bengali letter combinations. This refers to a real vulnerability in iOS and MacOS publicized a few days before the comic released [1].
An attacker can use a timing attack to extploit[sic] a race condition in garbage collection to extract a limited number of bits from the Wikipedia article on Claude Shannon. Timing Attack to exploit a race condition in garbage collection refers to Meltdown and Spectre CPU flaws that can be exploited in cloud server like the ones in Wikipedia. Claude Shannon was an early and highly influential information scientist whose work underlies compression, encryption, security, and the theory behind how information is encoded into binary digits - hence the pertinence of extracting just some of the bits from his Wikipedia entry.
At the cafe on third street, the post-it note with the wifi password is visible from the sidewalk. Writing passwords in a visible place is a major security flaw. For instance, following the 2018 Hawaii false missile alert the agency received criticism for a press photo showing a password written on a sticky note attached to a monitor.[2] However, if a cafe posts their wifi password for customers then having it visible through the window as well presents a very minor reduction in security.
A remote attacker can inject arbitrary text into public-facing pages via the comments box. Describes a common feature on news sites or social media sites like Facebook. The possibility for users to "inject" text into the page is by design. This is a humorous reference to the relatively common security vulnerability "persistent cross-site scripting", where input provided by the user is displayed to other users in a dangerous fashion that allows attackers to inject arbitrary HTML or Javascript code into e.g. a comment section. It might also be a humorous reference to the events before, during and after the 2016 US Presidential elections where Internet Research Agency employees based remotely in St. Petersburg, Russia, but disguised as US citizens, "injected" arbitrary text in the form of political propaganda into comments on multiple web sites, according to an indictment returned by a federal grand jury on February 16, 2018.
MySQL server 5.5.45 secretly runs two parallel databases for people who say "S-Q-L" and "sequel." Some people pronounce "SQL" like "sequel", after SQL's predecessor "SEQUEL (Structured English Query Language)". The standard for SQL suggests that it should be pronounced as separate letters; however, the author of SQL pronounces it "sequel", so the debate is persisting (with even more justification than arguments about how to pronounce "GIF"). MySQL is an open-source relational database management system, the latest GA version (at the time of writing) is MySQL 5.7.
A flaw in some x86 CPUs could allow a root user to de-escalate to normal account privileges. Privilege escalation refers to any illegitimate means of giving a system user greater privilege than they are supposed to have, and most hackers will seek to achieve this if they can. The most highly-sought privilege is that of the root user, which allows complete access to an entire system.

This CVE, however, presents the reverse situation; that a flaw can allow a root user to de-escalate, the exact opposite of what a hacker would want to achieve. (In any case, the root user can always de-escalate manually if they so choose, as they have complete control).

Apple products catch fire when displaying emoji with diacritics. Diacritics are the accents found on letters in some languages (eg. č, ģ ķ, ļ, ņ, š, ž). These would not be found on emojis. It is also a reference to a common problem of modern gadgets catching fire (usually related to flaws in Lithium-Ion batteries).
An oversight in the rules allows a dog to join a basketball team. This likely refers to the movie Air Bud. It is a movie about a dog playing basketball. This has been a common theme in xkcd comics, see 115: Meerkat, 1439: Rack Unit, 1819: Sweet 16, 1552: Rulebook
Haskell isn't side-effect-free after all; the effects are all just concentrated in this one. Computer in Missouri that no one's checked on in a while. Haskell is a functional programming language, functional programming is characterized by using functions that don't have side effects in other parts of the program. The joke here is discovering that indeed it does have side-effects, but for some unknown (and highly absurd) reason they only manifest on a specific computer in a nondescript location, but no one has noticed.
Nobody really knows how hypervisors work. "Hypervisors" are a tool for computer virtualization. Virtualization is an extremely complex topic, as it requires a computer to completely emulate a different computer with its own unique hardware and software. Many IT professionals and businesses rely heavily on various forms of virtualization, but the individual employees would be hard-pressed to explain how it works. Meltdown and Specter are related to this.
CRITICAL: Under Linux 3.14.8 on System/390 in a UTC+14 time zone, a local user could potentially use a buffer overflow to change another user's default system clock from 12-hour to 24-hour. This joke is about arcane systems that are running Linux in exceedingly unique situations, such that reproducing the error would be incredibly difficult or inconvenient, and would only affect a very tiny user base (if any at all). Other xkcd comics make references to such obscure computer-time issues relating to time zones and time conversions, and how many programmers find these issues frustrating or even traumatizing. UTC+14 is a time zone used only on some islands in the Pacific Ocean, i.e., the Line Islands, and is also the earliest time zone on earth.
x86 has way too many instructions. The x86 architecture is considered "CISC" (a "complex instruction set computer"), having many instructions originally provided to make programming by a human simpler; other examples include the 68000 series used in the first Apple Mac. In the 1980s, this design philosophy was countered by the "RISC" ("reduced instruction set computer") design movement exemplified by SPARC, MIPS, PowerPC (previously used by Apple) and the ARM chips common in mobile phones - based on the observation that computer programs were increasingly generated by compilers (which only used a few instructions) rather than directly by people, and that the chip area dedicated to extra instructions could be better dedicated to, for example, cache. At the time, there was an internet war about the merits of each approach (with the Mac and PC being on different sides, at one time; owners of other competing systems such as the Archimedes and Amiga had similar arguments on usenet in the early 1990s); this "issue" may be posted by someone who still recalls these debates. Technically, the extra instructions do slightly complicate the task of validating correct chip behaviour and complicate the tool chains that manage software, which could be seen as a minor security risk; however, the 64-bit architecture introduced by AMD and since adopted by Intel does rationalise things somewhat, and all recent x86 chips break down instructions into RISC-like micro-operations, so the complication from a hardware perspective is localised. Recent security issues such as the speculative cache load issue in Meltdown and Spectre depend more on details of implementation rather than instruction set, and have been exhibited both by x86 (CISC) and ARM (RISC) processors.
NumPy 1.8.0 can factor primes in O(log n) time and must be quietly deprecated before anyone notices. NumPy is the fundamental package for scientific computing with Python. If something can find the prime factors of a number this quickly, there are attacks to break many crypto functions used in internet security. However, prime numbers have only a single factor, and "factoring primes" quickly is a simpler problem.
Apple products grant remote access if you send them words that break the "I before E" rule. Another joke on the first CVE and a common English writing rule of thumb, which fails almost as often as it succeeds. Possibly a jab at Apple's image, portraying their software as unable to handle improper grammar or spelling.
Skylake x86 chips can be pried from their sockets using certain flathead screwdrivers. Skylake x86 chips are a line of microprocessors. Yes, you can forcefully remove any processor from his socket with a screwdriver. There are many reports from people not using common sense.
Apparently Linus Torvalds can be bribed pretty easily. Linus Torvalds is the benevolent dictator of the Linux kernel codebase. Normally it is hard to pass a change because he has the last word about what merge to the code base because that code is replicated in all Linux installations, but apparently he is easy to bribe, which would be a severe critical vulnerability to all Linux servers and machines.
An attacker can execute malicious code on their own machine and no one can stop them. The point of an attack is to make someone else's machine perform actions against the owner's will. Anyone can make their own machine execute any code, but this would usually not be described as an attack.
Apple products execute any code printed over a photo of a dog with a saddle and a baby riding it. This could refer to a CVE vulnerability of JPG files where javascript embedded within the image file is executed by some application, only this time is in a printed photo instead of encoded into the image itself.
Under rare circumstances, a flaw in some versions of Windows could allow Flash to be installed. Flash was discontinued because of its notoriously abysmal security record. All security experts advise against install. The joke here relates to the perceived difficulty with keeping Flash up to date or even installed properly to begin with. A common user experience which is the subject of numerous jokes and memes is the constant nagging notification to install or update Flash in order for web pages to display properly. While anecdotal, many IT professionals will bemoan the trouble that Flash has given them in the workplace due to these notifications and problems related to them.
Turns out the cloud is just other people's computers. This refers to a computer meme where replace "cloud" with "other people's computers" must be used in all marketing presentation to CEOs and not computer literate persons to evaluate the security impact of using "Cloud services". Part of the humor here is that "the cloud", in actuality, it simply a term for hosted services, i.e., computers being run by other people (typically businesses that specialize in this type of "Platform As A Service" or "PAAS" service model). Calling "the cloud" as "other people's computers" is, at its core, entirely accurate, though it takes away the business jargon and simplifies the situation in such a way that it might cast doubt on the security, reliability, and general effectiveness of using "cloud" solutions.
A flaw in Mitre's CVE database allows arbitrary code insertion.[~~CLICK HERE FOR CHEAP VIAGRA~~] Mitre's CVE database is the database where all CVE are stored. This is a joke relating to the 4th CVE in this list, pointing out that the CVE site is also vulnerable.
It turns out Bruce Schneier is just two mischievous[sp?] kids in a trenchcoat. (title text) Bruce Schneier is security researcher and blogger. He was mentioned in the title texts of 748: Worst-Case Scenario and 1039: RuBisCO. The "two kids in a trenchcoat" is a reference to the Totem Pole Trench trope.[3]

References

  1. https://techcrunch.com/2018/02/15/iphone-text-bomb-ios-mac-crash-apple/
  2. http://uk.businessinsider.com/hawaii-emergency-agency-password-discovered-in-photo-sparks-security-criticism-2018-1?r=US&IR=T
  3. TV Tropes:Totem Pole Trench trope

Transcript

LEAKED LIST OF MAJOR 2018 SECURITY VULNERABILITIES

CVE-2018-????? Apple products crash when displaying certain Telugu or Bengali letter combinations.

CVE-2018-????? An attacker can use a timing attack to extploit[sic] a race condition in garbage collection to extract a limited number of bits from the Wikipedia article on Claude Shannon.

CVE-2018-????? At the cafe on third street, the post-it note with the wifi password is visible from the sidewalk.

CVE-2018-????? A remote attacker can inject arbitrary text into public-facing pages via the comments box.

CVE-2018-????? MySQL server 55.45 secretly runs two parallel databases for people who say "S-Q-L" and "sequel."

CVE-2018-????? A flaw in some x86 CPUs could allow a root user to de-escalate to normal account privileges.

CVE-2018-????? Apple products catch fire when displaying emoji with diacritics.

CVE-2018-????? An oversight in the rules allows a dog to join a basketball team.

CUE-2018-????? Haskell isn't side-effect-free after all; the effects are all just concentrated in this one. Computer in Missouri that no one's checked on in a while.

CVE-2018-????? Nobody really knows how hypervisors work.

CVE-2018-????? CRITICAL: Under Linux 3.14.8 on System/390 in a UTC+14 time zone, a local user could potentially use a buffer overflow to change another user's default system clock from 12-hour to 24-hour.

CVE-2018-????? x86 has way too many instructions.

CVE-2018-????? NumPy 1.8.0 can factor primes in O(log n) time and must be quietly deprecated before anyone notices.

CVE-2018-????? Apple products grant remote access if you send them words that break the "I before E" rule.

CVE-2018-????? Skylake x86 chips can be pried from their sockets using certain flathead screwdrivers.

CVE-2018-????? Apparently Linus Torvalds can be bribed pretty easily.

CVE-2018-????? An attacker can execute malicious code on their own machine and no one can stop them.

CVE-2018-????? Apple products execute any code printed over a photo of a dog with a saddle and a baby riding it.

CVE-2018-????? Under rare circumstances, a flaw in some versions of Windows could allow Flash to be installed.

CVE-2018-????? Turns out the cloud is just other people's computers.

CVE-2018-????? A flaw in Mitre's CVE database allows arbitrary code insertion.[~~CLICK HERE FOR CHEAP VIAGRA~~]



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