1363: xkcd Phone

2014-05-02T08:08:01Z

141.101.89.220: /* Explanation */ Tweaks. (Then retweaked around an edit conflict, hopefully satisfactorarily).

{{comic
| number = 1363
| date = May 2, 2014
| title = xkcd Phone
| image = xkcd_phone.png
| titletext = Presented in partnership with Qualcomm, Craigslist, Whirlpool, Hostess, LifeStyles, and the US Chamber of Commerce. Manufactured on equipment which also processes peanuts. Price includes 2-year Knicks contract. Phone may extinguish nearby birthday candles. If phone ships with Siri, return immediately; do not speak to her and ignore any instructions she gives. Do not remove lead casing. Phone may attract/trap insects; this is normal. Volume adjustable (requires root). If you experience sudden tingling, nausea, or vomiting, perform a factory reset immediately. Do not submerge in water; phone will drown. Exterior may be frictionless. Prolonged use can cause mood swings, short-term memory loss, and seizures. Avert eyes while replacing battery. Under certain circumstances, wireless transmitter may control God.
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|No longer created by a BOT, but probably still needs more editing.}}

This comic is a parody of a multitude of mobile-technology related issues that, when brought together, create a general satire of smartphone advertising. The advertised features here either make previously useful capabilities useless or add features nobody wants. Except for "your mobile world (going) digital", which is old news.

From bottom left, going clockwise:

* Flightaware partnership - This is a parody of flight mode, a capability most smart phones have. When activated, flight mode disables all transmission and receiving capabilities, making the phone suitable for use while on commercial flights. Flightaware partnership, by contrast, is an intrusive presumably airline-sponsored capability that no one wants.
* Realistic case– possibly a joke on various audiovisual devices like gaming consoles that advertise realistic sound, graphics, etc. Of course, applying "realistic" to an actual physical case is ridiculous. Either the case is actually real, or it doesn't actually function as a case.
* Clear screen– This is a pointless descriptor from the perspective of the consumer. Of course the screen is clear. This joke works in tandem with the previous joke, as a play on "clear case, realistic screen," which are both hypothetically viable selling points.
* Side Facing Camera – There was a recent controversy surrounding a kickstarter for a surreptitious, side-mounted camera device for smartphones due to the advertisement of the device as a good way to take creep shots, which are illegal in many places. Widespread dissemination of these devices as a built in would likely result in a sharp increase in delinquency of this nature. May also be an ''ad absurdium'' extension of devices with both forward and backward facing cameras.
* Custom blend OS – iOS and Android are offered by different conglomerates and run on different kernels. A "custom blend" would probably be a nightmare to work with.
* Simulates alternate speeds of light - This renders the clock useless. The speed of light is roughly 2.99x10^8 meters per second. Relativistic effects, such as time dilation, only occur at significant fractions of the speed of light. Since the phone is simulating a much slower speed of light, driving at highway speeds will cause time dilation. For example, driving at 90mph (90% of the default simulated speed of light) gives a time dilation of about 2.29. So while you are driving at 90mph your clock will run 2.29 times slower than a stationary one.
* Wireless - as in cordless phone. This is the bare minimum a phone has to have in order to be a mobile phone, so advertising it as a feature feels dated by decades. Or, perhaps Munroe is implying the entire phone is without wires, in which case it wouldn't function.
* Accelerometer screams in free fall– Another useless function. Rather than having some sort of feature to prevent breakage or cracking when a drop is detected, the phone just makes you more aware of its potential imminent doom.
* When exposed to light, phone says "hi" - Bait and switch, and also a build from the previous joke. The implied feature is that the screen or camera will automatically adjust, but instead the phone is weirdly anthropomorphized.

The ominous warnings and disclaimers in the title text are probably a reference to the ''Saturday Night Live'' parody ad for {{w|Happy Fun Ball}}.

* Presented in partnership with Qualcomm, Craigslist, Whirlpool, Hostess, LifeStyles, and the US Chamber of Commerce.– {{w|Qualcomm}} is a semiconductor company that designs and produces chips for mobile phones, but the other companies mentioned here have no association with mobile phones.
* Manufactured on equipment which also processes peanuts.- A warning often seen on candy and other foods for people with a peanut allergy. It is highly unlikely that equipment used to produce mobile phones would also process food.
* Price includes 2-year Knicks contract.- Mobile phones are often sold by phone companies in combination with a cell phone plan, but a contract with the {{w|New_York_Knicks|Knicks}} would only appeal to pro basketball players.
* Phone may extinguish nearby birthday candles.- A rather oddly specific capability, which might also be annoying for anyone attempting to host a birthday party. As to how it would do this, a very powerful directional speaker would be able to blow out a nearby candle, but the speakers in mobile phones aren't going to be that big.
* If phone ships with Siri, return immediately; do not speak to her and ignore any instructions she gives.- {{w|Siri}} is a virtual personal assistant application for Apple devices. Not speaking to it and not following it's instructions would defeat it's purpose. It may suggest that a malevolant "Siri AI" has sneaked itself onto some devices, at the manufacturing stage, for some diabolical purpose.
* Do not remove lead casing.- Devices that emit high levels of radiation are often encased in lead, but a phone that would emit that level of radiation would be unhealthy to carry around and be probably too heavy too.
* Phone may attract/trap insects; this is normal.- Some plants, like the {{w|Venus_flytrap|Venus flytrap}}, attract and trap insects, but mobile phones are not known to exhibit this behaviour.
* Volume adjustable (requires root).- {{w|Android_rooting|Rooting}} is the method to gain privileged access on Android phones. Adjusting the volume should be available to any user and would not be restricted to root access only.
* If you experience sudden tingling, nausea, or vomiting, perform a factory reset immediately.- These symptoms are usually associated with chemical or radiation poisoning. Neither of these would be cured by a {{w|Factory_reset|factory reset}}.
* Do not submerge in water; phone will drown.- Most phones are not waterproof and will probably short-circuit when submerged. Drowning however, would imply that the phone breathes air (which actually would be possible if it had a {{w|Lithium-air_battery|Li-air battery}}).
* Exterior may be frictionless.- The front of a smartphone is usually made of glass and should have a surface with very few friction. The back of a phone is usually made from a material that has more friction to make it pleasant to hold and to make sure it doesn't slide off objects it is placed on. A completely frictionless surface would make it almost impossible to hold and would make it very susceptible to drops.
* Prolonged use can cause mood swings, short-term memory loss, and seizures.- These are all side effects that are associated with certain kinds of medication and would not be acceptable for mobile phones.
* Avert eyes while replacing battery.- Actions that would warrant averting your eyes are usually associated with high levels of radiation (e.g. making an {{w|X-ray}} photo). A phone that emits X-ray radiation would not be healty to be around. Or it may be a reference to the Arc Of The Covenant.
* Under certain circumstances, wireless transmitter may control God.- According to religion God is usually in control of us. Gods are usually viewed as not controllable.

==Transcript==
'''The XKCD Phone'''
Your mobile world just went digital®

* Flightaware partnership: Makes airplane noises when flights pass overhead
* Realistic case
* Clear screen
* Side-facing camera
* Runs custom blend of Android and iOS
* Simulates alternate speeds of light (default: 100 miles per hour) and ajusts clock as phone accelerates
* Wireless
* Accelerometer detects when phone is in free fall and makes it scream
* When exposed to light, phone says "hi!"

{{comic discussion}}

Talk:1363: xkcd Phone

2014-05-02T07:43:07Z

141.101.89.220:

Where can i get one of these? :D [[User:UniTrader|UniTrader]] ([[User talk:UniTrader|talk]]) 04:11, 2 May 2014 (UTC)

I'm pretty sure the "scream when falling" thing and the "flightaware" stuff can be done somehow with Tasker. [[Special:Contributions/141.101.103.206|141.101.103.206]] 04:23, 2 May 2014 (UTC)

;Designer?

I suspect it was either Black Hat or Beret Guy, but I'm not sure which. A collaboration? [[Special:Contributions/173.245.54.45|173.245.54.45]] 04:47, 2 May 2014 (UTC)

This sounds like something straight out of aperture. {{unsigned ip|108.162.221.55}}

;Simulates alternate speeds of light

Yes, useless as a feature on all the time; but it would be a cool app. [[User:Markhurd|Mark Hurd]] ([[User talk:Markhurd|talk]]) 05:57, 2 May 2014 (UTC)
:Absolutely. Where can I get an app like that?[[Special:Contributions/108.162.225.157|108.162.225.157]] 06:22, 2 May 2014 (UTC)

'''Changed the speed of light to 2.99x10^8'''

Yeah sorry forgot to login. does anyone know how to do the indices formatting other than eg 2.99x10(littlex) rather then 2.99x10^x? [[User:Jonv4n|Jonv4n]] ([[User talk:Jonv4n|talk]]) 06:29, 2 May 2014 (UTC)
: Whas<sup>sup</sup>? [[Special:Contributions/141.101.89.220|141.101.89.220]] 07:43, 2 May 2014 (UTC)

explain xkcd - User contributions [en]

1363: xkcd Phone

Talk:1363: xkcd Phone