explain xkcd - User contributions [en]

1963: Namespace Land Rush

2018-03-11T22:46:10Z

172.68.25.208: /* Table */ When compared to the line immediately below, it's clear the quotes in this line are typographic

{{comic
| number = 1963
| date = March 5, 2018
| title = Namespace Land Rush
| image = namespace_land_rush.png
| titletext = You can also just mash the keyboard at random, but you might end up with a gibberish name no one can pronounce.
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|Expand the explanation. Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}
When a new web service starts, such as a forum, a social media server or an email portal, the people who sign up get to choose their username on the service, which, in most cases, blocks future users from using those usernames. Common names such as "john" are likely to be taken quickly. This is analogous to the way that land was distributed in America, with the first to claim able to choose the best land.

This comic is a list of usernames [[Randall]] suggests should be used if they are available.

The title text is a self-reference to "xkcd", the name of the comic is a purposefully unpronounceable phrase created by Randall.

(Note: for a more serious list of problematic user names to block from a service provider’s point of view, see [https://ldpreload.com/blog/names-to-reserve Hostnames and usernames to reserve] as well as [https://tools.ietf.org/html/rfc2142 RFC 2142].)

==Table==
{{incomplete|Add explanations of the names. Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}
{| class="wikitable"
!style="width:30%"|Entry
!style="width:70%"|Explanation
|-
!colspan=2|Straightforward (Usernames that a person would use under typical circumstances)
|-
|<Your usual username, if any>
|Most internet users will have settled on some unique handle that they try to use across all platforms. Even if this wasn't a new service, most people would try this first.
|-
|<Your given name>
|More rare is using one's nickname or first name as their username, since the amount of common names will mean many users share a name. Thus, if you can get your given name, you will have a simple username that many others wanted, and without resorting to prefixes or numbers (i.e. Xx_MyName00_xX)
|-
|<Your full name>
|Similar to your given name, but slightly more unique since a last name and/or middle name is added.
|-
|<Initial><Surname>
|A common second choice if a given or full name is already in use.
|-
|<Surname>
|Possibly available if your last name is more uncommon; names like "smith" or "kim" will probably be taken faster than even given names.
|-
!colspan=2|Recognizable (Usernames that would make it look like the email came from an official source within the organization named)
|-
|Google
|Registering the name "Google" would allow for communicating on the site (or even outside of it) with a name that appears to be an official Google account. For any of the examples in this section, you would select the names for the same reason. This has been done in the past with both [https://twitter.com/BiIIMurray humorous] and [http://www.chicagotribune.com/bluesky/technology/ct-russian-twitter-account-tennessee-gop-20171018-story.html nefarious] results.
|-
|iPhone
|Many services would mark messages sent from an iOS client on iPhone as "sent from iPhone".
This could make people believe that your messages are sent from an iPhone even if you don't own one.
|-
|Facebook
|Similiar to Google above.
|-
|BitCoin
|
|-
|Obama
|Impersonating a president, supposedly to send messages as them to make them seem bad (or not).
|-
|Canada
|
|-
|NFL
|
|-
|Garfield
|In the original "GMail" service on the Internet, the G stood for "Garfield"
|-
|<Your city>
|
|-
|NASA
|
|-
|<Name of person who runs the service>
|
|-
!colspan=3|Causing Trouble (Usernames that might cause errors when mixed with the service's back-end code)
|-
|User
|
|-
|Username
|
|-
|Name
|
|-
|You
|Many services display "You" as the signed-on user, so naming oneself "You" makes users think that they are you/they are signed on when they aren't.
|-
|Guest
|Attempts to fool users into thinking that they have a guest account.
|-
|Account
|
|-
!colspan=2|Causing More Trouble
|-
|Admin
|Impersonating to be a system administrator will let someone fool people and cause a lot of trouble. In particular, it could be used to obtain SSl certificates by demonstrating ownership of a supposedly internal address.
|-
|Administrator
|See above.
|-
|System
|Pretending to be a system-controlled account - might give permissions if the server checks by name.
|-
|<Name of service>
|Pretending to be the official account of the service.
|-
|Help
|Pretending to be the help account. This could led to many questions from new users.
|-
|Error
|
|-
!colspan=2|Impossible to Say
|-
|Hyphen-Emdash
|Could be read "Hyphen hyphen Em dash" or "Hyphen dash em dash"
|-
|Dash-8hyphen-8
|Could be read "Dash dash eight hyphen dash eight" or "Dash hyphen eight hyphen hyphen eight". "Hyphen eight" sounds like "hyphenate".
|-
|Zero0ne2numeral2
|Could be read "Zero zero one two numeral two" or "Zero zero ne two numeral two" or "Zero oh ne two numeral two".
|-
|KrisasinHemsworth
|This would be confusing to say out loud, as it would sound like the user was saying that their username was "Chris," spelled the same way that famous actor {{w|Chris Hemsworth}} spells his name. However, the actual username uses the name "Kris," spelled a completely different way than Chris Hemsworth's name, and the phrase "as in Hemsworth" being also part of the username, rather than a clarification of the spelling of "Kris" as would be assumed.
|-
|TheWord&Ampersand
|This would also be confusing and difficult to communicate, as anyone trying to read the username to someone else would say "The word ampersand ampersand" which could be interpreted as "ampersand&" or "ampersand ampersand". Having the phrase "the word" in front of a symbol makes it quite difficult to communicate which variation of ampersand (word or symbol) is actually being referred to.
|-
|ZettaWith3Teees 
|Read aloud, this would lead the listener to expect a username of 'Zettta'. Clarifying that "with three tees" is text and not description would in turn make it difficult to explain the spelling of 'Zetta' with two 't's, and 'Teees' with three 'e's.
|-
!colspan=2|Misc
|-
|<Single Letters>
|
|-
|<Single Numbers>
|
|-
|<Common Words>
|
|-
|<SQL/JS Injection>
|Codes such as "Drop Table" intended to cause errors or even damage the service's back-end code. (See [[327|Comic 327]])
|-
|ASDF
|
|-
|QWERTY
|
|-
|Yes
|
|-
|Bot
|Pretending to be a bot.
|-
|Computer
|
|-
|Blocked
|
|-
|Deleted
|Some services like Reddit keep up user posts and data after account deletion, marking the content as submitted by the user "[Deleted]" or "Deleted".
|-
|Jeeves
|
|-
|Narrator
|
|-
|Internet
|
|-
|NPC
|
|-
|Password
|
|-
!colspan=2|Permissive Character Sets
|-
|<Space>
|
|-
|<nowiki>@ é | " "</nowiki>
|
|-
|<NBSP>
|
|-
|<nowiki>\ . # " '</nowiki>
|
|-
|<RTL override>
|The right to left override is an Unicode character which forces text after it to be laid out right to left. Thus, in left-to-right locales, it flips everything after it. This can be rather amusing if permitted. (See [[1137|Comic 1137]])
|-
|<nowiki>– - _ / ` ' `</nowiki>
|Includes both the em-dash and the hyphen, which are easily confused, as well as the grave accent (`) and the apostrophe ('), which are easy to confuse. Besides being highly unusual for user names and confusing, some of these symbols (like the grave accent) have special meanings in languages like Javascript and can therefore cause bugs or even security issues on web pages.
|-
|<Any emoji>
|Current databases are not set up to store emojis as characters.
|-
|","
|In CSV files this separates one column or data item from another. This could cause bugs if the usernames are used as part of a CSV file since the next column on the row could be left blank filled with other data.
|-
|<nowiki>&NBSP</nowiki>;
|The special entity in HTML (web page language) for a non-breaking space, or a space that prevents an automatic line-break at its position. When rendered as part of an HTML page without sanitization, this would only display a space.
|-
|<nowiki></HTML></nowiki>
|This is trying to inject code for the web page using the user name. If the user name is not sanitized and does not have special characters encoded, this HTML end tag could end the HTML document, leading to page errors.
|-
|&LT;/HTML&GT;
|&LT; and &GT; are special character entities in HTML that represent < and >, repectively. So all together, when rendered as part of an HTML document, this would print "<nowiki></HTML></nowiki>" Although this would look similar to the previous <nowiki></HTML></nowiki> entry, it would be unlikely to cause problems as the symbols are not interpreted if encoded as special entities.
|-
|OkThisIsKindOfConfusingButIt's <LessThan\ForwardSlashHTML GreaterThanActualGreaterThan Symbol>Yes,ThatWasAllPartOfThe Name,ButSoIs...Ok,LetMeStartOver"
|
|-
|}

==Transcript==
'''Namespace Land Rush Cheat Sheet'''

When a new service appears that lets you register a name, here are some you may want to try and get first:

{|
!colspan=3|Straightforward
!colspan=2|Recognizable
|-
|colspan=3|<Your usual username, if any>
|Google||iPhone
|-
|colspan=3|<Your given name>
|Facebook||BitCoin
|-
|colspan=3|<Your full name>
|Obama||Canada
|-
|colspan=3|<Initial><Surname>
|NFL||Garfield
|- style="vertical-align:top;"
|<Surname>
|colspan=2 rowspan=2|(Bold & Slightly Unconventional)
|<Your city>||NASA
|-
|colspan=3| 
|colspan=2|<Name of person who runs the service>
|- style="vertical-align:bottom;"
!Causing Trouble
!colspan=2|Causing More Trouble
!colspan=2|Impossible to Say
|-
|User
|colspan=2|Admin
|colspan=2|Hyphen-Emdash
|-
|Username
|colspan=2|Administrator
|colspan=2|Dash-8hyphen-8
|-
|Name
|colspan=2|System
|colspan=2|Zero0ne2numeral2
|-
|You
|colspan=2|<Name of service>
|colspan=2|KrisasinHemsworth
|-
|Guest
|colspan=2|Help
|colspan=2|TheWord&Ampersand
|-
|Account
|colspan=2|Error
|colspan=2|ZettaWith3Teees 
|-
!Misc!! 
!colspan=3|Permissive Character Sets
|-
|colspan=2|<Single Letters>
|<Space>|| 
|<nowiki>@ é | “ ”</nowiki>
|-
|colspan=2|<Single Numbers>
|<NBSP>|| 
|<nowiki>\ . # " '</nowiki>
|-
|colspan=2|<Common Words>
|colspan=2|<RTL override>
|<nowiki>– - _ / ` ' `</nowiki>
|-
|colspan=2|<SQL/JS Injection>
|<Any emoji>
|style="text-align:center;"|","
|<nowiki>&NBSP</nowiki>;
|-
|ASDF||QWERTY
|<nowiki></HTML></nowiki>
|style="text-align:right;" colspan=2|&LT;/HTML&GT;
|-
|Yes||Bot
|colspan=3|OkThisIsKindOfConfusingButIt's
|-
|Computer||Blocked
|colspan=3|<LessThan\ForwardSlashHTML
|-
|Deleted||Jeeves
|colspan=3|GreaterThanActualGreaterThan
|-
|Narrator||Internet
|colspan=3|Symbol>Yes,ThatWasAllPartOfThe
|-
|NPC||Password
|colspan=3|Name,ButSoIs...Ok,LetMeStartOver"
|}

{{comic discussion}}

Talk:1948: Campaign Fundraising Emails

2018-01-30T12:29:16Z

172.68.25.208: COMMENT

can someone make a table with all the emails and an explanation column? I'm shit at formatting. [[User:DPS2004|DPS2004'); DROP TABLE users;--]] ([[User talk:DPS2004|talk]]) 16:38, 29 January 2018 (UTC)
: Relevant username? [[Special:Contributions/172.68.58.83|172.68.58.83]] 17:42, 29 January 2018 (UTC)
ActBlue is a political action committee aimed at helping people on the internet raise money for the Democratic party - there is no Jennifer ActBlue Heir to the ActBlue fortune. [[Special:Contributions/172.68.174.40|172.68.174.40]] 17:14, 29 January 2018 (UTC)Daniel Macintyre
*That's what Jennifer wants you to think.[[Special:Contributions/162.158.122.12|162.158.122.12]] 17:23, 29 January 2018 (UTC)

It's interesting to note that for three of the emails, the subject isn't bolded, indicating that those emails were read. All three refer to female candidates [[User:JamesCurran|JamesCurran]] ([[User talk:JamesCurran|talk]]) 17:20, 29 January 2018 (UTC)
: Are we sure those are subject lines? I don't usually write or get emails where the subject line flows seamlessly into the contents like this. (Not sure what else they could be, of course.) Also, the lack of bold text could indicate an email without a subject line. [[Special:Contributions/162.158.78.220|162.158.78.220]] 18:54, 29 January 2018 (UTC)
:: I had actually initially taken the bold text as having being tweaked to emphasize those words, or that they were bold in the email, and that the emails which didn't were actual interesting and legitimate messages. :) Of course that would leave these emails without subjects, so the bold text being subjects makes more sense, and the lack of bold is just without a subject. As for part of the email starting after the subject, I think I've seen that. I know different email providers and programs show things differently. I have my email setup to only show subjects when I'm in my Inbox like this, but I've also seen ones where there's a couple of lines of preview. Perhaps Randall just has his to show only 1 line of subject and preview. If I cared about having a preview in my Inbox I'd set it that way, to save space. [[User:NiceGuy1|NiceGuy1]] ([[User talk:NiceGuy1|talk]]) 05:20, 30 January 2018 (UTC)

I'm guessing the $35.57 may have been related to a recent Jimquisition episode focusing on this ad: https://youtu.be/Tu3rwf27VRE [[User:Odysseus654|Odysseus654]] ([[User talk:Odysseus654|talk]]) 21:13, 29 January 2018 (UTC)

Some of these scenarios are especially hilarious to me!
:1) When Amy decided to run for Congress, I was like "Huh?" but I checked Wikipedia, and apparently it's a branch of...
:Who needs to know anything when we have Wikipedia?
:2) I will lead the fight against the big banks, special interests, the Earth's climate, and our children. I...
:Won't someone please think of the children? (Those little !#$!%#^$^s!) [Edited slightly, because they are really horrid when they have at-signs in their expletives.]
:3) Whoops. Due to a typo, we spent months running attack ads against Tom Hanks. Now, we need to make up for...
:Yay, automation!
:4) Our campaign's only chance is to seduce Jennifer Actblue, heir to the Actblue fortune. For that, we need a fancy...
:That is just what we need: a candidate with a fresh approach. Will he get slapped?
[[Special:Contributions/108.162.216.154|108.162.216.154]] 21:30, 29 January 2018 (UTC) Gene Wirchenko genew@telus.net
: The wiki screwed up your nice legible formatting, LOL! Looks great in the edit box, a little confusing once submitted (I've noticed the wiki ignores a single New Line, unless followed by a colon) [[User:NiceGuy1|NiceGuy1]] ([[User talk:NiceGuy1|talk]]) 05:20, 30 January 2018 (UTC)
:: I have just repaired the formatting. The wiki had also interpreted my faux expletive as an E-mail address (and protected it). Mr. Munroe needs to do a strip on how computers "help" us like this.
:: [[Special:Contributions/108.162.216.154|108.162.216.154]] 06:23, 30 January 2018 (UTC) Gene Wirchenko genew@telus.net
Is it just me, or does anyone else think that the wording of the message starting "Hopeless" is deliberately written in the style of Donald Trump's tweets? [[Special:Contributions/108.162.250.41|108.162.250.41]] 02:01, 30 January 2018 (UTC)

Right now there's a double Incomplete message, with one asking for contact information in case someone wants to actually donate to one of these campaigns... Is it just me, or does this in fact NOT IDENTIFY ANYBODY? As in, there's nobody to donate TO! [[User:NiceGuy1|NiceGuy1]] ([[User talk:NiceGuy1|talk]]) 05:20, 30 January 2018 (UTC)

Note that the "Doom" email says "Where is the horse and the rider" not "Where now the horse and the rider," and also skips several lines in the middle of the poem. It's quoting the Peter Jackson movie, not the book. [[Special:Contributions/172.69.70.185|172.69.70.185]] 05:43, 30 January 2018 (UTC)

I know what Ford's controversial comment was: it was characterised by The New York Times as "FORD TO CITY: DROP DEAD". [[Special:Contributions/162.158.165.190|162.158.165.190]] 07:09, 30 January 2018 (UTC)

The comment about the establishment not taking Hitler seriously might be referring to that "the powers that be" in pre-Nazi Germany thought they could control Hitler and use his popularity to their advantage. We all know how this plan worked out. --[[User:LordHorst|LordHorst]] ([[User talk:LordHorst|talk]]) 10:16, 30 January 2018 (UTC)

Having read it before, I still laughed more at the linked "Bushism" Wikipedia page than at today's comic. [[Special:Contributions/172.68.25.208|172.68.25.208]] 12:29, 30 January 2018 (UTC)

1948: Campaign Fundraising Emails

2018-01-30T12:16:28Z

172.68.25.208: EXPLAINED THE JOKE, THOUGH IN POOR WORDING

{{comic
| number = 1948
| date = January 29, 2018
| title = Campaign Fundraising Emails
| image = campaign_fundraising_emails.png
| titletext = The establishment doesn't take us seriously. You know who else they didn't take seriously? Hitler. I'll be like him, but a GOOD guy instead of...
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|Consolidate all explanation into table. Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}
{{incomplete|Add address, website, or phone number to use to donate to one of these campaigns, in case anyone actually wants to do so (it could happen).}}

Many politicians and organizations in the United States have taken to using aggressive fundraising campaigns by email to seek campaign contributions.

This comic shows a caricature of many people's email inboxes right now. Signing a petition or expressing interest in a cause can lead to being added to a myriad of mailing lists for similar groups, all looking for support. It seems Randall has a history of donating to questionable candidates with poorly thought out campaigns, and that's gotten him onto some interesting email lists. The emails get more and more absurd as the list goes on. For example, the last one combines a request for campaign contributions with the infamous Nigerian Prince phishing scheme.

{| border =1 width=100% cellpadding=5 class="wikitable"
! E-mail Body !! Explanation
|-
|'''Donate now.''' It's crunch time, and we're low on cash. If you chip in just $5 by midnight, we...
|This is the classic formula, and may be a real example. It is always "crunch time" during a campaign (at least between filing for candidacy and election day), and campaigns are always "low" on cash relative to the unlimited funding they would prefer. The ends of financial reporting periods, often at midnight, are conflated with "deadlines" of significant consequence. Further, the donation requested is less about the actual money - even if $5 each from several thousand voters can add up - but to get a donor to have their money placed on a candidate, making it more likely that donor will vote for the candidate (via encouraging [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sunk_cost#Loss_aversion_and_the_sunk_cost_fallacy the "sunk cost" fallacy]).
|-
|'''Donate $35.57 now!''' Our data team has determined that we should ask you for $35.57 to optimize the...
|While fundraisers will try and work out how to gain money as possible, they would never explain this to their supporters. Such a precise amount would come about as a result of running the numbers through a computer simulation, and the obvious lack of humanity behind the calculated dollar amount would probably be offputting to a lot of would-be supporters. This may also be an exaggeration of Senator Sanders' presidential campaign, which sent e-mails asking for $27 because it was the average amount of their contributions up to that point.
|-
|'''Help.''' Our campaign made some mistakes and we need a lot of money ASAP. Any kind, but cash is...
|This email is honest about the campaign's incompetence, but is not likely to get much sympathy except from those already sympathetic to the candidate. Any campaign reduced to this level has probably already lost, though.
|-
|'''Washington is broken.''' When I win, I'll look those other senators in the eye and tell them: "Jobs." Then I...
|This may be another real example. This appeal to emotion promises specific action that is unlikely to accomplish much, and is honestly probably unlikely to happen even if the candidate wins, while suggesting the candidate vaguely cares about issues of importance to most voters, as measured by the polls. The humor here comes from the fact that the candidate simply says the word "jobs", as if that means something by itself.
|-
|'''Hopeless.''' It's bad. Really bad. If you don't chip in now, the darkness spreading across the land will...
|
|-
|As the first woman to fly a fighter jet through our state's formerly all-male university, I learned...
|Normally one would be the first ''from'' a university to do something.
|-
|'''We're broke.''' No paid staff. No ads. And the cafe has told us to stop using their wifi to send fundraising...
|
|-
|When Amy decided to run for Congress, I was like "Huh?" but I checked Wikipedia, and apparently it's a branch of...
|The reader would expect that the writer expressed surprise because they weren't expecting Amy to run for Congress, but the actual reason is because they didn't know what Congress was.
|-
|'''Are you familiar''' with the dutch painter Hieronymous Bosch? His work illustrates my opponent's plan for...
|The works of [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hieronymus_Bosch Hieronymus Bosch], which are famous for depictions of [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hell Hell] and [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limbo Limbo] as brutal places of highly imaginative torments.
|-
|Being a single mom running a small business while going to law school while being deployed to Iraq taught me...
|These are tasks which are unlikely to be able to accomplished simultaneously, and seem to be in line with typical campaign promises.
|-
|'''I will lead the fight''' against the big banks, special interests, the Earth's climate, and our children. I...
|Against our children may be a reference to a popular [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bushism Bushism]
|-
|'''Wow.''' Have you seen this video of the squirrel obstacle course? Incredible! Anyway, I'm running because I...
|A typical form of {{w|clickbait}}.
|-
|'''Outrageous.''' Granted, this was a few years ago, but did you hear what President Ford said about...
|When a politician makes an offensive comment, it's common for the politician's opponents to send out fundraising emails pointing out the politician's offensiveness as a reason to give money to an opponent. Here, the sender's reaction and e-mail fundraising effort appears to be unusually delayed, as it refers to an alleged comment by {{w|Gerald Ford}}, whose term as President of the United States ended in 1977 and who died in 2006.
|-
|'''Whoops.''' Due to a typo, we spent months running attack ads against Tom Hanks. Now, we need to make up for...
|The email apologises for running months of attack ads against American actor {{w|Tom Hanks}}. Hanks is generally a popular and uncontroversial figure,{{Citation needed}} making him an unusual target for attack ads.
|-
|'''They say we can't win-''' that we're "underdogs" with "no money" who "lost the election last week." But they don't...
|May refer to [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roy_Moore#U.S._Senate_special_election_campaign Roy Moore's attempts to overturn his loss in the December 2017 election for one of Alabama's US Senate seats], which came about a month before this comic and made national headlines. After the initial election count had him losing, he demanded a recount. That initial count said he had lost by a large enough margin that Alabama law required him to pay up front for a recount, and his campaign did not have enough funds available.
|-
|'''Our campaign's only chance''' is to seduce Jennifer ActBlue, heir to the ActBlue fortune. For that, we need a fancy...
|This e-mail alludes to [https://secure.actblue.com/ ActBlue], a political action committee that collects donations online for Democratic candidates. In reality, there is no Actblue family nor any "Jennifer Actblue" who is the heir to its fortune; the name ActBlue comes from the words "act" and "blue", referring to the {{w|Red states and blue states|color currently associated with the Democratic Party}}.
|-
|'''Doom.''' Where is the horse and the rider? Where is the horn that was blowing? They have passed, like rain on...
|This is an excerpt from {{w|J. R. R. Tolkien|Tolkien's}} poem ''[http://tolkiengateway.net/wiki/Lament_for_the_Rohirrim Lament of the Rohirrim,]'' appearing in ''{{w|The Two Towers}}'': 
Where now the horse and the rider? Where is the horn that was blowing? 
Where is the helm and the hauberk, and the bright hair flowing? 
Where is the hand on the harpstring, and the red fire glowing? 
Where is the spring and the harvest and the tall corn growing? 
They have passed like rain on the mountain, like a wind in the meadow; 
The days have gone down in the West behind the hills into shadow. 
Who shall gather the smoke of the dead wood burning, 
Or behold the flowing years from the Sea returning?
|-
|'''Warmest greetings.''' I am the crown prince of Nigeria. I am running for Congress because I believe that...
|The opening line is designed to sound like spam for an {{W | Advance-fee scam}}. These scams typically involve impersonating someone rich, often a Nigerian prince, who claims to be in trouble and promises to share a large sum of money if the victim helps him by sending a small fee in advance electronically. However, the second sentence of this email switches to sounding like a political fundraising email instead of an outright scam. This is either to establish a degrading comparison between flagrant scams and fundraising emails, or just to create a bait-and-switch joke.
|-
|The establishment doesn't take us seriously. You know who else they didn't take seriously? Hitler. I'll be like him, but a GOOD guy instead of...
|A candidate who compares himself to {{w|Hitler}}, even when promising to be GOOD instead, will probably not get many votes. The title text does however conform to {{w|Godwin's law}}.
|}

==Transcript==
{{incomplete transcript|Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}
'''Donate now.''' It's crunch time, and we're low on cash. If you chip in just $5 by midnight, we... 
'''Donate $35.57 now!''' Our data team has determined that we should ask you for $35.57 to optimize the... 
'''Help.''' Our campaign made some mistakes and we need a lot of money ASAP. Any kind, but cash is... 
'''Washington is broken.''' When I win, I'll look those other senators in the eye and tell them: "Jobs." Then I... 
'''Hopeless.''' It's bad. Really bad. If you don't chip in now, the darkness spreading across the land will... 
As the first woman to fly a fighter jet through our state's formerly all-male university, I learned... 
'''We're broke.''' No paid staff. No ads. And the cafe has told us to stop using their wifi to send fundraising... 
When Amy decided to run for Congress, I was like "Huh?" but I checked Wikipedia, and apparently it's a branch of... 
'''Are you familiar''' with the dutch painter Hieronymous Bosch? His work illustrates my opponent's plan for... 
Being a single mom running a small business while going to law school while being deployed to Iraq taught me... 
'''I will lead the fight''' against the big banks, special interests, the Earth's climate, and our children. I... 
'''Wow.''' Have you seen this video of the squirrel obstacle course? Incredible! Anyway, I'm running because I... 
'''Outrageous.''' Granted, this was a few years ago, but did you hear what President Ford said about... 
'''Whoops.''' Due to a typo, we spent months running attack ads against Tom Hanks. Now, we need to make up for... 
'''They say we can't win-''' that we're "underdogs" with "no money" who "lost the election last week." But they don't... 
'''Our campaign's only chance''' is to seduce Jennifer ActBlue, heir to the ActBlue fortune. For that, we need a fancy... 
'''Doom.''' Where is the horse and the rider? Where is the horn that was blowing? They have passed, like rain on... 
'''Warmest greetings.''' I am the crown prince of Nigeria. I am running for Congress because I believe that...

{{comic discussion}}

421: Making Hash Browns

2018-01-22T13:36:27Z

172.68.25.208: Undo UNFUNNY revision 151380 by 162.158.90.48 (talk) IN ORDER TO PRESERVE THE LIFE OF THE CITATION NEEDED MEME

{{comic
| number = 421
| date = September 5, 2008
| title = Making Hash Browns
| image = making_hash_browns.png
| titletext = There are at least fourteen ways this could go badly (seventeen if that fork is a dangerous crossbreed.)
}}

==Explanation==
[[Cueball]] is attempting to make {{w|hash browns}}. A hash brown is a way of serving a potato where the potato has been diced or shredded in some way, then pan-fried. Cueball's method for making hash browns, though, is rather unique. He is throwing potatoes into the air and striking them with a flaming tennis racket at his friend, who is holding a tray with a dangerously tilting half filled glass balanced on top. He (the friend) is also holding a fork in the other hand.

The idea is that the tennis racket would simultaneously dice the potato, fry it, and then launch the completed product towards his friend's plate. In reality, this probably wouldn't do much. To properly {{w|Pan frying|pan-fry}} food, it must be cooked in a pan with some oil to lubricate the food, with enough time for the heat to transfer through the oil and spread properly through the food. Hitting a potato with a flaming tennis racket would not cook it as it would strike it too quickly, and it probably wouldn't dice it either unless the wire of the racket is incredibly sharp. Cueball would probably just end up batting a not even hot, uncooked, unprepared potato at his friend, while simultaneously burning his own hand.

The title text comments on how many ways this experiment could go badly (14), and jokes that there are even more potential problems (17) if the fork Cueball's friend is holding is a cross-breed (see [[419: Forks and Spoons]] which was published only four days earlier. By reading this comic it should be clear what could go wrong if they were included in the equation - 3 more ways would be a low estimate...)

It's unclear what Randall may or may not have had on his mind with regards to specific ways the situation in the comic could go wrong. But here are 14 potential ways the activity could go wrong without including {{w|Sporks}}:
#Cueball could burn himself with the flaming tennis racket.
#The can of gasoline could leak and then Cueball could drop the racket, causing a fire to spread.
#Cueball may fail to hit the potato and it would get dirty from the ground.
#Cueball may fail to hit the potato and whack himself with the aforementioned flaming tennis racket.
#Cueball may hit the potato and knock the plate out of his friend's hand, smashing it.
#Cueball may hit the potato and knock the glass out of his friend's hand, smashing that instead.
#Cueball might instead hit the potato at his friend's head.
#Cueball could accidentally launch the tennis racket itself (if he has exceptionally poor grip) at his friend.
#Cueball could drop the tennis racket onto the can of gasoline, causing it to explode.
#Cueball's friend may lose his balance with the plate, dropping it and/or the glass onto the ground.
#Even if none of the above happened, Cueball would fail to actually ''cook'' the potato,
#Likewise, Cueball would probably not succeed in dicing the potato.
#And he could miss hitting his friend's plate.
#A {{w|velociraptor}} could appear out of nowhere and eat the potato, then proceed to devour Cueball and his friend. (A possibility which likely plagues Randall's mind daily.)

==Transcript==
:[Cueball stands holding a flaming tennis racket. He is throwing a potato in the air as if to serve like a tennis ball. Behind him is a red gas can and a sack of potatoes. Across from him is a another person holding a fork in one hand and balancing a serving tray with a glass holding an orange liquid in it.]

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Comics with color]]

1141: Two Years

2018-01-22T13:31:31Z

172.68.25.208: FIXED FORMATTING (MINOR; TRIVIA SECTION TITLE)

{{comic
| number = 1141
| date = November 30, 2012
| title = Two Years
| image = two years.png
| titletext = She won the first half of all our chemo Scrabble games, but then her IV drugs started kicking in and I *dominated*.
}}

==Explanation==
This comic marks the second year of [[Randall Munroe]]'s wife's battle with cancer, and appears to depict actual events from those two years. Randall is depicted as [[Cueball]] and his wife as [[Megan]], as per usual for both.

[[Image:two years key.png|right]]

Explanations of the individual panels:
*Panel 1: Randall's wife-to-be (at that point) receives a diagnosis over the phone (from Dr. [[Ponytail]]) as Randall sits by her side supportively. His wife has Megan long hair at this time.
*Panel 2: His wife undergoes IV (intravenous) {{w|chemotherapy}}. Because of the hair loss that results from chemotherapy, many patients opt to shave their heads when they undergo chemotherapy. As can be seen from the stubble she did not shave her hair, but has lost almost all of it. Only the hair coming back between chemo sessions is the cause of the stubble. Her hair grows back over the course of the panels following the end of her chemo (from panel 7).
*Panel 3: The two of them spend time alone together, experiencing something beautiful in the world for it may be one of her last chances to do so. Randall reinforces this sentiment in panel 8. In this panel (#3) she wears a {{w|knit cap}} presumably because it is cold, as well as the fact that patients with hair loss from chemo are urged by doctors to keep their heads covered to protect their scalps from the sun.
*Panel 4: The couple waits for a phone call from her doctor to hear the results of a scan. Both are clearly impatient and anxious.
*Panel 5: More chemotherapy. The couple plays {{w|Scrabble}}, in which players use letter tiles to spell words in a cross-word style. She uses the fact that she has cancer as leverage to get Randall to ignore the fact that the word she has played ('''zarg''') is not a real word.
*Panel 6: Someone suggests they come for a visit next year, but all they can think about are the words "next year." Their future is entirely uncertain because of her health, making long-term planning a consistent source of worry and doubt. In this panel she wears a knit cap to hide her missing hair.
*Panel 7: Randall and his fiancée marry. With the chemotherapy completed, her hair has grown back enough that she has stopped using her knit cap.
*Panel 8: The couple goes whale ({{w|humpback whales}}) watching, possibly on their {{w|honeymoon}}. In this panel, she again wears the knit cap either because it is cold or because she is weak.
*Panel 9: Randall paraphrases a line from the song "{{w|Still Alive}}" (watch the [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_S0PGu-cH4 video]) from the video game ''{{w|Portal}}'' (''"I'm doing science and I'm still alive"''). He does this because his wife is again back at her laptop working.
*Panel 10: The two of them sit under a tree reflecting on the significance of the past two years.
*Panel 11: Randall and his wife go out to dinner to celebrate the fact that she has made it two years since her {{w|biopsy}}. This turns awkward for [[Hairy]], the waiter, since he had assumed it was an anniversary of their marriage.

The title text is referring to a possible {{w|Chemotherapy#Neurological adverse effects|side-effect of chemotherapy drugs}}, the inability to concentrate. It could also just be the fact that the chemo can make you feel just terrible. When whatever effect kicks in, she loses the rest of their Scrabble games for that day. However, as we see in panel 5, there is a reason why she wins ''all'' of the first half of their games. But this is not enough, or she even forgets to play on the cancer, when the drugs takes effect.

Knit caps have only been used a few times in xkcd, most prominently on [[1350:_Lorenz#Knit_Cap_Girl|Knit Cap Girl]] in [[1350: Lorenz]], see her section for more details.

This strip is continued in [[1928: Seven Years]].

==Trivia==
While it is known that Randall's wife has since survived more than two years past the date of the invitation in Panel 6, it is unknown whether the invitation was later accepted, as the followup comic [[Seven Years]] does not seem to include a visit "up in the mountains" among its various other recreational activities. However, since it is possible that the invitation was made up for the comic in order to represent the worry over any invitation envisioning the future at that time, it is possible that it was never proposed as depicted in the comic. Therefore, the real life invitation(s) which inspired the inclusion of Panel 6 in the comic could perhaps have referred in real life to an activity that is actually depicted in [[Seven Years]], or to some other activity, which then may or may not have been realized.

==Transcript==
:[Randall and Randall's fiancée sit on a bed, Randall's fiancée is talking on the phone. The person she is talking to, a doctor holding a clipboard, is shown inset.]
:Randall's fiancée: Oh god.

:[Randall and Randall's fiancée sit together while Randall's fiancée, now bald, is receiving chemotherapy. They are both on their laptops.]
:IV pump: ... Beeep ... Beeep ... Beeep ...

:[Randall and Randall's fiancée (who is wearing a knit cap) are paddling a kayak against a scenic mountain backdrop.]

:[Randall and Randall's fiancée sit at a table, staring at a cell phone. There is a clock on the wall. Her head is stubbly.]
:Randall's fiancée: How long can it take to read a scan!?

:[Randall and Randall's fiancée are back at the hospital again, Randall's fiancée receiving chemo. They are playing Scrabble.]
:Randall: "Zarg" isn't a word.
:Randall's fiancée: But ''caaaancer.''
:Randall: ...Ok, fine.

:[Randall and Randall's fiancée (wearing a knit cap) are listening to a Cueball-like friend. A large thought bubble is above their heads and it obscures the friends talk. The text below, split in three is the only part there can be no doubt about:]
:Friend: So next year you should come visit us up in the mounta
::a
::and
:Randall and Randall's fiancée (thinking): '''"Next year"'''

:[Randall and Randall's fiancée are getting married, with a heart above their heads. Randall's wife's hair is growing back.]

:[Randall and Randall's wife (wearing a knit cap) stand on a beach, watching a whale jump out of water.]
:''Fwoosh''

:[Randall's wife is sitting at a desk with her laptop standing on top of two books. Her hair has grown back a little more. Randall stands behind her.]
:Randall: Hey—
:Randall: you're doing science,
:Randall: and you're still alive.
:Randall's wife: Yeah!

:[Randall and Randall's wife sit under a tall tree on a hill.]
:Randall: It's really only been two years?
:Randall's wife: They were big years.

:[Randall and Randall's wife sit at a table in a fancy restaurant. Her hair has grown back even more. The waiter (Hairy) brings them a dish with a cover on it.]
:Waiter: Happy... Anniversary?
:Randall's wife: Biopsy-versary!
:Waiter: ...Eww.

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Megan]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Ponytail]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Hairy]]
[[Category:Multiple Cueballs]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Randall Munroe]]
[[Category:Comics featuring real people]]
[[Category:Cancer]]
[[Category:Romance]]
[[Category:Video games]]

1141: Two Years

2018-01-22T13:30:40Z

172.68.25.208: /* Explanation */ ADDED INVITATION INFO WITH TODAY'S ENHANCED KNOWLEDGE OF RANDALL'S WIFE'S SURVIVAL

{{comic
| number = 1141
| date = November 30, 2012
| title = Two Years
| image = two years.png
| titletext = She won the first half of all our chemo Scrabble games, but then her IV drugs started kicking in and I *dominated*.
}}

==Explanation==
This comic marks the second year of [[Randall Munroe]]'s wife's battle with cancer, and appears to depict actual events from those two years. Randall is depicted as [[Cueball]] and his wife as [[Megan]], as per usual for both.

[[Image:two years key.png|right]]

Explanations of the individual panels:
*Panel 1: Randall's wife-to-be (at that point) receives a diagnosis over the phone (from Dr. [[Ponytail]]) as Randall sits by her side supportively. His wife has Megan long hair at this time.
*Panel 2: His wife undergoes IV (intravenous) {{w|chemotherapy}}. Because of the hair loss that results from chemotherapy, many patients opt to shave their heads when they undergo chemotherapy. As can be seen from the stubble she did not shave her hair, but has lost almost all of it. Only the hair coming back between chemo sessions is the cause of the stubble. Her hair grows back over the course of the panels following the end of her chemo (from panel 7).
*Panel 3: The two of them spend time alone together, experiencing something beautiful in the world for it may be one of her last chances to do so. Randall reinforces this sentiment in panel 8. In this panel (#3) she wears a {{w|knit cap}} presumably because it is cold, as well as the fact that patients with hair loss from chemo are urged by doctors to keep their heads covered to protect their scalps from the sun.
*Panel 4: The couple waits for a phone call from her doctor to hear the results of a scan. Both are clearly impatient and anxious.
*Panel 5: More chemotherapy. The couple plays {{w|Scrabble}}, in which players use letter tiles to spell words in a cross-word style. She uses the fact that she has cancer as leverage to get Randall to ignore the fact that the word she has played ('''zarg''') is not a real word.
*Panel 6: Someone suggests they come for a visit next year, but all they can think about are the words "next year." Their future is entirely uncertain because of her health, making long-term planning a consistent source of worry and doubt. In this panel she wears a knit cap to hide her missing hair.
*Panel 7: Randall and his fiancée marry. With the chemotherapy completed, her hair has grown back enough that she has stopped using her knit cap.
*Panel 8: The couple goes whale ({{w|humpback whales}}) watching, possibly on their {{w|honeymoon}}. In this panel, she again wears the knit cap either because it is cold or because she is weak.
*Panel 9: Randall paraphrases a line from the song "{{w|Still Alive}}" (watch the [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_S0PGu-cH4 video]) from the video game ''{{w|Portal}}'' (''"I'm doing science and I'm still alive"''). He does this because his wife is again back at her laptop working.
*Panel 10: The two of them sit under a tree reflecting on the significance of the past two years.
*Panel 11: Randall and his wife go out to dinner to celebrate the fact that she has made it two years since her {{w|biopsy}}. This turns awkward for [[Hairy]], the waiter, since he had assumed it was an anniversary of their marriage.

The title text is referring to a possible {{w|Chemotherapy#Neurological adverse effects|side-effect of chemotherapy drugs}}, the inability to concentrate. It could also just be the fact that the chemo can make you feel just terrible. When whatever effect kicks in, she loses the rest of their Scrabble games for that day. However, as we see in panel 5, there is a reason why she wins ''all'' of the first half of their games. But this is not enough, or she even forgets to play on the cancer, when the drugs takes effect.

Knit caps have only been used a few times in xkcd, most prominently on [[1350:_Lorenz#Knit_Cap_Girl|Knit Cap Girl]] in [[1350: Lorenz]], see her section for more details.

This strip is continued in [[1928: Seven Years]].

Trivia
====================

While it is known that Randall's wife has since survived more than two years past the date of the invitation in Panel 6, it is unknown whether the invitation was later accepted, as the followup comic [[Seven Years]] does not seem to include a visit "up in the mountains" among its various other recreational activities. However, since it is possible that the invitation was made up for the comic in order to represent the worry over any invitation envisioning the future at that time, it is possible that it was never proposed as depicted in the comic. Therefore, the real life invitation(s) which inspired the inclusion of Panel 6 in the comic could perhaps have referred in real life to an activity that is actually depicted in [[Seven Years]], or to some other activity, which then may or may not have been realized.

==Transcript==
:[Randall and Randall's fiancée sit on a bed, Randall's fiancée is talking on the phone. The person she is talking to, a doctor holding a clipboard, is shown inset.]
:Randall's fiancée: Oh god.

:[Randall and Randall's fiancée sit together while Randall's fiancée, now bald, is receiving chemotherapy. They are both on their laptops.]
:IV pump: ... Beeep ... Beeep ... Beeep ...

:[Randall and Randall's fiancée (who is wearing a knit cap) are paddling a kayak against a scenic mountain backdrop.]

:[Randall and Randall's fiancée sit at a table, staring at a cell phone. There is a clock on the wall. Her head is stubbly.]
:Randall's fiancée: How long can it take to read a scan!?

:[Randall and Randall's fiancée are back at the hospital again, Randall's fiancée receiving chemo. They are playing Scrabble.]
:Randall: "Zarg" isn't a word.
:Randall's fiancée: But ''caaaancer.''
:Randall: ...Ok, fine.

:[Randall and Randall's fiancée (wearing a knit cap) are listening to a Cueball-like friend. A large thought bubble is above their heads and it obscures the friends talk. The text below, split in three is the only part there can be no doubt about:]
:Friend: So next year you should come visit us up in the mounta
::a
::and
:Randall and Randall's fiancée (thinking): '''"Next year"'''

:[Randall and Randall's fiancée are getting married, with a heart above their heads. Randall's wife's hair is growing back.]

:[Randall and Randall's wife (wearing a knit cap) stand on a beach, watching a whale jump out of water.]
:''Fwoosh''

:[Randall's wife is sitting at a desk with her laptop standing on top of two books. Her hair has grown back a little more. Randall stands behind her.]
:Randall: Hey—
:Randall: you're doing science,
:Randall: and you're still alive.
:Randall's wife: Yeah!

:[Randall and Randall's wife sit under a tall tree on a hill.]
:Randall: It's really only been two years?
:Randall's wife: They were big years.

:[Randall and Randall's wife sit at a table in a fancy restaurant. Her hair has grown back even more. The waiter (Hairy) brings them a dish with a cover on it.]
:Waiter: Happy... Anniversary?
:Randall's wife: Biopsy-versary!
:Waiter: ...Eww.

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Megan]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Ponytail]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Hairy]]
[[Category:Multiple Cueballs]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Randall Munroe]]
[[Category:Comics featuring real people]]
[[Category:Cancer]]
[[Category:Romance]]
[[Category:Video games]]

1809: xkcd Phone 5

2017-03-10T15:16:24Z

172.68.25.208: /* Table of features */

{{comic
| number = 1809
| date = March 10, 2017
| title = xkcd Phone 5
| image = xkcd_phone_5.png
| titletext = The phone will be collected by the toll operators and mailed back to you within 4-6 weeks.
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|Needs a lot more}}
Today's cartoon is the fifth [[:Category:xkcd Phones|xkcd Phone]] with many questionably-useful features:

===Table of features===
{| class="wikitable"
!Feature
!Explanation
|-
|'''Bluetooth speaker'''
| This is the only potentially useful feature of this phone as while a bluetooth speaker built in to the device would be no more useful for playing music from it than any other speaker it would enable other devices to play through your phone.
|-
|'''Stained-glass display'''
| Prevents seeing certain colors. This would also make the phone considerably heavier due to the weight of the glass.
|-
|'''Gallium chassis remains solid up to 85°F'''
| Many high-end electronic devices have chassis made of alloys of light metals such as magnesium or titanium. Besides being lightweight and of superior quality and durability than ordinary sheet steel or cheap plastic, these are often perceived as bragging points by the users, boasting about 'rare' metal chassis.

{{w|Gallium}} is a not-so-well known metal that has a very low melting point of 85°F (or 29.7°C), being one of only four metals (the other being mercury, rubidium and caesium) that are liquid near room temperature. Its melting point is lower than a healthy person's body temperature. Having a gallium smartphone chassis would be therefore very impractical because it will melt in user's bare hand and would require using some kind of insulating gloves. Besides it would have to be stored in a cool place and the internal electronics should have really good cooling, otherwise either the external or internal heat would melt the chassis.
|-
|'''Soundproof'''
| Presumably this means that speakers and microphone may not work.
|-
|'''Can feel pain'''
| This could mean either the phone feels pain inflicted upon it or feels the user's pain. Which meaning may become apparent when the chassis melts on contact with exposed skin and the phone is left with open wounds.
|-
|'''E-Z Pass partnership'''
|{{w|E-Z Pass}} is an account you put money into and you put a transmitter in your windshield so when you go through a toll booth you don't have to stop and pay by hand. However, this proposition is absurd, because you would lose the phone and still have to stop to pay the toll. The title text says that the phone will be returned to you after 4–6 weeks, which slightly mitigates the first problem, but you would still lose the phone for a month.
|-
|'''Foldable (once)'''
|Presumably you can "fold" it by snapping it in half but you can only do his once because the phone wont work otherwise. It may refer to the fact that a later version of iPhone had a weak spot that lead it to easily folding and breaking. The "(once)" part may refer to a joke by Jeff Dunham on his Meet Melvin act, where he asks the puppet if it can stop a speeding bullet, to which the puppet says "Once".
|-
|'''Screen transfers images to skin'''
| This could either mean the image displayed on the screen or potentially whatever the stained glass image itself is.
|-
|'''Retina storage'''
| This is a play on the name of apple's prized "Retina Display". The joke may be in reference to apple's possession of a trademark for the word "retina" in regards to computer equipment, which is made to seem absurd by the unusual use. It is not made clear whose retinas are meant to be stored.
|-
|'''Background task automatically catches and eats Pokémon'''
| Likely reference to {{w|Pokémon Go}}, an augmented reality game where the goal to go to specific locations and play a mini-game in order to catch virtual creatures called pokemon. This phone apparently does it automatically, which is considered cheating. However, it also eats them, which is something that is not part of the game and wouldn't be desirable.
|-
|'''Supercuts partnership'''
| {{w|Supercuts}} is an American hair salon chain that provides hair cuts and styling. The implication here is that the user can get a haircut by sticking their hair in the charging slot.
|-
|'''Squelch knob'''
|Squelch is a feature of two-way radios (CB, ham, etc) which quiets background noise when no signal is present. For a smartphone, perhaps this knob could control the "signal-to-noise" ratio of your Facebook feed or other social media platforms. It also takes the place of the headphone jack.
|-
|'''IBM buckling-spring Home button'''
|IBM buckling-spring keyboards are favorites of geeks for the feeling of quality and auditory feedback (keys click loudly) they provide. The iPhone's Home button provides little to no such satisfaction when pressed.
|-
|'''Cot-caught merger switch'''
| This is a reference to the [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cot%E2%80%93caught_merger cot-caught merger], a linguistic change happening among English speakers, particularly in some parts of North America and the British Isles, which causes caught (previously pronounced "kawt") to be pronounced the same as cot (pronounced "kot").
|-
|'''60x optical zoom camera'''
|A powerful optical zoom is usually a desirable feature for cameras. However, as shown in the comic, it results in very bulky lens. For that reason, such lens are rarely used in smartphones, though there are some devices like the Samsung Galaxy Camera that have a similar design.
|-
|'''Loran navigation'''
| Once developed for sea shipping, it enables navigation by land-based radio transmitters and is accurate to about 300 meters.
|-
|'''28-factor authentication'''
| An authentication factor is a way of proving ones identity. It can be a password, a fingerprint, a physical key, etc.... Secure applications may include two or more factors, a common example is the "PIN and chip" system used with credit cards, where you need both the card and secret code to authorize a transaction. Many online services now provide two-factor authentication to protect against password-based attacks. A 28-factor authentication would be very secure in theory but so impractical that it would be unusable.
|-
|'''Hook shot'''
| Either a reference to the basketball shot or the Legend of Zelda weapon/tool, used to bring items to Link or bring Link closer to a goal.
|-
|}

==Transcript==

:[An image of a smartphone featuring large camera lens is shown. Clockwise from the top the labels read:]

:Bluetooth speaker

:Stained-glass display

:Gallium chassis remains solid up to 85°F

:Soundproof

:Can feel pain

:E-Z Pass partnership: phone can be dropped into coin basket to pay tolls

:Foldable (once)

:Screen transfers images to skin

:Retina storage

:Background task automatically catches and eats Pokemon

:Supercuts partnership: trims hair fed into charging port

:Squeltch knob

:IBM buckling-spring Home button

:Cot-caught merger switch

:60x optical zoom camera

:Loran navigation

:28-factor authentication

:Hook shot

:[Below the phone:]
:Introducing
:<big><big>The XKCD Phone 5</big></big>
:We're trying to catch up to Apple but refuse to skip numbers®™
{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:xkcd Phones]]