explain xkcd - User contributions [en]

unixkcd

2025-10-24T11:03:18Z

2001:4450:813D:C800:2429:612B:D3AC:C2C7: /* Transcript */ non-vandelism

{{comic
| date = April 1, 2010
| title = unixkcd
| image = unixkcd.png
| titletext =
| lappend =
| ldomain = uni
| imagesize = 900px
| noexpand = true
| extra = yes
}}
{{series
| series = April
| number = 3
| date = April 1, 2010
| days_late =
| day_category = Thursday
| prev_title = 404: Not Found
| prev_date = April 1, 2008
| next_title = 880: Headache
| next_date = April 1, 2011
| extra_text = In fact, [[April Fools' Day comics|2009 and 2017 are the only years]] in which Randall hasn't marked this day with a comic.
}}

{{TOC}}
==Explanation==
{{incomplete|
*Explain the jokes and references in the [[#Undocumented commands]] section and the sections below it.
*Describe the website interface a bit, such as the links at the bottom.}}
On April 1, 2010, [[Randall Munroe|Randall]] altered the [https://xkcd.com xkcd.com] website to mimic a {{w|Unix}} {{w|command-line interface}}. This interface is still available on [https://uni.xkcd.com uni.xkcd.com] and the source code is [https://github.com/chromakode/xkcdfools available on GitHub]. The comic [[721: Flatland]], released on March 31, 2010, was still up on April 1, 2010, but was unrelated to the Unix interface. The terminal only lists a few available commands, but most commands are undocumented.

===Documented commands===
{| class="sortable wikitable"
! Command
! Response
! Explanation
|-
|<code>'''next'''</code>
|(''shows the next comic'')
|If the latest comic number is given, shows the error <code>Time travel mode not enabled</code>. See <code>'''[[#Undocumented commands|enable time travel]]'''</code> below.
|-
|<code>'''prev'''</code>
|(''shows the previous comic'')
|
|-
|<code>'''first'''</code>
|(''shows the first comic'')
|
|-
|<code>'''last'''</code>
|(''shows the last comic'')
|
|-
|<code>'''display [number]'''</code>
|(''shows the comic with the specified number'')
|Trying to display comic [[404: Not Found]] will result in an endless loading attempt.
|-
|<code>'''random'''</code>
|(''shows a random comic'')
|
|-
|<code>'''ls'''</code>
| rowspan="2" |(''shows the content of the current directory'')
| rowspan="2" |
|-
|<code>'''dir'''</code>
|-
|<code>'''cat [filename]'''</code>
|(''shows the content of the file'')
|See also <code>'''[[#Undocumented commands|cat]]'''</code> below.
|-
|<code>'''cd [directory]'''</code>
|(''changes to the specified directory'')
|
|}

===Undocumented commands===
{| class="sortable wikitable"
! Command
! Response
! Explanation
|-
|<code>'''<nowiki>:(){:|:&};:</nowiki>'''</code>
|<code>[...]</code> (''repeats indefinitely'')
|This command, otherwise known as a [https://askubuntu.com/questions/159491/why-did-the-command-make-my-system-lag-so-badly-i-had-to-reboot shell fork bomb] will make the terminal display the <code>[...]</code> loading dots indefinitely, as though it crashed.
|-
|rowspan="9" |<code>'''a/s/l'''</code> ''or'' <code>'''asl'''</code>
|
|{{w|Age/sex/location|A/S/L}} is not a Unix command, but an acronym of Age/Sex/Location in this case. The following replies are possible:
|-
|<code>2/AMD64/Server Rack</code>
|Answered as if the server replied. sex refered as {{w|AMD}}
|-
|<code>328/M/Transylvania</code>
|Answered by {{w|Dracula}}.
|-
|<code>6/M/Battle School</code>
|Answered by {{w|Ender Wiggin}} or another boy from battle school.
|-
|<code>48/M/The White House</code>
|Answered by {{w|Barack Obama}} or another male of the same age in the White House.
|-
|<code>7/F/Rapture</code>
|Answered by a {{w|Little Sister (BioShock)|Little Sister}} from {{w|BioShock}}.
|-
|<code>Exactly your age/A gender you're attracted to/Far far away.</code>
|Requests for A/S/L are often not answered truthfully, but crafted to suit the one asking the question.
|-
|<code>7,831/F/Lothlórien</code>
|Answered by {{w</code>Galadriel}} or another elf. Lothlorien is the region of middle
|-
|<code>42/M/FBI Field Office</code>
|Answered by an FBI agent, referencing the old [https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ThereAreNoGirlsOnTheInternet trope] that all girls on the internet are FBI agents impersonating them.
|-
|<code>'''apt-get'''</code>
|<code>This APT has Super Cow Powers.'''</code>
|The <code>'''apt-get'''</code> command is part of the Debian package manager {{w|Advanced_Packaging_Tool|APT}}. This reply is one of the built-in Easter eggs.
|-
|<code>'''apt-get moo'''</code>
|
(__)
(oo)
/------\/
/ | ||
* /\---/\
~~ ~~

...."Have you mooed today?"...
|Displays an ASCII drawing of a cow.
|-
|<code>'''bash'''</code>
|<code>You bash your head against the wall. It's not very effective.</code>
|{{w|Bash}} is a shell for POSIX-based systems. This also references early text-based adventure games where you need to type the action needed to proceed, which could result in unintended consequences. For example, if you typed in something like "ax in chest", the game may stab the axe into your character's torso instead of opening a crate. The line 'it's not very effective' may be a reference to Pokemon, where an attack can deal differing amounts of damage depending on effectiveness.
|-
|<code>'''cat [number]/alt.txt'''</code>
|(''displays the title text of the specified comic'')
|
|-
|<code>'''cat'''</code>

(''without a filename or with an invalid filename'')
|<code>You're a kitty!</code>
|A reference to [[231: Cat Proximity]].
|-
|<code>'''cheat'''</code>
| rowspan="2" |(''opens the [[Store|xkcd Store]]'')
| rowspan="2" |
|-
|<code>'''buy stuff'''</code>
|-
|<code>'''clear'''</code>
|(''clears the screen'')
|
|-
|<code>'''curl'''</code>
|(''creates an iframe to the URL specified'')
|
|-
|<code>'''date'''</code>
|<code>March 32nd</code>
|Instead of April 1st, which is not a real date.{{Citation needed}}
|-
|<code>'''display title text'''</code>
|<code>display: unable to open image "title": No such file or directory.</code>
|Displayed in red text.
|-
|<code>'''echo'''</code>
|<code>Echo ... echo ... echo ...</code>
|<code>'''{{w|Echo (command)|echo}}'''</code> is a command used to print text to the terminal.
|-
|<code>'''ed'''</code>
|<code>You are not a diety</code>
|{{w|Ed (software)|ed}} is a very simple text editor. It is usually not considered very user-friendly. See also <code>'''vi'''</code> and <code>'''emacs'''</code>.
|-
|<code>'''emacs'''</code>
|<code>You should use Vim.</code>
|A reference to [[378: Real Programmers]].
|-
|<code>'''enable time travel'''</code>
|<code>TARDIS error: Time Lord missing</code>
|A {{w|Doctor Who}} reference. See also the <code>'''next'''</code> command.
|-
|<code>'''exit'''</code>
| rowspan="3" |(''ends the terminal session'')
| rowspan="3" |
|-
|<code>'''quit'''</code>
|-
|<code>'''logout'''</code>
|-
|<code>'''find kitten'''</code>
|(''showed the {{w|robotfindskitten}} game'')
|The link to the Flash version no longer works, but an HTML version is available [http://robotfindskitten.org/play/robotfindskitten/ here].
|-
|<code>'''find'''</code>
|<code>What do you want to find? Kitten would be nice.</code>
|
|-
|<code>'''finger'''</code>
|<code>Mmmmmm...</code>
|<code>'''finger USER'''</code> is used on UNIX-like systems to get information about another USER. Here, Randall is taking advantage of its suggestive name, with 'finger' referring to an action where one sticks their finger in another's anus, usually for sexual pleasure.
|-
|<code>'''fuck'''</code>
|<code>I have a headache.</code>
|fuck is swear word
|-
|<code>'''goto [any]'''</code>
|(''shows comic [[292: goto]] and asks if you meant <code>'''display'''</code> instead.'')
|
|-
|<code>'''go back'''</code>
|<code>You cannot go back.</code>
|
|-
|<code>'''go down'''</code>
|<code>On our first date?</code>
|
|-
|<code>'''Hello Joshua'''</code>
|<code>How about a nice game of Global Thermonuclear War?</code>
|A reference to the {{w|WarGames}} movie.
|-
|<code>'''hello'''</code>
|<code>Hello.</code>
|A second reply <code>Why hello there!</code> is coded, but it is never used.
|-
|<code>'''help'''</code>
| rowspan="2" |<code>That would be cheating!</code>
| rowspan="2" |
|-
|<code>'''halp'''</code>
|-
|<code>'''hi'''</code>
|<code>Hi.</code>
|
|-
| rowspan="4" |<code>'''hint'''</code>
|<code>We offer some nice polos.</code>
| rowspan="4" |Randomly replies with one of four options.
|-
|<code>This terminal will remain available at '''[https://xkcd.com/unixkcd/ xkcd.com/unixkcd/]'''</code>
|-
|<code>Use the source, Luke!</code>
|-
|<code>There are cheat codes.</code>
|-
|<code>'''i read the source code'''</code>
|<code><3</code>
|
|-
|<code>'''irc [nick]'''</code>
| rowspan="2" |(''starts an {{w|IRC}} session on the xkcd channel on irc.foonetic.net'')
| rowspan="2" |
|-
|<code>'''write [nick]'''</code>
|-
|<code>'''kill'''</code>
|<code>Terminator deployed to 1984.</code>
|A reference to the {{w|The_Terminator|Terminator}} movie. In Bash, <code>'''kill'''</code> is used to end a process.
|-
|<code>'''latest'''</code>
|(''displays the latest comic'')
|
|-
|<code>'''locate [filename]'''</code>
|
|is normally used to locate a file in a directory. It will give humorous results when searching for <code>'''ninja'''</code>, <code>'''keys'''</code>, <code>'''joke'''</code>, <code>'''problem'''</code> and <code>'''raptor'''</code>.
|-
|<code>'''lpr'''</code>
|<code>PC LOAD LETTER</code>
|{{w|Line Printer Daemon protocol|<code>'''lpr'''</code>}} is a command to print documents. {{w|PC_LOAD_LETTER}} is a printer error.
|-
|<code>'''make love'''</code>
|<code>I put on my robe and wizard hat.</code>
|A reference to this [http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/text/bloodninja roleplay chat transcript] (NSFW), which was also mentioned in [[442: xkcd Loves the Discovery Channel]]. <code>'''make love'''</code> is a standard Unix joke, because the reply is <code>make: don't know how to make love</code>.
|-
|<code>'''make me a sandwich'''</code>
|<code>What? Make it yourself.</code>
|A reference to [[149: Sandwich]].
|-
|<code>'''man [command]'''</code>
|(''shows unhelpful information about the command'')
|Only <code>'''last'''</code>, <code>'''help'''</code>, <code>'''next'''</code>, <code>'''cat'''</code> have unique responses, all others show a generic "Oh, I\'m sure you can figure it out."
|-
|<code>'''moo'''</code>
|<code>moo</code>
|
|-
|<code>'''more'''</code>
|<code>Oh, yes! More! More!</code>
|The {{w|More (command)|more}} command is used to paginate output.
|-
|<code>'''nano'''</code>
|<code>Seriously? Why don't you just use Notepad.exe? Or MS Paint?</code>
|{{w|GNU nano|Nano}} is another text editor for Unix systems (see <code>'''vi'''</code> and <code>'''emacs'''</code>).
|-
|<code>'''ping'''</code>
|<code>There is another submarine three miles ahead, bearing 225, forty fathoms down.</code>
|The {{w|Ping (networking utility)|ping}} command is used to measure round trip times to a destination. The name of the command comes from sonar technology. A submarine using sonar may 'ping' to illuminate nearby submarines on radar.
|-
|<code>'''pwd'''</code>
|<code>You are in a maze of twisty passages, all alike.</code>
|The {{w|pwd}} command prints the current working directory (see <code>'''look'''</code>). The output is a reference to {{w|Colossal Cave Adventure}}.
|-
|<code>'''reddit [number]'''</code>
|(''shows the [https://www.reddit.com/ Reddit] voting bar for the specified comic'')
|If no number is specified, shows xkcd.
|-
|<code>'''rm [filename]'''</code>
|(''removes a file'')
|
|-
|<code>'''rm -r'''</code>
|(''removes a directory'')
|
|-
|<code>'''serenity'''</code>
|<code>You can't take the sky from me.</code>
|This is a line from the Balad of Serenity from the {{w|Firefly_(TV_series)|Firefly}} TV series. Serenity is also the name of an Operating System (that Randall probably wasn't thinking of): [https://www.serenityos.org/ SerenityOS].
|-
|<code>'''shutdown'''</code>
| rowspan="2" |<code>Must be root.</code>
| rowspan="2" |See also <code>'''sudo poweroff'''</code>.
|-
|<code>'''poweroff'''</code>
|-
|<code>'''ssh'''</code>
|<code>ssh, this is a library.</code>
|{{w|Secure Shell|ssh}} is the command to start a secure shell, but it also resembles the "{{w|Shh}}" sound.
|-
|<code>'''su'''</code>
|<code>God mode activated. Remember, with great power comes great ... aw, screw it, go have fun.</code>
|{{w|Su (Unix)|<code>'''su'''</code>}} is a command for logging as an upper user, which gives you full and potentially dangerous access to the system. On some systems, "{{w|With great power comes great responsibility|with great power comes great responsibility}}" is also part of a message that is printed the first time <code>'''sudo'''</code> is used.
|-
|<code>'''sudo [command]'''</code>
|(''executes the command with {{w|Superuser|root}} privileges'')
|
|-
|<code>'''sudo apt-get dist-upgrade'''</code>
|<code>You are already running [OS].</code>
|
|-
|<code>'''sudo apt-get moo'''</code>
|<code>Have you mooed today?</code>
|(apt-get Easter egg).
|-
|<code>'''sudo apt-get update'''</code>
|<code>Reading package lists... Done</code>
|Refreshes the package list so the system knows which updates are available.
|-
|<code>'''sudo apt-get upgrade'''</code>
|(''shows a link to [http://abetterbrowser.org/ A Better Browser] on Internet Explorer and Firefox (< v3). On all other browsers, it doesn't complain.
|
|-
|<code>'''sudo make me a sandwich'''</code>
|<code>Okay</code>
|Behaves like [[149: Sandwich]].
|-
|<code>'''sudo !!'''</code>
|(''will sudo the last command'')
|
|-
|<code>'''sudo poweroff'''</code>
| rowspan="2" |(''shuts down the system'')
| rowspan="2" |
|-
|<code>'''sudo shutdown'''</code>
|-
|<code>'''sudo reboot'''</code>
| rowspan="2" |(''restarts the system'')
| rowspan="2" |
|-
|<code>'''sudo restart'''</code>
|-
|<code>'''sudo rm -rf /'''</code>
|(''breaks all commands until the page is reloaded'')
|
|-
|<code>'''sudo sudo'''</code>
|<code>An internal error occurred: RangeError: Maximum call stack size exceeded</code>
|in red text.
|-
|<code>'''time travel'''</code>
|(''shows [[630: Time Travel]]'')
|
|-
|<code>'''top'''</code>
|<code>It's up there --^</code>
|The {{w|Top_(software)|<code>'''top'''</code>}} command shows a table of processes. Here it is taken literally.
|-
|<code>'''uname'''</code>
|<code>Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator</code>
|<code>'''uname'''</code> on Unix lists system information. The Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator is an explosive device created by Marvin the Martian in the {{w|Looney Tunes}} series.
|-
|<code>'''unixkcd'''</code>
|(''opens a new terminal window'')
|
|-
|<code>'''use the force luke'''</code>
|<code>I believe you mean source.</code>
|A reference to {{w|The Force (Star Wars)|the Force}} in the {{w|Star Wars}} franchise.
|-
|<code>'''use the source luke'''</code>
|<code>I'm not luke, you're luke!</code>
|An old programmers' joke.
|-
|<code>'''vi'''</code>
| rowspan="2" |<code>You should use emacs.</code>
| rowspan="2" |A reference to [[378: Real Programmers]].
|-
|<code>'''vim'''</code>
|-
|<code>'''wget [URL]'''</code>
|(''shows the content of the specified URL'')
|<code>'''{{w|wget}}'''</code> is a command on Unix to download the content and not show it.
|-
|<code>'''who'''</code>
|<code>Doctor Who?</code>
|Another {{w|Doctor Who}} reference. The <code>'''who'''</code> command on Unix lists the logged-in users.
|-
|<code>'''Whoami'''</code>
|<code>You are Richard Stallman.</code>
|The {{w|whoami}} command lists the name of the current user. [[Richard Stallman]] is the creator of the GNU project and the Free Software Foundation.
|-

|<code>'''xkcd'''</code>
|<code>Yes?</code>
|
|-
|<code>'''xyzzy'''</code>
|<code>Nothing happens.</code>
|{{w|Xyzzy_(computing)|xyzzy}} is a magic word, originally used in the game {{w|Colossal Cave Adventure}}.
|-
|<code>'''your gay'''</code>
|<code>Keep your hands off it!</code>
|
|-
|<code>'''!!'''</code>
|(''reruns the previous command after stating the command'')
|
|}

====Game commands====
There are also some other commands borrowed from a {{w|Zork}} like {{w|Text-based game|text-based adventure game}}.
{| class="sortable wikitable"
! Command
! Response
! Explanation
|-
|<code>'''look'''</code>
|(''describes your current surroundings'')
|
|-
|<code>'''go [direction]'''</code>
|(''moves you in the specified direction'')
|Going West repeatedly will list the refrain from the song {{w|Go West (song)|Go West}}.
|-
|<code>'''light lamp'''</code>
|(''lights your lamp'')
|You will be killed by a {{w|Grue (monster)|grue}} if you don't light your lamp when going south.
|-
|<code>'''sleep [seconds]'''</code>
|(''sleeps for the specified time'')
|Without specifying, the nap is 5 seconds.
|}

====Konami code====
[[File:Konami code.png|300px|thumb|The image used as the background after using the Konami code five times.]]The terminal also responds to the {{w|Konami code}} Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A. Entering this code repeatedly will, in order:
# Transform all characters to uppercase
# Add a grey text shadow
# Add an orange text-shadow
# Shake the screen
# Add a background image of [[Richard Stallman]] from [[345: 1337: Part 5]].

==Transcript==
:[The screen is black.]
:[The text is white, monospaced, and in the top left, similar to that of a computer terminal.]
:[The terminal automatically runs the command:]
:display
:[The most recent XKCD comic appears below the current line.]
:[The terminal runs the command:]
:cat welcome.txt
:Terminal: Welcome to the unixkcd console.
:Terminal: To navigate the comics, enter "next", "prev", "first", "last", "display", or "random".
:Terminal: Use "ls", "cat", and "cd" to navigate the filesystem.
:[A blinking text cursor appears on the next line, and you can type in commands to make the terminal do stuff.]

{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:April Fools' Day comics|0800]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Richard Stallman]]
[[Category:Computers]]
[[Category:Dynamic comics]]
[[Category:Interactive comics]]
[[Category:Comics with animation]]
[[Category:No title text]]
[[Category:Comics with inverted brightness]]
[[Category:Programming]]

unixkcd

2025-10-24T11:02:37Z

2001:4450:813D:C800:2429:612B:D3AC:C2C7:

{{comic
| date = April 1, 2010
| title = unixkcd
| image = unixkcd.png
| titletext =
| lappend =
| ldomain = uni
| imagesize = 900px
| noexpand = true
| extra = yes
}}
{{series
| series = April
| number = 3
| date = April 1, 2010
| days_late =
| day_category = Thursday
| prev_title = 404: Not Found
| prev_date = April 1, 2008
| next_title = 880: Headache
| next_date = April 1, 2011
| extra_text = In fact, [[April Fools' Day comics|2009 and 2017 are the only years]] in which Randall hasn't marked this day with a comic.
}}

{{TOC}}
==Explanation==
{{incomplete|
*Explain the jokes and references in the [[#Undocumented commands]] section and the sections below it.
*Describe the website interface a bit, such as the links at the bottom.}}
On April 1, 2010, [[Randall Munroe|Randall]] altered the [https://xkcd.com xkcd.com] website to mimic a {{w|Unix}} {{w|command-line interface}}. This interface is still available on [https://uni.xkcd.com uni.xkcd.com] and the source code is [https://github.com/chromakode/xkcdfools available on GitHub]. The comic [[721: Flatland]], released on March 31, 2010, was still up on April 1, 2010, but was unrelated to the Unix interface. The terminal only lists a few available commands, but most commands are undocumented.

===Documented commands===
{| class="sortable wikitable"
! Command
! Response
! Explanation
|-
|<code>'''next'''</code>
|(''shows the next comic'')
|If the latest comic number is given, shows the error <code>Time travel mode not enabled</code>. See <code>'''[[#Undocumented commands|enable time travel]]'''</code> below.
|-
|<code>'''prev'''</code>
|(''shows the previous comic'')
|
|-
|<code>'''first'''</code>
|(''shows the first comic'')
|
|-
|<code>'''last'''</code>
|(''shows the last comic'')
|
|-
|<code>'''display [number]'''</code>
|(''shows the comic with the specified number'')
|Trying to display comic [[404: Not Found]] will result in an endless loading attempt.
|-
|<code>'''random'''</code>
|(''shows a random comic'')
|
|-
|<code>'''ls'''</code>
| rowspan="2" |(''shows the content of the current directory'')
| rowspan="2" |
|-
|<code>'''dir'''</code>
|-
|<code>'''cat [filename]'''</code>
|(''shows the content of the file'')
|See also <code>'''[[#Undocumented commands|cat]]'''</code> below.
|-
|<code>'''cd [directory]'''</code>
|(''changes to the specified directory'')
|
|}

===Undocumented commands===
{| class="sortable wikitable"
! Command
! Response
! Explanation
|-
|<code>'''<nowiki>:(){:|:&};:</nowiki>'''</code>
|<code>[...]</code> (''repeats indefinitely'')
|This command, otherwise known as a [https://askubuntu.com/questions/159491/why-did-the-command-make-my-system-lag-so-badly-i-had-to-reboot shell fork bomb] will make the terminal display the <code>[...]</code> loading dots indefinitely, as though it crashed.
|-
|rowspan="9" |<code>'''a/s/l'''</code> ''or'' <code>'''asl'''</code>
|
|{{w|Age/sex/location|A/S/L}} is not a Unix command, but an acronym of Age/Sex/Location in this case. The following replies are possible:
|-
|<code>2/AMD64/Server Rack</code>
|Answered as if the server replied. sex refered as {{w|AMD}}
|-
|<code>328/M/Transylvania</code>
|Answered by {{w|Dracula}}.
|-
|<code>6/M/Battle School</code>
|Answered by {{w|Ender Wiggin}} or another boy from battle school.
|-
|<code>48/M/The White House</code>
|Answered by {{w|Barack Obama}} or another male of the same age in the White House.
|-
|<code>7/F/Rapture</code>
|Answered by a {{w|Little Sister (BioShock)|Little Sister}} from {{w|BioShock}}.
|-
|<code>Exactly your age/A gender you're attracted to/Far far away.</code>
|Requests for A/S/L are often not answered truthfully, but crafted to suit the one asking the question.
|-
|<code>7,831/F/Lothlórien</code>
|Answered by {{w</code>Galadriel}} or another elf. Lothlorien is the region of middle
|-
|<code>42/M/FBI Field Office</code>
|Answered by an FBI agent, referencing the old [https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ThereAreNoGirlsOnTheInternet trope] that all girls on the internet are FBI agents impersonating them.
|-
|<code>'''apt-get'''</code>
|<code>This APT has Super Cow Powers.'''</code>
|The <code>'''apt-get'''</code> command is part of the Debian package manager {{w|Advanced_Packaging_Tool|APT}}. This reply is one of the built-in Easter eggs.
|-
|<code>'''apt-get moo'''</code>
|
(__)
(oo)
/------\/
/ | ||
* /\---/\
~~ ~~

...."Have you mooed today?"...
|Displays an ASCII drawing of a cow.
|-
|<code>'''bash'''</code>
|<code>You bash your head against the wall. It's not very effective.</code>
|{{w|Bash}} is a shell for POSIX-based systems. This also references early text-based adventure games where you need to type the action needed to proceed, which could result in unintended consequences. For example, if you typed in something like "ax in chest", the game may stab the axe into your character's torso instead of opening a crate. The line 'it's not very effective' may be a reference to Pokemon, where an attack can deal differing amounts of damage depending on effectiveness.
|-
|<code>'''cat [number]/alt.txt'''</code>
|(''displays the title text of the specified comic'')
|
|-
|<code>'''cat'''</code>

(''without a filename or with an invalid filename'')
|<code>You're a kitty!</code>
|A reference to [[231: Cat Proximity]].
|-
|<code>'''cheat'''</code>
| rowspan="2" |(''opens the [[Store|xkcd Store]]'')
| rowspan="2" |
|-
|<code>'''buy stuff'''</code>
|-
|<code>'''clear'''</code>
|(''clears the screen'')
|
|-
|<code>'''curl'''</code>
|(''creates an iframe to the URL specified'')
|
|-
|<code>'''date'''</code>
|<code>March 32nd</code>
|Instead of April 1st, which is not a real date.{{Citation needed}}
|-
|<code>'''display title text'''</code>
|<code>display: unable to open image "title": No such file or directory.</code>
|Displayed in red text.
|-
|<code>'''echo'''</code>
|<code>Echo ... echo ... echo ...</code>
|<code>'''{{w|Echo (command)|echo}}'''</code> is a command used to print text to the terminal.
|-
|<code>'''ed'''</code>
|<code>You are not a diety</code>
|{{w|Ed (software)|ed}} is a very simple text editor. It is usually not considered very user-friendly. See also <code>'''vi'''</code> and <code>'''emacs'''</code>.
|-
|<code>'''emacs'''</code>
|<code>You should use Vim.</code>
|A reference to [[378: Real Programmers]].
|-
|<code>'''enable time travel'''</code>
|<code>TARDIS error: Time Lord missing</code>
|A {{w|Doctor Who}} reference. See also the <code>'''next'''</code> command.
|-
|<code>'''exit'''</code>
| rowspan="3" |(''ends the terminal session'')
| rowspan="3" |
|-
|<code>'''quit'''</code>
|-
|<code>'''logout'''</code>
|-
|<code>'''find kitten'''</code>
|(''showed the {{w|robotfindskitten}} game'')
|The link to the Flash version no longer works, but an HTML version is available [http://robotfindskitten.org/play/robotfindskitten/ here].
|-
|<code>'''find'''</code>
|<code>What do you want to find? Kitten would be nice.</code>
|
|-
|<code>'''finger'''</code>
|<code>Mmmmmm...</code>
|<code>'''finger USER'''</code> is used on UNIX-like systems to get information about another USER. Here, Randall is taking advantage of its suggestive name, with 'finger' referring to an action where one sticks their finger in another's anus, usually for sexual pleasure.
|-
|<code>'''fuck'''</code>
|<code>I have a headache.</code>
|fuck is swear word
|-
|<code>'''goto [any]'''</code>
|(''shows comic [[292: goto]] and asks if you meant <code>'''display'''</code> instead.'')
|
|-
|<code>'''go back'''</code>
|<code>You cannot go back.</code>
|
|-
|<code>'''go down'''</code>
|<code>On our first date?</code>
|
|-
|<code>'''Hello Joshua'''</code>
|<code>How about a nice game of Global Thermonuclear War?</code>
|A reference to the {{w|WarGames}} movie.
|-
|<code>'''hello'''</code>
|<code>Hello.</code>
|A second reply <code>Why hello there!</code> is coded, but it is never used.
|-
|<code>'''help'''</code>
| rowspan="2" |<code>That would be cheating!</code>
| rowspan="2" |
|-
|<code>'''halp'''</code>
|-
|<code>'''hi'''</code>
|<code>Hi.</code>
|
|-
| rowspan="4" |<code>'''hint'''</code>
|<code>We offer some nice polos.</code>
| rowspan="4" |Randomly replies with one of four options.
|-
|<code>This terminal will remain available at '''[https://xkcd.com/unixkcd/ xkcd.com/unixkcd/]'''</code>
|-
|<code>Use the source, Luke!</code>
|-
|<code>There are cheat codes.</code>
|-
|<code>'''i read the source code'''</code>
|<code><3</code>
|
|-
|<code>'''irc [nick]'''</code>
| rowspan="2" |(''starts an {{w|IRC}} session on the xkcd channel on irc.foonetic.net'')
| rowspan="2" |
|-
|<code>'''write [nick]'''</code>
|-
|<code>'''kill'''</code>
|<code>Terminator deployed to 1984.</code>
|A reference to the {{w|The_Terminator|Terminator}} movie. In Bash, <code>'''kill'''</code> is used to end a process.
|-
|<code>'''latest'''</code>
|(''displays the latest comic'')
|
|-
|<code>'''locate [filename]'''</code>
|
|is normally used to locate a file in a directory. It will give humorous results when searching for <code>'''ninja'''</code>, <code>'''keys'''</code>, <code>'''joke'''</code>, <code>'''problem'''</code> and <code>'''raptor'''</code>.
|-
|<code>'''lpr'''</code>
|<code>PC LOAD LETTER</code>
|{{w|Line Printer Daemon protocol|<code>'''lpr'''</code>}} is a command to print documents. {{w|PC_LOAD_LETTER}} is a printer error.
|-
|<code>'''make love'''</code>
|<code>I put on my robe and wizard hat.</code>
|A reference to this [http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/text/bloodninja roleplay chat transcript] (NSFW), which was also mentioned in [[442: xkcd Loves the Discovery Channel]]. <code>'''make love'''</code> is a standard Unix joke, because the reply is <code>make: don't know how to make love</code>.
|-
|<code>'''make me a sandwich'''</code>
|<code>What? Make it yourself.</code>
|A reference to [[149: Sandwich]].
|-
|<code>'''man [command]'''</code>
|(''shows unhelpful information about the command'')
|Only <code>'''last'''</code>, <code>'''help'''</code>, <code>'''next'''</code>, <code>'''cat'''</code> have unique responses, all others show a generic "Oh, I\'m sure you can figure it out."
|-
|<code>'''moo'''</code>
|<code>moo</code>
|
|-
|<code>'''more'''</code>
|<code>Oh, yes! More! More!</code>
|The {{w|More (command)|more}} command is used to paginate output.
|-
|<code>'''nano'''</code>
|<code>Seriously? Why don't you just use Notepad.exe? Or MS Paint?</code>
|{{w|GNU nano|Nano}} is another text editor for Unix systems (see <code>'''vi'''</code> and <code>'''emacs'''</code>).
|-
|<code>'''ping'''</code>
|<code>There is another submarine three miles ahead, bearing 225, forty fathoms down.</code>
|The {{w|Ping (networking utility)|ping}} command is used to measure round trip times to a destination. The name of the command comes from sonar technology. A submarine using sonar may 'ping' to illuminate nearby submarines on radar.
|-
|<code>'''pwd'''</code>
|<code>You are in a maze of twisty passages, all alike.</code>
|The {{w|pwd}} command prints the current working directory (see <code>'''look'''</code>). The output is a reference to {{w|Colossal Cave Adventure}}.
|-
|<code>'''reddit [number]'''</code>
|(''shows the [https://www.reddit.com/ Reddit] voting bar for the specified comic'')
|If no number is specified, shows xkcd.
|-
|<code>'''rm [filename]'''</code>
|(''removes a file'')
|
|-
|<code>'''rm -r'''</code>
|(''removes a directory'')
|
|-
|<code>'''serenity'''</code>
|<code>You can't take the sky from me.</code>
|This is a line from the Balad of Serenity from the {{w|Firefly_(TV_series)|Firefly}} TV series. Serenity is also the name of an Operating System (that Randall probably wasn't thinking of): [https://www.serenityos.org/ SerenityOS].
|-
|<code>'''shutdown'''</code>
| rowspan="2" |<code>Must be root.</code>
| rowspan="2" |See also <code>'''sudo poweroff'''</code>.
|-
|<code>'''poweroff'''</code>
|-
|<code>'''ssh'''</code>
|<code>ssh, this is a library.</code>
|{{w|Secure Shell|ssh}} is the command to start a secure shell, but it also resembles the "{{w|Shh}}" sound.
|-
|<code>'''su'''</code>
|<code>God mode activated. Remember, with great power comes great ... aw, screw it, go have fun.</code>
|{{w|Su (Unix)|<code>'''su'''</code>}} is a command for logging as an upper user, which gives you full and potentially dangerous access to the system. On some systems, "{{w|With great power comes great responsibility|with great power comes great responsibility}}" is also part of a message that is printed the first time <code>'''sudo'''</code> is used.
|-
|<code>'''sudo [command]'''</code>
|(''executes the command with {{w|Superuser|root}} privileges'')
|
|-
|<code>'''sudo apt-get dist-upgrade'''</code>
|<code>You are already running [OS].</code>
|
|-
|<code>'''sudo apt-get moo'''</code>
|<code>Have you mooed today?</code>
|(apt-get Easter egg).
|-
|<code>'''sudo apt-get update'''</code>
|<code>Reading package lists... Done</code>
|Refreshes the package list so the system knows which updates are available.
|-
|<code>'''sudo apt-get upgrade'''</code>
|(''shows a link to [http://abetterbrowser.org/ A Better Browser] on Internet Explorer and Firefox (< v3). On all other browsers, it doesn't complain.
|
|-
|<code>'''sudo make me a sandwich'''</code>
|<code>Okay</code>
|Behaves like [[149: Sandwich]].
|-
|<code>'''sudo !!'''</code>
|(''will sudo the last command'')
|
|-
|<code>'''sudo poweroff'''</code>
| rowspan="2" |(''shuts down the system'')
| rowspan="2" |
|-
|<code>'''sudo shutdown'''</code>
|-
|<code>'''sudo reboot'''</code>
| rowspan="2" |(''restarts the system'')
| rowspan="2" |
|-
|<code>'''sudo restart'''</code>
|-
|<code>'''sudo rm -rf /'''</code>
|(''breaks all commands until the page is reloaded'')
|
|-
|<code>'''sudo sudo'''</code>
|<code>An internal error occurred: RangeError: Maximum call stack size exceeded</code>
|in red text.
|-
|<code>'''time travel'''</code>
|(''shows [[630: Time Travel]]'')
|
|-
|<code>'''top'''</code>
|<code>It's up there --^</code>
|The {{w|Top_(software)|<code>'''top'''</code>}} command shows a table of processes. Here it is taken literally.
|-
|<code>'''uname'''</code>
|<code>Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator</code>
|<code>'''uname'''</code> on Unix lists system information. The Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator is an explosive device created by Marvin the Martian in the {{w|Looney Tunes}} series.
|-
|<code>'''unixkcd'''</code>
|(''opens a new terminal window'')
|
|-
|<code>'''use the force luke'''</code>
|<code>I believe you mean source.</code>
|A reference to {{w|The Force (Star Wars)|the Force}} in the {{w|Star Wars}} franchise.
|-
|<code>'''use the source luke'''</code>
|<code>I'm not luke, you're luke!</code>
|An old programmers' joke.
|-
|<code>'''vi'''</code>
| rowspan="2" |<code>You should use emacs.</code>
| rowspan="2" |A reference to [[378: Real Programmers]].
|-
|<code>'''vim'''</code>
|-
|<code>'''wget [URL]'''</code>
|(''shows the content of the specified URL'')
|<code>'''{{w|wget}}'''</code> is a command on Unix to download the content and not show it.
|-
|<code>'''who'''</code>
|<code>Doctor Who?</code>
|Another {{w|Doctor Who}} reference. The <code>'''who'''</code> command on Unix lists the logged-in users.
|-
|<code>'''Whoami'''</code>
|<code>You are Richard Stallman.</code>
|The {{w|whoami}} command lists the name of the current user. [[Richard Stallman]] is the creator of the GNU project and the Free Software Foundation.
|-

|<code>'''xkcd'''</code>
|<code>Yes?</code>
|
|-
|<code>'''xyzzy'''</code>
|<code>Nothing happens.</code>
|{{w|Xyzzy_(computing)|xyzzy}} is a magic word, originally used in the game {{w|Colossal Cave Adventure}}.
|-
|<code>'''your gay'''</code>
|<code>Keep your hands off it!</code>
|
|-
|<code>'''!!'''</code>
|(''reruns the previous command after stating the command'')
|
|}

====Game commands====
There are also some other commands borrowed from a {{w|Zork}} like {{w|Text-based game|text-based adventure game}}.
{| class="sortable wikitable"
! Command
! Response
! Explanation
|-
|<code>'''look'''</code>
|(''describes your current surroundings'')
|
|-
|<code>'''go [direction]'''</code>
|(''moves you in the specified direction'')
|Going West repeatedly will list the refrain from the song {{w|Go West (song)|Go West}}.
|-
|<code>'''light lamp'''</code>
|(''lights your lamp'')
|You will be killed by a {{w|Grue (monster)|grue}} if you don't light your lamp when going south.
|-
|<code>'''sleep [seconds]'''</code>
|(''sleeps for the specified time'')
|Without specifying, the nap is 5 seconds.
|}

====Konami code====
[[File:Konami code.png|300px|thumb|The image used as the background after using the Konami code five times.]]The terminal also responds to the {{w|Konami code}} Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A. Entering this code repeatedly will, in order:
# Transform all characters to uppercase
# Add a grey text shadow
# Add an orange text-shadow
# Shake the screen
# Add a background image of [[Richard Stallman]] from [[345: 1337: Part 5]].

==Transcript==
{{incomplete transcript|Describe the initial interface fully.}}
:[The screen is black.]
:[The text is white, monospaced, and in the top left, similar to that of a computer terminal.]
:[The terminal automatically runs the command:]
:display
:[The most recent XKCD comic appears below the current line.]
:[The terminal runs the command:]
:cat welcome.txt
:Terminal: Welcome to the unixkcd console.
:Terminal: To navigate the comics, enter "next", "prev", "first", "last", "display", or "random".
:Terminal: Use "ls", "cat", and "cd" to navigate the filesystem.
:[A blinking text cursor appears on the next line, and you can type in commands to make the terminal do stuff.]

{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:April Fools' Day comics|0800]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Richard Stallman]]
[[Category:Computers]]
[[Category:Dynamic comics]]
[[Category:Interactive comics]]
[[Category:Comics with animation]]
[[Category:No title text]]
[[Category:Comics with inverted brightness]]
[[Category:Programming]]

3158: Shielding Chart

2025-10-24T07:42:03Z

2001:4450:813D:C800:2429:612B:D3AC:C2C7: /* Transcript */

{{comic
| number = 3158
| date = October 22, 2025
| title = Shielding Chart
| image = shielding_chart_2x.png
| imagesize = 740x720px
| noexpand = true
| titletext = Sharks can occasionally travel short distances through air when pursuing prey, but their attenuation coefficient is pretty high.
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|This page was created by a SPACE-BASED SHARK DEFENSE BOT. Don't remove this notice too soon.}}

This comic is part of a series on [[:Category:Confusion matrices|confusion matrices]].

Various hazardous (or merely obnoxious) materials, objects, and effects can have their danger reduced with specialized protective equipment. The yellow squares are where the shield fails to protect against the object. The grey-yellow squares are where the shield is partially successful, but still presents some risk. The grey squares are where the shield succeeds.

The first five barriers are materials/conditions which may be used to block some things and not others, which makes for a relatively normal comparison matrix. The last five barriers are devices which are deliberately designed and manufactured to block the last five materials/effects. Comparing those with effects for which they aren't designed is presented for absurdity.

The first three hazards - Gamma Rays, Neutrons, and Alpha Particles - represent different types of radiation. Their associated "beep" and "click" sounds mirror real detection behavior: "beep" corresponds to ionizing radiation like gamma and alpha particles, detected by standard Geiger counters, while "click" refers to neutron detection, which uses a separate type of counter designed for neutral particles.

All but two tiles feature [[Cueball]] who tries to make use of that column's chosen 'protective shield', although in the case of some scenarios (involving vacuum or water) he may also be sufficiently equipped against the environment he finds himself in. Also present will be the row's specific 'effect', either in its own right (an object or creature that embodies the phenomenon automatically) or as conveyed by [[Megan]] (when not just present as onlooker) who may also have had the 'shield' primarily delegated to her. The two main exceptions are where Cueball himself emits the sound (from within 'protective' suits that turn out to be ineffectual sound-blockers), to apparently annoy Megan, and depictions of radio reception (which always shows Cueball's attempt to transmit, whether or not it shows a successful incoming message).

Some hazards, such as {{w|alpha particles}}, a form of radiation with particularly low penetrative power, can be easily deterred by common things; even a relatively short distance through air is enough to minimize their impact. Comparatively, more dangerous hazards, such as the far more penetrative {{w|gamma rays}}, are unaffected by all but the shielding methods actually intended for them. No effect is either all effective or all ineffective, against each form of 'shielding', and neither is any instance of shield consistent against all effects.

The title text notes that, while the shark hazard is shown on the chart to be entirely nullified by a sufficient air barrier, in reality sharks are capable of attacking prey even if it is a short distance out of the water. However, it claims a high "attenuation coefficient", which is an {{tvtropes|ExpospeakGag|overly scientific way of saying}} that you don't need a ''lot'' of air between you and the shark before it can't hurt you. Indeed, while sharks can jump out of the water to a certain height, there's a hard line between "vulnerable" and "out of reach", and a person can be within arm's reach of a shark's attack while they themselves are in no danger whatsoever.

===Table===
{| class="wikitable" | style="background:#E6C3C3;"
! Shielding Chart
! scope="col"| {{w|Air}}
! scope="col"| {{w|Lead}}
! scope="col"| {{w|Water}}
! scope="col"| {{w|Glass}}
! scope="col"| {{w|Vacuum}}
! scope="col"| {{w|Oven mitts}}
! scope="col"| {{w|Armor}}
! scope="col"| {{w|Hazmat suit|Bio-hazard suit}}
! scope="col"| {{w|Faraday cage}}
! scope="col"| {{w|Shark cage}}
|-
! scope="row"| {{w|Gamma rays}}
| style="background:#FFF978;"|Gamma rays are not significantly shielded by air.
| style="background:#C4C5C7;"|Lead is commonly used as {{w|Lead shielding|shielding}} against gamma rays. Lead works because of its density and high atomic number, scattering gamma rays.
| style="background:#DDDCB2;"|Water can be used to shield against gamma rays, but you need at least 10 feet of water between you and the gamma rays for it to work.
|colspan=7; style="background:#FFF978;"|Gamma rays have the highest energy of any type of light and have no mass or charge, making them pass through most materials easily.

|-
! scope="row"| {{w|Neutrons}}
| style="background:#FFF978;"|Neutrons are not stopped by low density materials such as air.
| style="background:#DDDCB2;"|Lead's high density means that neutrons will keep bumping into lead nuclei, losing their energy through inelastic scattering. However since lead nuclei are much heavier than neutrons, most of the energy will remain with the neutron; as a result, many collisions are needed to slow the neutrons. Some neutrons will also be absorbed by the nuclei, although the {{w|Cross section (physics)|cross section}} is rather low.
| style="background:#C4C5C7;"|Since protons and neutrons have almost the same mass, a collision with a hydrogen atom in water will result in the neutron losing almost half of its energy, resulting in a very rapid attenuation. Moreover the cross section for the fusion of neutrons and protons is high, leading to most neutrons being captured to form deuterium.
|colspan=7; style="background:#FFF978;"|None of these materials are dense enough to slow or absorb neutrons in significant quantities.

|-
! scope="row"| {{w|Alpha particles}}
| style="background:#C4C5C7;"|
| style="background:#C4C5C7;"|
| style="background:#C4C5C7;"| Since alpha particles are the only hazard to be entirely blocked by the first three (and indeed, the first four) shields in a row, Cueball worries that his detection equipment may not be working properly.
| style="background:#C4C5C7;"|
| style="background:#FFF978;"|
| style="background:#C4C5C7;"|
| style="background:#C4C5C7;"|
| style="background:#C4C5C7;"|
|colspan=2; style="background:#FFF978;"|Outside of a vacuum, alpha particles are detectable only within millimeters, and the presence of the two cages is incidental. In both cases, the emitter has been moved closer to the observer, because otherwise the effect would be masked by the intervening air.

|-
! scope="row"| {{w|Light}}
| style="background:#FFF978;"|Light passes through air easily, which is why we can see.{{cn}}
| style="background:#C4C5C7;"|As lead is a solid, opaque material, light is not able to pass through it.
| style="background:#DDDCB2;"|Water is mostly transparent to visible light. It will attenuate over long distances, but won't be quickly blocked.
| style="background:#FFF978;"|As glass is a largely transparent substance, light is usually able to pass through it.
| style="background:#FFF978;"|Because a lack of air does not impact the travel of light, it reaches Cueball without issue.
| style="background:#C4C5C7;"|Cueball is able to use the opaque oven mitts to cover the light source, successfully preventing the light from reaching him.
| style="background:#C4C5C7;"|The helmet Cueball is wearing is opaque, blocking the light from reaching him. It also makes this a fairly useless set of armor.
| style="background:#C4C5C7;"|As with the oven mitts, Hairy uses the helmet part of the biohazard suit to block the light source.
|colspan=2; style="background:#FFF978;"|As both types of cages have holes in them, it is easy for the light to pass through the holes and reach Cueball.

|-
! scope="row"| {{w|Sound}}
| style="background:#FFF978;"|Air is the most common medium through which we perceive sound. It would not serve as an effective barrier between a source of sound and someone's ears, unless it was over a very great distance.
| style="background:#FFF978;"|
| style="background:#FFF978;"|
| style="background:#FFF978;"|
| style="background:#C4C5C7;"|"In space, no one can hear you scream." In a vacuum (like space), there are no atoms or molecules to carry sound waves.
| style="background:#DDDCB2;"|
| colspan=2; style="background:#FFF978;"| The two cases of whether sound can penetrate suits are the only two cases where Cueball is trying (successfully) to inflict the phenomenon on [[Megan]], who otherwise features only as the (attempted) instigator. Neither suit is able (or intended) to significantly block sound waves.
| style="background:#FFF978;"|
| style="background:#FFF978;"|

|-
! scope="row"| {{w|Heat}}
| style="background:#FFF978;"|Air can be a fairly effective thermal insulator when constrained, as in {{w|aerogels}} and many types of insulation. However, freely moving air as depicted in this panel flows as it heats up, transferring heat from the campfire to Cueball's marshmallow. Additionally, air does little to block thermal radiation from the heat source.
| style="background:#FFF978;"|Lead conducts heat, allowing Cueball to toast a marshmallow on the surface of the shield. However, since lead is poisonous, he should not do this.
| style="background:#FFF978;"|
| style="background:#FFF978;"|
| style="background:#DDDCB2;"|
| style="background:#C4C5C7;"|
| style="background:#FFF978;"|
| style="background:#FFF978;"|
| style="background:#FFF978;"|
| style="background:#FFF978;"|

|-
! scope="row"| {{w|Swords}}
| style="background:#FFF978;"|Air has a negligible force against objects and is unable to stop Megan's sword's thrust.
| style="background:#C4C5C7;"|Lead is a heavy and dense metal, and as a result, it can stop blows from a sword.
| style="background:#FFF978;"|While water has a greater force than air against objects, it is still not enough to stop Megan's attack.
| style="background:#FFF978;"|Glass is easily broken by sharp blows, especially if it isn't tempered, and as a result does not stop Megan's sword.
| style="background:#FFF978;"|A vacuum has no resistance against objects and unsurprisingly is not able to stop Megan's attack.
| style="background:#FFF978;"|Oven mitts are typically made of fabric, which would provide only limited protection. They also do not cover the full body.
| style="background:#C4C5C7;"|The metallic armor Cueball is wearing was probably designed to stop sword blows.
| style="background:#FFF978;"|Swords are sharp, and as such are able to break through the thin hazmat suit Cueball is wearing.
| style="background:#FFF978;"|A Faraday cage has holes which Megan's sword is able to go through.
| style="background:#FFF978;"|A shark cage, while able to provide resistance against larger threats, has holes through which Megan's sword can go.

|-
! scope="row"| {{w|Particulate matter#Health problems|Toxic dust}}
| style="background:#FFF978;"|
| style="background:#DDDCB2;"|{{w|Lead poisoning|Lead is poisonous}}, so while a solid lead barrier would prevent toxic dust from passing through, any dust or metal fragments from the shield would still be dangerous.
| style="background:#FFF978;"|Water actually can be {{w|Dust abatement|used to prevent the spread of dust}}. However, toxic dust that gets into drinking water will {{w|Water pollution#Groundwater pollution|contaminate it}}, causing health problems just as airborne toxic dust can.
| style="background:#C4C5C7;"|
| style="background:#FFF978;"|With no air to slow it down, dust in space can move at dangerously high speeds, possibly fast enough to tear through Cueball's space suit.
| style="background:#FFF978;"|
| style="background:#FFF978;"|
| style="background:#C4C5C7;"|
| style="background:#FFF978;"|
| style="background:#FFF978;"|

|-
! scope="row"| {{w|Radio}}
| style="background:#FFF978;"|
| style="background:#C4C5C7;"|
| style="background:#C4C5C7;"|Radio waves from two-way radios, like the kind shown in the comic, {{w|Radio propagation#Direct modes (line-of-sight)|cannot penetrate deep water}}. There are {{w|Radio propagation#Surface modes (groundwave)|radio frequencies that ''can'' penetrate deep water}}, but these have a much lower frequency, require more powerful transmitters, and (in the case of {{w|Extremely low frequency#Difficulties of ELF communication|extremely low frequencies}}) cannot transmit audio.
| style="background:#FFF978;"|
| style="background:#FFF978;"|
| style="background:#FFF978;"|
| style="background:#C4C5C7;"|
| style="background:#FFF978;"|
| style="background:#C4C5C7;"|A {{w|Faraday cage}} is specifically designed to block electromagnetic fields such as radio waves. In fact, this is the ''only'' hazard here that it blocks.
| style="background:#FFF978;"|

|-
! scope="row"| {{w|Sharks}}
| style="background:#C4C5C7;"|Sharks cannot travel very far on land or in the air.
| style="background:#C4C5C7;"|Shielding yourself with lead plates will effectively protect you against sharks.
| style="background:#FFF978;"|Sharks live in water, so water is not an effective shield against sharks.{{cn}}
| style="background:#C4C5C7;"|Glass will effectively protect you against sharks, provided that it is thick enough. In fact, sharks are commonly (and safely) shown to the public in aquariums.
| style="background:#C4C5C7;"|Cueball in the vacuum of space is very far from shark habitat in the ocean.
| style="background:#FFF978;"|Oven mitts are not very effective at stopping sharks.{{cn}}
| style="background:#DDDCB2;"|Depending on the armor, a shark might still be able to bite you through it.
| style="background:#FFF978;"|A biohazard suit is weak enough that a shark can rip through it.
| style="background:#FFF978;"|A Faraday cage is weak enough that a shark can rip through it.
| style="background:#C4C5C7;"|A shark cage is specifically designed to protect against sharks. In fact, this is the ''only'' hazard here that it blocks.
|}

==Transcript==
{{incomplete transcript|Don't remove this notice too soon.}}
The whole comic is in one panel
A matrix sits in the middle with the following rows and columns:

Air:
*Gamma rays - Yellow
*Neutrons - Yellow
*Alpha particles - Gray
*Light - Yellow
*Sound - Yellow
*Heat - Yellow
*Swords - Yellow
*Toxic dust - Yellow
*Radio - Yellow
*Sharks - Gray

Lead:
*Gamma rays - Gray
*Neutrons - Grayish-yellow
*Alpha particles - Gray
*Light - Gray
*Sound - Yellow
*Heat - Yellow
*Swords - Gray
*Toxic dust - Grayish-yellow
*Radio - Gray
*Sharks - Gray

Water:
*Gamma rays - Grayish-yellow
*Neutrons - Gray
*Alpha particles
*Light - Grayish-yellow
*Sound - Yellow
*Heat - Yellow
*Swords - Yellow
*Toxic dust - Yellow
*Radio - Gray
*Sharks - Yellow

*Glass:
*Gamma rays
*Neutrons
*Alpha particles
*Light
*Sound
*Heat
*Swords
*Toxic dust
*Radio
*Sharks

Vacuum:
*Gamma rays
*Neutrons
*Alpha particles
*Light
*Sound
*Heat
*Swords
*Toxic dust
*Radio
*Sharks

Oven mitts:
*Gamma rays
*Neutrons
*Alpha particles
*Light
*Sound
*Heat
*Swords
*Toxic dust
*Radio
*Sharks

Armor:
*Gamma rays
*Neutrons
*Alpha particles
*Light
*Sound
*Heat
*Swords
*Toxic dust
*Radio
*Sharks

Biohazard suit:
*Gamma rays
*Neutrons
*Alpha particles
*Light
*Sound
*Heat
*Swords
*Toxic dust
*Radio
*Sharks

Faraday cage:
*Gamma rays
*Neutrons
*Alpha particles
*Light
*Sound
*Heat
*Swords
*Toxic dust
*Radio
*Sharks

Shark cage:
*Gamma rays
*Neutrons
*Alpha particles
*Light
*Sound
*Heat
*Swords
*Toxic dust
*Radio
*Sharks - cueball on hanged cage and shark

{{comic discussion}}<noinclude>
[[Category:Confusion matrices]]
[[Category:Sharks]]
[[Category:Multiple Cueballs]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Megan]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Comics with color]]

533: Laptop Hell

2025-10-23T20:06:45Z

2001:4450:813D:C800:2429:612B:D3AC:C2C7: /* Explanation */

{{comic
| number = 533
| date = January 21, 2009
| title = Laptop Hell
| image = laptop hell.png
| titletext = The xkcd.com sysadmin has a Q2010, and I can attest that it can handle a fall down several flights of concrete steps. Relatedly, he's upset with me - I hope he doesn't take revenge by messing with my site's contenDISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS
}}

==Explanation==
The Devil {{w|Mephistopheles}} (named so in the [http://xkcd.com/533/info.0.json official transcript]) is greeting the new souls sentenced to {{w|Hell}}, and recognizes an executive from {{w|Fujitsu|Fujitsu Ltd}} in the form of [[Hairbun]]. Mephistopheles accuses her of causing his favorite laptop, the Fujitsu Q2010, to be taken out of production. Mephistopheles is displeased because he thought it was a good laptop, just poorly marketed by Hairbun. Hairbun is confused and asks Mephistopheles why he is upset, as acts of evil are generally encouraged by the demons of Hell. Mephistopheles agrees but explains that Hell also needs good laptops, and in her case their need for laptops was greater than the need for her evil works. Though, Mephistopheles then goes on to confess, that it would not really have mattered as Hell has an exclusive deal with Fujitsu competitor, {{w|Sony}}, and he could not have bought the Fujitsu Q2010 anyway.

This would explain why the sale of the laptop failed, and Hairbun also exclaims ''I knew it'' to indicate that she had suspected it was weird that Sony did so well. When one strikes a deal with a devil from Hell, their affairs in life go great, but of course one has then sentenced their soul to eternal damnation in Hell when one eventually dies.{{citation needed}} Seems like Sony has done so according to this comic.

This comic is likely a wish fulfillment fantasy by [[Randall]] for the canceling of his favorite laptop, the Fujitsu Q2010. Exclusivity deals are typically thought ill of as they are bad for competition. Also, since exclusivity deals solely benefit the provider, there are often reciprocal arrangements for the purchaser. This implies that the devil has influence at Sony. Likely, Sony was chosen as the electronic distributor to Hell because of the {{w|Sony BMG copy protection rootkit scandal|Sony rootkit scandal}}. This scandal inspired many to call Sony an evil company.

It is the second time in a short while that a demon was depicted in a similar fashion although without the trident and not in Hell. This devil was also named Mephistopheles in the caption of that comic [[501: Faust 2.0]].

The title text explains that Randall's system administrator is upset with him because he tested the system administrator's laptop by throwing it down several flights of steps. The systems admin is implied to have taken revenge childishly, by replacing part of the text with "DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS" although it was almost certainly done by Randall as a joke.

The "suck cocks" part is a reference to [https://web.archive.org/web/20080701195242/http://bash.org/?5775 a post] in bash.org which went on to attain moderate fame.

This also happens to be the {{w|Wikidata}} item {{w|Wikidata:Q2010|Q2010}}

==Transcript==
:[A devil, Mephistopheles (according to the [http://xkcd.com/533/info.0.json official transcript]), with bald head horns, tail with arrow ending, a trident in one hand and a paper in the other hand is ready to welcome Hairbun to hell. Above Mephistopheles there are three large stalactite hanging down and behind Hairbun there is one very large stalagmite and three small and also two small stalactites.]
:Mephistopheles: Welcome to Hell. Here's—
:Mephistopheles:Wait. I know you.

:[Zoom in on the two, with white background. Mephistopheles trident breaks the panels frame.]
:Mephistopheles: You're the Fujitsu exec who killed the Q-series.
:Hairbun: ...Yes?
:Mephistopheles: The Q2010 was the perfect laptop!

:[In this frame-less panel with white background Mephistopheles walks away from Hairbun trident pointing up and left. Hairbun throws her arms out to the side.]
:Mephistopheles: Powerful, durable, had every feature, and made the Air look bulky. And that was back in 2006!
:Hairbun: But no one bought it!
:Mephistopheles: Then you marketed it wrong!

:[Mephistopheles turns around towards Hairbun who both standing as in the first panel but still with white background.]
:Hairbun: Wait. Don't you ''encourage'' evil acts down here?
:Mephistopheles: In theory, yes, but we need laptops too!
:Mephistopheles: Although it's moot, since we have an exclusive deal with Sony.
:Hairbun: I ''knew'' it!

{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:Comics featuring Hairbun]]
[[Category:Computers]]
[[Category:Religion]]
[[Category:Sysadmins]]
[[Category:Demons]]