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1242: Scary Names

2026-05-07T18:37:21Z

2603:6010:EF00:EE05:E8C8:178F:41D9:2457: /* Table */

{{comic
| number = 1242
| date = July 24, 2013
| title = Scary Names
| image = scary_names.png
| titletext = Far off to the right of the chart is the Helvetica Scenario.
}}

==Explanation==
This chart humorously explores how things are often named colloquially and without regard to accuracy in correlating actual scariness with apparent scariness. It is interesting to note how people react to the items near the bottom right of the chart "scary things with not-very-scary names" when compared to how they may react to items in the upper left "not-very-scary things with scary names". Some of the entries on the chart are especially interesting examples considering that portions of the names that are associated with significant historical or cultural events and themes. i.e. Chernobyl Packet, Demon Core. All items are described in the [[#Table|table below]] including the title text on Helvetica Scenario.

On the chart, things toward the right are scary/dangerous/very bad, while things toward the top ''sound'' scary without ''necessarily'' being scary.

Note that [[Randall]] uses similar diagrams in [[388: Fuck Grapefruit]], [[1501: Mysteries]] and [[2466: In Your Classroom]], which also contain different items. The first two also have an extra point, and the last two extra points mentioned in the title text. Only the first and the last comics points are also off the chart, whereas for the second the description of the point is too long to fit on the chart. Extra info outside the chart is also used in the title text of [[1785: Wifi]], but it is a line graph, not a scatter plot.

===Table===
*This table lists the entries from least to most scary, including the ''entry'' mentioned in the title text.
*To begin with it is sorted from most scary name to least scary name.
**The assigned percentage values assumes a linear scale and assigns ''flesh eating bacteria'' with the point (100%, 100%).
**This is simply the easiest way to list the entries as there is no mention of the scale.
**As is clear from the title text, "flesh eating bacteria" is not an absolute, simply the highest in this particular sample; there are things more scary than 100%!

{| class="wikitable sortable"
! scope="col" class="unsortable"| Name
! scope="col"| Approximate Apparent Scariness
! scope="col"| Approximate True Scariness
! scope="col" class="unsortable"| Description
|-
|{{Nowrap|{{w|Necrotizing fasciitis|Flesh-eating bacteria}}}}
|{{Nowrap|{{Hs|m !}}100%}}
|{{Nowrap|{{Hs|l !}}100%}}
|As the name suggests, bacteria that eat (or more accurately, releases toxins that destroy) your skin and muscle.
|-
|{{Nowrap|[http://www.catb.org/~esr/jargon/html/C/Chernobyl-packet.html Chernobyl Packet]}}
|{{Nowrap|{{Hs|k !}}95%}}
|{{Nowrap|{{Hs|a !}}4%}}
|A network packet that induces a {{w|broadcast storm}} or network meltdown. It is an analogous reference to the {{w|Chernobyl disaster}}, but otherwise has no relation: one did not cause the disaster, nor does it concern literal packets of radioactive material from Chernobyl.
|-
|{{Nowrap|{{w|Kessler syndrome|Kessler Syndrome}}}}
|{{Nowrap|{{Hs|k !}}90%}}
|{{Nowrap|{{Hs|d !}}53%}}
|A hypothetical scenario where low Earth orbit objects collide, creating debris which increases the risk of more collisions, leading to a cascade effect which could severely hinder exploration and satellite technologies for many decades. It has been mentioned in {{w|Gravity (2013 film)}}.
|-
|{{Nowrap|{{w|Demon core|Demon Core}}}}
|{{Nowrap|{{Hs|j !}}87%}}
|{{Nowrap|{{Hs|h !}}73%}}
|A subcritical mass of plutonium that was involved in two separate fatal incidents at {{w|Los Alamos National Laboratory}} in 1945 and 1946. In both cases, the core was accidentally placed into a configuration where it went {{w|supercriticality|supercritical}} and exposed an experimenter to fatal doses of radiation. The second, more notable accident occurred when physicist Louis Slotin held two halves of a beryllium neutron reflector apart with a flat head screwdriver which slipped, suddenly causing the contained plutonium core to become supercritical and delivering a fatal dose of radiation. This is later referenced in [[2593: Deviled Eggs]] and [[3198: Double-Pronged Extension Cord]].
|-
|{{Nowrap|{{w|Calorimeter#Bomb calorimeters|Bomb Calorimeter}}}}
|{{Nowrap|{{Hs|h !}}67%}}
|{{Nowrap|{{Hs|b !}}28%}}
|A device for measuring heat of combustion of a reaction in a pressure vessel. It does not interact with explosive devices directly, though the chemicals a bomb calorimeter would be called upon to measure are occasionally explosive or dangerous, and a carelessly operated calorimeter could start a fire.
|-
|{{Nowrap|{{w|Avian influenza virus|Bird Flu}}}}
|{{Nowrap|{{Hs|h !}}57%}}
|{{Nowrap|{{Hs|g !}}72%}}
|An illness caused by strains of influenza adapted for birds, which is generally very deadly in humans. Should the virus adapt for human to human transmission, a pandemic can quickly result. Since birds can travel great distances quickly, it is generally already widespread and difficult to contain.
|-
|{{Nowrap|{{w|Nuclear football|Nuclear Football}}}}
|{{Nowrap|{{Hs|g !}}52%}}
|{{Nowrap|{{Hs|k !}}94%}}
|An aluminum Zero Halliburton briefcase which is used by the President of the United States to authorize nuclear attack. A military aide carrying the football is always near the president.
|-
|{{Nowrap|{{w|Sulfur mustard|Mustard Gas}}}}
|{{Nowrap|{{Hs|f !}}47%}}
|{{Nowrap|{{Hs|c !}}50%}}
|A chemical warfare agent which causes blisters and severe irritation on skin and lung tissue.
|-
|{{Nowrap|{{w|Antimicrobial resistance|Superbug}}}}
|{{Nowrap|{{Hs|e !}}39%}}
|{{Nowrap|{{Hs|j !}}83%}}
|Antibiotic resistant bacteria. The growing use of antibiotics has caused some bacteria to evolve to become resistant to the antibiotics. A "superbug" refers to a scenario where a bacteria evolves to become resistant to all antibiotics, for example, {{w|MRSA}}. Thanks to popular culture, however, the term "superbug" usually makes the audience think "a bug with superpowers", such as {{w|Atom Ant}}.
|-
|{{Nowrap|{{w|Criticality accident|Criticality Incident}}}}
|{{Nowrap|{{Hs|d!}}22%}}
|{{Nowrap|{{Hs|i !}}74%}}
|An unexpected and uncontrolled nuclear reaction. This occurs when a system that should be sub-critical becomes critical by accident (a term devised by Louis Slotin, as seen above).
|-
|{{Nowrap|{{w|Soil liquefaction|Soil Liquefaction}}}}
|{{Nowrap|{{Hs|c !}}16%}}
|{{Nowrap|{{Hs|e !}}54%}}
|A phenomenon where wet soil loses its strength and becomes temporarily liquid, capable of swallowing people and buildings, especially after earthquakes or torrential rains. Liquefaction can cause landslides; landslides can cause more liquefaction. Once the earthquake stops, the ground becomes solid again, trapping whatever was submerged.
|-
|{{Nowrap|{{w|Gray goo|Grey Goo}}}}
|{{Nowrap|{{Hs|b !}}5%}}
|{{Nowrap|{{Hs|f !}}69%}}
|A hypothetical end-of-world scenario where self-replicating nanobots consume all matter. It is (partially) illustrated in [[865: Nanobots]].
|-
|Helvetica Scenario<br>(from the title text)
|{{Nowrap|{{Hs|z !}}N/A}}
|{{Hs|m !}}Off the chart
|This scenario is also in the title text of [[683: Science Montage]]: "...We have a Helvetica scenario!". The scenario is a fictional phenomenon made up by the BBC comedy show {{w|Look Around You}} in the pilot episode, which can be seen [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t4CRCJUmWsM&t=5m53s here (at 5:53)]. It refers to the collapse of calcium molecules caused by the loss of their central "queen atoms" (supposedly analogous to queen bees); little is mentioned of its effects on humans, although it is shown to cause the complete disappearance of a person's facial orifices. The fact that the term {{w|Helvetica}} is more commonly known as referring to a very-commonly-used modern typeface makes the name sound like it should refer to a much less serious situation.
|}

==Trivia==
*In the ''[[What If? (book)|What If?]]'' book, in the book-exclusive article "No More DNA", this graph is shown redrawn with "{{w|Destroying angel}}" added to it, with both its Approximate True Scariness and Approximate Apparent Scariness at an off-the-chart 110%. Destroying Angel is the common name for ''Amanita bisporigera'', a poisonous mushroom which causes irreversible damage at the cellular level in a way the article uses as an analogue to the scenario of a person's DNA being removed. Other items in the chart have also moved positions – most noticeably, Nuclear Football has moved right to a 120% Approximate True Scariness.

==Transcript==
:[A scatter-plot, with 12 labeled dots. Both axis are labeled but neither has an arrow at its end. The dots are scattered from left to right and top to bottom. Below all labels are given, first for the axis, and then for each dot in approximately normal reading order, left to right top to bottom, but in the order it would make sense to read them:]
:Y-axis: Scariness of name
:X-axis: Scariness of thing name refers to

:[Top left]: Chernobyl packet
:[Top halfway right]: Kessler syndrome
:[Top three quarters towards right]: Demon core
:[Top right]: Flesh-eating bacteria
:[A third down left]: Bomb calorimeter
:[Halfway down three quarters towards right]: Bird flu
:[Halfway down right]: Nuclear football
:[Dead center]: Mustard gas
:[Just below and right of center]: Superbug
:[Bottom halfway right]: Soil liquefaction
:[A third up three quarters towards right ]: Criticality incident
:[Very bottom two-thirds to the right]: Grey goo

{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:Scatter plots]]
[[Category:Rankings]]
[[Category:Nuclear weapons]]

683: Science Montage

2026-05-07T18:18:42Z

2603:6010:EF00:EE05:E8C8:178F:41D9:2457: Made explanation of the Helvetica scenario more accurate (only reliable source was Look Around You)

{{comic
| number = 683
| date = January 1, 2010
| title = Science Montage
| image = science_montage.png
| titletext = The rat's perturbed; it must sense nanobots! Code grey! We have a Helvetica scenario!
}}

==Explanation==
This comic makes fun of the artificially dramatized and simplified depiction of science in movies. The unstated premise seems to be that the scientists are trying to get information about a murderer based on a sample obtained from his clothing. The movie version of events involves the two scientists [[Cueball]] and [[Ponytail]] doing exciting things with a control console, {{w|lab rats}}, a device with some kind of beam (perhaps a laser), and a complicated chemical apparatus. The scientists quickly arrive at the firm conclusion that paint on the clothes is from an "{{w|antimatter}} factory" in {{w|Belgrade}}, {{w|Serbia}}.

While not directly used in the study, a {{w|Newton's cradle}} in motion can be seen in the first panel, a device notoriously useless in any serious scientific study, but very often used in movies, for instance as a prop in the office of a professor. There is also a {{w|hamster wheel}}. According to the [http://xkcd.com/683/info.0.json official transcript] it is a {{w|hamster ball}} but it is clearly not a ball as it has spokes, and thus resembles a hamster running wheel, probably for the rats shown in the next panel.

The actual science version shows the same scientists putting a sample into a device (likely a {{w|mass spectrometer}} or a {{w|centrifuge}}). The device apparently takes about 1 hour and 20 minutes to analyze the sample (according to the clock on the wall moving from about 10:05 to 11:25). At the end of this process, the only thing learned is that there is ''probably'' no {{w|barium}} or {{w|radium}} in the sample. This conclusion is not very helpful on its own, and is not even very certain.

There are several major concepts about science and technology that movies tend to distort for the purposes of a more exciting plot, both illustrated here. One is that the work involves a lot of different exciting-looking gadgets. Another is that the analysis can be done very quickly, and results in very certain and significant conclusions. Besides this, the scientists often seem to have access to a database full of trivial information from around the world. In reality, a scientific analysis of some sample or data often only requires a single boring-looking machine, takes quite some time, and provides a limited result that must be interpreted very carefully to have any meaning at all.

The title text further illustrates a movie science scene, depicting someone deducing the presence of {{w|nanobots}} simply by observing the behavior of a [https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/perturbed perturbed] lab rat. The Helvetica Scenario is a fictional phenomenon made up by the BBC comedy show {{w|Look Around You}} in the pilot episode (which can be seen [https://youtu.be/t4CRCJUmWsM?t=370 here]), in which the structure of a calcium molecule collapses due to the "queen atom" leaving, causing the disappearance of humans' facial orifices. "Code grey" may refer to {{w|Grey goo}}, a hypothetical doomsday scenario involving nanobots. In [[1242: Scary Names]] Grey goo is on the chart and the Helvetica scenario is mentioned in the title text.

Antimatter is also referenced in [[826: Guest Week: Zach Weiner (SMBC)]], [[1621: Fixion]] and [[1731: Wrong]] as well as being the subject of the ''[[what if? (blog)|what if?]]'' ''{{what if|114|Antimatter}}''. It was also mentioned in another ''what if?'': ''{{what if|79|Lake Tea}}''.

==Transcript==
:[Two columns of four panels are shown below two captions.]
:Left: Movie Science Montage
:Right: Actual Science Montage

:[Below the four rows of panels in the two montages will be described, Movie first then Actual as the two are synchronized in time.]

:['''Movie''': Cueball passes a test tube to Ponytail sitting at a large control console to the left looking at it's glowing screens at the bottom. At the top there is a flashing lamp. Both are wearing lab coats and goggles. A hamster ball and a Newton's cradle stand on a shelf above them.]

:['''Actual''': Cueball stand behind Ponytail, also here both are in lab coats with goggles. Ponytail place a sample from a test tube into a small device standing on a table. An analog clock on the wall above them is at five minutes past ten.]

:['''Movie''': A small glowing sample has been placed next to a rat inside a cage standing on a table. Ponytail, is holding a glowing implement up towards the cage; she has another rat in her hand and also a rat sitting on top of her head. Cueball is speaking into a telephone handset connected by a curled wire leading off-frame as if to a wall/tabletop phone.]
:Caged Rat: ''Squeak!''

:['''Actual''': Cueball is behind Ponytail standing in front of the machine which is working on the sample. The clock on the wall above them is at ten minutes past ten.]
:Machine: ''...whirrrrrr...''

:['''Movie''': Zoom in on Ponytail who pulls on two levers on a machine, which is shooting a beam of some sort downwards onto a sample, possibly the same as in the cage with the rat.]

:['''Actual''': Cueball and Ponytail still waits for their sample to be analyzed in the small device. The clock on the wall above them is at twenty five minutes past eleven. Cueball has removed his goggles and is holding them in his hand.]
:Machine: ''...whirrrr...''
:Machine: ''Bing!''

:['''Movie''': Zoom in on Cueball who is operating a complicated-looking chemical apparatus with a scope, flasks, coils, and bubbles.]
:Cueball: Paint flecks from the killer's clothing match an antimatter factory in Belgrade!
:Ponytail (off panel): Let's go!

:['''Actual''': Cueball look over Ponytail's shoulder while she examine the sample she has just taken out of the small device. He has put his goggles back on. The clock is hidden behind their spoken text. Presumably this occurs right after the ''bing''.]
:Cueball: Okay, we've determined there's neither barium nor radium in this sample.
:Ponytail: Probably.

{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:Comics featuring Ponytail]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Chemistry]]
[[Category:Science]]
[[Category:Animals]]