1809: xkcd Phone 5

2017-03-10T16:32:30Z

Alethiophile:

{{comic
| number = 1809
| date = March 10, 2017
| title = xkcd Phone 5
| image = xkcd_phone_5.png
| titletext = The phone will be collected by the toll operators and mailed back to you within 4-6 weeks.
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|Needs a lot more}}
Today's cartoon is the fifth [[:Category:xkcd Phones|xkcd Phone]] with many questionably-useful features:

===Table of features===
{| class="wikitable"
!Feature
!Explanation
|-
|'''Bluetooth speaker'''
| This is the only potentially useful feature of this phone as while a bluetooth speaker built in to the device would be no more useful for playing music from it than any other speaker it would enable other devices to play through your phone.
|-
|'''Stained-glass display'''
| Prevents seeing certain colors by tinting the display.
|-
|'''Gallium chassis remains solid up to 85°F'''
| Many high-end electronic devices have chassis made of alloys of light metals such as magnesium or titanium. Besides being lightweight and of superior quality and durability than ordinary sheet steel or cheap plastic, these are often perceived as bragging points by the users, boasting about 'rare' metal chassis.

{{w|Gallium}} is a not-so-well known metal that has a very low melting point of 85°F (or 29.7°C), being one of only four metals (the other being mercury, rubidium and caesium) that are liquid near room temperature. Its melting point is lower than a healthy person's body temperature. Having a gallium smartphone chassis would be therefore very impractical because it will melt in user's bare hand and would require using some kind of insulating gloves. Besides it would have to be stored in a cool place and the internal electronics should have really good cooling, otherwise either the external or internal heat would melt the chassis.
|-
|'''Soundproof'''
| Presumably this means that speakers and microphone may not work.
|-
|'''Can feel pain'''
| This could mean either the phone feels pain inflicted upon it or feels the user's pain. Which meaning may become apparent when the chassis melts on contact with exposed skin and the phone is left with open wounds.
|-
|'''E-Z Pass partnership'''
|{{w|E-Z Pass}} is an account you put money into and you put a transmitter in your windshield so when you go through a toll booth you don't have to stop and pay by hand. However, this proposition is absurd, because you would lose the phone and still have to stop to pay the toll. The title text says that the phone will be returned to you after 4–6 weeks, which slightly mitigates the first problem, but you would still lose the phone for a month.
|-
|'''Foldable (once)'''
|Presumably you can "fold" it by snapping it in half but you can only do his once because the phone wont work otherwise. It may refer to the fact that a later version of iPhone had a weak spot that lead it to easily folding and breaking. The "(once)" part may refer to a joke by Jeff Dunham on his Meet Melvin act, where he asks the puppet if it can stop a speeding bullet, to which the puppet says "Once".
|-
|'''Screen transfers images to skin'''
| This could either mean the image displayed on the screen or potentially whatever the stained glass image itself is.
|-
|'''Retina storage'''
| This is a play on the name of apple's prized "Retina Display". The joke may be in reference to apple's possession of a trademark for the word "retina" in regards to computer equipment, which is made to seem absurd by the unusual use. It is not made clear whose retinas are meant to be stored. Could also be a reference to retinally implanted computers.
|-
|'''Background task automatically catches and eats Pokémon'''
| Likely reference to {{w|Pokémon Go}}, an augmented reality game where the goal to go to specific locations and play a mini-game in order to catch virtual creatures called pokemon. This phone apparently does it automatically, which is considered cheating. However, it also eats them, which is something that is not part of the game and wouldn't be desirable.
|-
|'''Supercuts partnership'''
| {{w|Supercuts}} is an American hair salon chain that provides hair cuts and styling. The implication here is that the user can get a haircut by sticking their hair in the charging slot.
|-
|'''Squelch knob'''
|Squelch is a feature of two-way radios (CB, ham, etc) which quiets background noise when no signal is present. For a smartphone, perhaps this knob could control the "signal-to-noise" ratio of your Facebook feed or other social media platforms. It also takes the place of the headphone jack.
|-
|'''IBM buckling-spring Home button'''
|IBM buckling-spring keyboards are favorites of geeks for the feeling of quality and auditory feedback (keys click loudly) they provide. The iPhone's Home button provides little to no such satisfaction when pressed.
|-
|'''Cot-caught merger switch'''
| This is a reference to the [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cot%E2%80%93caught_merger cot-caught merger], a linguistic change happening among English speakers, particularly in some parts of North America and the British Isles, which causes caught (previously pronounced "kawt") to be pronounced the same as cot (pronounced "kot").
|-
|'''60x optical zoom camera'''
|A powerful optical zoom is usually a desirable feature for cameras. However, as shown in the comic, it results in very bulky lens. For that reason, such lens are rarely used in smartphones, though there are some devices like the Samsung Galaxy Camera that have a similar design.
|-
|'''Loran navigation'''
| LORAN (Long Range Navigation) was a precursor to modern GPS navigation, using land-based transmitters. Once developed for sea shipping, it is accurate to about 300 meters. The joke, of course, is that all modern smartphones have integrated GPS navigation which is far more accurate and available in more areas.
|-
|'''28-factor authentication'''
| An authentication factor is a way of proving ones identity. There are [http://www.nikacp.com/images/10.1.1.200.3888.pdf 3 generally recognized forms]: something you know, something you have, and something you are. It can be a password, a fingerprint, a physical key, etc.... Secure applications may include two or more factors, a common example is the "PIN and chip" system used with credit cards, where you need both the card and secret code to authorize a transaction. Many online services now provide two-factor authentication to protect against password-based attacks. 28-factor authentication would likely be very secure in theory but also so impractical that it would be unusable.
|-
|'''Hook shot'''
| The Legend of Zelda weapon/tool, used to bring items to Link or bring Link closer to a goal.
|-
|}

The slogan "We're trying to catch up to Apple but refuse to skip numbers" is likely a reference to Samsung releasing the Note 7 after the Note 5, with no Note 6 in between, in an attempt to catch up to Apple's numbering, which was already to the iPhone 7, and when other companies have done similarly.

==Transcript==

:[An image of a smartphone featuring large camera lens is shown. Clockwise from the top the labels read:]

:Bluetooth speaker

:Stained-glass display

:Gallium chassis remains solid up to 85°F

:Soundproof

:Can feel pain

:E-Z Pass partnership: phone can be dropped into coin basket to pay tolls

:Foldable (once)

:Screen transfers images to skin

:Retina storage

:Background task automatically catches and eats Pokemon

:Supercuts partnership: trims hair fed into charging port

:Squeltch knob

:IBM buckling-spring Home button

:Cot-caught merger switch

:60x optical zoom camera

:Loran navigation

:28-factor authentication

:Hook shot

:[Below the phone:]
:Introducing
:<big><big>The XKCD Phone 5</big></big>
:We're trying to catch up to Apple but refuse to skip numbers<sup>®</sup>™
{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:xkcd Phones]]

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1809: xkcd Phone 5