explain xkcd - User contributions [en]

1707: xkcd Phone 4

2022-05-26T17:53:17Z

Bxx07: Undo revision 277880 by Donald Trump (talk)

{{comic
| number = 1707
| date = July 15, 2016
| title = xkcd Phone 4
| image = xkcd_phone_4.png
| titletext = The SpaceX system carefully guides falling phones down to the surface, a process which the phones increasingly often survive without exploding.
}}

==Explanation==
This is the fourth entry in the ongoing [[:Category:xkcd Phones|xkcd Phone series]], and once again, the comic plays with many standard tech buzzwords to create a phone that sounds impressive but would actually be very impractical. The previous comic in the series [[1549: xkcd Phone 3]] was released just over a year before this one and the next [[1809: xkcd Phone 5]] was released almost 8 months later.

From the top-left, going clockwise:
*'''18,000 μAh (micro-Ampere hours) nickel-lithium-iron battery (non-rechargeable)''' Phone battery capacity is measured in {{w|ampere-hour}}s (which, thanks to {{w|dimensional analysis}}, is just an unusual way of denoting electric charge; one ampere-hour is 3600 Coulombs). Usually, the capacity is quoted in milliampere-hours (one-thousandth, or 10-3, of an ampere hour); however, this one is quoted in ''micro''ampere-hours (one-millionth, or 10-6, of an ampere-hour), presumably as a marketing ploy to give a more impressive-looking number. Quoted in more standard terms, this phone's battery capacity is 18 mAh. In comparison, an iPhone 6+ has a battery capacity of 2,750 mAh. This phone's battery is dreadful (under a typical current draw of 0.1A, it would power the phone for about 11 minutes). There is nothing normally called a "nickel-lithium-iron battery" — rather, this seems to be a [[739|malamanteau]] of the experimental {{w|nickel–lithium battery}} and the common {{w|lithium ion battery}} (which does not contain any iron) or the lithium-iron-phosphate battery, often called lithium-iron, but more often called the LiFePO battery. The {{w|nickel–iron battery}} may contain {{w|lithium hydroxide}}, but it's ''terrible'' for most applications. Worse, this battery is non-rechargeable, meaning that it would have to be replaced to use the phone again after it is exhausted (every 11 minutes, at that!).
**[[XKCD Phone 3]] was powered by two {{w|AA battery|AA batteries}} (not included), which have an energy capacity roughly 100 times larger.
**Many devices have a small second battery which is only used for keeping the clock time. This could be such a battery.
*'''Subwoofer''' — A {{w|subwoofer}} is a large bass speaker, which this is not.{{Citation needed}} Some phones do have high-quality speakers for playing music, but these are not placed right next to the earpiece — this would be a surefire way to deafen your users. When put next to Dog Whistle, this is probably a pun, since both relate to dogs; the English onomatopoeia for the sound a dog makes is "Woof".
*'''"Dog whistle"''' — A {{w|dog whistle}} is a high-pitched whistle that humans cannot hear, but dogs can. In speaker terminology, a bass speaker is called a {{w|woofer}} because it could reproduce the low pitch of a dog bark. A treble speaker is a {{w|tweeter}}; if this "whistle" is actually a speaker, it might be termed a ''supertweeter''. The scare quotes may be a reference to "{{w|dog-whistle politics}}", in which certain phrases have a particular meaning to a segment of the audience that passes unnoticed by the rest. This allows a candidate to surreptitiously signal agreement with that group, without alienating the rest of the audience, among whom the ideas might be unpopular if plainly stated.
**[[xkcd Phone 2]] contained a "dog noticer".
*'''Non-porous, washable''' — On the one hand, it's rare for a phone to be made of porous materials. On the other, there are legitimately waterproof phones that seal the speakers and ports with rubber.
**[[xkcd Phone 2]] was also washable (though only once).
*'''''WebMD'' partnership: cough-activated feature reads aloud a random diagnosis for "coughing"''' — {{w|WebMD}} is a website to help people diagnose themselves. For the vast majority of people, a cough just means an irritated throat or maybe a cold, but selecting randomly from all WebMD diagnoses gives some much more ominous — if very unlikely — ones, including {{w|ricin}} poisoning, {{w|plague}}, {{w|lung cancer}} and {{w|radiation poisoning}}.
*'''Wings''' — These {{w|wings}} resemble the ones found on {{w|sanitary towel}}s (usually called "pads", making this a possible iPad pun) which attach the pad to the {{w|gusset}} and keep it in place between the woman's legs during her period ({{w|Menstruation}} cycle). If actually functional as {{w|aerodynamic}} wings, they would likely come into play when the "SpaceX" impact protection feature becomes engaged, and would likely make holding the phone awkward if rigid.
**[[XKCD Phone 3]] had a similarly positioned wristband.
*'''Beveled bezel''' — The ''bezel'' is the ring around the edge of watches and screens. This one's {{w|bevel}}ed, which means it's cut at an angle.
*'''Bezeled bevel''' — Punning on the above. Doesn't make much sense, but could mean that it features a beveled edge which is surrounded by a bezel.
*'''Seedless''' — Fruit such as grapes can be "seedless", which means that they're grown from a special {{w|cultivar}} that doesn't grow seeds in the normal way. Making a phone seedless probably won't do anything, but {{w|Random seed|it might hurt}} its {{w|random number generator}} (or make it better if proper alternative to PRNG is introduced). Alternatively, this might be a dig at Apple's iPhone. There are [https://farmingbase.com/why-are-some-apples-seedless/ seedless apples].
**[[XKCD Phone 3]] was boneless.
*'''Water resistant down to 30 meters and below 50''' — {{w|Water resistance}} is often measured in terms of how deep an object can be submerged, since pressure increases with depth. In this case, the phone can be submerged to almost any depth, but there's an odd lacuna between 30 meters and 50 meters. It also plays with the confusion in describing depths greater than 50m as "below 50". Alternatively, this might indicate the phone must remain dry above 50 meters altitude, or that it is not water resistant between 30 and 50 meters, but is waterproof otherwise.
**[[xkcd Phone]] and [[XKCD Phone 3]] could drown. The latter was otherwise waterproof. [[xkcd Phone 2]] was only waterproof internally.
**In a previous comic, [[870: Advertising]], a similarly absurd range was used: "Up to 15% or more!"
**This could be mocking the "donut hole" in American Medicare drugs insurance, where people are insured up to a certain amount, then not insured, then insured again. This doesn't appear to make sense to anyone.
*'''Turing-complete''' — A computer is {{w|Turing completeness|Turing complete}} if it can perform all the operations needed to simulate a {{w|Turing machine}}. All modern computers are usually described as Turing complete, which would make this not very impressive, but no computer can ever be Turing complete in the truest sense (since they can only ever have a finite amount of memory) — if the xkcd Phone 4 is truly a universal computer, it's ''very'' impressive indeed.
*'''Gregorian/Julian calendar date switch''' — The {{w|Julian calendar}} is the predecessor to the modern {{w|Gregorian calendar}} — the difference is that the two calendars calculate leap years differently. The current difference between the calendars is 13 days, which will remain unchanged until February 2100. The Julian calendar is still used occasionally — mainly by Eastern Orthodox Christians — but it's not something so vital that it needs a hardwired switch on the front of the phone. This may be a play on the ability to switch the time display between a 12-hour clock and a 24-hour clock. It could also be plying with the ability to switch between Daylight Savings Time and Standard, or change time zones.
*'''''SpaceX'' impact protection: when dropped, phone lands on barge''' — The rocket company {{w|SpaceX}}, at the time that this comic was released, had recently trialed a {{w|SpaceX reusable launch system development program|reusable rocket stage}} which, after separating from the launch vehicle, lands on a {{w|Autonomous spaceport drone ship|drone barge}} to be reused. Making a phone land on the nearest barge when dropped would make it very difficult to recover, although the 11-minute battery time there might be a chance to get it even if you can't catch it.
**The title text pokes fun at the number of SpaceX rockets that [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V3wZRdg-Tmo crashed and exploded] before they got the landing gear right.
*'''Parallel port''' — A {{w|parallel port}} is a type of interface which transfers high-volume simultaneous data. It was often used to connect printers and other devices to computers, but was generally considered obsolete by the time smartphones began to appear on the market, and would be very bulky and slow compared to the USB ports generally used in phones. It was commonly found together with {{w|serial port}}s, which are used for low-volume sequential data such as [[485: Depth|mouse]] [[1110: Click and Drag|movements]]. Here it is paired with a serial interface for analog data with parallel outputs for several people.
*'''12 headphone jacks''' — Headphone jacks are circular ports in a phone that allow audio to be played through headphones connected to the jack. There were [http://www.businessinsider.com.au/apple-headphone-jack-iphone-side-effects-2016-7#/#smaller-headphone-makers-would-be-at-a-disadvantage-4 constant rumours] that Apple's next iPhone would not have any headphone jacks (which eventually proved true for the iPhone 7 announcement two months after this comic). Also, [http://www.google.com Google] was developing a module for the now-cancelled [https://atap.google.com/ara/ Project Ara], a modular smartphone. This module allows the device to have [http://www.overclock3d.net/news/audio/sennheiser_shows_audio_module_concepts_for_project_ara/1 Four headphone jacks], which would allow audio to be shared among 4 people, each occupying one port. The xkcd phone takes this too far when they install a whopping TWELVE of them, which is completely overkill because almost nobody needs to connect to 12 headphones at once. 12 headphones will also drain the battery, like the wireless discharging in the [[XKCD Phone 3]], because playing audio through 24 speakers, two for each pair of headphones, is very power-consuming.
*'''Onboard cloud''' — The "cloud" is a catch-all term for the use of remote computers to store data, providing a backup if all local copies are lost and allowing the data to be accessed from a broad network. An "onboard cloud" would thus be a contradiction in terms, and appears to be a marketing ploy to use the "cloud" buzzword to describe the device's onboard storage capacity.
*'''New BrightGloTM display incorporates genetically spliced jellyfish protein (should have used the glowing genes, not the stinging ones)''' — {{w|Aequorea victoria}} is a species of jellyfish that contains {{w|green fluorescent protein}}, a gene that is bioluminescent and gives off light. This protein was supposed to be used to light the phone's screen. Unfortunately, the developers messed up, and accidentally took the [http://bmcgenomics.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12864-015-1568-3 stinging kind], which means that touching the phone screen will be as painful as a jellyfish sting i.e. very painful.
*'''✓ Certified''' — Twitter certifies accounts related to music producers, government, journalism, business, sports, and other more "official" types of accounts with a blue checkmark besides the twitter handle (besides the @whomever). It's of course nonsense for a phone to be twitter verified. Alternatively, it might be a reference to [[1096: Clinically Studied Ingredient]], in which buzzwords such as "tested" and "certified" are intended to make a given product sound more legitimate.
*'''Software-defined''' — {{w|Software-defined radio}}s are quite popular in some areas, meaning the radio hardware is quite universal and can be adapted to different radio protocols just by changing software. SDR would actually be quite a nice feature for a cellphone. Of course it doesn't specify if it's the radio that is software defined.
*'''Exposed ductwork''' — A phone shouldn't even have ductwork, unless it has a very sophisticated cooling system, but this could supply air to the dog whistle. Exposed ductwork is a trademark of {{w|Bowellism|Bowellist}} architecture such as the {{w|Lloyd's Building}} in London and the {{w|Pompidou Centre}} in Paris. Exposed ductwork is also considered a crucial flaw in a death star. May also refer to a transparent window in the side of the phone allowing the user to see the circuitry inside, similar to computer cases with transparent side panels popular among DIY computing enthusiasts.
*'''Voice interaction: {{w|Siri (software)|Siri}}, {{w|Cortana (software)|Cortana}}, {{w|Google Now}} and {{w|Amazon Echo|Alexa}} respond simultaneously''' — These are all {{w|intelligent personal assistant software}} (from Apple, Microsoft, Google and Amazon respectively) and all do the same thing: control your phone and answer questions using speech recognition. Having all four talk at once would mean you'd have a total cacophony while gaining nothing.
**[[XKCD Phone 3]] might have included Siri.

*'''Did you know "4" is "IV" in Roman numerals?®©™''' — the tenth version of Apple's {{w|operating system}} for its {{w|Macintosh computer}} was labeled {{w|OS X}}, which was intended to be read as "oh ess ten". {{w|Steve Jobs}} was irritated that everyone else preferred "oh ess ecks". This phrase is labeled with trademark and copyright symbols, as if someone desires it to be the product's {{w|tagline}} but has poor understanding of relevant laws. In particular, "<big>{{w|™}}</big>" is a symbol for {{w|unregistered trademark}}s while "<big>{{w|®}}</big>" is a symbol for {{w|registered trademark}}s. If the phrase were an unregistered trademark, the owner would be prohibited from using "<big>{{w|®}}</big>".

==Transcript==
:[An image of a smartphone featuring wings is shown. Clockwise from the top left the labels read:]
:18,000 μAh nickel-lithium-iron battery (non-rechargeable)
:Subwoofer
:"Dog whistle"
:Non-porous, washable
:''WebMD'' partnership: Cough-activated feature reads aloud a random diagnosis for "coughing"
:Wings
:Beveled bezel
:Bezeled bevel
:Seedless
:Water resistant down to 30 meters and below 50
:Turing-complete
:Gregorian/Julian calendar switch
:''SpaceX'' impact protection: When dropped, phone lands on barge
:Parallel port
:12 headphone jacks
:Onboard cloud
:New BrightGloTM display incorporates genetically spliced jellyfish protein (should have used the glowing genes, not the stinging ones)
:✓ Certified
:Software-defined
:Exposed ductwork
:Voice interaction: Siri, Cortana, Google Now and Alexa respond simultaneously

:[Below the phone:]
:Introducing
:<big><big>The xkcd Phone 4</big></big>
:Did you know "4" is "IV" in Roman numerals?®©™

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:xkcd Phones]]
[[Category:Comics sharing name|xkcd Phones]]
[[Category:Animals]] 
[[Category:Virtual Assistants]]
[[Category: Calendar]]

1549: xkcd Phone 3

2022-05-26T17:52:07Z

Bxx07: Undo revision 277359 by Donald Trump (talk)

{{comic
| number = 1549
| date = July 10, 2015
| title = xkcd Phone 3
| image = xkcd_phone_3.png
| titletext = If you're not completely satisfied with the phone after 30 days, we will return you to your home at no cost.
}}

==Explanation==
This is the third entry in the ongoing [[:Category:xkcd Phones|xkcd Phone series]] which parodies common smartphone specs by attributing absurd or useless features to a fictional phone that sounds impressive but would actually be very impractical. The previous comic in the series [[1465: xkcd Phone 2]] was released over half a year before this one and the next [[1707: xkcd Phone 4]] was released almost a year later.

;2 AA batteries (not included)

:A phrase usually shown on small, low-powered, electronic devices like remote controllers, and not on cellphones; which use lithium-ion batteries and need to be periodically recharged for continuous use.

:The apparently thin phone (according to the scale as judged by the wristband) would also preclude inserting AA batteries, unless a protruding battery compartment is hidden out of view on the back of the phone.

:Alternatively could mean two Anti-Aircraft (artillery) "batteries" which would be groups of light or medium artillery pieces or missiles (2 to 9 weapons per battery, depending on country, weapon system and organization). In any case, they would badly hamper the portability of the phone.[[[285: Wikipedian Protester|''citation needed'']]]

;Boneless

:Reference to meat or fish products being boneless, i.e. having all the bones removed, making it convenient to cook or eat. Phones do not typically have bones{{Citation needed}}, so this is wholly unremarkable. A possible reference to the iPhone 6's reported problems with its chassis, where it {{w|IPhone 6#Bendgate (chassis bending)|could bend under pressure}}.

:Likely a reference to "Bone Conduction Microphones" implying that needing bones to work is a disadvantage and this phone has the feature of being "Boneless".

:[[xkcd Phone 4]] was instead "seedless".

;Ear screen

:An overcomplicated term for a speaker, connecting a screen which emits light to send visual information and the portion of a speaker which vibrates to send auditory information. Comparing the two makes a speaker a screen for the ear.

:Could also be implying that there's a screen protecting the user's ear from the phone's internals, or the reverse.

;Heartbeat accelerator

:A mashup of heartbeat sensor and accelerometer. May be some sort of external pacemaker. If that's the case, it's worrying that it only accelerates, potentially causing a positive feedback (heart attack). It may also be the result of the phone being so exciting or frustrating that it increases its user's heart rate.

;MobilePay money clip

:While mobile pay is a form of payment involving electronic transfers via cellphone, this model includes a money clip; a way of holding physical bills together, which defeats the purpose of electronic payment. Because you can take cash wherever, this is a "MobilePay" using physical money.

;Siri, or whoever it was we put in here

:A joke on intelligent personal assistants. It also hints that Siri and the like are actual people, trapped inside of phones, which is not the case{{Citation needed}}.

;Instead of being on surface only, screen goes all the way through

:A reference to surface screens. Possible reference to smartphones with screen display wrapping one or more edges, like Samsung Galaxy Note Edge or Samsung Galaxy S6 Edge, or dual-screen smartphones with screen on the back (usually e-ink) like YotaPhone 2, or smartphones with minimal bezel like e.g. Sharp AQUOS Crystal.

:Screen going ''all the way through'' would leave no place for innards of smartphone: processor, battery etc., and unless each layer is designed to be semi-transparent to see the inner {{w|voxel}}s the inner displays would be unseeable anyway.

;theknot.com partnership - phone licensed to perform wedding ceremonies and does so at random

:[https://www.theknot.com/ theknot.com] is a website that assists in all stages of wedding planning. Due to this partnering, the phone has apparently obtained legal status as a {{w|Justice of the peace}} capable of performing legally valid marriages. It exerts this capability randomly, however, so the phone's owner (or potentially any other unsuspecting bystander) could suddenly find themselves with a new spouse without their knowledge, generally an undesired effect{{Citation needed}}. Whether this would result in unintentional {{w|bigamy}} or if the phone restricts itself to pairing up singles, or even enacts divorce first if necessary, is left unclear. May be a reference to how same-sex marriage was fully [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obergefell_v._Hodges legalized] in the United States just two weeks prior to the release of this comic.

;Fingerprint randomizer

:Presumably randomises the user's fingerprint, which may or may not be inconvenient depending on the intent of the user. It is not clear whether the device will change the person's fingerprint into a human-like fingerprint that is randomly selected from all possibilities, or if it completely mangles the fingerprint of the user. Either way, physically altering the user's finger to this degree will likely involve a painful process. Likely a cynical reference to fingerprint scanners, which are touted as password replacements.

;USB E (hotswappable)

:A USB port that makes fun of the three current systems, A, B, and recently C, by skipping D completely and jumping to E. The port presumably charges the phone and allows to transfer files like normal, but this kind lets you perform {{w|Hot swapping}} (replacing computer system components without turning the system off) with it, which has always been a feature of USB, so mentioning it is redundant at best.

:May be a reference to the eSATAp (Power over eSATA) hybrid port that is functioning as a USB and eSATA port at the same time. The Serial ATA bus interface has standardized hot swapping support.

;Waterproof, but can drown

:Perhaps a reference to Siri or the person trapped in the phone drowning, but the phone itself staying functional. This is another human-like function, which the first 2 XKCD Phone comics had.

;Foretold by prophecy

:Likely mocking people on the internet who attempt to predict when Apple will release their next device. Might also be a joke on many videogames or fantasy novels, in which the main character is 'the chosen one', because 'the prophecy' foretold it.

;Runs Natively

:Usually a description given to ported software, as this statement doesn't make any sense when referring to hardware (notable {{w|Transmeta Crusoe|exceptions}} to the norm are few and far between). When software writers would like to run their apps on multiple platforms, they usually have three choices: re-compile the source code into each platform's codebase (often requiring tweaking to handle practical differences in resources between the systems); use a specially 'pre-portable' code that you can {{w|write once, run anywhere}}, such as Java, but requires a suitable interpreter to be written for each platform (and may still require code tweaks to absorb differences in implementations); create a specific emulator/virtual machine to allow existing code to 'see' the platform it was written for, despite the underlying system.

:Only the first option is 'running natively', often the most optimised and thus best-performing option, and is usually qualified such as "Runs <Software Name> natively", for particular packages full compiled upon that platform. It would also make little sense for the OS ''itself'' to be non-native, except when intentionally emulating another system (ideally on a more powerful system that can power past the inefficiencies of conversion and translation).

:Or, in this case, it may be that the phone has legs and can literally run.

;Wristband

:Probably mocking trending smart watches, this feature would not be very useful on a full-sized smart phone, as it would be uncomfortable to wear due to its size. Also possibly a follow-up to xkcd Phone 2 being described as a 'phone for your other hand', as the wristband would make it possible to have all three phones accessible at once.

;Wireless discharging

:Some modern smartphones use a system called "wireless charging," in which power is delivered to the phone without a wire. This phone, however, uses wireless technology to discharge the phone, which would be useless given that the phone needs power and removing power from its battery doesn't seem to help... May also refer to the standard behavior of the phone's antenna, which communicates wirelessly via EM radio waves, but discharges the battery in doing so. It could also be simply and literally describing the nature of all cell phones, and indeed all battery-powered electronic devices, to gradually use the battery (discharging) when there are no wires attached (wireless), since wireless also means no power cord is plugged in (and assuming the absence or non-use of the aforementioned wireless charging function, which this phone may not even have). Depending on the avenue of discharge, this may also be related to the heartbeat accelerator, accelerating the user's heartbeat by shocking them. Notably, a few recent flagship phones now have a built in Qi wireless charging pad, so other devices can charge from its battery; this is usually marketed as power-sharing but could also be called wireless discharging.

;Magnetic stripe

:Likely a dig at the NFC (near-field communication) wireless radio modules in many modern phones. NFC allows, among others functions, mobile payment. This magnetic stripe could be a cheap way to imitate payment functionality, but "compatible" with classic credit cards.

:Magnetic stripes are a data storage method used by devices such as credit cards and key cards to hold and transfer small amounts of information like key codes. Usually cellphones don't have them as they utilize more robust and protected ways to store and transmit data (such as NFC). The magnetic stripe shown would likely be unusable with current magnetic stripe readers due to the phone's thickness, in contrast to that of regular cards, thus breaking all imagined 'compatibility' arguments.

:It would also be very annoying as it seems to block part of the screen, albeit a small portion.

:However, some modern phones actually have {{w|Magnetic secure transmission}} which allows them to interface wirelessly with magstrip readers by simulating the magnetic field from a passing magnetic stripe.

The phrase "We made another one®©™" is a reference to how phone companies release new phones very often, and the trademarks that surround the phone itself.

The title text is a joke on guarantees and customer service. Usually the advertisement says that if the customer is not satisfied with the product, they'll refund the money and take the product back at no additional cost. In this case they guarantee the customer they'll send him/her home without charge; implying they won't fix or refund anything. Or that due to anticipated but unspecified faults of some kind, the phone's owner will ''need'' help to get back home when things go wrong, and probably be thankful for such assistance, in yet another example of a worryingly non-specific 'reassurance'.
In addition, it says it would do so only AFTER thirty days, as opposed to the usual thirty-day return guarantee, which means you may be stuck with your phone for a month until you can be taken home yourself.

==Transcript==
:[An image of a smartphone lying down, with many labels pointing to it. There is a black stripe across the top left corner of the phone. At the top right something is protruding from the side, like a volume control. There is a wrist band (only partly shown) attached to the middle of each side of the phone. Above the screen are several small features, below only a central square and on the bottom a socket. Clockwise from the top left the labels read:]
:2 AA batteries
:(not included)
:Boneless
:Ear screen
:Heartbeat accelerator
:MobilePay money clip
:Siri, or whoever it was we put in here
:Instead of being on surface only, screen goes all the way through
:theknot.com partnership: Phone licensed to perform wedding ceremonies and does so at random
:Fingerprint randomizer
:USB E
:(hotswappable)
:Waterproof, but can drown
:Foretold by prophecy
:Runs natively
:Wristband
:Wireless discharging
:Magnetic stripe

:[Below the phone:]
:Introducing
:<big><big>The xkcd Phone 3</big></big>
:We made another one®©™

{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:xkcd Phones]]
[[Category:Comics sharing name|xkcd Phones]]
[[Category:Virtual Assistants]]

1363: xkcd Phone

2022-05-26T17:49:39Z

Bxx07: Undo revision 277168 by Donald Trump (talk)

{{comic
| number = 1363
| date = May 2, 2014
| title = xkcd Phone
| image = xkcd_phone.png
| titletext = Presented in partnership with Qualcomm, Craigslist, Whirlpool, Hostess, LifeStyles, and the US Chamber of Commerce. Manufactured on equipment which also processes peanuts. Price includes 2-year Knicks contract. Phone may extinguish nearby birthday candles. If phone ships with Siri, return immediately; do not speak to her and ignore any instructions she gives. Do not remove lead casing. Phone may attract/trap insects; this is normal. Volume adjustable (requires root). If you experience sudden tingling, nausea, or vomiting, perform a factory reset immediately. Do not submerge in water; phone will drown. Exterior may be frictionless. Prolonged use can cause mood swings, short-term memory loss, and seizures. Avert eyes while replacing battery. Under certain circumstances, wireless transmitter may control God.
}}

==Explanation==
This comic is a parody of a multitude of mobile-technology related issues that, when brought together, create a general satire of smartphone advertising. It was the first entry in the ongoing [[:Category:xkcd Phones|xkcd Phone series]] with the next [[1465: xkcd Phone 2]] released about nine months later.

The advertised features here either make previously useful capabilities useless or add features nobody wants. Except for "your mobile world (going) digital", which is old news.

The first generation of cell phones (introduced in the early 1980s) used analog radio signals to send voice traffic - and this was the standard used by the first ever smartphone, the IBM Simon. But the second generation (2G) standards, introduced from 1991 onwards, were digital, and analog services had been phased out by 2010 in most countries, long before this comic was published in 2014.

To market something as "going digital" implies that the corporation has found a way to integrate computers and/or the internet into a market that previously existed without them; the market for mobile phones has ''always'' involved computers,{{Citation needed}} making the xkcd phone's marketing feel dated and clueless.

=== Explanations of features ===
From the top, going clockwise:
*'''Custom blend OS:''' iOS and Android are offered by different conglomerates and run on different kernels ({{w|Darwin (operating system)|Darwin}} and {{w|Linux kernel|Linux}}, respectively). A "custom blend" would probably be a nightmare to work with.
*'''Simulates alternative speed of light:''' This renders the clock useless as a means of telling time. The {{w|speed of light}} is 299,792,458 meters per second; relativistic effects, such as {{w|time dilation}}, are only noticeable at significant fractions of the speed of light. Since the phone is simulating a much slower speed of light, driving at even highway speeds will cause a significant amount of time dilation. For example, driving at 90 mph (90% of the default simulated speed of light) will give a time dilation factor of about 2.29, causing the clock to advance only 26 minutes for each hour; driving at exactly 100 mph makes the dilation factor infinite and will stop the clock entirely. Driving beyond 100 mph would make the clock start advancing through imaginary/complex time rather than real time, somehow, or maybe the phone will refuse to travel faster than 100 mph.
*'''Wireless:''' as in cordless phone. This is the bare minimum a phone has to have in order to be a mobile phone, so advertising it as a feature feels dated by decades. The alternative explanation, as in the phone has no wires at all, even inside, would render the phone either useless or extremely advanced technologically.
*'''Accelerometer screams in free fall:''' A humorous function. Rather than having some sort of feature to prevent breakage or cracking when a drop is detected, the phone just makes you more aware of its potential imminent doom.
*'''When exposed to light, phone says "Hi!":''' Bait and switch, and also a build from the previous joke. The implied feature is that the screen or camera will automatically adjust, but instead the phone is weirdly anthropomorphized. This may also be an annoying feature as many people's phones are exposed to light quite frequently.{{citation needed}}
*'''FlightAware partnership:''' This is a reference to the [http://www.flightaware.com/ FlightAware] flight tracking service. This FlightAware partnership results in the phone playing airplane engine noise whenever a flight passes over the phone's current location, an annoying and arbitrary feature. It may also be superfluous, as such noise may be heard from the plane itself, depending on altitude.
**This app was referenced in [[1660: Captain Speaking]].
*'''Realistic case:''' possibly a joke on various audiovisual devices like gaming consoles that advertise realistic sound, graphics, etc. Of course, applying "realistic" to an actual physical case is ridiculous. Either the case is actually real, or it doesn't actually function as a case. Possible reference to [[331: Photoshops]], where [[Cueball]] finds a physical object to not look realistic. Could also be a reference to "case" as in "best case" or "worst case", which would make this the realistic case. This would also be ridiculous.
*'''Clear screen:''' This is a pointless descriptor from the perspective of the consumer. Of course the screen is clear.{{Citation needed}} This joke works in tandem with the previous joke, as a play on "clear case, realistic screen," which are both hypothetically viable selling points. It could also mean that the screen is clear all the way through, allowing you to see the electronics inside.
*'''Side Facing Camera:''' There was a recent controversy surrounding an [https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/spy-cam-peek-i Indiegogo for a surreptitious, side-mounted camera device] for smartphones due to the advertisement of the device as a good way to take creep shots, which are illegal in many places. Widespread dissemination of these devices as a built-in feature would likely result in a sharp increase in delinquency of this nature. May also be an ''ad absurdum'' extension of devices with both forward and backward facing cameras.

==== Title text ====
The ominous warnings and disclaimers in the title text are probably a reference to the ''Saturday Night Live'' parody ad for {{w|Happy Fun Ball}} ([https://youtu.be/GmqeZl8OI2M watch on YouTube]).

*'''Presented in partnership with Qualcomm, Craigslist, Whirlpool, Hostess, LifeStyles, and the US Chamber of Commerce.''' {{w|Qualcomm}} is a semiconductor company that designs and produces chips for mobile phones. {{w|Whirlpool Corporation}} is a large American multinational manufacturer and marketer of home appliances, while {{w|Whirlpool (website)|Whirlpool}} is a prominent Australian tech forum website, originally created for discussion of Australian broadband providers but now extending to cover general tech topics, including mobile phones. The other companies and lobbying organizations mentioned here have no association with mobile phones , though there is a long history of unrelated companies attempting to leverage their respective brands to help promote each other. The {{w|US Chamber of Commerce}} is a lobbyist group known for sponsoring political campaign ads, so their partnership with a phone manufacturer would imply some sort of political motive to its design.
*'''Manufactured on equipment which also processes peanuts.''' A warning often seen on candy and other foods for people with a peanut allergy. It is highly unlikely that equipment used to produce mobile phones would also process food.{{Citation needed}}
*'''Price includes 2-year Knicks contract.''' Mobile phones are often sold by phone companies in combination with a cell phone contract. The {{w|New York Knicks|Knicks}}, a team with a history of questionable personnel decisions, might in fact be willing to offer 2-year contracts (worth at least $1,100,000) to cellular phone purchasers regardless of their skill at basketball, though the vast majority of customers wouldn't be interested.
*'''Phone may extinguish nearby birthday candles.''' A rather oddly specific capability, which might also be annoying for anyone attempting to host a birthday party. As to how it would do this, a very powerful directional speaker would be able to blow out a nearby candle, but the speakers in mobile phones aren't going to be that big. It is also difficult to work out how the phone would detect and identify birthday candles. Perhaps when the phone senses light from candles, it says "hi" (see above) so loudly that they blow out.
*'''If phone ships with Siri, return immediately; do not speak to her and ignore any instructions she gives.''' {{w|Siri}} is a virtual personal assistant application for Apple devices. Not speaking to it and not following its instructions would defeat its purpose. It may suggest that a malevolent "Siri AI" has sneaked itself onto some devices, at the manufacturing stage, for some diabolical purpose. This may be a reference to the Companion Cube in the game {{w|Portal (video game)|Portal}}, in which the player is instructed by GLaDOS to disregard its advice if the cube appears to be animate, or it may be a reference to the [[1450: AI-Box Experiment|AI-Box Experiment]], in which allowing the AI to engage you in conversation will almost certainly result in it successfully convincing you to let it out of the box (here, probably connecting the phone to a data network).
*'''Do not remove lead casing.''' A mobile phone encased in lead would not function because it could not transmit or receive data. Devices that emit high levels of ionizing radiation are often encased in lead, but a phone that would emit that level of radiation would be unhealthy to carry around. If encased in sufficient lead to mitigate the danger, it would be uncomfortably heavy. This might be reference to [[925: Cell Phones]] where Randall makes fun of the {{w|WHO}} claiming that cell phones might cause cancer despite huge studies showing the opposite. This could also mean the device is an actual bananaphone as regular phones emit no ionizing radiation ([http://xkcd.com/radiation xkcd Radiation Dose Chart]). Regrettably, the lead casing would render the phone inedible, although this somewhat mitigates the issues with having been manufactured on equipment that also processes peanuts.
*'''Phone may attract/trap insects; this is normal.''' Some plants, like the {{w|Venus flytrap}}, attract and trap insects, but mobile phones are not known to exhibit this behavior.{{Citation needed}} This could possibly be a play on software ''bugs'' being introduced to the phone more easily than usual, depending on the specifics of its operating system (made much more likely by its apparent custom-made blended OS (see above)). Also may be a reference to {{w|Rasberry crazy ants}} which are attracted to electronics.
*'''Volume adjustable (requires root).''' {{w|Android rooting|Rooting}} is the method to gain privileged access on Android phones, allowing one to access features that normal users would not and should not normally modify. Adjusting the volume should be available to any user and should not be restricted to root access only.{{Citation needed}}
*'''If you experience sudden tingling, nausea, or vomiting, perform a factory reset immediately.''' These symptoms are usually associated with chemical or {{w|radiation poisoning}}. It is unclear why these would be cured by a {{w|factory reset}}, though software apps could plausibly be used to display nauseating visual effects. Radiation poisoning as a possible cause may also relate to the lead casing mentioned above. It is unclear how a (software-only) factory reset would repair a damaged lead casing. This may also be a reference to the series of similar disclaimers at the end of many medical advertisements.
*'''Do not submerge in water; phone will drown.''' Most phones are not waterproof and will probably short-circuit when submerged. The specific term of drowning would however imply that the phone breathes air (which actually would be possible if it had a {{w|Lithium–air battery}}).
*'''Exterior may be frictionless.''' The front of a smartphone is usually made of glass and should have a surface with very low friction. The back of a phone is usually made from a material that has higher friction to make it pleasant to hold and to make sure it doesn't slide off objects it is placed on. A [[669: Experiment|completely frictionless surface]] would make it almost impossible to hold and would make it very susceptible to drops (at which point the phone will scream).
*'''Prolonged use can cause mood swings, short-term memory loss, and seizures.''' These are all side effects that are associated with certain kinds of medication or radiation treatment of the brain and would not be acceptable for mobile phones. This may be the explanation for the memory loss in [[1660: Captain Speaking]].
*'''Avert eyes while replacing battery.''' Actions that would warrant averting your eyes are usually associated with high-intensity light capable of causing eye damage. Depending on the specific energy source, this may be accompanied by high levels of other types of radiation (e.g. making an {{w|X-ray}} photo). This may hint that the phone might be powered by a {{w|radionuclide}} battery which would explain the lead casing and the possible radiation side effects. A phone that emits X-ray radiation would not be healthy to be around. Alternately, this may be a reference to the {{w|Ark Of The Covenant}}, implying that gazing upon the battery or the compartment wall behind it is forbidden on pain of severe punishment. Or merely that with its back removed the phone would be naked, and the user should avert their eyes to preserve the phone's modesty.
*'''Under certain circumstances, wireless transmitter may control God.''' In {{w|monotheistic religions}}, God is the omnipotent creator of the universe; the very notion that He could be controlled is both heretical and, under some definitions of omnipotence, impossible (under others, omnipotence includes the ability to be or not to be controlled).

==Transcript==
:[An image of a smartphone standing up with a small dot on the side and a single button at the bottom. Many labels are pointing to different parts of it. Clockwise from the top left they read:]
:Runs custom blend of Android and iOS
:Simulates alternative speed of light (default: 100 miles per hour) and adjusts clock as phone accelerates
:Wireless
:Accelerometer detects when phone is in free fall and makes it scream
:When exposed to light, phone says "Hi!"
:FlightAware partnership: Makes airplane noise when flights pass overhead
:Realistic case
:Clear screen
:Side-facing camera

:''Introducing''
:<big><big>'''The xkcd Phone'''</big></big>
:Your mobile world just went digital®

{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:xkcd Phones]]
[[Category:Comics sharing name|xkcd Phones]]
[[Category:Religion]] 
[[Category:Virtual Assistants]]