explain xkcd - User contributions [en]

478: The Staple Madness

2020-10-26T20:41:03Z

Char Latte:

{{comic
| number = 478
| date = September 19, 2008
| title = The Staple Madness
| image = the_staple_madness.png
| titletext = Staple guns: because duct tape can't make that 'kaCHUNK' noise.
}}

==Explanation==
Optimistic [[Beret Guy]] can never take life seriously. He loves to play with everything, and nothing is more exciting than {{w|Staple gun|a tool}} that sticks things together with an impressive ''kaCHUNK'' sound when he pulls the trigger, even on things that (definitely) shouldn't be stapled.{{Citation needed}}

Installing {{w|Debian}} is a pun on the installation of software, and the installation of real life things by attaching them to things.

This comic may reference an engineering truism describing a similar scenario: "When all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail". The truism's actual meaning refers to the scenario where when a novice has only learned to use one tool (such as one programming language), they may attempt to solve all problems using only that tool, which may end badly. This saying is referred to explicitly in [[801: Golden Hammer]].

From just reading the comic by itself, one may presume that in the last panel, [[Cueball]] has been stapled to the ceiling (as obvious evidence to [[Megan]] that Beret Guy has indeed been abusing her staple gun). According to the comic's [http://xkcd.com/478/info.0.json official transcript], however, it is in fact God who is speaking. Due to Beret Guy's strange powers, it is rather likely that God has been stapled as well- perhaps to the ceiling.

{{w|Duct tape}}, thanks to its combination of tensile and adhesive strength, is commonly regarded as the ultimate do-it-yourself repair tool. Like a staple gun, it can also be used to stick things together. Although it does make a nice sound when pulling a strip out quickly, it does not make a loud ''kaCHUNK'' sound upon fixing two objects together.

In [[291: Dignified]] Beret Guy hangs upside down, and says (in the title text) that he has stapled his hat to his head to make it stay on. That may very well have been the inspiration for this comic.

This was the fourth time the [[Megan#Name|name Megan]] was used in xkcd, the first time being in [[159: Boombox]].

==Transcript==
:[Beret Guy and Cueball standing.]
:Beret Guy: [holding up a staple gun] I found Megan's staple gun!
:Cueball: [facepalming] Oh no.

:[Beret Guy kneeling over a laptop on the floor.]
:Cueball: [from outside panel] Oh God, what are you--
:Beret Guy: [stapling a DVD to the laptop] Installing Debian! ''kaCHUNK''

:[Beret Guy standing over a table.]
:Beret Guy: [staples a sandwich together] Sandwiches! ''kaCHUNK kaCHUNK''

:[Beret Guy running with the staple gun.]
:Beret Guy: Must affix everything to everything!

:''kaCHUNK kaCHUNK kaCHUNK kaCHUNK kaCHUNK kaCHUNK''

:[Megan enters, holding a tote bag.]
:Megan: ...Have you been abusing my staple gun?
:Beret Guy: No.

:God: [as voice from above] YES!

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Megan]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Beret Guy]]
[[Category:Religion]]

Beret Guy

2020-10-26T16:45:29Z

Char Latte: Added Beret Guy's shop, although I'm not familiar with this wiki thing so someone should probably double-check it for me. Thanks!

{{Infobox character
| image = Beret_Guy.png
| imagesize = 40px
| caption = Beret guy, as seen in [[1117: My Sky]]
| first_appearance = [[167: Nihilism]]
}}
'''Beret Guy''' is a [[stick figure]] character in [[xkcd]]. He is distinguished by his white beret. Like [[Black Hat]], he is one of the few xkcd characters who tends to represent the same character in each appearance.

==Characteristics==
Beret Guy is a naïve optimist, though rarely a victim in the strip. He is a funny and borderline-cute character, usually appearing as the basis of a strip's joke. He enjoys philosophizing, often taking the role of the {{w|existentialist}}. He has a very surreal side to him, often thinking about or being involved in bizarre situations. He also is shown to take things literally too far, making things surreal.

He has been fascinated with bakeries as in [[434: xkcd Goes to the Airport]] and [[442: xkcd Loves the Discovery Channel]], in particular with {{w|scone}}s (see [[452: Mission]] as well as the title text of [[677: Asshole]] and [[1030: Keyed]].)

Beret Guy had a steady job as a bartender in three comics [[328: Eggs]], [[474: Turn-On]], and [[712: Single Ladies]]. However, in later comics, he quit his job to become a "business professional", according to [[1032: Networking]]. There are many comics where he has unusual, impossible, or completely unnecessary jobs, like in [[1117: My Sky]]. (See all comics about [[:Category:Beret Guy's Business|Beret Guy's Business]].) He makes a load of money from his work, but has no apparent job other than "a business grown-up who makes business profits". He appears again, with his own "real building he found" in [[1293: Job Interview]]. In [[1493: Meeting]], his business returns again, this time with a name http://CompanyName.website/ yet no explanation of how it makes money from Sales, run by [[Ponytail]] ("Money keeps appearing, but we have no idea how or why"). At the time, somehow, it is still massively successful. As of [[1533: Antique Factory]] it seems Beret Guy has reorganized his business and branched out from his technology area of expertise, and operates what he refers to as an antique factory. In reality, the "factory" is simply a room with furniture in it where Beret Guy waits for the items to age.

Beret Guy also seems to be able to, consciously or unconsciously, warp the fabric of reality - see a list of [[:Category:Strange powers of Beret Guy|his strange powers]]. In [[1099: Tuesdays]], he grows "endless wings" and in the aforementioned [[1293: Job Interview]], he seems to be pouring soup from an electrical socket, as well as in [[1486: Vacuum]], where he misinterprets quantum physics and manages to get unlimited power from a vacuum cleaner. In [[1490: Atoms]], he appears to have a supernatural ability to see individual atoms (or at least the atomic make-up of items) and his mother seems to have an unexplained amount of plutonium in her body. In [[1608: Hoverboard]] he is shown riding a torpedo launched from a {{w|Star Destroyer}} towards the rebel ship below. He shouts 'Horsey' and seems unaware of the destruction these torpedoes are causing. However, Beret Guy seems to have no doubt that these events are perfectly normal; in fact, he just seems to accept them as they are without question.

He also appears to shop at a "mysterious shop", which seems to be cursed. This shop is mentioned in [[1772: Startup Opportunity]], [[2332: Cursed Chair]], and [[2376: Curbside]].

In the What if? [https://what-if.xkcd.com/6/ Glass Half Empty], he seems to be quite oblivious to pain, especially about foreign objects sticking into his head. This may explain why we never see him without his beret as it may have been stapled to his head - see title text of [[291: Dignified]]. The latter comic also suggests that he might have been born by Caesarean section. In the What if? [http://what-if.xkcd.com/147/ Niagara Straw], he appears in the final comic, going down a relativistic stream of water, oblivious to the fact that said stream of water was destroying the world, in a barrel.

Beret Guy also seems to have dogs who seem to share some of his powers, as shown in [[1614: Kites]] and [[1922: Interferometry]]

To sum up, Beret Guy is a very naive man with the superpower of having the world around him act according to his bizarre vision.

He shares several traits with Beriah from [http://www.meninhats.com/ Men in Hats], as [[Black Hat]] does with Aram from the same series, but in contrast to the latter, this doesn't appear to have been officially acknowledged.

He may also have a relative, [[1190: Time#Plot|Beret Girl]].

==See also==
*[[:Category:Comics featuring Beret Guy|Comics featuring Beret Guy]]

{{navbox-characters}}
[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category:Characters with Hats]]

2376: Curbside

2020-10-26T16:30:06Z

Char Latte:

{{comic
| number = 2376
| date = October 24, 2020
| title = Curbside
| image = curbside.png
| titletext = The state has had so many contact tracers disappear into that shop that they've had to start a contact tracer tracing program.
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|Created by an ANGRY GHOST. Could use some elaboration; explain title text. Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}

[[Beret Guy]] is making contact with {{tvtropes|TheLittleShopThatWasntThereYesterday|a shop that sells cursed items, only to vanish when the customer tries to return the product}}. He has previously mentioned doing most of his shopping (including groceries) at such locations in [[1772: Startup Opportunity]], and visited one (possibly the same one) several months earlier in [[2332: Cursed Chair]]. That visit ended with him trying to stop the COVID-19 pandemic by destroying the cursed chair, but evidently he either failed to destroy the chair (which claimed to be immortal) or found that doing so didn't halt the pandemic.

After confirming that he has the right number, Beret Guy asks if the cursed store does curbside pickup, as he intends to place an order for bread and a cursed amulet, but does not wish to go inside during the pandemic. Many grocery stores have started offering such services, allowing a customer to place an order over the phone or online, then receive it outside the store, thus minimizing the interaction with store staff or other customers. Closed spaces are understood to pose a greater risk of contagion than the outdoors, where wind and sun can mitigate airborne viral particles.

The store's contact replies that no, they do not offer curbside pickup, but tries to assure Beret Guy that all employees at the location wear masks. (They might be wearing [[2367: Masks|haunted Halloween masks]].) When Beret Guy expresses disappointment at the revelation, complaining about the stuffy air of the shop, the contact advises him to consider the virus as part of the curses that come with their products. Beret Guy gets angry at this -- apparently, he's okay with buying cursed items, but not exposing himself to [[2330: Acceptable Risk|unacceptable risks]] of catching COVID-19. Beret Guy promptly proclaims that he will ''not'' be doing business with the location if they are going to showcase such an attitude towards the pandemic. It's unclear how he will find another store with similar unusual characteristics, although it [[1772: Startup Opportunity|has been mentioned]] that there is an entire industry of these stores.

Beret Guy mentions that he wants to buy an amulet in order to 'do battle with ghosts', which is not an ordinary thing to do given that most people cannot interact directly with ghosts{{Citation needed}}. Perhaps he has a ghost-fighting weapon that he has also bought from the shop, although a more likely explanation (given Beret Guy's peculiarity) seems that he is somehow able to engage in martial combat with them. A common argument for how ghosts can exist is that they are in another dimension; given that Beret Guy has extra dimensions in his bones ([[2310: Great Attractor]]), he might appear as a skeleton warrior in the ghosts' dimension. Thus, being able to battle ghosts would be one of the many [[:Category:Strange powers of Beret Guy|strange powers of Beret Guy]].

He also mentions that he is there to buy groceries, which is rather ordinary in contrast to the previous request. This is another example of Beret Guy's seemingly oblivious view of the world, putting the purchase of a ghostly amulet on par with buying bread.

The title text explains that {{w|Contact tracing|contact tracer}}s have been attempting to visit the store to figure out who else has been working or shopping there, which suggests that people may have been exposed to COVID there. However, presumably because of the peculiar nature of the store, a notable number of the contact tracers have not returned from visiting it, leading the state to create a tracing program to find the missing contact tracers. The joke here is that the contact tracers must now be traced by another tracing program. This same kind of recursivity of tracking tracers has been previously explored for [[952: Stud Finder|finding finders]] and [[1821: Incinerator|incinerating incinerators]].

==Transcript==

:[Beret Guy talking on a cell phone. The response from the person on the phone is in a jagged bubble.]
:Beret Guy: Hi, is this the shop that sells cursed items but when you try to return them the shop is gone?
:Phone: Yes, how can I help you?

:[A frameless panel. Beret Guy still talking on the phone]
:Beret Guy: Do you do curbside pickup? I wanted to buy a cursed amulet that angers ghosts, and some groceries.
:Phone: No, but it's okay, we wear masks.

:[Zoomed in on other side of Beret Guy's face]
:Beret Guy: So you can't bring stuff out?
:Phone: I'm afraid not.
:Beret Guy: But it's so stuffy in there!

:[The callee's response is on the top of the panel. Beret Guy is now holding his phone in front of him, ready to end the call.]
:Phone: Why not think of the virus as part of the amulet's curse?
:Beret Guy: '''''Excuse me!?''''' I'm trying to buy some bread and do battle with ghosts, not endanger my family and friends in a pandemic!
:Beret Guy: I will take my business '''''elsewhere.'''''

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Comics featuring Beret Guy]]
[[Category:COVID-19]]
[[Category:Strange powers of Beret Guy]]

Syndication

2020-10-21T19:42:17Z

Char Latte:

{{comic
| date = April 1, 2007
| title = Syndication
| image = syndication.jpg
| ldomain = imgs
| lappend = comics/xkcd_ufs.jpg
| titletext = Complaints should be directed to the xkcd writing staff.
| before = Now that xkcd is carried by United Features Syndicate, there are going to be a few changes to the comic. Obviously, with the rights signed over, it will no longer be published under Creative Commons, and all previous strips will be retroactively un-CC'd and relicensed under UFS terms. All online content will be protected via proprietary DRM. I also recieved a letter outlining topics and content that would be off-limits in the new xkcd. Prohibited content includes:

- Cultural references that would be lost on the average newspaper reader

- Mathematics above the high-school level

- Obscure scientific subjects

- Overt sexual material

- Objectionable words such as fuck, shit, cunt, ass, tits, cock, scrotum, bitch, Belgium, pussy, or twat

- Same-sex relationships

- Star Wars

- Star Trek (Original Series and Enterprise)

- The home phone numbers of White House employees

- Bacon-based currencies

- Erotic use of flywheels

- Exposés regarding other United Features syndicated characters

- Exposés regarding the personal lives of United Features Syndicate executives, specifically including CEO Kenneth Lowe

- Teledildonics

- Portrayals of Johnny Cash as an Amway distributor

- Any story that ends with "and that's how my penis got the nickname 'grappling hook'."

- Computer-computer cybersex

- Swordfights between white people

- Bitch & Animal

- Sexualization of Mt. Rushmore

- Staplers as mélée weapons

- Road trip buddy comedies starring Tank Girl and William Howard Taft

- Eric S. Raymond performing in Cirque du Soleil

- Hats with buckles

- Licking of nipples atop a moving train

The internet is the past. Newspapers are the future! See you in the funny papers.
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|Created by an EROTIC FLYWHEEL. Needs a list explaining all the changes required. Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}

This is a non-numbered [[:Category:April fools' comics|April fools' comic]], and is the first April fools' joke performed on xkcd. This comic is formatted similarly to other posts such as [[Blue Eyes]]. The post describes xkcd becoming syndicated into a newspaper, changing from a webcomic. Newspapers are notorious for censorship of content, and [[Randall]] describes all the changes that would be required of the comic, the humor coming from their progressive absurdity.

Randall then offers a "free preview" of the new syndicated version of XKCD. This is a parody of newspaper comics such as ''Garfield'', which tend to use relatively weak jokes in order to appeal to a broad audience. Notably:
*The joke being told, "Why did the computer cross the road?", is based on one of the most well-known jokes in existence. Those who know the joke have probably heard variations of it dozens of times, and will not find another one to be very humorous.
*The punchline of the "joke" is that computers are complicated. This relates to the general cultural stereotype (in the US) that [[1050: Forgot Algebra|math is hard]], and by extension anything related to math is hard.
*The punchline is followed by an extensive editor's note explaining the meaning of the acronym "{{w|LOL}}." Although that acronym could be considered the most niche terminology in the comic, it is still one of the most well-known texting abbreviations.
*Furthermore, the editor's note clarifies that LOL is meant to be an indicator to the audience that they should find something funny. The fact that humor has to be pointed out to the comic reader shows just how weak it is.
*The layout of the comic is a clear reference to ''Garfield'', including the usage of three identically sized panels (in the same aspect ratio as ''Garfield''), the use of borders around the outer panels but not the one in the middle, the fact that the characters [https://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/1987/11/11 don't change poses] between panels, and the floor taking up about 15% of the bottom of each panel. See [https://d1ejxu6vysztl5.cloudfront.net/comics/garfield/2020/2020-04-30.gif here] for an example.
In addition, the strip image is noticeably grainy, as if it were a photograph of a newspaper.

===List of Changes supposedly imposed on Randall===

; Cultural References that would be lost on the average newspaper reader
:xkcd is known for its niche cultural references, one of the main reasons this wiki exists.
; Mathematics above the high-school level
:Another trademark of xkcd is its use of mathematics for humor. More complex mathematics tends to lend itself less well to comedy.
; Obscure scientific subjects
:Again, this is a common feature of xkcd comics, which turns off many would-be readers for its exclusivity, making xkcd difficult to syndicate.
; Overt sexual material
:xkcd's abstract art style means that it can get away with sexual content without seeming profane, and takes advantage of this often.
; Objectionable words such as {{w|fuck}}, {{w|shit}}, {{w|cunt}}, {{w|ass}}, {{w|tits}}, {{w|cock}}, {{w|scrotum}}, {{w|bitch}}, {{w|Belgium}}, {{w|pussy}}, or {{w|twat}}
:Newspaper comics tend to have very "clean" humor, which xkcd's usual writing style is ill suited for. Belgium is the rudest word in the universe according to {{w|The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy}}.
; {{w|Same Sex relationships}}
:Newspapers are more often read by older people, so same-sex relationships are often absent to avoid conservative backlash.
; {{w|Star Wars}}
:Star Wars, a common reference in xkcd, is an intellectual property that would need to be licensed, at great expense to United.
; {{w|Star Trek}} (Original and Enterprise)
:Similar case to Star Wars. It is curious that the original series and Enterprise are referenced specifically, and not any of the intervening series (i.e. ''The Next Generation'', ''Deep Space 9'', ''Voyager'')
; The home phone numbers of {{w|White House}} employees
:At this point, the list items begin to become more absurd, tipping more credulous readers off to the joke.
; {{w|Bacon}} Based Currencies
: {{w|Bacon}} was a significant meme around this time, especially on Reddit, where XKCD comics were very popular.
; Erotic use of {{w|Flywheels}}
:While it is hard to see how one could use Flywheels erotically, {{w|Rule 34 (Internet meme)|there have been attempts}}.
; Exposés regarding other United Features syndicated characters
:Here Randall seems to imply that certain (fictional) comic strip characters are involved in scandals, of which he knows the details.
; Exposés regarding the personal lives of {{w|United Features Syndicate}} executives, specifically including CEO {{w|Kenneth Lowe}}
:Overly specific stipulations like this one often suggest scandals or wrongdoing of the named parties.
; {{w|Teledildonics}}
:A form of technology used to have sex remotely, obviously unsuitable for the funnies.
; Portrayals of {{w|Johnny Cash}} as an {{w|Amway}} distributor
:Amway is a {{w|Multi-level marketing}} company; a link to Johnny Cash is not apparent.
; Any story that ends with "and that's how my penis got the nickname 'grappling hook'.
: As comics are expected to be family friendly, anything involving rope-driven genitalia grappling devices would likely be unwelcome.
; Computer-computer {{w|Cybersex}}
:Two chatbots cybering with one another is a plausibly real thing, and an easy target for xkcd.
; {{w|Swordfights}} between white people
:Possibly a reference to the cliché that white people can't dance.
; {{w|Bitch & Animal}}
:A "queercore" gay punk band, never mentioned elsewhere in xkcd.
; {{w|Sexualization}} of {{w|Mount Rushmore}}
:Mount Rushmore National Memorial is a sculpture carved into Mount Rushmore features the 60-foot (18 m) heads of Presidents George Washington (1732–1799), Thomas Jefferson (1743–1826), Theodore Roosevelt (1858–1919), and Abraham Lincoln (1809–1865), as for the sexualization of the mountain, See ''Erotic use of Flywheels.''
; Staplers as {{w|Melee weapon|mélée weapons}}
:By folding a stapler open and compressing its upper half, a stapler can be used as a very ineffective{{Citation needed}} imitation of a hand gun. Hand guns are ranged weapons, and therefore not mélée weapons.
; Road trip buddy comedies starring {{w|Tank Girl}} and {{w|William Howard Taft}}
: This is simply a bit of surrealism on Randall's part; Tank Girl (the subject of a comic book and 80s cult sci-fi movie) and William Howard Taft (the president that everyone knows as "The one that was so fat he got stuck in the tub) would have very little reason to go on a road trip together.
; {{w|Eric S. Raymond}} performing in {{w|Cirque du Soleil}}
: More surrealism. Eric S. Raymond (more commonly known by his login name esr) is a controversial figure in the tech scene; he's most well known for maintaining (poorly, in some people's opinion) the legendary Jargon File, and for writing The Cathedral and the Bazaar, which some consider one of the seminal manifestos of the modern Open Source/Free Software movement. He would have very little time or energy to spend performing French-Canadian contortion-based performance art.
; Hats with buckles
: There is no visible explanation for this; but this is xkcd, so must there be one?
; Licking of nipples atop a moving train
: Refer to #4.

==Transcript==
:[A Cueball and his Cueball-like friend are standing in some sort of grassy area.]
:Cueball: Why did the computer cross the road?
:Friend: I don't know.

:[Same scene, but Cueball and his friend are moved to the right.]
:Cueball: I don't know either! Computers are so complicated!
:Friend: LOL!

:Editor's note: "LOL" is an online acronym for "laughing out loud." It alerts you to something funny, so keep an eye out!

{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:April fools' comics]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Comics_with_color]]
[[Category:Extra_comics]]
[[Category:Multiple Cueballs]]