explain xkcd - User contributions [en]

Talk:3107: Weather Balloons

2025-06-30T02:32:32Z

Esp666: Quanitified the "current rate" / "current acuracy" values fromthe graph.

If you could make weather balloons out of plastic grocery bags you could address global warming and plastic bag pollution at the same time. [[Special:Contributions/47.248.235.170|47.248.235.170]] 21:35, 25 June 2025 (UTC)Pat
:You'd only delay those problems as weather balloons do have a life expectancy, just look at the problems the Myth Busters had with them when tackling Lawnchair Larry. [[Special:Contributions/2001:1C02:1A9D:9700:391C:7C6C:4E0A:AD94|2001:1C02:1A9D:9700:391C:7C6C:4E0A:AD94]] 23:21, 25 June 2025 (UTC)
::It wouldn't be a plastic recycling method so much as a plastic distribution method. [[User:RegularSizedGuy|RegularSizedGuy]] ([[User talk:RegularSizedGuy|talk]]) 00:26, 26 June 2025 (UTC)
The current description is useful -- but the phrase "over time" is in error. The graph shows the relationship between the number of weather balloons and the accuracy of modelling: "time" is not a component. [[Special:Contributions/165.225.115.132|165.225.115.132]] 23:56, 25 June 2025 (UTC)
:I would say time is a component because the x axis is labeled number of weather balloons launched _per day_, therefore distributed through time, therefore time is part of the graph. [[Special:Contributions/179.217.229.235|179.217.229.235]] 06:54, 26 June 2025 (UTC)
:The original complaint was neutered {{diff|380453|fairly soon after the observation was made}}, anyway, so no longer applies. Clearly you ''could'' progress through "number of balloons per day". Testing a given number one day, a larger number the next is an easy method (for as long as you wish to sustain that, and are able to). Or even just test for a few releases, one day, then immediately launch more (and test), then yet more (test again), all before the initial ones start to 'decay' out of the current count faster than you can add to them (any eventual backsliding, aside, that makes a timeward correlation to numbers currently aloft).
:But, truly, you could scattergun the effect. Today, launch 1. Tomorrow launch 1 trillion. The day after, try 4000. The day after that, try 4000 ''again'' (just because), or 1 or 400 or 1 trillion or 18 trillion or 42 (or none) — whatever is you desire and within your capability (including maybe preventing other potential launchings from others, to ensure a sufficiently supressed daily figure).
:Anyway, though time 'features', insofar as daily counts (and, as a hidden variable, the matter of balloon longevity, which could change things drastically if prior ones did ''not'' actually vanish between one day and the next but actually permanently accumulated), "over time" is no longer mentioned (whoever rewrote that bit). [[Special:Contributions/82.132.245.112|82.132.245.112]] 09:58, 26 June 2025 (UTC)
:Global helium reserves are currently estimated to be around 40 billion cubic meters (source Google), so you run out of helium well before the balloons have a significant effect. Since the majority of it gets used for cooling cryogenic systems in hospitals that is going to become a serious health issue - it's already happened a couple of times as old reserves were depleted, the industry found some new sources but they are running out of places to look. [[User:MarcusRowland|MarcusRowland]] ([[User talk:MarcusRowland|talk]]) 10:07, 26 June 2025 (UTC)
::If we were launching massive quantities of balloons we could use hydrogen instead which is very abundant (yes, it is dangerous, but on the plus side has more lift). Or even argon (18 atomic weight, so it should have some lift) or methane (16 molecular weight) [[User:Rps|Rps]] ([[User talk:Rps|talk]]) 11:37, 26 June 2025 (UTC)
:::Hydrogen's teeny molecules would leak out of the balloons much faster than helium - when I was an educational lab technician we always had to fill hydrogen balloons just before using them because they deflated very quickly. It's also an indirect greenhouse gas so releasing vast quantities into the atmosphere may not be a good idea. Incidentally, has anyone done the sums on how many weather balloons would actually fit into the volume of the earth's atmosphere? --[[User:MarcusRowland|MarcusRowland]] ([[User talk:MarcusRowland|talk]]) 14:56, 26 June 2025 (UTC)
:::Oops, 18 is argon's atomic number, the mass of (terrestrial) argon is ~40, so it sinks in air. Neon (isotopes 20 and 22) would work somewhat, but is not abundant like argon, so probably not a good idea.[[User:Rps|Rps]] ([[User talk:Rps|talk]])
::::Yes, Argon is a classic gas (with others - an extreme example is tungsten hexafluoride!) for filling a balloon that's ''unusually heavy''. Also escapes from the balloon much less, if you find that useful. [[Special:Contributions/82.132.244.48|82.132.244.48]] 19:00, 26 June 2025 (UTC)
:::::I only remembered later that argon is used by deep divers to inflate {{w|dry suits}}, precisely because it is heavy and so it has less thermal conductivity than the {{w|heliox}} which deep divers use to breath. [[User:Rps|Rps]] ([[User talk:Rps|talk]]) 16:19, 27 June 2025 (UTC)
Honestly I feel like this one is a thinly veiled joke about LLMs: As they grow bigger with more data to work with, they tend to get better, but the improvements require exponential data, so benefits wear off, until the internet gets so polluted with AI slop (like the atmosphere gets covered in balloons), that the quality of results of any future AI venture plummets, and training new models becomes impossible. [[User:mlerp|mlerp]] ([[User talk:mlerp|talk]])

How many weather balloons ''are'' launched per day? Seems relevant. --[[User:Mushrooms|Mushrooms]] ([[User talk:Mushrooms|talk]]) 10:10, 27 June 2025 (UTC)
:Okay, a lot easier number to find than I thought. Estimates range from 900-1300, which matches the comic pretty well. --[[User:Mushrooms|Mushrooms]] ([[User talk:Mushrooms|talk]]) 10:12, 27 June 2025 (UTC)
::Now establish how accurate current weather predictions are, to tie down the other axis. ;) [[Special:Contributions/82.132.245.173|82.132.245.173]] 13:12, 27 June 2025 (UTC)
:: The Wikipedia article says "Between 900 and 1,300 locations around the globe do routine releases, two or four times daily", which would give something roughly around 2,500 - 4,000. [[Special:Contributions/82.13.184.33|82.13.184.33]] 15:23, 27 June 2025 (UTC)
:: The wikipedia article indeed cites a maximum of approximately 5200 balloons daily. The other top Google hit I get on this topic is an ABC article from 2023 claiming only 1800 daily [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/weather-balloons-hundreds-turns/story?id=97082985 "How many weather balloons are out there? Hundreds, it turns out"] Yet the chart seems to place the "Current Rate" dot closer to the unmarked 10000 line than the 1000, maybe 3/4 of the way there... If my math is right that should be about 10000^(15/16) or ~5623.4 so, pretty close to that maximum wikipedia estimate. Maybe this should be explained in the main article because I sure got a bit confused and I had to refresh my math memory of how log graphs work... [[Special:Contributions/38.175.130.234|38.175.130.234]] 00:14, 28 June 2025 (UTC)
::: I checked the graph. The 2x image has an x axis scale of very very close to 60px / cycle (going from 1 to 1 trillion (12 cycles) I have at 721px.) Going from 1 to the middle of the dot for "current rate" is 217px. This yields 3.61667 cycles. 10**3.61667 is 4136. Thus, the graph shown is indicating 4136 balloons/day is the current launch rate. More accurately(?), 10**(217/(721/12)), which yields 4089 balloons/day. So, somewhere in the range of 4089-4136 balloons/day. [[User:Esp666|Esp666]] ([[User talk:Esp666|talk]]) 02:24, 30 June 2025 (UTC)
::: Making a '''vast''' number of assumptions about the y axis (linear, low end marks 0% accurate, peak accuracy is very close to 100% accurate), based on the graph as presented, I calculate the current weather model accuracy at about 86.4%. [[User:Esp666|Esp666]] ([[User talk:Esp666|talk]]) 02:32, 30 June 2025 (UTC)
The transcript doesn't mention the Cueball at the bottom left who is launching the first weather balloon. [[Special:Contributions/93.41.50.123|93.41.50.123]] 10:36, 28 June 2025 (UTC)
:It doesn't mention ''any'' of the 'decoration' to the plot (balloons, Sun, shadows, etc). Though I was hoping to just rewrite it not as a monolithic clump, as it was, if nobody else had a good go at it before I got around to it myself. (I probably would have added the missing decor-description, at that time.) [[Special:Contributions/82.132.244.245|82.132.244.245]] 13:30, 28 June 2025 (UTC)

Talk:3107: Weather Balloons

2025-06-30T02:24:26Z

Esp666:

If you could make weather balloons out of plastic grocery bags you could address global warming and plastic bag pollution at the same time. [[Special:Contributions/47.248.235.170|47.248.235.170]] 21:35, 25 June 2025 (UTC)Pat
:You'd only delay those problems as weather balloons do have a life expectancy, just look at the problems the Myth Busters had with them when tackling Lawnchair Larry. [[Special:Contributions/2001:1C02:1A9D:9700:391C:7C6C:4E0A:AD94|2001:1C02:1A9D:9700:391C:7C6C:4E0A:AD94]] 23:21, 25 June 2025 (UTC)
::It wouldn't be a plastic recycling method so much as a plastic distribution method. [[User:RegularSizedGuy|RegularSizedGuy]] ([[User talk:RegularSizedGuy|talk]]) 00:26, 26 June 2025 (UTC)
The current description is useful -- but the phrase "over time" is in error. The graph shows the relationship between the number of weather balloons and the accuracy of modelling: "time" is not a component. [[Special:Contributions/165.225.115.132|165.225.115.132]] 23:56, 25 June 2025 (UTC)
:I would say time is a component because the x axis is labeled number of weather balloons launched _per day_, therefore distributed through time, therefore time is part of the graph. [[Special:Contributions/179.217.229.235|179.217.229.235]] 06:54, 26 June 2025 (UTC)
:The original complaint was neutered {{diff|380453|fairly soon after the observation was made}}, anyway, so no longer applies. Clearly you ''could'' progress through "number of balloons per day". Testing a given number one day, a larger number the next is an easy method (for as long as you wish to sustain that, and are able to). Or even just test for a few releases, one day, then immediately launch more (and test), then yet more (test again), all before the initial ones start to 'decay' out of the current count faster than you can add to them (any eventual backsliding, aside, that makes a timeward correlation to numbers currently aloft).
:But, truly, you could scattergun the effect. Today, launch 1. Tomorrow launch 1 trillion. The day after, try 4000. The day after that, try 4000 ''again'' (just because), or 1 or 400 or 1 trillion or 18 trillion or 42 (or none) — whatever is you desire and within your capability (including maybe preventing other potential launchings from others, to ensure a sufficiently supressed daily figure).
:Anyway, though time 'features', insofar as daily counts (and, as a hidden variable, the matter of balloon longevity, which could change things drastically if prior ones did ''not'' actually vanish between one day and the next but actually permanently accumulated), "over time" is no longer mentioned (whoever rewrote that bit). [[Special:Contributions/82.132.245.112|82.132.245.112]] 09:58, 26 June 2025 (UTC)
:Global helium reserves are currently estimated to be around 40 billion cubic meters (source Google), so you run out of helium well before the balloons have a significant effect. Since the majority of it gets used for cooling cryogenic systems in hospitals that is going to become a serious health issue - it's already happened a couple of times as old reserves were depleted, the industry found some new sources but they are running out of places to look. [[User:MarcusRowland|MarcusRowland]] ([[User talk:MarcusRowland|talk]]) 10:07, 26 June 2025 (UTC)
::If we were launching massive quantities of balloons we could use hydrogen instead which is very abundant (yes, it is dangerous, but on the plus side has more lift). Or even argon (18 atomic weight, so it should have some lift) or methane (16 molecular weight) [[User:Rps|Rps]] ([[User talk:Rps|talk]]) 11:37, 26 June 2025 (UTC)
:::Hydrogen's teeny molecules would leak out of the balloons much faster than helium - when I was an educational lab technician we always had to fill hydrogen balloons just before using them because they deflated very quickly. It's also an indirect greenhouse gas so releasing vast quantities into the atmosphere may not be a good idea. Incidentally, has anyone done the sums on how many weather balloons would actually fit into the volume of the earth's atmosphere? --[[User:MarcusRowland|MarcusRowland]] ([[User talk:MarcusRowland|talk]]) 14:56, 26 June 2025 (UTC)
:::Oops, 18 is argon's atomic number, the mass of (terrestrial) argon is ~40, so it sinks in air. Neon (isotopes 20 and 22) would work somewhat, but is not abundant like argon, so probably not a good idea.[[User:Rps|Rps]] ([[User talk:Rps|talk]])
::::Yes, Argon is a classic gas (with others - an extreme example is tungsten hexafluoride!) for filling a balloon that's ''unusually heavy''. Also escapes from the balloon much less, if you find that useful. [[Special:Contributions/82.132.244.48|82.132.244.48]] 19:00, 26 June 2025 (UTC)
:::::I only remembered later that argon is used by deep divers to inflate {{w|dry suits}}, precisely because it is heavy and so it has less thermal conductivity than the {{w|heliox}} which deep divers use to breath. [[User:Rps|Rps]] ([[User talk:Rps|talk]]) 16:19, 27 June 2025 (UTC)
Honestly I feel like this one is a thinly veiled joke about LLMs: As they grow bigger with more data to work with, they tend to get better, but the improvements require exponential data, so benefits wear off, until the internet gets so polluted with AI slop (like the atmosphere gets covered in balloons), that the quality of results of any future AI venture plummets, and training new models becomes impossible. [[User:mlerp|mlerp]] ([[User talk:mlerp|talk]])

How many weather balloons ''are'' launched per day? Seems relevant. --[[User:Mushrooms|Mushrooms]] ([[User talk:Mushrooms|talk]]) 10:10, 27 June 2025 (UTC)
:Okay, a lot easier number to find than I thought. Estimates range from 900-1300, which matches the comic pretty well. --[[User:Mushrooms|Mushrooms]] ([[User talk:Mushrooms|talk]]) 10:12, 27 June 2025 (UTC)
::Now establish how accurate current weather predictions are, to tie down the other axis. ;) [[Special:Contributions/82.132.245.173|82.132.245.173]] 13:12, 27 June 2025 (UTC)
:: The Wikipedia article says "Between 900 and 1,300 locations around the globe do routine releases, two or four times daily", which would give something roughly around 2,500 - 4,000. [[Special:Contributions/82.13.184.33|82.13.184.33]] 15:23, 27 June 2025 (UTC)
:: The wikipedia article indeed cites a maximum of approximately 5200 balloons daily. The other top Google hit I get on this topic is an ABC article from 2023 claiming only 1800 daily [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/weather-balloons-hundreds-turns/story?id=97082985 "How many weather balloons are out there? Hundreds, it turns out"] Yet the chart seems to place the "Current Rate" dot closer to the unmarked 10000 line than the 1000, maybe 3/4 of the way there... If my math is right that should be about 10000^(15/16) or ~5623.4 so, pretty close to that maximum wikipedia estimate. Maybe this should be explained in the main article because I sure got a bit confused and I had to refresh my math memory of how log graphs work... [[Special:Contributions/38.175.130.234|38.175.130.234]] 00:14, 28 June 2025 (UTC)
::: I checked the graph. The 2x image has an x axis scale of very very close to 60px / cycle (going from 1 to 1 trillion (12 cycles) I have at 721px.) Going from 1 to the middle of the dot for "current rate" is 217px. This yields 3.61667 cycles. 10**3.61667 is 4136. Thus, the graph shown is indicating 4136 balloons/day is the current launch rate. More accurately(?), 10**(217/(721/12)), which yields 4089 balloons/day. So, somewhere in the range of 4089-4136 balloons/day. [[User:Esp666|Esp666]] ([[User talk:Esp666|talk]]) 02:24, 30 June 2025 (UTC)
The transcript doesn't mention the Cueball at the bottom left who is launching the first weather balloon. [[Special:Contributions/93.41.50.123|93.41.50.123]] 10:36, 28 June 2025 (UTC)
:It doesn't mention ''any'' of the 'decoration' to the plot (balloons, Sun, shadows, etc). Though I was hoping to just rewrite it not as a monolithic clump, as it was, if nobody else had a good go at it before I got around to it myself. (I probably would have added the missing decor-description, at that time.) [[Special:Contributions/82.132.244.245|82.132.244.245]] 13:30, 28 June 2025 (UTC)

Talk:1389: Surface Area

2014-07-02T16:34:05Z

Esp666: Include Asteroid 4942 Monroe? Add another reference for size of Belgium :-)

Well the "blank" spot around the earth continents is obviously all the other "solid" stuff we know earth is made up of, the continents are all above sea level are displayed as we see them from space - the rest of the "blank" area is solid mass under the ocean we don't see from up above but know is there through the sciences!

FYI to whoever writes this: the Seattle reference is the Space Needle. [[Special:Contributions/108.162.221.65|108.162.221.65]] 05:03, 2 July 2014 (UTC)

Uranus is larger than all of these combined. Of course, it isn't on this map because it is full of gas. [[Special:Contributions/173.245.62.62|173.245.62.62]] 05:50, 2 July 2014 (UTC)
: Just wondering... Does that mean, a spaceship could just fly trough Uranus? (No pun intended.) --[[Special:Contributions/141.101.75.20|141.101.75.20]] 07:16, 2 July 2014 (UTC)
::It'd probably hurt. As an ice-giant, the interior of Uranus is mainly composed of ices and rock. Jupiter and Saturn have cores of liquid metallic hydrogen. Also, the rock/ice isn't considered the surface of Uranus, because most of the planet's mass lies outside the solid inner layers.) [[Special:Contributions/103.22.201.239|103.22.201.239]] 09:28, 2 July 2014 (UTC) P.S. Even if it was only gas, a spaceship would probably find it hard to handle the temperature and pressure at the center of Uranus.

And of course the earth is not correctly displayed: we have water which - in most cases - is not solid. -- jesterchen [[Special:Contributions/141.101.75.19|141.101.75.19]] 07:23, 2 July 2014 (UTC)
: Water still has surface area. Edit: oh, I see what you mean now, from the title in the comic. I guess you have a point, but it's mainly there for comparison so it's not necessarily a mistake. --[[User:NeatNit|NeatNit]] ([[User talk:NeatNit|talk]]) 06:14, 2 July 2014 (UTC)
:: Under the water there is solid bottom --[[User:JakubNarebski|JakubNarebski]] ([[User talk:JakubNarebski|talk]]) 07:01, 2 July 2014 (UTC)
::: But then it is not "surface" anymore... but you two have a point. I focused mainly on the title, not the image text... So forget my comment :) -- jesterchen [[Special:Contributions/141.101.75.19|141.101.75.19]] 09:12, 2 July 2014 (UTC)
:::: Water indeed has a surface, while gas doesn't. [[Special:Contributions/141.101.104.47|141.101.104.47]] 11:13, 2 July 2014 (UTC)Martin

There is also small section named "''All human skin''" (between Earth and Titan)... if you think about thread and needle... ugh... --[[User:JakubNarebski|JakubNarebski]] ([[User talk:JakubNarebski|talk]]) 07:01, 2 July 2014 (UTC)

This seems to be an island floating on something, maybe it's floating on the sun's plasma? --[[User:BelgianAtheist|BelgianAtheist]] ([[User talk:BelgianAtheist|talk]]) 08:24, 2 July 2014 (UTC)

So, what's the area surrounding Earth's landmass? It's not named, or am I blind? [[Special:Contributions/141.101.99.218|141.101.99.218]] 09:46, 2 July 2014 (UTC)

Don't think it is strictly accurate to say that earth is included 'for scale' -- surely it is included because it qualifies to be on the map. Otherwise it's a bit like saying that Belgium is included in maps of Europe 'for scale' (as 'the size of Belgium' is a well-known unit of land area as in 'Amazonian rainforest the size of Belgium is cut down every week') -- Devonian Earache
: The size of Belium is also famous for its reference in the Doctor Who mini-episode "Time Crash" (see http://www.chakoteya.net/doctorwho/CIN2007.htm)

The map of Earth doesn't look like the Waterman Butterfly projection. If it did, the continents would be angled in toward each other, and Australia would be up in the corner. The only thing that is even similar is that Antarctica is shown in "normal" proportions rather than stretched across the bottom. [[User:Prometheusmmiv|Prometheusmmiv]] ([[User talk:Prometheusmmiv|talk]]) 11:41, 2 July 2014 (UTC)

What's the area on the coast between Asteroids (1km+) and Triton? [[Special:Contributions/108.162.222.50|108.162.222.50]] 11:44, 2 July 2014 (UTC)

(My first contribution here!) About the Earth/water surface issue, I think Randall is talking about planets' surface, and then it counts both earth and water (like if it were a sphere) [[Special:Contributions/173.245.52.173|173.245.52.173]] 12:31, 2 July 2014 (UTC)

I changed the explanation of the title text. The previous explanation, "all the matter in the solar system converted to a string" cannot be correct. First, he said "first we'll need a gigantic spool of thread". The title text obviously refers back to the title itself, about "stitching" the solar system's solid surfaces together. [[Special:Contributions/108.162.221.79|108.162.221.79]] 13:17, 2 July 2014 (UTC)

Regarding the table, perhaps it would be better to make a separate "Surface area relative to Earth" column? Or may be just a numeric order according to size? The scientific notation of areas does not sort by ascending/descending order very well. [[Special:Contributions/173.245.62.62|173.245.62.62]] 14:09, 2 July 2014 (UTC)
Also, the average adult skin is around 1.73 square meters. For a newborn, it is 0.25.[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_surface_area]. Very roughly estimating 1 sq. meter as the mean BSA, we get 7 billion sq. meters, or 7000 sq. km of human skin. That would be slightly larger than the area of either Palestine or Delaware.

Should there not be a pixel (or perhaps a slightly grey pixel) for Asteroid 4942 Monroe - area of about 1-3×102 Km2?? [[User:Esp666|Esp666]] ([[User talk:Esp666|talk]]) 16:34, 2 July 2014 (UTC)

== Sedna and Quaoar ==

Why are Sedna and Quaoar not included? I mean, Sedna is so fantastically far away that I can sort of understand not including it. But Quaoar is only 10% further from the sun than Pluto or Haumea, and it's actualy closer than Makemake! [[Special:Contributions/108.162.238.165|108.162.238.165]] 13:33, 2 July 2014 (UTC)

== Sorting ==
The numerical column needs to be rewritten (preferably as two columns) in order for sorting to be useful. - [[User:Frankie|Frankie]] ([[User talk:Frankie|talk]]) 14:27, 2 July 2014 (UTC)

Talk:1363: xkcd Phone

2014-05-02T11:20:34Z

Esp666:

Where can i get one of these? :D [[User:UniTrader|UniTrader]] ([[User talk:UniTrader|talk]]) 04:11, 2 May 2014 (UTC)

I'm pretty sure the "scream when falling" thing and the "flightaware" stuff can be done somehow with Tasker. [[Special:Contributions/141.101.103.206|141.101.103.206]] 04:23, 2 May 2014 (UTC)

;Designer?

I suspect it was either Black Hat or Beret Guy, but I'm not sure which. A collaboration? [[Special:Contributions/173.245.54.45|173.245.54.45]] 04:47, 2 May 2014 (UTC)

This sounds like something straight out of aperture. {{unsigned ip|108.162.221.55}}

;Simulates alternate speeds of light

Yes, useless as a feature on all the time; but it would be a cool app. [[User:Markhurd|Mark Hurd]] ([[User talk:Markhurd|talk]]) 05:57, 2 May 2014 (UTC)
:Absolutely. Where can I get an app like that?[[Special:Contributions/108.162.225.157|108.162.225.157]] 06:22, 2 May 2014 (UTC)

'''Changed the speed of light to 2.99x10^8'''

Yeah sorry forgot to login. does anyone know how to do the indices formatting other than eg 2.99x10(littlex) rather then 2.99x10^x? [[User:Jonv4n|Jonv4n]] ([[User talk:Jonv4n|talk]]) 06:29, 2 May 2014 (UTC)
: Whassup? [[Special:Contributions/141.101.89.220|141.101.89.220]] 07:43, 2 May 2014 (UTC)

About the attracting insects ... I would expect this to be normal feature in night. Trapping, however ... -- [[User:Hkmaly|Hkmaly]] ([[User talk:Hkmaly|talk]]) 09:08, 2 May 2014 (UTC)

'''Siri'''

Could the Siri bit be a reference to Portal? When I first read it, I remembered this GLaDOS quote: "Your Aperture Science Weighted Companion Cube will never threaten to stab you, and in fact cannot speak. If your Weighted Companion Cube does speak, please disregard its advice." Could be completely wrong; just a thought. [[Special:Contributions/173.245.54.51|173.245.54.51]] 10:09, 2 May 2014 (UTC)
:Perhaps Siri is beling likened to the "ATMOS" device in the Doctor Who episode "The Sontaran Stratagem" [[User:Esp666|Esp666]] ([[User talk:Esp666|talk]]) 11:20, 2 May 2014 (UTC)

1363: xkcd Phone

2014-05-02T11:13:46Z

Esp666: /* Explanation */ Speed of light now uses superscript, rather than "^" notation.

{{comic
| number = 1363
| date = May 2, 2014
| title = xkcd Phone
| image = xkcd_phone.png
| titletext = Presented in partnership with Qualcomm, Craigslist, Whirlpool, Hostess, LifeStyles, and the US Chamber of Commerce. Manufactured on equipment which also processes peanuts. Price includes 2-year Knicks contract. Phone may extinguish nearby birthday candles. If phone ships with Siri, return immediately; do not speak to her and ignore any instructions she gives. Do not remove lead casing. Phone may attract/trap insects; this is normal. Volume adjustable (requires root). If you experience sudden tingling, nausea, or vomiting, perform a factory reset immediately. Do not submerge in water; phone will drown. Exterior may be frictionless. Prolonged use can cause mood swings, short-term memory loss, and seizures. Avert eyes while replacing battery. Under certain circumstances, wireless transmitter may control God.
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|No longer created by a BOT, but probably still needs more editing.}}

This comic is a parody of a multitude of mobile-technology related issues that, when brought together, create a general satire of smartphone advertising. The advertised features here either make previously useful capabilities useless or add features nobody wants. Except for "your mobile world (going) digital", which is old news.

From bottom left, going clockwise:

* Flightaware partnership - This is a parody of flight mode, a capability most smart phones have. When activated, flight mode disables all transmission and receiving capabilities, making the phone suitable for use while on commercial flights. Flightaware partnership, by contrast, is an intrusive presumably airline-sponsored capability that no one wants.
* Realistic case– possibly a joke on various audiovisual devices like gaming consoles that advertise realistic sound, graphics, etc. Of course, applying "realistic" to an actual physical case is ridiculous. Either the case is actually real, or it doesn't actually function as a case.
* Clear screen– This is a pointless descriptor from the perspective of the consumer. Of course the screen is clear. This joke works in tandem with the previous joke, as a play on "clear case, realistic screen," which are both hypothetically viable selling points.
* Side Facing Camera – There was a recent controversy surrounding a kickstarter for a surreptitious, side-mounted camera device for smartphones due to the advertisement of the device as a good way to take creep shots, which are illegal in many places. Widespread dissemination of these devices as a built in would likely result in a sharp increase in delinquency of this nature. May also be an ''ad absurdium'' extension of devices with both forward and backward facing cameras.
* Custom blend OS – iOS and Android are offered by different conglomerates and run on different kernels. A "custom blend" would probably be a nightmare to work with.
* Simulates alternate speeds of light - This renders the clock useless. The speed of light is roughly 2.99x108 meters per second. Relativistic effects, such as time dilation, only occur at significant fractions of the speed of light. Since the phone is simulating a much slower speed of light, driving at highway speeds will cause time dilation. For example, driving at 90mph (90% of the default simulated speed of light) gives a time dilation of about 2.29. So while you are driving at 90mph your clock will run 2.29 times slower than a stationary one. Travelling faster than the simulated speed of light will make the clock run backwards.
* Wireless - as in cordless phone. This is the bare minimum a phone has to have in order to be a mobile phone, so advertising it as a feature feels dated by decades. Or, perhaps Munroe is implying the entire phone is without wires, in which case it wouldn't function.
* Accelerometer screams in free fall– Another useless function. Rather than having some sort of feature to prevent breakage or cracking when a drop is detected, the phone just makes you more aware of its potential imminent doom.
* When exposed to light, phone says "hi" - Bait and switch, and also a build from the previous joke. The implied feature is that the screen or camera will automatically adjust, but instead the phone is weirdly anthropomorphized.

The ominous warnings and disclaimers in the title text are probably a reference to the ''Saturday Night Live'' parody ad for {{w|Happy Fun Ball}}.

* Presented in partnership with Qualcomm, Craigslist, Whirlpool, Hostess, LifeStyles, and the US Chamber of Commerce.– {{w|Qualcomm}} is a semiconductor company that designs and produces chips for mobile phones, but the other companies mentioned here have no association with mobile phones.
* Manufactured on equipment which also processes peanuts.- A warning often seen on candy and other foods for people with a peanut allergy. It is highly unlikely that equipment used to produce mobile phones would also process food.
* Price includes 2-year Knicks contract.- Mobile phones are often sold by phone companies in combination with a cell phone plan, but a contract with the {{w|New_York_Knicks|Knicks}} would only appeal to pro basketball players.
* Phone may extinguish nearby birthday candles.- A rather oddly specific capability, which might also be annoying for anyone attempting to host a birthday party. As to how it would do this, a very powerful directional speaker would be able to blow out a nearby candle, but the speakers in mobile phones aren't going to be that big.
* If phone ships with Siri, return immediately; do not speak to her and ignore any instructions she gives.- {{w|Siri}} is a virtual personal assistant application for Apple devices. Not speaking to it and not following its instructions would defeat its purpose. It may suggest that a malevolant "Siri AI" has sneaked itself onto some devices, at the manufacturing stage, for some diabolical purpose.
* Do not remove lead casing.- Devices that emit high levels of ionizing radiation are often encased in lead, but a phone that would emit that level of radiation would be unhealthy to carry around and be probably too heavy too. This could also mean the device is an actual bananaphone as regular phones emit no ionizing radiation ([http://xkcd.com/radiation xkcd Radiation Dose Chart]). Regrettably, the lead casing would render the phone inedible.
* Phone may attract/trap insects; this is normal.- Some plants, like the {{w|Venus_flytrap|Venus flytrap}}, attract and trap insects, but mobile phones are not known to exhibit this behaviour.
* Volume adjustable (requires root).- {{w|Android_rooting|Rooting}} is the method to gain privileged access on Android phones. Adjusting the volume should be available to any user and would not be restricted to root access only.
* If you experience sudden tingling, nausea, or vomiting, perform a factory reset immediately.- These symptoms are usually associated with chemical or radiation poisoning. Neither of these would be cured by a {{w|Factory_reset|factory reset}}.
* Do not submerge in water; phone will drown.- Most phones are not waterproof and will probably short-circuit when submerged. Drowning however, would imply that the phone breathes air (which actually would be possible if it had a {{w|Lithium-air_battery|Li-air battery}}).
* Exterior may be frictionless.- The front of a smartphone is usually made of glass and should have a surface with very low friction. The back of a phone is usually made from a material that has higher friction to make it pleasant to hold and to make sure it doesn't slide off objects it is placed on. A completely frictionless surface would make it almost impossible to hold and would make it very susceptible to drops.
* Prolonged use can cause mood swings, short-term memory loss, and seizures.- These are all side effects that are associated with certain kinds of medication and would not be acceptable for mobile phones.
* Avert eyes while replacing battery.- Actions that would warrant averting your eyes are usually associated with high levels of radiation (e.g. making an {{w|X-ray}} photo). A phone that emits X-ray radiation would not be healty to be around. Or it may be a reference to the Arc Of The Covenant.
* Under certain circumstances, wireless transmitter may control God.- According to religion God is usually in control of us. Gods are usually viewed as not controllable.

==Transcript==
'''The XKCD Phone'''
Your mobile world just went digital®

* Flightaware partnership: Makes airplane noises when flights pass overhead
* Realistic case
* Clear screen
* Side-facing camera
* Runs custom blend of Android and iOS
* Simulates alternate speeds of light (default: 100 miles per hour) and ajusts clock as phone accelerates
* Wireless
* Accelerometer detects when phone is in free fall and makes it scream
* When exposed to light, phone says "hi!"

{{comic discussion}}