explain xkcd - User contributions [en]

User:Pickaxe24

2017-01-20T01:07:54Z

Pickaxe24: Created page with "Hi. I am an xkcd fan and that's all I'm going to say."

Hi.
I am an xkcd fan and that's all I'm going to say.

1707: xkcd Phone 4

2017-01-20T01:07:11Z

Pickaxe24:

{{comic
| number = 1707
| date = July 15, 2016
| title = xkcd Phone 4
| image = xkcd_phone_4.png
| titletext = The SpaceX system carefully guides falling phones down to the surface, a process which the phones increasingly often survive without exploding.
}}

==Explanation==
This is the fourth entry in the ongoing [[:Category:xkcd Phones|xkcd Phone series]], and once again, the comic plays with many standard tech buzzwords to create a phone that sounds impressive but would actually be very impractical.

From the top-left, going clockwise:
*'''18,000 μAh (micro-Ampere hours) nickel-lithium-iron battery (non-rechargeable)''' Phone battery capacity is measured in {{w|ampere-hour}}s (which thanks to the magic of {{w|dimensional analysis}}, is just an unusual way of denoting electric charge, which equals 3600 Coulombs). Usually, the capacity is quoted in milliampere-hours (one-thousandth, or 10-3, of an ampere hour); however, this one is quoted in ''micro''ampere-hours (one-millionth, or 10-6, of an ampere-hour), presumably as a marketing ploy to give a more impressive-looking number. Quoted in more standard terms, this phone's battery capacity is 18 mAh. In comparison, an iPhone 6+ has a battery capacity of 2,750 mAh. This phone's battery is dreadful (under a typical current draw of 0.1A, it would power the phone for about 11 minutes). There is nothing normally called a "nickel-lithium-iron battery" - rather, this seems to be a [[739|malamanteau]] of the experimental {{w|nickel–lithium battery}} and the common {{w|lithium ion battery}} (which does not contain any iron) or the lithium-iron-phosphate battery, often called lithium-iron, but more often called the LiFePO battery. The {{w|nickel–iron battery}} may contain {{w|lithium hydroxide}}, but it's ''terrible'' for most applications. Worse, this battery is non-rechargeable, meaning that it would have to be replaced to use the phone again after it is exhausted (every 11 minutes, at that!).
**[[XKCD Phone 3]] was powered by two {{w|AA battery|AA batteries}} (not included), which have an energy capacity roughly 100 times larger.
**Many devices have a small second battery which is only used for keeping the clock time. This could be such a battery.
*'''Subwoofer''' - A {{w|subwoofer}} is a large bass speaker, which this is not. Some phones do have high-quality speakers for playing music, but these are not placed right next to the earpiece - this would be a surefire way to deafen your users. When put next to Dog Whistle, this is probably a pun, since both relate to dogs; the English onomatopoeia for the sound a dog makes is "Woof".
*'''"Dog whistle"''' - A {{w|dog whistle}} is a high-pitched whistle that humans cannot hear, but dogs can. In speaker terminology, a bass speaker is called a {{w|woofer}} because it could reproduce the low pitch of a dog bark. A treble speaker is a {{w|tweeter}}; if this "whistle" is actually a speaker, it might be termed a ''supertweeter''. The scare quotes may be a reference to "dog-whistle politics", in which certain phrases have a particular meaning to a segment of the audience that passes unnoticed by the rest. This allows a candidate to surreptitiously signal agreement with that group, without alienating the rest of the audience, among whom the ideas might be unpopular if plainly stated.
**[[xkcd Phone 2]] contained a "dog noticer".
*'''Non-porous, washable''' - On the one hand, it's rare for a phone to be made of porous materials. On the other, there are legitimately waterproof phones that seal the speakers and ports with rubber.
**[[xkcd Phone 2]] was also washable (though only once).
*'''''WebMD'' partnership: cough-activated feature reads aloud a random diagnosis for "coughing"''' - {{w|WebMD}} is a website to help people diagnose themselves. For the vast majority of people, a cough just means an irritated throat or maybe a cold, but selecting randomly from all WebMD diagnoses gives some much more ominous - if very unlikely - ones, including {{w|ricin}} poisoning, {{w|plague}}, {{w|lung cancer}} and {{w|radiation poisoning}}.
*'''Wings''' - These {{w|wings}} resemble the ones found on {{w|sanitary towel}}s (sometimes called "pads", making this a possible iPad pun) which attach the pad to the {{w|gusset}} and keep it in place between the woman's legs during her period ({{w|Menstruation}} cycle). If actually functional as {{w|aerodynamic}} wings, they would likely come into play when the "SpaceX" impact protection feature becomes engaged, and would likely make holding the phone awkward if rigid.
**[[XKCD Phone 3]] had a similarly positioned wristband.
*'''Beveled bezel''' - The ''bezel'' is the ring around the edge of watches and screens. This one's {{w|bevel}}ed, which means it's cut at an angle.
*'''Bezeled bevel''' - Punning on the above. Doesn't make much sense, but could mean that it features a beveled edge which is surrounded by a bezel.
*'''Seedless''' - Fruit such as grapes can be "seedless", which means that they're grown from a special {{w|cultivar}} that doesn't grow seeds in the normal way. Making a phone seedless probably won't do anything, but {{w|Random seed|it might hurt}} its {{w|random number generator}}.
**[[XKCD Phone 3]] was boneless.
*'''Water resistant down to 30 meters and below 50''' - {{w|Water resistance}} is often measured in terms of how deep an object can be submerged, since pressure increases with depth. In this case, the phone can be submerged to almost any depth, but there's an odd lacuna between 30 meters and 50 meters. It also plays with the confusion in describing depths greater than 50m as "below 50". Alternatively, this might indicate the phone must remain dry above 50 meters altitude.
**[[xkcd Phone]] and [[XKCD Phone 3]] could drown. The latter was otherwise waterproof. [[xkcd Phone 2]] was only waterproof internally.
**In a previous comic, [[870: Advertising]], a similarly absurd range was used: "Up to 15% or more!"
**This could be mocking the "donut hole" in American Medicare drugs insurance, where people are insured up to a certain amount, then not insured, then insured again. This doesn't appear to make sense to anyone.
*'''Turing-complete''' - A computer is {{w|Turing completeness|Turing complete}} if it can perform all the operations needed to simulate a {{w|Turing machine}}. All modern computers are usually described as Turing complete, which would make this not very impressive, but no computer can ever be Turing complete in the truest sense (since they can only ever have a finite amount of memory) - if the xkcd Phone 4 is truly a universal computer, it's ''very'' impressive indeed.
*'''Gregorian/Julian calendar date switch''' - The {{w|Julian calendar}} is the predecessor to the modern {{w|Gregorian calendar}} - the difference is that the two calendars calculate leap years differently. The current difference between the calenders is 13 days, which will remain unchanged until February 2100. The Julian calendar is still used occasionally--mainly by Eastern Orthodox Christians--but it's not something so vital that it needs a hardwired switch on the front of the phone. This may be a play on the ability to switch the time display between a 12-hour clock and a 24-hour clock. It could also be plying with the ability to switch between Daylight Savings Time and Standard, or change time zones.
*'''''SpaceX'' impact protection: when dropped, phone lands on barge''' - The rocket company {{w|SpaceX}} recently trialed a {{w|SpaceX reusable launch system development program|reusable rocket stage}} which after separating from the launch vehicle, lands on a {{w|Autonomous spaceport drone ship|drone barge}} to be reused.
*'''The title text''' pokes fun at the number of SpaceX rockets that [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V3wZRdg-Tmo crashed and exploded] before they got the landing gear right.
*'''Parallel port''' - A {{w|parallel port}} is a type of interface which transfers high-volume simultaneous data. It was often used to connect printers and other devices to computers, but was generally considered obsolete by the time smartphones began to appear on the market, and would be very bulky and slow compared to the USB ports generally used in phones. It was commonly found together with {{w|serial port}}s, which are used for low-volume sequential data such as [[485: Depth|mouse]] [[1110: Click and Drag|movements]]. Here it is paired with a serial interface for analog data with parallel outputs for several people.
*'''12 headphone jacks''' - Headphone jacks are circular ports in a phone that allow audio to be played through headphones connected to the jack. There are [http://www.businessinsider.com.au/apple-headphone-jack-iphone-side-effects-2016-7#/#smaller-headphone-makers-would-be-at-a-disadvantage-4 constant rumours] that Apple's next iPhone will not have any headphone jacks, and the weird vents on the bottom of the phone. Also, [http://www.google.com Google] was developing a module for the now-cancelled [https://atap.google.com/ara/ Project Ara], a modular smartphone. This module allows the device to have [http://www.overclock3d.net/news/audio/sennheiser_shows_audio_module_concepts_for_project_ara/1 Four headphone jacks], which would allow audio to be shared among 4 people, each occupying one port. The xkcd phone takes this too far when they install a whopping TWELVE of them, which is completely overkill because almost nobody needs to connect to 12 headphones at once. 12 headphones will also drain the battery, like the wireless discharging in the [[XKCD Phone 3]], because playing audio through 24 speakers, two for each pair of headphones, is very power-consuming.
*'''Onboard cloud''' - The "cloud" is a catch-all term for the use of remote computers to store data, providing a backup if all local copies are lost and allowing the data to be accessed from a broad network. An "onboard cloud" would thus be a contradiction in terms, and appears to be a marketing ploy to use the "cloud" buzzword to describe the device's onboard storage capacity.
*'''New BrightGloTM display incorporates genetically spliced jellyfish protein (should have used the glowing genes, not the stinging ones)''' - {{w|Aequorea victoria}} is a species of jellyfish that contains {{w|green fluorescent protein}}, a gene that is bioluminescent and gives off light. This protein was supposed to be used to light the phone's screen. Unfortunately, the developers messed up, and accidentally took[http://bmcgenomics.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12864-015-1568-3 stinging kind], which means that touching the phone screen will be as painful as a jellyfish sting i.e. very painful.
*'''✓ Certified''' - Twitter certifies accounts related to music producers, government, journalism, business, sports, and other more "official" types of accounts with a blue checkmark besides the twitter handle (besides the @whomever). It's of course nonsense for a phone to be twitter verified. Alternatively, it might be a reference to [[1096: Clinically Studied Ingredient]], in which buzzwords such as "tested" and "certified" are intended to make a given product sound more legitimate.
*'''Software-defined''' - {{w|Software-defined radio}}s are quite popular in some areas, meaning the radio hardware is quite universal and can be adapted to different radio protocols just by changing software. SDR would actually be quite a nice feature for a cellphone. Of course it doesn't specify if it's the radio that is software defined.
*'''Exposed ductwork''' - A phone shouldn't even have ductwork, unless it has a very sophisticated cooling system, but this could supply air to the dog whistle. Exposed ductwork is a trademark of {{w|Bowellism|Bowellist}} architecture such as the {{w|Lloyd's Building}} in London and the {{w|Pompidou Centre}} in Paris. Exposed ductwork is also considered a crucial flaw in a death star. May also refer to a transparent window in the side of the phone allowing the user to see the circuitry inside, similar to computer cases with transparent side panels popular among DIY computing enthusiasts.
*'''Voice interaction: {{w|Siri (software)|Siri}}, {{w|Cortana (software)|Cortana}}, {{w|Google Now}} and {{w|Amazon Echo|Alexa}} respond simultaneously''' - These are all {{w|intelligent personal assistant software}} (from Apple, Microsoft, Google and Amazon respectively) and all do the same thing: control your phone and answer questions using speech recognition. Having all four talk at once would mean you'd have a total cacophony while gaining nothing.
**[[XKCD Phone 3]] might have included Siri.

*'''Did you know "4" is "IV" in Roman numerals?®©™''' - the tenth version of Apple's {{w|operating system}} for its {{w|Macintosh computer}} was labeled {{w|OS X}}, which was intended to be read as "oh ess ten". {{w|Steve Jobs}} was irritated that everyone else preferred "oh ess ecks". This phrase is labeled with trademark and copyright symbols, as if someone desires it to be the product's {{w|tagline}} but has poor understanding of relevant laws. In particular, "<big>{{w|™}}</big>" is a symbol for {{w|unregistered trademark}}s while "<big>{{w|®}}</big>" is a symbol for {{w|registered trademark}}s. If the phrase were an unregistered trademark, the owner would be prohibited from using "<big>{{w|®}}</big>".

==Transcript==
:[An image of a smartphone featuring wings is shown. Clockwise from the top left the labels read:]

:18,000 μAh nickel-lithium-iron battery (non-rechargeable)

:Subwoofer

:"Dog whistle"

:Non-porous, washable

:WebMD partnership: Cough-activated feature reads aloud a random diagnosis for "coughing"

:Wings

:Beveled bezel

:Bezeled bevel

:Seedless

:Water resistant down to 30 meters and below 50

:Turing-complete

:Gregorian/Julian calendar switch

:SpaceX impact protection: When dropped, phone lands on barge

:Parallel port

:12 headphone jacks

:Onboard cloud

:New BrightGloTM display incorporates genetically spliced jellyfish protein (should have used the glowing genes, not the stinging ones)

:✓ Certified

:Software-defined

:Exposed ductwork

:Voice interaction: Siri, Cortana, Google Now and Alexa respond simultaneously

:[Below the phone:]
:Introducing
:<big><big>The XKCD Phone 4</big></big>
:Did you know "4" is "IV" in Roman numerals?®©™

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:xkcd Phones]]
[[Category:Comics sharing name|xkcd Phones]]
[[Category:Animals]]

1707: xkcd Phone 4

2017-01-20T00:57:00Z

Pickaxe24: 12 headphone jacks

{{comic
| number = 1707
| date = July 15, 2016
| title = xkcd Phone 4
| image = xkcd_phone_4.png
| titletext = The SpaceX system carefully guides falling phones down to the surface, a process which the phones increasingly often survive without exploding.
}}

==Explanation==
This is the fourth entry in the ongoing [[:Category:xkcd Phones|xkcd Phone series]], and once again, the comic plays with many standard tech buzzwords to create a phone that sounds impressive but would actually be very impractical.

From the top-left, going clockwise:
*'''18,000 μAh (micro-Ampere hours) nickel-lithium-iron battery (non-rechargeable)''' Phone battery capacity is measured in {{w|ampere-hour}}s (which thanks to the magic of {{w|dimensional analysis}}, is just an unusual way of denoting electric charge, which equals 3600 Coulombs). Usually, the capacity is quoted in milliampere-hours (one-thousandth, or 10-3, of an ampere hour); however, this one is quoted in ''micro''ampere-hours (one-millionth, or 10-6, of an ampere-hour), presumably as a marketing ploy to give a more impressive-looking number. Quoted in more standard terms, this phone's battery capacity is 18 mAh. In comparison, an iPhone 6+ has a battery capacity of 2,750 mAh. This phone's battery is dreadful (under a typical current draw of 0.1A, it would power the phone for about 11 minutes). There is nothing normally called a "nickel-lithium-iron battery" - rather, this seems to be a [[739|malamanteau]] of the experimental {{w|nickel–lithium battery}} and the common {{w|lithium ion battery}} (which does not contain any iron) or the lithium-iron-phosphate battery, often called lithium-iron, but more often called the LiFePO battery. The {{w|nickel–iron battery}} may contain {{w|lithium hydroxide}}, but it's ''terrible'' for most applications. Worse, this battery is non-rechargeable, meaning that it would have to be replaced to use the phone again after it is exhausted (every 11 minutes, at that!).
**[[XKCD Phone 3]] was powered by two {{w|AA battery|AA batteries}} (not included), which have an energy capacity roughly 100 times larger.
**Many devices have a small second battery which is only used for keeping the clock time. This could be such a battery.
*'''Subwoofer''' - A {{w|subwoofer}} is a large bass speaker, which this is not. Some phones do have high-quality speakers for playing music, but these are not placed right next to the earpiece - this would be a surefire way to deafen your users. When put next to Dog Whistle, this is probably a pun, since both relate to dogs; the English onomatopoeia for the sound a dog makes is "Woof".
*'''"Dog whistle"''' - A {{w|dog whistle}} is a high-pitched whistle that humans cannot hear, but dogs can. In speaker terminology, a bass speaker is called a {{w|woofer}} because it could reproduce the low pitch of a dog bark. A treble speaker is a {{w|tweeter}}; if this "whistle" is actually a speaker, it might be termed a ''supertweeter''. The scare quotes may be a reference to "dog-whistle politics", in which certain phrases have a particular meaning to a segment of the audience that passes unnoticed by the rest. This allows a candidate to surreptitiously signal agreement with that group, without alienating the rest of the audience, among whom the ideas might be unpopular if plainly stated.
**[[xkcd Phone 2]] contained a "dog noticer".
*'''Non-porous, washable''' - On the one hand, it's rare for a phone to be made of porous materials. On the other, there are legitimately waterproof phones that seal the speakers and ports with rubber.
**[[xkcd Phone 2]] was also washable (though only once).
*'''''WebMD'' partnership: cough-activated feature reads aloud a random diagnosis for "coughing"''' - {{w|WebMD}} is a website to help people diagnose themselves. For the vast majority of people, a cough just means an irritated throat or maybe a cold, but selecting randomly from all WebMD diagnoses gives some much more ominous - if very unlikely - ones, including {{w|ricin}} poisoning, {{w|plague}}, {{w|lung cancer}} and {{w|radiation poisoning}}.
*'''Wings''' - These {{w|wings}} resemble the ones found on {{w|sanitary towel}}s (sometimes called "pads", making this a possible iPad pun) which attach the pad to the {{w|gusset}} and keep it in place between the woman's legs during her period ({{w|Menstruation}} cycle). If actually functional as {{w|aerodynamic}} wings, they would likely come into play when the "SpaceX" impact protection feature becomes engaged, and would likely make holding the phone awkward if rigid.
**[[XKCD Phone 3]] had a similarly positioned wristband.
*'''Beveled bezel''' - The ''bezel'' is the ring around the edge of watches and screens. This one's {{w|bevel}}ed, which means it's cut at an angle.
*'''Bezeled bevel''' - Punning on the above. Doesn't make much sense, but could mean that it features a beveled edge which is surrounded by a bezel.
*'''Seedless''' - Fruit such as grapes can be "seedless", which means that they're grown from a special {{w|cultivar}} that doesn't grow seeds in the normal way. Making a phone seedless probably won't do anything, but {{w|Random seed|it might hurt}} its {{w|random number generator}}.
**[[XKCD Phone 3]] was boneless.
*'''Water resistant down to 30 meters and below 50''' - {{w|Water resistance}} is often measured in terms of how deep an object can be submerged, since pressure increases with depth. In this case, the phone can be submerged to almost any depth, but there's an odd lacuna between 30 meters and 50 meters. It also plays with the confusion in describing depths greater than 50m as "below 50". Alternatively, this might indicate the phone must remain dry above 50 meters altitude.
**[[xkcd Phone]] and [[XKCD Phone 3]] could drown. The latter was otherwise waterproof. [[xkcd Phone 2]] was only waterproof internally.
**In a previous comic, [[870: Advertising]], a similarly absurd range was used: "Up to 15% or more!"
**This could be mocking the "donut hole" in American Medicare drugs insurance, where people are insured up to a certain amount, then not insured, then insured again. This doesn't appear to make sense to anyone.
*'''Turing-complete''' - A computer is {{w|Turing completeness|Turing complete}} if it can perform all the operations needed to simulate a {{w|Turing machine}}. All modern computers are usually described as Turing complete, which would make this not very impressive, but no computer can ever be Turing complete in the truest sense (since they can only ever have a finite amount of memory) - if the xkcd Phone 4 is truly a universal computer, it's ''very'' impressive indeed.
*'''Gregorian/Julian calendar date switch''' - The {{w|Julian calendar}} is the predecessor to the modern {{w|Gregorian calendar}} - the difference is that the two calendars calculate leap years differently. The current difference between the calenders is 13 days, which will remain unchanged until February 2100. The Julian calendar is still used occasionally--mainly by Eastern Orthodox Christians--but it's not something so vital that it needs a hardwired switch on the front of the phone. This may be a play on the ability to switch the time display between a 12-hour clock and a 24-hour clock. It could also be plying with the ability to switch between Daylight Savings Time and Standard, or change time zones.
*'''''SpaceX'' impact protection: when dropped, phone lands on barge''' - The rocket company {{w|SpaceX}} recently trialed a {{w|SpaceX reusable launch system development program|reusable rocket stage}} which after separating from the launch vehicle, lands on a {{w|Autonomous spaceport drone ship|drone barge}} to be reused.
*'''The title text''' pokes fun at the number of SpaceX rockets that [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V3wZRdg-Tmo crashed and exploded] before they got the landing gear right.
*'''Parallel port''' - A {{w|parallel port}} is a type of interface which transfers high-volume simultaneous data. It was often used to connect printers and other devices to computers, but was generally considered obsolete by the time smartphones began to appear on the market, and would be very bulky and slow compared to the USB ports generally used in phones. It was commonly found together with {{w|serial port}}s, which are used for low-volume sequential data such as [[485: Depth|mouse]] [[1110: Click and Drag|movements]]. Here it is paired with a serial interface for analog data with parallel outputs for several people.
*'''12 headphone jacks''' - Headphone jacks are circular ports in a phone that allow audio to be played through headphones connected to the jack. There are [http://www.businessinsider.com.au/apple-headphone-jack-iphone-side-effects-2016-7#/#smaller-headphone-makers-would-be-at-a-disadvantage-4 constant rumours] that Apple's next iPhone will not have any headphone jacks, and the weird vents on the bottom of the phone. Also, [http://www.google.com Google] was developing a module for the now-cancelled [https://atap.google.com/ara/ Project Ara], a modular smartphone. This module allows the device to have [http://www.overclock3d.net/news/audio/sennheiser_shows_audio_module_concepts_for_project_ara/1 Four headphone jacks], which would allow audio to be shared among 4 people, each occupying one port. The xkcd phone takes this too far when they install a whopping TWELVE of them, which is completely overkill because almost nobody needs to connect to 12 headphones at once. 12 headphones will also drain the battery, like the wireless discharging in the [[XKCD Phone 3]], because playing audio through 24 speakers, two for each pair of headphones, is very power-consuming.
*'''Onboard cloud''' - The "cloud" is a catch-all term for the use of remote computers to store data, providing a backup if all local copies are lost and allowing the data to be accessed from a broad network. An "onboard cloud" would thus be a contradiction in terms, and appears to be a marketing ploy to use the "cloud" buzzword to describe the device's onboard storage capacity.
*'''New BrightGloTM display incorporates genetically spliced jellyfish protein (should have used the glowing genes, not the stinging ones)''' - {{w|Aequorea victoria}} jellyfish contain a protein called {{w|green fluorescent protein}}, the gene for which has been isolated and can be used in many ways. Unfortunately, the developers of this phone took the wrong gene, and ended up getting [http://bmcgenomics.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12864-015-1568-3 one of the hundreds of proteins from jellyfish venom], which will presumably mean that touching the screen becomes a painful experience.
*'''✓ Certified''' - Twitter certifies accounts related to music producers, government, journalism, business, sports, and other more "official" types of accounts with a blue checkmark besides the twitter handle (besides the @whomever). It's of course nonsense for a phone to be twitter verified. Alternatively, it might be a reference to [[1096: Clinically Studied Ingredient]], in which buzzwords such as "tested" and "certified" are intended to make a given product sound more legitimate.
*'''Software-defined''' - {{w|Software-defined radio}}s are quite popular in some areas, meaning the radio hardware is quite universal and can be adapted to different radio protocols just by changing software. SDR would actually be quite a nice feature for a cellphone. Of course it doesn't specify if it's the radio that is software defined.
*'''Exposed ductwork''' - A phone shouldn't even have ductwork, unless it has a very sophisticated cooling system, but this could supply air to the dog whistle. Exposed ductwork is a trademark of {{w|Bowellism|Bowellist}} architecture such as the {{w|Lloyd's Building}} in London and the {{w|Pompidou Centre}} in Paris. Exposed ductwork is also considered a crucial flaw in a death star. May also refer to a transparent window in the side of the phone allowing the user to see the circuitry inside, similar to computer cases with transparent side panels popular among DIY computing enthusiasts.
*'''Voice interaction: {{w|Siri (software)|Siri}}, {{w|Cortana (software)|Cortana}}, {{w|Google Now}} and {{w|Amazon Echo|Alexa}} respond simultaneously''' - These are all {{w|intelligent personal assistant software}} (from Apple, Microsoft, Google and Amazon respectively) and all do the same thing: control your phone and answer questions using speech recognition. Having all four talk at once would mean you'd have a total cacophony while gaining nothing.
**[[XKCD Phone 3]] might have included Siri.

*'''Did you know "4" is "IV" in Roman numerals?®©™''' - the tenth version of Apple's {{w|operating system}} for its {{w|Macintosh computer}} was labeled {{w|OS X}}, which was intended to be read as "oh ess ten". {{w|Steve Jobs}} was irritated that everyone else preferred "oh ess ecks". This phrase is labeled with trademark and copyright symbols, as if someone desires it to be the product's {{w|tagline}} but has poor understanding of relevant laws. In particular, "<big>{{w|™}}</big>" is a symbol for {{w|unregistered trademark}}s while "<big>{{w|®}}</big>" is a symbol for {{w|registered trademark}}s. If the phrase were an unregistered trademark, the owner would be prohibited from using "<big>{{w|®}}</big>".

==Transcript==
:[An image of a smartphone featuring wings is shown. Clockwise from the top left the labels read:]

:18,000 μAh nickel-lithium-iron battery (non-rechargeable)

:Subwoofer

:"Dog whistle"

:Non-porous, washable

:WebMD partnership: Cough-activated feature reads aloud a random diagnosis for "coughing"

:Wings

:Beveled bezel

:Bezeled bevel

:Seedless

:Water resistant down to 30 meters and below 50

:Turing-complete

:Gregorian/Julian calendar switch

:SpaceX impact protection: When dropped, phone lands on barge

:Parallel port

:12 headphone jacks

:Onboard cloud

:New BrightGloTM display incorporates genetically spliced jellyfish protein (should have used the glowing genes, not the stinging ones)

:✓ Certified

:Software-defined

:Exposed ductwork

:Voice interaction: Siri, Cortana, Google Now and Alexa respond simultaneously

:[Below the phone:]
:Introducing
:<big><big>The XKCD Phone 4</big></big>
:Did you know "4" is "IV" in Roman numerals?®©™

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:xkcd Phones]]
[[Category:Comics sharing name|xkcd Phones]]
[[Category:Animals]]

1549: xkcd Phone 3

2017-01-20T00:46:29Z

Pickaxe24:

{{comic
| number = 1549
| date = July 10, 2015
| title = XKCD Phone 3
| image = xkcd_phone_3.png
| titletext = If you're not completely satisfied with the phone after 30 days, we will return you to your home at no cost.
}}

==Explanation==
This is the third entry in the ongoing [[:Category:xkcd Phones|xkcd Phone series]] which parodies common smartphone specs by attributing absurd or useless features to a fictional phone.

In the table the features are explained in order from the top left going clockwise
{| class="wikitable"
!Feature
!Explanation
|-
|'''2 AA batteries (not included)'''
| A phrase usually shown on small, low-powered, electronic devices like remote controllers, and not on cellphones; which use lithium-ion batteries and need to be periodically recharged for continuous use.
The apparently thin phone (according to the scale as judged by the wristband) would also preclude inserting AA batteries, unless a protruding battery compartment is hidden out of view on the back of the phone.
Alternatively could mean two Anti-Aircraft (artillery) "batteries" which would be groups of light or medium artillery pieces or missiles (2 to 9 weapons per battery, depending on country, weapon system and organisation). In any case, they would badly hamper the portability of the phone.
|-
|'''Boneless'''
| Reference to meat or fish products being boneless, i.e. having all the bones removed, making it convenient to cook or eat. Phones do not typically have bones{{Citation needed}}, so this is wholly unremarkable. A possible reference to the iPhone 6's reported problems with its chassis, where it {{w|IPhone 6#Chassis bending|could bend under pressure}}.

Likely a reference to "Bone Conduction Microphones" implying that needing bones to work is a disadvantage and this phone has the feature of being "Boneless".

[[xkcd Phone 4]] was instead "seedless".
|-
|'''Ear screen'''
| An overcomplicated term for a speaker, connecting a screen which emits light to send visual information and the portion of a speaker which vibrates to send auditory information. Comparing the two makes a speaker a screen for the ear.
|-
|'''Heartbeat accelerator'''
| A mashup of heartbeat sensor and accelerometer. May be some sort of external pacemaker. If that's the case, it's worrying that it only accelerates, potentially causing a positive feedback (heart attack). It may also be the result of the phone being so exciting or frustrating that it increases its user's heart rate.
|-
|'''MobilePay money clip'''
| While mobile pay is a form of payment involving electronic transfers via cellphone, this model includes a money clip; a way of holding physical bills together, which defeats the purpose of electronic payment. Whether this is a clip that transfers money digitally or the phrase mobile pay is just a marketing tag is unknown.
|-
|'''Siri, or whoever it was we put in here'''
| A joke on intelligent personal assistants. It also jokes that Siri and the like are actual people, trapped inside of phones.
|-
|'''Instead of being on surface only, screen goes all the way through'''
| A reference to surface screens. Possible reference to smartphones with screen display wrapping one or more edges, like Samsung Galaxy Note Edge or Samsung Galaxy S6 Edge, or dual-screen smartphones with screen on the back (usually e-ink) like YotaPhone 2, or smartphones with minimal bezel like e.g. Sharp AQUOS Crystal.

Screen going ''all the way through'' would leave no place for innards of smartphone: processor, battery etc., and unless each layer is designed to be semi-transparent to see the inner {{w|voxel}}s the inner displays would be unseeable anyway.
|-
|'''theknot.com partnership: Phone licensed to perform wedding ceremonies and does so at random'''
| [https://www.theknot.com/ theknot.com] is a website that assists in all stages of wedding planning. Due to this partnering, the phone has apparently obtained legal status as a {{w|Justice of the peace}} capable of performing legally valid marriages. It exerts this capability randomly, however, so the phone's owner (or potentially any other unsuspecting bystander) could suddenly find themselves with a new spouse without their knowledge, generally an undesired effect{{Citation needed}}. Whether this would result in unintentional {{w|bigamy}} or if the phone restricts itself to pairing up singles, or even enacts divorce first if necessary, is left unclear. May be a reference to how same-sex marriage was fully [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obergefell_v._Hodges legalized] in the United States just two weeks prior to the release of this comic.
|-
|'''Fingerprint randomizer'''
| Presumably randomises the user's fingerprint, which may or may not be inconvenient depending on the intent of the user. It is not clear whether the device will change the person's fingerprint into a human-like fingerprint that is randomly selected from all possibilities, or if it completely mangles the fingerprint of the user. Either way, physically altering the user's finger to this degree will likely involve a painful process. Likely a cynical reference to fingerprint scanners, which are touted as password replacements.
|-
|'''USB E (hotswappable)'''
| A USB port that makes fun of the three current systems, A, B, and recently C, by skipping D completely and jumping to E. The port presumably charges the phone and allows to transfer files like normal, but this kind lets you perform {{w|Hot swapping}} (replacing computer system components without turning the system off) with it, which has always been a feature of USB, so mentioning it is redundant at best.
May be a reference to the eSATAp (Power over eSATA) hybrid port that is functioning as a USB and eSATA port at the same time. The Serial ATA bus interface has standardized hot swapping support.
|-
|'''Waterproof, but can drown'''
| Perhaps a reference to Siri or the person trapped in the phone drowning, but the phone itself staying functional. This is another human-like function, which the first 2 XKCD Phone comics had.
|-
|'''Foretold by prophecy'''
| Likely mocking people on the internet who attempt to predict when Apple will release their next device. Might also be a joke on many videogames or fantasy novels, in which the main character is 'the chosen one', because 'the prophecy' foretold it.
|-
|'''Runs Natively'''
| Usually a description given to ported software, as this statement doesn't make any sense when referring to hardware (notable {{w|Transmeta Crusoe|exceptions}} to the norm are few and far between). When software writers would like to run their apps on multiple platforms, they usually have three choices: re-compile the source code into each platform's codebase (often requiring tweaking to handle practical differences in resources between the systems); use a specially 'pre-portable' code that you can {{w|write once, run anywhere}}, such as Java, but requires a suitable interpreter to be written for each platform (and may still require code tweaks to absorb differences in implementations); create a specific emulator/virtual machine to allow existing code to 'see' the platform it was written for, despite the underlying system.
Only the first option is 'running natively', often the most optimised and thus best-performing option, and is usually qualified such as "Runs <Software Name> natively", for particular packages full compiled upon that platform. It would also make little sense for the OS ''itself'' to be non-native, except when intentionally emulating another system (ideally on a more powerful system that can power past the inefficiencies of conversion and translation).
Or, in this case, it may be that the phone has legs and can literally run.
|-
|'''Wristband'''
| Probably mocking trending smart watches, this feature would not be very useful on a full-sized smart phone, as it would be uncomfortable to wear due to its size. Also possibly a follow-up to xkcd Phone 2 being described as a 'phone for your other hand', as the wristband would make it possible to have all three phones accessible at once.
|-
|'''Wireless discharging'''
| Some modern smartphones use a system called "wireless charging," in which power is delivered to the phone without a wire. This phone, however, uses wireless technology to discharge the phone, which would be useless given that the phone needs power and removing power from its battery doesn't seem to help... May also refer to the standard behavior of the phone's antenna, which communicates wirelessly via EM radio waves, but discharges the battery in doing so. It could also be simply and literally describing the nature of all cell phones, and indeed all battery-powered electronic devices, to gradually use the battery (discharging) when there are no wires attached (wireless), since wireless also means no power cord is plugged in (and assuming the absence or non-use of the aforementioned wireless charging function, which this phone may not even have). Depending on the avenue of discharge, this may also be related to the heartbeat accelerator, accelerating the user's heartbeat by shocking them.
|-
|'''Magnetic stripe'''
| Likely a dig at the NFC (near-field communication) wireless radio modules in many modern phones. NFC allows, among others functions, mobile payment. This magnetic stripe could be a cheap way to imitate payment functionality, but "compatible" with classic credit cards.
Magnetic stripes are a data storage method used by devices such as credit cards and key cards to hold and transfer small amounts of information like key codes. Usually cellphones don't have them as they utilize more robust and protected ways to store and transmit data (such as NFC). The magnetic stripe shown would likely be unusable with current magnetic stripe readers due to the phone's thickness, in contrast to that of regular cards, thus breaking all imagined 'compatibility' arguments.
It would also be very annoying as it seems to block part of the screen.
|}

The phrase "We made another one®©™" is a reference to how phone companies release new phones very often, and the trademarks that surround the phone itself.

The title text is a joke on guarantees and customer service. Usually the advertisement says that if the customer is not satisfied with the product, they'll refund the money and take the product back at no additional cost. In this case they guarantee the customer they'll send him/her home without charge; implying they won't fix or refund anything. Or that due to anticipated but unspecified faults of some kind, the phone's owner will ''need'' help to get back home when things go wrong, and probably be thankful for such assistance, in yet another example of a worryingly non-specific 'reassurance'.

==Transcript==
:[An image of a smartphone lying down, with many labels pointing to it. There is a black stripe across the top left corner of the phone. At the top right something is protruding from the side, like a volume control. There is a wrist band (only partly shown) attached to the middle of each side of the phone. Above the screen are several small features, below only a central square and on the bottom a socket. Clockwise from the top left the labels read:]
:2 AA batteries
:(not included)
:Boneless
:Ear screen
:Heartbeat accelerator
:MobilePay money clip
:Siri, or whoever it was we put in here
:Instead of being on surface only, screen goes all the way through
:theknot.com partnership: Phone licensed to perform wedding ceremonies and does so at random
:Fingerprint randomizer
:USB E
:(hotswappable)
:Waterproof, but can drown
:Foretold by prophecy
:Runs natively
:Wristband
:Wireless discharging
:Magnetic stripe

:[Below the phone:]
:Introducing
:<big><big>The XKCD Phone 3</big></big>
:We made another one®©™

{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:xkcd Phones]]
[[Category:Comics sharing name|xkcd Phones]]

1714: Volcano Types

2017-01-19T04:42:51Z

Pickaxe24: Antlion

{{comic
| number = 1714
| date = August 1, 2016
| title = Volcano Types
| image = volcano_types.png
| titletext = It's hard living somewhere with antlions, because every time you find one of their traps, you feel compelled to spend all day constructing a tiny model of Jabba's sail barge next to it.
}}

==Explanation==
This comic presents a table of 12 different types of volcano. Split into 3 rows, the first 4 are authentic types of volcano; while the remaining 8 are parodies, one not even trying to represent a volcano but shows a real animal in its inverted trap cone.

Volcanoes have featured in many xkcd comics, [[media:1608 Entire Volcano plateau zoom out_extra.png|most prominently]] in the left part of the world (the Lord of the Rings section) of [[1608: Hoverboard]]. This comic's volcano looks like it could soon turn into a Somma volcano.

===Real volcanoes===
*{{w|Cinder cone}}: small, steep-sided volcano formed of {{w|scoria}} and ash.
*{{w|Shield volcano}}: wide, rounded volcano formed of solidified lava flow.
*{{w|Stratovolcano}}: large volcano formed of layers (strata) from multiple eruptions.
*{{w|Somma volcano}}: new volcanic cone in the middle of an old collapsed volcanic crater.

===Joke volcanoes===
*Metasomma volcano: nested layers of somma volcanos i.e. a whole set of new volcanoes (three in this situation) formed inside of old ones. "Meta" is a prefix that often denotes recursion.
*{{w|Waffle cone}}: type of pastry that ice cream is served in, related to volcano cones only insofar as they are the same shape, but typically the waffle cones are turned the other way up to keep the ice cream inside. If the tip of the waffle cone is not filled with solid chocolate or similar, then the contents may very well melt and run out the bottom like the smoke coming out at the very tip of the Waffle cone volcano.
*Science fair cone: common elementary science experiment that is often used as a project for science fairs. A structure is built to resemble a model volcano and is filled with a mix of baking soda, vinegar, and sometimes food coloring. The reaction between baking soda and vinegar quickly produces a large amount of carbon dioxide, creating a foam that overflows and mimics a volcanic eruption. In this picture, there are people running away from the volcano that are much smaller than it. This is likely a reference to [[1611: Baking Soda and Vinegar]], either the scale-model people on the first volcano, or real people running from the baking soda supervolcano (in this case two [[Cueball]]-like guys and [[Megan]]).
*Doot cone: This may likely be a reference to the meme of the [http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/skull-trumpet skull-trumpet] where the trumpet playing skull [https://www.reddit.com/r/OutOfTheLoop/comments/39xnk2/what_is_this_doot_thing_with_the_skeletons/cs7jdsa produces the sound Doot] as a large part of the meme. Doot is also a fart sound, a doot cone could be just ejecting farts instead of lava.
**There has been some discussion about if this is likely, with someone referencing the [https://www.amazon.com/Florida-DOT-Approved-Traffic-Cone/dp/B009RUTKZA DOT cones], traffic cones approved by DOT or the {{w|Department of transportation}} in the US.
**Also there have been mention of ''{{w|Dot-com}}'' coming close to ''Doot cone''. The {{w|Dot-com bubble}} could be said to burst, just like this volcano bursts/erupts.
*{{w|Antlion}}: An antlion is the larva of an insect known as the lacewing, and is commonly called a doodlebug. These insects dig pits in the sand to use as traps; when a bug comes along and falls in, the sand collapses and falls on the bug, making it very difficult to escape. The antlion then eats the unsuspecting prey. Maybe a reference to {{w|Formica Leo}}, a small volcanic crater in the Reunion island named after the antlion. Also, a recurring boss villain in the video game Final Fantasy series. Also appears in the {{w|List_of_Moomin_(1990)_episodes Moomin (1990)|TV series}} as a literal black lion.
*Inverse Volcano: as the name implies, a regular volcano but reversed. A real volcano consists of solid rock on the outside, magma on the inside and spewing lava from the top.
*Ghost Vent: cone with ghosts coming out of it. It may be a reference to {{w|Scientology}}, where part of the faith states that the souls of aliens were stored in a volcano from which they later escaped, as described in the story of {{w|Xenu}}. The ghosts could also refer to the {{w|Pac-Man}} video game.
*Pedant's Bane: the joke is that people sometimes confuse magma and lava, which are different names for the same heated liquid rock. Magma becomes lava when it emerges from a volcano. The Pedant's Bane volcano is therefore impossible by definition, but if it were possible, then a {{w|pedant}} would have met his [https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/bane#Etymology_1 bane] (i.e. his downfall), because when he corrected someone's description of this volcano, the pedant would actually be wrong. Alternatively, the illustration itself could be Pedant's Bane because a pedant would be lured into pointing out how wrong it is. This is a direct reference to the pedant in [[1405: Meteor]].

The title text refers to a famous scene in ''{{w|Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi}}'' where {{w|Jabba the Hutt}} intends to feed {{w|Luke Skywalker}} to the {{w|Sarlacc|sarlacc}}, an underground creature that builds a huge funnel trap similar to that of an antlion. [[wikia:c:starwars:Khetanna|Jabba's distinctive sail barge]] features prominently in that scene, and when Randall comes upon an antlion he can't help himself starting to build a scale model next to the antlions inverted cone. Given how small antlions are, this will be very difficult to do, see for instance [[878: Model Rail]].

==Transcript==
:[Twelve drawings in four rows of different "volcano" types, the first four real, and some not even volcanoes of any sort, real or fake. Below each panel is a caption with the name of the drawn volcano. Some of the volcanoes have labels or sound written inside the panel. Each of the volcanoes has a baseline for the ground going straight a short distance over the bottom of each panel. All 11 volcanoes lie on top of this line, but some show the inside of the volcano going further into the ground.]

:[Standard cone shaped volcano, with straight sides sloping up to a triangular shape, but with the tip of the cone cut off to form the central jagged edged crater. White smoke rises straight up and then drifts to the left forming three separate clouds.]
:Cinder Cone

:[Flat rounded shaped volcano, as a part of a circle. There is not a real crater visible but from the center a thin plume of smoke rises up, drift drifts to the left and forms a small white cloud.]
:Shield Volcano

:[This is the largest volcano. The tip of this volcano is similar to the first volcano, but with more uneven slopes and a bit smaller. The tip is clearly separated from the bottom section by a thin jagged line, and below the sides of the volcano decreases their slope, so they are less steep than the tip. Black smoke rises straight up from the crater and then drifts to the left in four thin lines.]
:Stratovolcano

:[A wide volcano spans the entire panel, with a large central crater, with a bottom baseline far above the ground level. Just left of the middle of this crater is a standard smaller volcano cone, very similar to the shape of the tip in the previous panel. Even the smoke from this cones small crater is similar to the previous panels.]
:Somma Volcano

:[The central part of this volcano is the same shape as the previous panel. This could be a zoom out, revealing that the large crater, is at the center on an even larger crater, which again is at the center of a crater that spans the panel. A plume of black smoke rises from the centeral cones crater, and drifts left as five white clouds.]
:Metasomma Volcano

:[A perfect cone-shape, triangular and steep, with checkered ice cone waffle texture, even with a line indicating where the waffle has been a folded. It looks like a road up the volcano. Black smoke drift up from the sharp tip, no crater, and drifts left forming a small cloud separated from the rest of the smoke lines.]
:Waffle Cone

:[Standard cone as in the first, but zoomed in so it fills the panel from left to right. The volcano's top has been cut much further down leaving a wide crater from which lava is pouring down the sides in large rivers of different width and length. To the left one long river has almost reached the ground. Cueball is running down the left side, and Megan is running after another Cueball with his arms up on the right side. There is a label with an arrow pointing to the lava:]
:Label: Baking soda and vinegar
:Science Fair Cone

:[Standard cone like the previous, but with more jagged sloped and crater. This volcano erupts with a large explosion with fire and smoke coming out in all directions above the crater. A large sound is written above the explosion:]
:Sound. <big>'''Doooooot'''</big>
:Doot Cone

:[This is not a volcano, but the inverse, a cone down into the ground, the ground level no above the center of the panel. The slope down into this cone hole is straight, the ground above is more jagged. At the bottom of the hole sits a small animal with six legs and an open mouth piece sticking up out of the hole. Its fat body is hidden under the ground along with its legs.]
:Antlion

:[Standard volcano cone like the previous volcano. It erupts and the central part shows how the erupting material comes up from below ground level (below the line at the bottom in which the cone it self stands). The erupting material is white rocks on black background. At the top several rocks is blown out of the crater top. The sides of the volcano is filled with blobs small and large, and stones rolling down the sides. There are two labels, each with two arrows. The first labels arrows points to the side of the volcano, the second labels arrows points to the erupting material inside and outside the volcano:]
:First label: Lava
:Second label: Solid rocks
:Inverse Volcano

:[Standard cone like the doot cone, with a crater that bends down in the middle. From this crater eight white ghosts with two black eyes are rising, like the smoke, drifting left. The highest ghost is just reaching the edge at the top left of the panel. The lowest ghost is still inside the crater with its wavy lower parts.]
:Ghost Vent

:[A standard cone like the doot cone. At the top there is lave over the outer edges, some of it running down the side. The inside of the volcano has been drawn like in the inverse volcano, so it is clear that the magma inside the volcano comes up from below ground level (below the line at the bottom in which the cone it self stands). There are two labels that contradicts the description above. The top label outside the volcano points to the lava with an arrow, and the bottom label inside the volcano points to the magma:]
:Top label: Magma
:Bottom label: Lava
:Pedant's Bane

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Megan]]
[[Category:Multiple Cueballs]]
[[Category:Food]] 
[[Category:Animals]] 
[[Category:Star Wars]]
[[Category:Geography]]
[[Category:Pedantic]]

623: Oregon

2017-01-15T02:30:03Z

Pickaxe24: Minor edit

{{comic
| number = 623
| date = August 14, 2009
| title = Oregon
| image = oregon.png
| titletext = A century later, the harrowing flight of the survivors from Oregon was dramatized in a popular video game.
}}

==Explanation==

The video game ''{{w|The Oregon Trail (video game)|The Oregon Trail}}'' was an educational video game released in 1971, which, in the game, players would play as a character taking a trek west along the {{w|Oregon Trail}}, was an overland track leading from Missouri to Oregon, and in the video game, the player started his or her journey in 1848.

Most players were grade-school students. The game was very popular, and thousands of players played it monthly. In their youthful wisdom, most players brought the minimum amount of food and planned to hunt for their meals. Large animals (bison, bears, etc.) were very easy and rewarding targets, while smaller prey (rabbits, squirrels, etc.) were harder to obtain and provided less food.

The comic tries to document, as though in a historical fashion, what would have been the result if all the players had been real settlers who really had prepared for their journey on the Oregon Trail in that way. With an unbelievably large influx of people all arriving in exactly the same year, and all with no other supplies or sources of food, the land would soon have been stripped bare, all large game slaughtered for meat, with hunger, starvation and disease soon to follow. {{w|Dysentery}} in particular was very common in the original game and perhaps the most infamous way to die, hence its listing as the most prominent epidemic.

The title text makes things rather recursive. In this alternate reality, thousands upon thousands of people fleeing ''from'' the overpopulated, devastated Oregon becomes the focus of another video game, much like ''The Oregon Trail'' in our universe.

==Transcript==
:History of 19th-century Oregon

:[Timeline, with relevant images next to various dates.]

:1805
::[Two men stand at the edge of a cliff. One has a walking staff.]
::Arrival of Lewis & Clark

:1825
::Early settlers arrive

:1841
::Oregon Trail established

:1843
::Larger western migration begins

:1848
::[A horse is pulling a covered wagon. A gun peeks out the back.]
::Huge wave of 500,000+ settlers arrives from Missouri. Largely children and adolescents, most bring nothing but cartloads of bullets for hunting.

:1849
::[Cueball and Megan with rifles aim at something.]
::Overhunting begins to devastate ecosystem
::Dysentery epidemic.

:1850
::[Tombstones and bodies.]
::Shooting deaths skyrocket
::Typhoid epidemic
::Measles epidemic
::Cholera epidemic

:1851
::All mammals larger than squirrels wiped out by overhunting
::Massive famine

:1852
::[Sun low over a land, devoid of life. Scattered remains of corpses and skeletons.]
::Last survivors flee
::Oregon territory abandoned

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Video games]]

623: Oregon

2017-01-15T02:29:33Z

Pickaxe24: Oregon Trail

{{comic
| number = 623
| date = August 14, 2009
| title = Oregon
| image = oregon.png
| titletext = A century later, the harrowing flight of the survivors from Oregon was dramatized in a popular video game.
}}

==Explanation==

The video game ''{{w|The Oregon Trail (video game)|The Oregon Trail}}'' was an educational video game released in 1978, which, in the game, players would play as a character taking a trek west along the {{w|Oregon Trail}}, was an overland track leading from Missouri to Oregon, and in the video game, the player started his or her journey in 1848.

Most players were grade-school students. The game was very popular, and thousands of players played it monthly. In their youthful wisdom, most players brought the minimum amount of food and planned to hunt for their meals. Large animals (bison, bears, etc.) were very easy and rewarding targets, while smaller prey (rabbits, squirrels, etc.) were harder to obtain and provided less food.

The comic tries to document, as though in a historical fashion, what would have been the result if all the players had been real settlers who really had prepared for their journey on the Oregon Trail in that way. With an unbelievably large influx of people all arriving in exactly the same year, and all with no other supplies or sources of food, the land would soon have been stripped bare, all large game slaughtered for meat, with hunger, starvation and disease soon to follow. {{w|Dysentery}} in particular was very common in the original game and perhaps the most infamous way to die, hence its listing as the most prominent epidemic.

The title text makes things rather recursive. In this alternate reality, thousands upon thousands of people fleeing ''from'' the overpopulated, devastated Oregon becomes the focus of another video game, much like ''The Oregon Trail'' in our universe.

==Transcript==
:History of 19th-century Oregon

:[Timeline, with relevant images next to various dates.]

:1805
::[Two men stand at the edge of a cliff. One has a walking staff.]
::Arrival of Lewis & Clark

:1825
::Early settlers arrive

:1841
::Oregon Trail established

:1843
::Larger western migration begins

:1848
::[A horse is pulling a covered wagon. A gun peeks out the back.]
::Huge wave of 500,000+ settlers arrives from Missouri. Largely children and adolescents, most bring nothing but cartloads of bullets for hunting.

:1849
::[Cueball and Megan with rifles aim at something.]
::Overhunting begins to devastate ecosystem
::Dysentery epidemic.

:1850
::[Tombstones and bodies.]
::Shooting deaths skyrocket
::Typhoid epidemic
::Measles epidemic
::Cholera epidemic

:1851
::All mammals larger than squirrels wiped out by overhunting
::Massive famine

:1852
::[Sun low over a land, devoid of life. Scattered remains of corpses and skeletons.]
::Last survivors flee
::Oregon territory abandoned

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Video games]]

620: Wings

2017-01-15T02:22:33Z

Pickaxe24: Clarification

{{comic
| number = 620
| date = August 7, 2009
| title = Wings
| image = wings.png
| titletext = Please do not try any of this and die or get arrested.
}}

==Explanation==
[[Cueball]] explains to [[Megan]] that on Saturn's moon {{w|Titan (moon)|Titan}}, the combination of lower gravity and a denser atmosphere make the act of flying simpler. Wings that are only capable of generating 9% of the necessary lift on Earth would allow one to fly if used on Titan.

Cueball now stands in front of an apparatus to do so; he is standing in a valley with a metal arch above him, and two pulleys that have a rope going from Cueball to one pulley to the other and to the pile of bricks that weigh 91% of his weight, so if he generates enough lift to cancel out 9% of his weight, then he will be able to lift himself and fly.

The experiment is a success. However, as Megan points out, his experiment has some problems. One, he used hot glue for the wing joints and two, he has friends into Greek mythology.

{{w|Icarus}} is a character in Greek mythology who is known for his own self-powered flight, which ended when the wax holding his wings together melted and he fell to his death. This supposedly occurred because he ignored instructions not to fly too close to the Sun, a tragic example of hubris — extreme arrogance. Here, Black Hat is bringing an artificial "sun" to "Icarus" to recreate the tragedy.

[[Black Hat]] is standing on top of the arch with a powerful heat source, a {{w|heat lamp}}. The hot glue melts, then the wings fall apart, then Cueball falls.

In the title text, Randall asks that xkcd readers do not attempt to reproduce this. The reason for this is explained here [[254: Comic Fragment]]. It could also simply be a media-standard "Don't try this at home" warning, as there are legitimate dangers to flying around unprotected. Sufficient height and a sudden loss of one's wings could indeed result in death (and deliberately causing someone to lose their wings and die or be injured would indeed get one arrested).

==Physics==

The calculated figure of 9% is only correct if the temperature on Titan has been raised to be the same as Earth — which, for human-powered flight, would probably be necessary anyway. At Titan's normal temperature, you would only have to generate about 3% of your Earth body weight in lift, as the atmosphere is much denser.

The friction in normal ball-bearing pulleys when loaded with 182 % of a persons weight would likely be greater than 9 % of that weight. Cueball must be using futuristic super-low-friction pulleys.

When the wings come off, Cueball is going to fall with an acceleration of about 0.047 g, or 21 times slower than a free fall (neglecting friction). The net downward force is 9 % of his weight, while the total inertia is 191 % of his body mass. So a fall from 21 meters (63 ft) will feel like a fall from one meter (3 ft), equivalent to the fall of someone who has hopped off a table. If he lands on his feet, he will not sustain injuries.

==Transcript==
:Cueball: Titan's gravity is 14% of Earth's, and its atmosphere 50% denser.

:Cueball: So if you can generate 9% of your body weight in lift, you can fly on Titan.

:Cueball: With wings, a stage harness, a cable, and 91% of my weight in bricks, I want to test this.
:[There is a heap of materials on the ground. Cueball is holding a stage harness.]

:[Large diagram of a bridge. A rope leads through pulleys tied to the bridge. One end goes to Cueball, one end to a pile of bricks.]

:[Cueball is standing with wings attached to his arms.]

:[Cueball flaps the wings, and appears to be floating.]

:[Cueball glides.]

:Cueball: It works!
:Megan: Except you have two problems.
:Cueball: What?

:Megan: You used hot glue on your wing joints and you have friends into Greek mythology.
:Cueball: Huh?

:[Black Hat is standing on the bridge, with a large lamp labeled "heat lamp" attached to a battery.]

:[The wing segments fall off Cueball and he tumbles downward.]

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Megan]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Black Hat]]
[[Category:Physics]]
[[Category:Wingsuit]]

760: Moria

2017-01-13T01:12:53Z

Pickaxe24: Gandalf explains to four kids...

{{comic
| number = 760
| date = June 30, 2010
| title = Moria
| image = moria.png
| titletext = Someone should really bring them a ladder and remind them to build the Endless Stair *first* next time.
}}

==Explanation==
This is [[Randall]]'s take on the story of {{w|Moria}} in the fantasy story {{w|Lord of the Rings}}. In the original the dwarves, hunting for the precious metal mithril dug so deep that they awoke a {{w|balrog}} — {{w|Maiar}} corrupted by {{w|Morgoth}}. Gandalf is telling about the story to four kids standing next to him. One of the kids has apparently read Lord of the Rings, because he asks "awoke a terror of shadow and flame" but then Gandalf says that they were trapped in their hole and couldn't get out.

However, Gandalf's final line may be a hint that the comic's version is closer to the original than it appears — in the story, the adventuring party discovers a journal of the last dwarves to occupy Moria. The last page starts ominously: "We cannot get out. We cannot get out." That memorable sentence is used again near the end of the page as the impending final orcish attack is described by the now-dead dwarves, and repeated by Gimli as they reflect on the terrible news, lending a much darker tone to the comic's punchline.

The title text suggests a mundane solution to their problem — a long ladder. The Endless stair was a very long staircase from the lowest dungeon up to the top of the mountain above Moria.

==Transcript==
:[A far shot of Gandalf the Grey and the four hobbits standing in a dark, underground city.]
:Gandalf: Behold, Khazad-Dûm; the Dwarrowdelf; the mines of Moria -- once the greatest and mightiest city of the dwarves.

:[Full body shot of Gandalf.]
:Gandalf: But the dwarves delved too greedily.

:[Close-up on Gandalf.]
:Gandalf: And too deep.

:[Full shot of the hobbits and Gandalf.]
:Hobbit: ...and awoke a terror of shadow and flame?
:Gandalf: No. They couldn't get out.

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:LOTR]]

702: Snow Tracking

2017-01-13T00:24:31Z

Pickaxe24: Calvin

{{comic
| number = 702
| date = February 15, 2010
| title = Snow Tracking
| image = snow_tracking.png
| titletext = I suppose that's more accurately a hare dryer.
}}

==Explanation==
This comic is a guide to recognizing various animals by their footprints. However, the comic typically detours into strange, ridiculous or pop-culture-referencing footprints. In order:

*The first panel is nothing special. Just a regular cat.
*"Moose and squirrel" is a reference to the cartoon ''{{w|Rocky and Bullwinkle}}''. Rocky and Bullwinkle were a flying squirrel and a moose, respectively, and were frequently referred to as "moose and squirrel" by the show's antagonist Boris Badenov.
*[http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/longcat Longcat] is an internet {{w|meme}} from pictures of cats all stretched out that make them look very tall (or long).
*"Mouse riding Bicycle" is a reference to ''{{w|Ralph S. Mouse}}'', a series of novels by {{w|Beverly Cleary}}.
*The hair dryer has melted an irregular region around the rabbit. The title text is a pun on the Rabbit with a hair dryer frame, possibly an homage to {{w|Looney Tunes}}, where shows with {{w|Bugs Bunny}} would often contain a pun on "hare".
*{{w|Legolas}} is a reference to the character by the same name in the ''{{w|Lord of the Rings}}'' trilogy of books and movies. Legolas, as an elf, was able to walk on top of snow, while the other races in his party were forced to trudge through it.
*The "Bobcat on pogo stick" panel is a possible reference to the character Bonkers D. Bobcat from {{w|Bonkers (TV series)}}
*The "Knight" panel is a {{w|chess}} reference, as the tracks move just like the knight piece in chess.
*The "kid with..." panels are a reference to Calvin and Hobbes, a comic strip written by Bill Watterson. In it, Calvin has a pet tiger named Hobbes, and sometimes, a cardboard box that "transmogrifies" him to something else. In this panel we see tiger prints, meaning that Calvin became a tiger like Hobbes.
*The same cardboard box is now tipped on its side instead of upside down in the last panel. Now it functions as a duplicator, making multiple copies of whatever is in it. Calvin goes into it, duplicates himself, and they walk and duplicate again, and the cycle repeats.
*{{w|Prius}} is a reference to current events in which Toyota Prius's pedals have allegedly malfunctioned causing accidents. [http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/04/business/global/04prius.html]
*The {{w|Higgs Boson}} is an {{w|elementary particle}} which, at the time this strip was posted, had not yet been officially discovered (there had been detections at the Tevatron with 4 sigma certainty since the early 2000s). It was tentatively detected in March 2013 in the {{w|Large Hadron Collider}}.

==Transcript==
:BACKYARD SNOW TRACKING GUIDE

:[Each panel contains an overhead view of tracks through the snow, with a caption indicating the apparent source.]

:[Standard paw prints through the snow.]
:CAT

:[Large split-toe tracks and smaller rodent tracks.]
:MOOSE AND SQUIRREL

:[Cat prints, but with more space between the pairs of prints.]
:LONGCAT

:[Two similar careening tire tracks.]
:MOUSE RIDING BICYCLE

:[Longer rodent tracks, with a large melted ring surrounding a point in the middle of the frame.]
:RABBIT STOPPING TO USE HAIR DRYER

:[No visible tracks.]
:LEGOLAS

:[Single deep holes with cratering.]
:BOBCAT ON POGO STICK

:[Round prints that suddenly turn to the right halfway into frame.]
:KNIGHT

:[Human footprints up to a square melting pattern, turning into animal prints.]
:KID WITH TRANSMOGRIFIER

:[Human footprints up to a rectangular melted area, which are then doubled to another rectangular area, which are then doubled again up to another rectangular area, which are then doubled.]
:KID WITH DUPLICATOR

:[Right curve on a road, with tire tracks careening out of frame.]
:Out of Frame Garden Owner: MY VEGETABLE GARDEN!
:PRIUS

:[A series of spiraling and outwardly traveling lines extend from a point in the middle of the frame.]
:HIGGS BOSON

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Calvin and Hobbes]]

1504: Opportunity

2017-01-13T00:08:45Z

Pickaxe24: Opportunity steals battery!

{{comic
| number = 1504
| date = March 27, 2015
| title = Opportunity
| image = opportunity.png
| titletext = We all remember those famous first words spoken by an astronaut on the surface of Mars: "That's one small step fo- HOLY SHIT LOOK OUT IT'S GOT SOME KIND OF DRILL! Get back to the ... [unintelligible] ... [signal lost]"
}}

==Explanation==
This comic is talking about the robotic science platform {{w|Opportunity (rover)|''Opportunity''}}. On January 25, 2004, the Opportunity rover landed on the surface of {{w|Mars}} for the purpose of gathering data about the surface of Mars. Opportunity has proven remarkably robust, and the comic extrapolates the rover's resilience to absurdity for comedic effect. As of the release date of this comic in 2015, the Opportunity rover {{w|Opportunity mission timeline|is still alive and moving}}.

The comic depicts the two scientists [[Ponytail]] and [[Hairbun]] at ground control being amazed at this fact already in 2010, and (maybe the same two) scientists continue to debate this at present day in the second panel.

They mention another Martian rover, {{w|Spirit (rover)|''Spirit''}} that was also sent to Mars on the same date as Opportunity. Unfortunately, it became stuck and a sand storm covered its solar panels. On March 22, 2010, it was thought that Spirit's batteries finally ran out, marking the end of its mission. This was covered in [[695: Spirit]], in which the Spirit rover is also portrayed with an anthropomorphic personality.

However, in 2023, Opportunity presumably became self aware and deactivated the {{w|Mars 2020|rover sent in 2020}}, and salvaged its power source. [[Cueball]] and [[Megan]] note it even continues to operate without its original battery. This evolution is similar to the stories of {{w|HAL 9000}} (from {{w|2001: A Space Odyssey (film)|''2001: A Space Odyssey''}}) and {{w|List of Star Trek characters (T–Z)#V'Ger|V'Ger}} (from ''{{w|Star Trek: The Motion Picture}}''), both of which became dangerous to human beings.

By 2450, humans have colonized and {{w|terraformed}} Mars. Maybe it is the 2023 Cueball and Megan's descendants that are looking out over their huge "kingdom" from the capital on Mars. However ''Opportunity'' is by now dominating half of the planet and will not allow humans to enter its dark reign.

"Everything the light touches" is a reference to a line by {{w|List of The Lion King characters#Mufasa|Mufasa}} in ''{{w|The Lion King}}''. Mufasa's son {{w|List of The Lion King characters#Simba|Simba}} then asks "What about that shadowy place?" and Mufasa tells him "That is beyond our borders. You must never go there". This was used again in [[1608: Hoverboard]], where [http://www.explainxkcd.com/wiki/images/a/a0/1608_0986x1076y_Our_kingdom_from_a_cliff.png Cueball tells the same line] to Ponytail in the left part of the world. In [http://www.what-if.xkcd.com/48 what-if xkcd], concerning the end of the sun shining on the British Empire, Cueball tells a child that everything the light touches is their kingdom, except for France, (which is covered in shadows,) to which Cueball replies, "That's France. We'll get it one of these days."

The title text forecasts the first words of the first astronauts on the surface of Mars. At first, the astronaut copies the first words of {{w|Neil Armstrong}} on the Moon ("That's one small step for [a] man, one giant leap for mankind") but it is interrupted by the ''Opportunity'' rover. Opportunity has a drill to collect Martian rock samples, but here it is heavily suggested that the drill is being used as a weapon against the astronaut.

==Transcript==
:[The year (or year and first sentence) for each panel is written in a small frame at the top of each panel. It breaks the top frame of the panels.]

:[Ponytail is sitting at a computer, facing left. Hairbun stands behind her.]
:2010:
:Ponytail: After six years, ''Spirit'' is down, but ''Opportunity'' is still going strong.
:Hairbun: Tough little rover!

:[Opportunity traveling on Mars. Text is written in frames with zigzag lines]
:2015:
:Off-screen: Eleven years, wow.
:Off-screen 2: Wasn't the original mission 90 days?
:Off-screen: This is starting to get weird.

:[Cueball and Megan sitting at a computer, facing right.]
:2023:
:Cueball: The battery is totally disconnected. How can it still be moving??
:Megan: Given what it did to the Mars 2020 rover, we may never know.

:[Two Martian inhabitants looking like Cueball and Megan stands on a cliff edge pointing towards a dark, mountainous region. Behind them are a tower and a hover car]
:2450, terraformed Mars, Martian imperial capital:
:Martian Cueball: Everything the light touches is our kingdom.
:Martian Megan: What's that dark area?
:Martian Cueball: That is ''Opportunity's'' half of the planet. We must never go there.

{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:Comics featuring Ponytail]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Megan]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Hairbun]]
[[Category:Multiple Cueballs]]
[[Category:Mars rovers]]
[[Category:Artificial Intelligence]]
[[Category:The Lion King]]

1532: New Horizons

2017-01-12T02:19:01Z

Pickaxe24: EARTH

{{comic
| number = 1532
| date = June 1, 2015
| title = New Horizons
| image = new_horizons.png
| titletext = Last-minute course change: Let's see if we can hit Steve's house.
}}

==Explanation==
''{{w|New Horizons}}'' is a NASA mission launched in 2006 to study the dwarf planet {{w|Pluto}} and its moons. Its closest approach to Pluto was on July 14, 2015 ([http://www.nasa.gov/mission_pages/newhorizons/main/index.html NASA countdown clock]), two weeks after the publication of this comic. In April and May 2015, it captured the first images of Pluto with enough resolution to see some details on Pluto's surface ([http://www.nasa.gov/feature/nasa-s-new-horizons-sees-more-detail-as-it-draws-closer-to-pluto NASA photos from 12 April to 12 May]). These images are similar to the second pane of the comic, with Pluto shown as a gray dot only a few pixels wide.
''{{w|Dawn (spacecraft)|Dawn}}'' is a NASA mission launched in September 2007 to study the asteroid {{w|4 Vesta|Vesta}} and dwarf planet {{w|Ceres (dwarf planet)|Ceres}}. Its closest approach to Vesta began on July 16, 2011 by the {{w|Dawn (spacecraft)#Vesta_approach|Vesta approach}}, and entered orbit around Ceres on 6 March 2015. And in fact the pictures of Ceres are still in a much better resolution like in this comic [[1476: Ceres]], but these images are also still mysterious.

On the day this comic was published, ''New Horizons'' was at 0.34 AU from Pluto and 32.55 AU from the Sun ([http://pluto.jhuapl.edu/Mission/Where-is-New-Horizons/index.php Johns Hopkins University's New Horizons page]). One {{w|Astronomical unit|Astronomical unit (AU)}} is the approximate distance of Earth from the Sun, or about 150 million kilometers.

Distances from the Sun by {{w|semi-major axis}}: Vesta 2.36 AU; Ceres 2.77 AU; Jupiter 5.20 AU; Pluto 39.26 AU.

A {{w|Gravity assist|slingshot maneuver}} is a technique where a spacecraft is maneuvered or accelerated with the help of a gravitational field. In the comic, presumably someone named Steve made the calculations for the New Horizons spacecraft to accelerate toward Pluto using {{w|Jupiter}}'s gravity.

In the first panel we see [[Cueball]] and [[Ponytail]] standing in front of a computer monitor and observing a series of images sent back from ''New Horizons'' as it approaches the planet. They are about to see the dwarf planet Pluto with the highest resolution ever.

As the spacecraft gets closer, the images return... {{w|Earth}}. Steve had miscalculated the gravity assist and the spacecraft was about to crash into Earth.

Because the spacecraft carries 10.9 kg (24 lb) of radioactive plutonium-238, a crash on earth is extremely dangerous. It was estimated that a worst-case scenario of total dispersal of on-board plutonium during the launch would spread the equivalent radiation of 80% the average annual dosage in North America from background radiation over an area with a radius of 105 km (65 miles) ([http://pluto.jhuapl.edu/Mission/Spacecraft/docs/NH_DEIS_Full.pdf Draft Environmental Impact Statement for the New Horizons Mission]). Because of decay during the flight, the situation would be slightly less dire if it crashed years later, but still a major disaster.

Less importantly, this is a huge embarrassment, especially in front of the successful ''Dawn'' team, who were the first to get a probe to visit a dwarf planet. Part of the joke is the utter implausibility of such an error being made, and then not being detected.

The title text suggests the team is considering crashing the probe into Steve's house as punishment for his errors. However, doing so would expose Steve's neighbors to potentially lethal levels of radiation. Therefore, the team would most likely have to crash the probe into an unpopulated area or the sea, to minimize human exposure. [[Randall]] described what might happen if ''New Horizons'' crashed into one's car in his [[what if?]] blog [http://what-if.xkcd.com/137/], and assuming the car was parked in the driveway the house would be similarly affected by the blast.

Luckily this was not what happened and when New Horizons reached Pluto 1½ month later Randall made this tribute to the achievement: [[1551: Pluto]] and also on that day he released the first [[what if?]] in over three months, and it was called [http://what-if.xkcd.com/137/ New Horizons].

Randall has used a Steve in a similar context in [[809: Los Alamos]] (set in 1945). If this is the same person, then 'Steve' would be at least 90 years old in 2015. A person named Steve also comes up with an inappropriate suggestion in [[1672: Women on 20s]].

==Transcript==
:[Cueball and Ponytail are standing in front of a large computer console. Cueball's hands are on the keyboard; both are looking at the screen.]
:Cueball: We made it! After all these years, ''New Horizons'' is finally revealing the surface of Pluto!
:Ponytail: Take ''that'', ''Dawn'' team.

:[In the next four frames, we see photos, entirely black except for a circle in the middle. The circle is initially small, indistinct and appears in shades of grey. Successive circles are larger showing more color and shade variation. In the last, we see a blurry but recognizable outline of Africa, the Middle East and part of Western Asia, along with some clouds. The lighting pattern suggests that it is daytime in Africa, sometime in the northern summer.]

:[A close-up of the two at the console.]
:Cueball: OK, who did the calculations for the Jupiter slingshot maneuver?
:Ponytail: (facing away from the computer console) Dammit, Steve...

{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:Comics with color]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Ponytail]]
[[Category:Space probes]]

645: RPS

2017-01-12T02:09:23Z

Pickaxe24: Rock Paper Scissors

{{comic
| number = 645
| date = October 5, 2009
| title = RPS
| image = rps.png
| titletext = It looks good, but it needs more postfixins.
}}

==Explanation==
''{{w|Reverse Polish notation}}'' is a method of writing mathematical expressions, where operators are after their operands, not between. For example, 2 + 2 becomes 2 2 +, and (2 × 2) / 3 becomes 2 2 * 3 /. This comic plays on that, by placing a Polish Sausage (a North American term for {{w|Kielbasa}}) after both halves of the bun instead of between.

The title, "RPS", is an acronym for {{w|Rock-paper-scissors}},(?) a game where people can "throw" one of three moves, Rock, Paper, and Scissors. The outcome is decided by the throws: Rock blunts Scissors, (wins) Scissors cuts Paper, and Paper covers Rock. When a throw is against itself, there is a tie. This game is commonly played to settle conflicts, but there are professional players that play at championships.

The title text is a pun on the fact that ''Reverse Polish Notation'' is also known as ''Postfix notation''. "Fixins" is a Southern US slang for condiments such as mustard, chopped onions, and more. The slang is derived from how you "fix" up, or prepare, your food item whenever you have items that can be customized per person after being cooked.

The news section for this comic says "''Comic today's you confuses [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reverse_Polish_notation here] click if''", which is also written in some kind of reverse polish notation and would be "''If today's comic confuses you, click [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reverse_Polish_notation here]''" in proper English.

==Transcript==
:[A sausage is sitting to the right of an empty bun.]
:Reverse Polish Sausage
{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Comics with color]]
[[Category:Math]]

Talk:645: RPS

2017-01-12T01:36:50Z

Pickaxe24: Discussion Board

I know exactly what RPN is but I have no idea what a Polish Sausage is, nor what the "postfixins" joke is about (is a fixin a thing? I've never heard of them). If someone could explain these presumably American terms I'd appreciate it. [[Special:Contributions/82.6.250.231|82.6.250.231]] 14:34, 17 September 2013 (UTC)
:Read the explanation, everything is there.--[[User:Dgbrt|Dgbrt]] ([[User talk:Dgbrt|talk]]) 15:45, 17 September 2013 (UTC)
:No it isn't. Anon, the US refers to Kielbasa as Polish Sausage, and "fixins" are condiments such as mustard and chopped onions. I'll update the explanation. [[User:Yomikoma|Yomikoma]] ([[User talk:Yomikoma|talk]]) 17:55, 17 September 2013 (UTC)
::I didn't know that. Thanks for your help. Further investigations at [http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=fixins&defid=5919829 urbandictionary] gave me this: "A Southern (USA) word for the supplemental food...". It does belong only to the south of the US.--[[User:Dgbrt|Dgbrt]] ([[User talk:Dgbrt|talk]]) 19:13, 17 September 2013 (UTC)

I think we should explain the "comic today's you confuses here click if" thing. [[Special:Contributions/108.162.215.79|108.162.215.79]] 12:27, 29 July 2014 (UTC)

I think RPS is Rock Paper Scissors.
[[User:Pickaxe24|Pickaxe24]] ([[User talk:Pickaxe24|talk]]) 01:36, 12 January 2017 (UTC)

The phrase "fixins" may originate in the South, but I would not say that it "belongs" to them, as I have heard it used by people from several Western states. I cannot say how prevalent it is outside of there, but I would venture to say that it is a common American colloquialism used by at least the South and West. {{unsigned|Highlander}}
:I don't know about like the Great Plains region, If that's what you mean by West, but up here in the Pacific Northwest, I've never heard fixins. Only ever in connection with the Southern dialect.[[Special:Contributions/199.27.133.75|199.27.133.75]] 18:18, 26 November 2014 (UTC)

There is also a level of amusement for the American English speaker owing to confusion on first reading, because "postfix" has its stress (vocal emphasis) on the first syllable, as does "fixins". So when combined, it's not clear how to parse the whole "word". --[[User:Bedunkel|BD]] ([[User talk:Bedunkel|talk]]) 04:24, 21 November 2014 (UTC)
:I personally read it along the lines of 'post ,fix ins; that is, with strong emphasis on post and a minor emphasis on fix. Dunno about anyone else. [[Special:Contributions/199.27.133.75|199.27.133.75]] 18:18, 26 November 2014 (UTC)

983: Privacy

2017-01-05T00:32:55Z

Pickaxe24: Definitions

{{comic
| number = 983
| date = November 28, 2011
| title = Privacy
| image = privacy.png
| titletext = Eventual headline: 'University Researchers Create Life in Lab! Darkness, Faulty Condoms Blamed.'
}}

==Explanation==
This comic is about [[Cueball]] and [[Megan]] attempting to find some privacy to "hook up", which is slang for engaging in sexual activity.

They start at a dormitory, which would offer some privacy. Unfortunately, the door is locked. They go to another dorm, but it is occupied by someone playing a {{w|Massively multiplayer online role-playing game|MMORPG}} and is "in a {{w|Raid (gaming)|raid}}", which means that the gamer is teaming up with others to "raid" something, probably an enemy, and loot their items. This also pokes fun at the fact that some raids may take a very long time to execute, in this case apparently taking on the order of 24 hours. (This comic was published on a Monday morning.)

In the third frame, the two try to go to the library's rare book collection. Such a place would usually be deserted, making it usable for sexual activity. However, it is currently occupied by a visiting {{w|Nelson Mandela}}, who is on a tour of the school.

Moving on to more bizarre places, they next try an {{w|Particle accelerator|accelerator tunnel}}, another place that would be private. However, the particle accelerator is in use and the door si sealed tight. This would be a normal safety feature to protect researchers from being exposed to potentially dangerous ionizing radiation from the particle beam.

The couple then try a {{w|beaver lodge}}, which, despite being private, is too tiny to fit in, and the only entrance is underwater. What makes it more difficult to get in is that it is winter, and the ground is presumably frozen solid.

The last place they attempt to go to is {{w|hyperspace}}, a nickname for the alternate dimension that starships enter when traveling faster than the speed of light. The name is commonly used in {{w|Star Wars}}. However, there is no proof that hyperspace exists in reality, as the current understanding of physics makes it impossible for it to exist.

The caption is a parody of other laws of physics, such as "brightness is inversely proportional to distance from the source".

The title text indicates that the two eventually found privacy for sex in a laboratory, but inadvertently got Megan pregnant. This is a parody of news articles discussing whether scientists can create synthetic life in a lab. This eventual headline appears in a few [[1037: Umwelt]] frames as "Scientists Create Life In Lab", with a similar secondary headline/caption as the punchline.

The comic [[658: Orbitals]] is similar.

==Transcript==
:Dorm:
:[Cueball and Megan holding hands in front of a door. Megan is attempting to turn the doorknob.]
:Locked

:Other Dorm:
:[Cueball and Megan holding hands inside another dorm room. The roommate is sitting at a computer wearing a headset.]
:Roommate: I'll be done Tuesday.
:Roommate in raid

:Library Rare Book Collection:
:[Cueball and Megan looking through a closed door. Inside Nelson Mandela and two university workers are talking amongst various items on display.]
:Occupied by tour for visiting Nelson Mandela

:Accelerator Tunnel:
:[Cueball and Megan in silhouette in front of an imposing-looking door. The door is marked "NO ENTRY" with a radioactive trefoil symbol, and has a passcode scanner beside it.]
:Sealed while beam is in operation

:Beaver Lodge:
:[Megan climbing on top of a dirt mound while Cueball stands on the ice beside it. A cross-section reveals a beaver inside the mound and a submerged entrance.]
:Frozen over for winter to keep out predators, only accessible via underwater entrance

:Hyperspace:
:[Megan reading a textbook in front of a table piled with five other textbooks. Cueball looks over Megan's shoulder.]
:Cueball: Are you ''sure''?
:Ruled out by current understanding of physics

:College Law #27:
:The availability of private space is inversely proportional to the desirability of the hookup.

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Megan]]
[[Category:Comics featuring real people]]
[[Category:Sex]]
[[Category:Video games]]
[[Category:Physics]]

407: Cheap GPS

2017-01-05T00:18:55Z

Pickaxe24: Edited hot/cold game

{{comic
| number = 407
| date = April 7, 2008
| title = Cheap GPS
| image = cheap gps.png
| titletext = In lieu of mapping software, I once wrote a Perl program which, given a USB GPS receiver and a destination, printed 'LEFT' 'RIGHT' OR 'STRAIGHT' based on my heading.
}}

==Explanation==
{{w|GPS}} is a system allowing people to find their location and speed on Earth. It was first developed for the U.S. military, but now it sees international usage for everyday navigation. Many motorists today have GPS devices (sometimes just called GPS's) that can give driving directions electronically.

"Hot and Cold" is a children's activity/game where one person searches for an object they don't know what it is, and the rest must respond "Hot" or "Cold." Other words, such as "warm" and "cool" can be used to describe their distance more accurately. The closer the player is to the mystery, the "hotter" they are.

The series of instructions spoken ("cold", "warm", "hot", then "cold" again) suggests that Cueball either missed a turn, or that he just passed his destination.

Randall describes a past engineering project of his that can only describe turns "as the crow flies." So, for example, if he was driving north with the destination to the northeast, the GPS would tell him to turn right even if no such turn was legally possible. Perhaps not very functional, but it ''is'' a pretty cool thing to build.

==Transcript==
:[Cueball driving down the road, with a GPS reading "COLD".]
:GPS: COLD... WARM... HOT! COLD...

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Maps]]
[[Category:Programming]]