explain xkcd - User contributions [en]

1997: Business Update

2018-05-29T12:21:04Z

Ret Samys: /* Explanation */ reference

{{comic
| number = 1997
| date = May 23, 2018
| title = Business Update
| image = business_update.png
| titletext = Our customers keep sending us their personal information, even though we've repeatedly asked them to stop. The EU told me I'm the heir to some ancient European throne that makes me exempt from the GDPR, but we should probably still try to fix that.
}}

==Explanation==
This comic shows a meeting at [[Beret Guy]]'s business (as seen in [[:Category:Beret Guy's Business|these other comics]]). As usual, those in the business demonstrate a misuse of business terminology and take strange happenings within the business in stride.

Though maintaining a semblance of business-savviness through the use of many corporate buzzwords, it becomes clear that what is normally metaphorical in a usual boardroom meeting is here quite likely meant literally. The Quarterly Reports, described as "looking good," may be literally physically attractive (rather than recording successful business dealings). Knowing Beret Guy, it seems likely that the office is full of coins or dollar bills, and not simply economically well-off.

Stocks (as in the stock market, a.k.a. shares) are being manufactured. Stocks are valuable, so from an outside perspective making more of them would create value. However, the humor of this situation is that in real life, creating shares from nothing would reduce the value of existing shares (as the combined value of stocks should add up to the total value of the company... so creating more stocks means each has to be worth less to make the addition balance out). This is ironic in that typically stocks represent the value of the company, rather than being the product being created.

Alternatively, the company may be producing the leg restraints known as {{w|Stocks|stocks}}. It's unlikely that there would be many people wishing to buy these stocks. Conversely, if what they are making is ''soup'' stocks, then it could be related to the 'rapid growth' (i.e., obesity) of the customers.

Individual customers are experiencing physical growth, though most businesses would be more concerned with a growth in the number of customers supporting the business. If the customers are not children they are likely very concerned by this rapid growth.<ref>[http://doi.org/10.2105/AJPH.2009.159491 Obesity Stigma: Important Considerations for Public Health] by Rebecca M. Puhl, PhDcorresponding author and Chelsea A. Heuer, MPH, Am J Public Health. 2010 June; 100(6): 1019–1028.</ref>

Assets "liquidated" in a thermostat glitch may have been literally melted ("turned into liquid"). It could also mean that their infrastructure is so hilariously messed up (and/or the assets so bizarre) that a simple glitch in a thermostat somehow resulted in the loss of a large amount of the company's assets. Note that this type of thing is not entirely unheard of, as shown by [https://thehackernews.com/2018/04/iot-hacking-thermometer.html a hack of a thermostat in a casino that led to massive data loss in 2017].

The kitchen sink producing original content was not generating unique ideas or its own TV shows (commonly called original content), but instead leaking from the faucet, or backing up from the drains.

It is also worth noting that the "largest source of revenue" may not be producing much if any revenue at all; it can still be the biggest if there are no others. On the other hand, past experience with Beret Guy's business would indicate that this company is [[1032: Networking|making plenty of money]], though they aren't necessarily sure [[1493: Meeting|how]].

Transmuting lead into gold was a {{w|Nuclear transmutation#Alchemy|goal of alchemists}} for many centuries. With modern nuclear technology, it is actually now possible to accomplish transmutation of lead into gold, and gold into lead. While the expense far exceeds the value of the gold produced by such methods, it seems plausible that, given Beret Guy's surpassing strangeness, his company may be successfully and cheaply transmuting large quantities of lead into gold and back again. Since gold is worth much more than lead in today's market, the first transmutation could indeed result in major profit, while the reverse would obviously result in major losses, and be a rather pointless undertaking for a typical, profit-oriented business.

In the last panel, "the girl from ''The Ring''" refers to Sadako Yamamura, the antagonist of {{w|The Ring (film series)|the ''Ring'' series by Koji Suzuki}}, or her counterpart Samara Morgan from the {{w|The_Ring_(2002_film)|American remake}}, who has been referenced by xkcd several times in the past as in [[396: The Ring]]. Beret Guy claims she has made several appearances in their video conferences, which may be possible if someone has hacked their video feed to play footage from the 2002 movie. However, some of Beret Guy's employees then proceed to remark that she has made contributions to the meetings in question, implying that the image of Yamamura is not only alive but sentient and communicating with the employees, a possibility that, if accurate, is accepted with surprising nonchalance by Beret Guy's employees. It's also possible that Yamamura is simply the recording from the series, and her contributions are just in keeping with the general tone of the company's video conferences. Either way, it would appear that Beret Guy's sheer eccentricity has affected his staff to the point that a digital spectre would not be an abnormal employee.

The title text refers to the May 25 deadline to implement the European Union's {{w|GDPR|General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR)}}; this comic parodies a business meeting about what the company is doing to prepare for it. However, while normally the problem would be how to handle the customers' personal information that the company requires to retain in order to do business, in this case it seems the company does not require personal information at all, and instead, customers are sending them theirs on their own (and they refuse to stop doing it!). Even more bizarrely, Beret Guy was told by the EU (or at least he thinks he was told by the EU) that he is exempt because he is royalty of some kind, which would give him {{w|Sovereign immunity}}, but he wants to fix this problem anyway, just to be on the safe side.

==Transcript==
:[Beret Guy, Ponytail, Hairy, Hairbun and Megan sit around a table, left to right. Beret Guy and Megan are sitting on chairs at the ends. All others are behind the table with no visible chairs. All characters face Beret Guy.]
:Beret Guy: Quarterly reports are looking good.
:Beret Guy: Our office is full of cash, we're producing stocks faster than ever before, and our customers are experiencing rapid growth.
:Beret Guy: Any updates?

:[Closeup on Ponytail, facing left.]
:Ponytail: Bad news: many of our assets were liquidated this morning due to a thermostat glitch.
:Ponytail: Good news: the sink in the kitchen has stopped producing original content.

:[Same as panel one, but characters are facing Megan.]
:Beret Guy: How are our finances?
:Megan: Our biggest source of revenue is our ongoing project to transmute lead into gold.
:Megan: Our biggest expense is our project to transmute it back.

:[Closeup on Beret Guy, facing right, offset to the left of the panel. Two characters speak from off-panel right.]
:Beret Guy: Lastly, any luck getting the girl from ''The Ring'' to stop showing up in our video conferences?
:Off-panel person 1: No, but honestly, she's made some good contributions.
:Off-panel person 2: Yeah, I think we should hire her.

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Comics featuring Megan]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Beret Guy]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Ponytail]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Hairy]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Hairbun]]
[[Category:Beret Guy's Business]]

1957: 2018 CVE List

2018-02-19T09:58:07Z

Ret Samys: /* Explanation */ formatting

{{comic
| number = 1957
| date = February 19, 2018
| title = 2018 CVE List
| image = 2018_cve_list.png
| titletext = CVE-2018-?????: It turns out Bruce Schneier is just two mischevious kids in a trenchcoat.
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|Created by a HACKING THIS WIKI VIA THE EDIT BOX - The explanation looks like a list. Explain the comic and put the security vulnerabilities in a table. Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}

{|class="wikitable"
!Security vulnerability
!Notes
|-
|Apple products crash when displaying certain Telugu or Bengali letter combinations.
|This refers to a current vulnerability in MacOS and iPhones. This new text bomb crashes most Mac and iOS apps with a single Unicode symbol (techcrunch.com FEb 15, 2018).
|-
|An attacker can use a timing attack to extploit[sic] a race condition in garbage collection to extract a limited number of bits from the Wikipedia article on Claude Shannon.
|Timing Attack to explit a race condition in garbaje collection refers to Meltdown and Spectre CPU flaws that can be exploited in cloud server like the ones in wikipedia
|-
|At the cafe on third street, the post-it note with the wifi password is visible from the sidewalk.
|This could refer to the hawaian missile alert incident
|-
|A remote attacker can inject arbitrary text into public-facing pages via the comments box.
|Describes a common feature on news sites or social media sites like Facebook. The possibility for users to "inject" text into the page is by design. This is a humorous reference to the relatively common security vulnerability "[[Wikipedia:Cross-site_scripting|persistent cross-site scripting]]", where input provided by the user is displayed to other users in a dangerous fashion that allows attackers to inject arbitrary HTML or Javascript code into e.g. a comment section. It might also be a humorous reference to the events before, during and after the 2016 US Presidential elections where Internet Research Agency employees based remotely in St. Petersburg, Russia, but disguised as US citizens, "injected" arbitrary text in the form of political propaganda into comments on multiple web sites, according to an indictment returned by a federal grand jury on February 16, 2018.
|-
|MySQL server 55.45 secretly runs two parallel databases for people who say "S-Q-L" and "sequel."
|
|-
|A flaw in some x86 CPUs could allow a root user to de-escalate to normal account privileges.
|This vulnerability refers to DOM0 attacks on Virtualization CPUs, regulary escalate from normal(few privileges) to root (full privileges), this is the inverse.
|-
|Apple products catch fire when displaying emoji with diacritics.
|This is taking the first CVE to an extreme conclusion by combining it with the Samsung exploding phones
|-
|An oversight in the rules allows a dog to join a basketball team.
|This likely refers to the movie Air Bud. It's a movie about a dog playing basketball {{w|Air Bud}}. This has been a common theme in xkcd comics, see [[115: Meerkat]], [[1439: Rack Unit]], [[1819: Sweet 16]], [[1552: Rulebook]]
|-
|Haskell isn't side-effect-free after all; the effects are all just concentrated in this one. Computer in Missouri that no one's checked on in a while.
|Haskell is a functional programing language, funcional programing is characterized by using functions that dont have side effects in other parts of the program.
|-
|Nobody really knows how hypervisors work.
|Virtualization programing is hard, Meltdown and Specter are related to this
|-
|CRITICAL: Under Linux 3.14.8 on System/390 in a UTC+14 time zone, a local user could potentially use a buffer overflow to change another user's default system clock from 12-hour to 24-hour.
|Jokes about arcane systems that are running linux, that have bugs that nobody can replicate because there are no more machines on this type where reproduce the bug to fix it.
|-
|x86 has way too many instructions.
|This is a joke account for random acronyms of processor assembled language many of them are overspecialized version of general ones
|-
|Numpy 1.8.0 can factor primes in O(log n) time and must be quietly deprecated before anyone notices.
|NumPy is the fundamental package for scientific computing with Python. If something can factor primes that fast, there are attacks to break many crypto functions used in internet security, then must be deprecated because there are not replacements
|-
|Apple products grant remote access if you send them words that break the "I before E" rule.
|another joke on the first CVE and a common english writing rule. That's weird.
|-
|Skylake x86 chips can be pried from their sockets using certain flathead screwdrivers.
|Skylake x86 chips are a line of microprocesors, yes, you can remove forcefully any procesador from his socket with a screwdriver , there are many reports from people not using common sense.
|-
|Apparently Linus Torvalds can be bribed pretty easily.
|Linux Torvals is the benebolent dictator of the Linux kernel codebase, normally is hard to pass a change because he has the last word about what merge to the code base because that code is replicated in all linux instalations, but apparently is easy to bribe, that is a severe creitical vulnerability to all linux server and machines
|-
|An attacker can execute malicious code on their own machine and no one can stop them.
|This is a common CVE description
|-
|Apple products execute any code printed over a photo of a dog with a saddle and a baby riding it.
|This could refer to a CVE vulnerability of JPG files where javascript is executed by some application, only this time is in a printed photo instead of a file .
|-
|Under rare circumstances, a flaw in some versions of Windows could allow Flash to be installed.
|This is another common CVE description, Flash was discontinued because is abismal security record. All security experts advise against install.
|-
|Turns out the cloud is just other people's computers.
|This refers to a computer meme where replace "cloud" with "another people's computer" must be used in all marketing presentation to CEOs and not computer literate persons to evaluate the security impact of using "Cloud services"
|-
|A flaw in Mitre's CVE database allows arbitrary code insertion.[~~CLICK HERE FOR CHEAP VIAGRA~~]
|Mitress CVE database is the database where all CVE are listed, this is a joke between the 4th CVE in this list pointing that the site is also vulnerable
|-
|It turns out Bruce Schneier is just two mischevious kids in a trenchcoat. (title text)
|
|}

==Transcript==
{{incomplete transcript|Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}

LEAKED LIST OF MAJOR 2018 SECURITY VULNERABILITIES

CVE-2018-????? Apple products crash when displaying certain Telugu or Bengali letter combinations.

CVE-2018-????? An attacker can use a timing attack to extploit[sic] a race condition in garbage collection to extract a limited number of bits from the Wikipedia article on Claude Shannon.

CVE-2018-????? At the cafe on third street, the post-it note with the wifi password is visible from the sidewalk.

CVE-2018-????? A remote attacker can inject arbitrary text into public-facing pages via the comments box.

CVE-2018-????? MySQL server 55.45 secretly runs two parallel databases for people who say "S-Q-L" and "sequel."

CVE-2018-????? A flaw in some x86 CPUs could allow a root user to de-escalate to normal account privileges.

CVE-2018-????? Apple products catch fire when displaying emoji with diacritics.

CVE-2018-????? An oversight in the rules allows a dog to join a basketball team.

CUE-2018-????? Haskell isn't side-effect-free after all; the effects are all just concentrated in this one. Computer in Missouri that no one's checked on in a while.

CVE-2018-????? Nobody really knows how hypervisors work.

CVE-2018-????? CRITICAL: Under Linux 3.14.8 on System/390 in a UTC+14 time zone, a local user could potentially use a buffer overflow to change another user's default system clock from 12-hour to 24-hour.

CVE-2018-????? x86 has way too many instructions.

CVE-2018-????? Numpy 1.8.0 can factor primes in O(log n) time and must be quietly deprecated before anyone notices.

CVE-2018-????? Apple products grant remote access if you send them words that break the "I before E" rule.

CVE-2018-????? Skylake x86 chips can be pried from their sockets using certain flathead screwdrivers.

CVE-2018-????? Apparently Linus Torvalds can be bribed pretty easily.

CVE-2018-????? An attacker can execute malicious code on their own machine and no one can stop them.

CVE-2018-????? Apple products execute any code printed over a photo of a dog with a saddle and a baby riding it.

CVE-2018-????? Under rare circumstances, a flaw in some versions of Windows could allow Flash to be installed.

CVE-2018-????? Turns out the cloud is just other people's computers.

CVE-2018-????? A flaw in Mitre's CVE database allows arbitrary code insertion.[~~CLICK HERE FOR CHEAP VIAGRA~~]

{{comic discussion}}

1957: 2018 CVE List

2018-02-19T09:53:51Z

Ret Samys: /* Transcript */

{{comic
| number = 1957
| date = February 19, 2018
| title = 2018 CVE List
| image = 2018_cve_list.png
| titletext = CVE-2018-?????: It turns out Bruce Schneier is just two mischevious kids in a trenchcoat.
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|Created by a HACKING THIS WIKI VIA THE EDIT BOX - The explanation looks like a list. Explain the comic and put the security vulnerabilities in a table. Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}

CVE stands for Common Vulnerabilities and Exposures : a list of bugs detected in software and hardware, this list is the equivalen of the meme of "Memes of 2018 leaked"

Apple Products Crash refers to a current vulnerability in Macos and iphone
This new text bomb crashes most Mac and iOS apps with a single Unicode symbol (techcrunch.com FEb 15, 2018)

Timing Attack to explit a race condition in garbaje collection refers to Meltdown and Spectre CPU flaws that can be exploited in cloud server like the ones in wikipedia

Post it note on a cafe refers to the hawaian missile alert incident

The "remote attacker can inject arbitrary text into public-facing pages via the comments box" issue describes a common feature on news sites or social media sites like Facebook. The possibility for users to "inject" text into the page is by design. This is a humorous reference to the relatively common security vulnerability "persistent cross-site scripting", where input provided by the user is displayed to other users in a dangerous fashion that allows attackers to inject arbitrary HTML or Javascript code into e.g. a comment section. It might also be a humorous reference to the events before, during and after the 2016 US Presidential elections where Internet Research Agency employees based remotely in St. Petersburg, Russia, but disguised as US citizens, "injected" arbitrary text in the form of political propaganda into comments on multiple web sites, according to an indictment returned by a federal grand jury on February 16, 2018.

MySQL server 5.5.45 parallel tables (unknow)

Flaw in some X86 CPU: refers to DOM0 attacks on Virtualization CPUs, regulary escalate from normal(few privileges) to root (full privileges), this is the inverse.

Apple products catch fire: Mix between the first CVE and the Samnsung exploding phones

Dog in basebal team likely refers to the movie Air Bud. It's a movie about a dog playing basketball [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Air_Bud]]

Haskell is a functional programing languaje, funcional programing is characterized by using functions that dont have side effects in other parts of the program.

Nobody Knows how hypervisors work : Virtualization programing is hard, Meltdown and Specter are related to this

CRITICAL: Under Linux 3.14.8 OnSystem/390: jokes about arcane systems that are running linux, that have bugs that nobody can replicate because there are no more machines on this type where reproduce the bug to fix it.

x86 has way too many instructions: there are a joke account for random acronyms of processor assembled languaje many of them are overspecialized version of general ones

Numpy 1.8.0 can factor primes in O( Log(N)) : NumPy is the fundamental package for scientific computing with Python. If something can factor primes that fast, there are attacks to break many crypto functions used in internet security, then must be deprecated because there are not replacements

Apple products grant remote access if you send : another joke on the first CVE and a common english write rule. That's weird.

Skylake x86 chips are a line of microprocesors, yes, you can remove forcefully any procesador from his socket with a screwdriver , there are many reports from people not using common sense.

Linux Torvals is the benebolent dictator of the Linux kernel codebase, normally is hard to pass a change because he has the last word about what merge to the code base because that code is replicated in all linux instalations, but apparently is easy to bribe, that is a severe creitical vulnerability to all linux server and machines

"An attacker can excecute malicious code .. " is a common CVE description

Apple products excute any code printed over a photo , can refer to a CVE vulnerability of JPG files where javascript is executed by some application, only this time is in a printed photo instead of a file .

"Under rare circunstances, a flaw ... " is another common CVE description, Flash was discontinued because is abismal security record. All security experts advise against install.

"Turns out the cloud is just another peopleś computer" refers to a computer meme where replace "cloud" with "another peopleś computer" must be used in all marketing presentation to CEOs and not computer literate persons to evaluate the security impact of using "Cloud services"

Mitress CVE database is the database where all CVE are listed, this is a joke between the 4th CVE in this list pointing that the site is also vulnerable

{| class="wikitable"
! style="width: 30%;" | Vulnerability
! style="width: 70%;" | Explanation
|-
|Apple products crash when displaying certain Telugu or Bengali letter combinations.
|
|-
|An attacker can use a timing attack to extploit[sic] a race condition in garbage collection to extract a limited number of bits from the Wikipedia article on Claude Shannon.
|
|-
|At the cafe on third street, the post-it note with the wifi password is visible from the sidewalk.
|
|-
|A remote attacker can inject arbitrary text into public-facing pages via the comments box.
|Describes a common feature on news sites or social media sites like Facebook. The possibility for users to "inject" text into the page is by design. This is a humorous reference to the relatively common security vulnerability "[[Wikipedia:Cross-site_scripting|persistent cross-site scripting]]", where input provided by the user is displayed to other users in a dangerous fashion that allows attackers to inject arbitrary HTML or Javascript code into e.g. a comment section. It might also be a humorous reference to the events before, during and after the 2016 US Presidential elections where Internet Research Agency employees based remotely in St. Petersburg, Russia, but disguised as US citizens, "injected" arbitrary text in the form of political propaganda into comments on multiple web sites, according to an indictment returned by a federal grand jury on February 16, 2018.
|-
|MySQL server 55.45 secretly runs two parallel databases for people who say "S-Q-L" and "sequel."
|
|-
|A flaw in some x86 CPUs could allow a root user to de-escalate to normal account privileges.
|
|-
|Apple products catch fire when displaying emoji with diacritics.
|
|-
|An oversight in the rules allows a dog to join a basketball team.
|
|-
|Haskell isn't side-effect-free after all; the effects are all just concentrated in this one. Computer in Missouri that no one's checked on in a while.
|
|-
|Nobody really knows how hypervisors work.
|
|-
|CRITICAL: Under Linux 3.14.8 on System/390 in a UTC+14 time zone, a local user could potentially use a buffer overflow to change another user's default system clock from 12-hour to 24-hour.
|
|-
|x86 has way too many instructions.
|
|-
|Numpy 1.8.0 can factor primes in O(log n) time and must be quietly deprecated before anyone notices.
|
|-
|Apple products grant remote access if you send them words that break the "I before E" rule.
|
|-
|Skylake x86 chips can be pried from their sockets using certain flathead screwdrivers.
|
|-
|Apparently Linus Torvalds can be bribed pretty easily.
|
|-
|An attacker can execute malicious code on their own machine and no one can stop them.
|
|-
|Apple products execute any code printed over a photo of a dog with a saddle and a baby riding it.
|
|-
|Under rare circumstances, a flaw in some versions of Windows could allow Flash to be installed.
|[
|-
|Turns out the cloud is just other people's computers.
|
|-
|A flaw in Mitre's CVE database allows arbitrary code insertion.[~~CLICK HERE FOR CHEAP VIAGRA~~]
|
|-
|Title text: It turns out Bruce Schneier is just two mischevious kids in a trenchcoat.
|
|}

==Transcript==
{{incomplete transcript|Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}

LEAKED LIST OF MAJOR 2018 SECURITY VULNERABILITIES

CVE-2018-????? Apple products crash when displaying certain Telugu or Bengali letter combinations.

CVE-2018-????? An attacker can use a timing attack to extploit[sic] a race condition in garbage collection to extract a limited number of bits from the Wikipedia article on Claude Shannon.

CVE-2018-????? At the cafe on third street, the post-it note with the wifi password is visible from the sidewalk.

CVE-2018-????? A remote attacker can inject arbitrary text into public-facing pages via the comments box.

CVE-2018-????? MySQL server 55.45 secretly runs two parallel databases for people who say "S-Q-L" and "sequel."

CVE-2018-????? A flaw in some x86 CPUs could allow a root user to de-escalate to normal account privileges.

CVE-2018-????? Apple products catch fire when displaying emoji with diacritics.

CVE-2018-????? An oversight in the rules allows a dog to join a basketball team.

CUE-2018-????? Haskell isn't side-effect-free after all; the effects are all just concentrated in this one. Computer in Missouri that no one's checked on in a while.

CVE-2018-????? Nobody really knows how hypervisors work.

CVE-2018-????? CRITICAL: Under Linux 3.14.8 on System/390 in a UTC+14 time zone, a local user could potentially use a buffer overflow to change another user's default system clock from 12-hour to 24-hour.

CVE-2018-????? x86 has way too many instructions.

CVE-2018-????? Numpy 1.8.0 can factor primes in O(log n) time and must be quietly deprecated before anyone notices.

CVE-2018-????? Apple products grant remote access if you send them words that break the "I before E" rule.

CVE-2018-????? Skylake x86 chips can be pried from their sockets using certain flathead screwdrivers.

CVE-2018-????? Apparently Linus Torvalds can be bribed pretty easily.

CVE-2018-????? An attacker can execute malicious code on their own machine and no one can stop them.

CVE-2018-????? Apple products execute any code printed over a photo of a dog with a saddle and a baby riding it.

CVE-2018-????? Under rare circumstances, a flaw in some versions of Windows could allow Flash to be installed.

CVE-2018-????? Turns out the cloud is just other people's computers.

CVE-2018-????? A flaw in Mitre's CVE database allows arbitrary code insertion.[~~CLICK HERE FOR CHEAP VIAGRA~~]

{{comic discussion}}

1949: Fruit Collider

2018-01-31T15:57:23Z

Ret Samys: /* Transcript */

{{comic
| number = 1949
| date = January 31, 2018
| title = Fruit Collider
| image = fruit_collider.png
| titletext = The most delicious exotic fruit discovered this way is the strawberry banana. Sadly, it's only stable in puree form, so it's currently limited to yogurt and smoothies, but they're building a massive collider in Europe to search for a strawberry banana that can be eaten whole.
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|Very early explanation. Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}

This comic applies a concept from quantum mechanics to regular-sized objects and the biology of fruit development, highlighting the strange and unintuitive nature of subatomic particles.

==Transcript==
{{incomplete transcript|Do NOT delete this tag too soon. Add character, optimise formatting, describe graph maybe}}
*When two apples collide, they can breifly form exotic new fruit. Pineapples with apple skin. Pomegranates full of grapes. Watermelin-sized peaches.
*These normally decay into a shower of fruit salad, but by studying the debris, we can learn what was produced.
*Then, the hunt is on for a stable form.
*How new types of fruit are developed

{{comic discussion}}

1942: Memorable Quotes

2018-01-15T13:30:03Z

Ret Samys: /* Transcript */ Samuel Clemens would know how to format it. -- Mark Twain

{{comic
| number = 1942
| date = January 15, 2018
| title = Memorable Quotes
| image = memorable_quotes.png
| titletext = "Since there's no ending quote mark, everything after this is part of my quote. —Randall Munroe
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|Explanations for further quotes, and full text of quotes. Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}
This comic "helpfully" provides random quotes to be used by anyone as {{w|blurb}}s, online reviews, motivational quotes or similar short bits of text. Either the webcomic xkcd or its creator Randall Munroe may be quoted using any of the provided lines, as stated in the top of the comic.

In particular, their "usefulness" lies in the fact that almost any of them can be applied to almost any situation. This is achieved by making each quote not really about anything in particular, aside from the fact that they are quotes. This is in contrast to real quotes, which are never quite this aware that they will be quoted, but this is to be expected when the lines here were made solely for being quoted.

These self-aware quotes are, on a meta level, jokes about quotations generally. Most of Randall's quotes either sabotage the quoting work, reference some aspect of quotes as used in practice, or both---and it can be both when the aspects referenced are about twisting people's words to look like they agree with you.

''I disagree strongly...'' It is possible to quote someone who disagrees strongly with you in a way that looks like they do.

''This quote was taken out of context.'' It is just as possible to take a quote out of context to make your argument look good.

''I'm being quoted...'' This is likely the case for many famous, widely admired people who are often quoted for all sorts of arguments, even diametrically opposed ones.

''This quote is very memorable.'' One hopes this to be the case.

''I wrote this book...'' The quote is sabotaging the work that uses it.

''This entire thing...'' The quote itself is referencing how sometimes quotes include mistakes or typographical oddities that may make the reader worry a mistake has been made by the quoting author. An editor's note can be included to assure the original was like that.

''Websites that...'' This is probably true of quote collection websites.

''Oooh...'' Quotes are used to add weight, wit, or authority to a work. If your quote doesn't quite manage this, however, then the inclusion of the quote might just look like you're trying to impress people.

''If you're doing...'' This would probably occur if you decided to follow Randall's advice and include this quote in your work.

==Transcript==
{{incomplete transcript|Needs some formatting}}
Looking for a quote for something?
Here are some for general use.

They can be attributed to xkcd or Randall Munroe as needed.

*"I disagree strongly with whatever work this quote is attached to."
*"This quote was taken out of context."
*"This quote is often falsely attributed to Mark Twain."
*"I'm being quoted to introduce something, but I have no idea what it is and certainly don't endorse it."
*"This quote is very memorable."
*"I wrote this book, and the person quoting me here is taking credit for it."
*This entire thing is the quote, not just the part in quote marks." [quote marks, brackets, and editor's note are all in the original. -ED.]
*"Websites tht collect quotes are full of mistakes and never check original sources."
*"This quote will be the only part of this presentation you remember."
*"Oooh, look at me, I looked up a quote!"
*"If you're doing a text search in this document for the word 'butts,' the good news is that it's here, but the bad news is that it only appears in this unrelated quote."
*"Wait, what if these quote marks are inside out, so everything in the rest of the document is the quotation and ''this'' part isn't? ''Duuuuude."
*"The editors of ''Bartlett's Familiar Quotations'' are a bunch of cowards who don't have the guts to print this."
*"This quote only looks profound when it's in a script font over a sunset."
*"I don't do a lot of public speaking, so I looked up a memorable quote to start my speech, and this is what I found. OK, you're staring at me blankly, but this whole thing is a quote. I know that sounds confusing, but... You know what, never mind!"
*"Sent from my iPhone."
{{comic discussion}}

1819: Sweet 16

2017-04-04T09:36:03Z

Ret Samys: fixed formatting

{{comic
| number = 1819
| date = April 3, 2017
| title = Sweet 16
| image = sweet_16.png
| titletext = Every year I make out my bracket at the season, and every year it's busted before the first game when I find out which teams are playing.
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|Explain individual markings better, explain title text}}
{{w|March Madness}}, with its championship on the day this comic was published, features 68 basketball teams in an elimination bracket. Due to the setup the final three rounds (including the championship game) feature 16 teams, and are sometimes called the "Sweet 16" (an American slang term also used to describe someone's 16th birthday).

In this comic however, the bracket of the final 16 is not filled in with actual names, but descriptions of the odd circumstances of each team. For example, the first team is "a school with a dog on their team", a reference to {{w|Air Bud}}. The team descriptions become increasingly bizarre, comprising varied sports and pop culture references and and often building on and playing off of previous team descriptions.

The first four teams on the left are comprised partially or completely of animals, which are most likely pets, but could be animals for assisting disabled persons, emotional support animals, police dogs, feral cats, etc. The next two teams consist of some form of baseball-basketball crossover. The bottom two teams on the left feature developers and players of NBA 2k17, a basketball video game by 2K Games.

The first team on the right, the 1988 LA Lakers is an actual NBA team. They are paired against a team of four kindergarteners and current Cleveland player Lebron James (born 1984), who was also a kindergartner in 1988.

The next two teams feature basketball-boxing crossovers. The bracket after that features teams on unconventional mobility aids, Segways and stilts.

The final two teams are Cinderella teams. A Cinderella story is when a weak team works hard to achieve success. The final team consists of players wearing glass slippers, often a part of the Cinderella fairy tale.

The title text explains what the heck [[Randall]] was doing to make this comic: Randall is incredibly out of touch with sports. During March Madness a popular pastime is to take a look at the starting bracket of all 68 teams and speculate who will win each round. Randall, when handed a blank bracket, instead fills it with teams he ''wants'' to see play rather than who is actually in the tournament. A bracket is considered "busted" when a number of predicted teams lose earlier than expected. In this case, since Randall has not correctly predicted any of the teams in the tournament, his bracket is busted from the beginning - none of the teams he picked have any chance of actually winning the NCAA tournament because none of them were selected for the official tournament bracket. Thus, Randall's bracket is busted - he can't win with the teams he picked.

Related to [[1529: Bracket]]

===Table of the bracket===

{| class="wikitable"
!Grouping
!Team
!Explanation
|-
|rowspan="2"|School dog teams
|A school with a dog on their team
|rowspan="2"|Possibly a reference to {{w|Air Bud}}. Given Buddy's abilities, this would be an interesting experiment to see if a team of dogs can outcompete humans.
|-
|A school whose team is entirely dogs

|-
|rowspan="2"|Dog teams
|A dog team with one human
|rowspan="2"|This might be the continuation of the experiment. The cat might serve as a control.
|-
|A dog team with one cat

|-
|rowspan="2"|Baseball/basketball mashup
|A baseball team playing basketball
|rowspan="2"|Perhaps this is to see if a baseball team can play basketball as efficiently as a basketball team if both are outfitted with the same hindering equipment. While basketball doesn't require any gear and favours outfits that permit free movement, baseball has helmets, bats and thick gloves.
|-
|A basketball team with baseball gear

|-
|rowspan="2"|NBA 2k17 (video game)
|NBA 2k17 top players
|rowspan="2"|Given that the video game includes not only the current NBA players, but also some of the most successful teams in history, it's hard to see how the game developers can stand a chance. Alternately, the developers might play the video game against the AI as the players.
|-
|NBA 2k17 top developers

|-
|rowspan="2"|1988 players
|The 1988 Los Angeles Lakers
|rowspan="2"|The Los Angeles Lakers were at their height, winning a rare repeat victory. LeBron James is one of the most well-known basketball players. At the time of the 1988 finals, he was 4 years old, so even with his later talent and with the support of 4 kindergarteners, it would be tough for him to win the game. However, he might have a better chance if he played in the present, what with the 1988 Lakers team members being well over 50. It should be noted that the NBA requires a minimum of 13 team members.
|-
|Four kindergarteners and Lebron James

|-
|rowspan="2"|Boxer/basketball mashup
|Boxers playing basketball
|rowspan="2"|Perhaps this is to see if boxers team can play basketball as efficiently as a basketball team if both are outfitted with the same hindering equipment.
|-
|Basketball players in boxing gloves

|-
|rowspan="2"|Elevated players
|A team playing on stilts
|rowspan="2"|Not unlike {{w|segway polo}}, segway basketball would have the benifit of reducing physical exertion. Stilts, on the other hand, could help reach the hoops.
|-
|A team playing on segways

|-
|rowspan="2"|Cinderella teams
|A bad team that would make a good Cinderella story
|rowspan="2"|In a regular match, a good team could easily win against a bad team, but with glass slippers only for the good team, the bad team's chances increase drastically. That the team would make a good Cinderella story implies that the team will win against all expectations. Note: Regular glass would break when moving around too much, safety glass or similarly resilient material is recommended.
|-
|A good team playing in glass slippers

|}

==Transcript==
:[The comic shows a direct elimination bracket (a single-elimination tournament): there is a single match played by every pair of teams, and the winners of those matches are paired up for the next round of matches, this continues until there are no more matches to be played. There are sixteen teams described here (hence the number in the title), eight on each side of the empty rectangle in the middle. Every two teams are connected, these connectors are then also connected, these connectors are yet again connected, and a final pair of connectors, after making one counter-clockwise right angle turn, end up in the top and bottom edges of the central rectangle. The bracket is empty, no results of any of the matches are indicated.]

:{| class="wikitable" style="background:transparent;border:none;width:100%;"
| style="background:transparent;border:none;" |
 [These are paired.]
 A school with a dog on their team
 A school whose team is entirely dogs

 [These are paired.]
 A dog team with one human
 A dog team with one cat

 [These are paired.]
 A baseball team playing basketball
 A basketball team with baseball gear

 [These are paired.]
 NBA2K17 top players
 NBA2K17 top developers

| style="background:transparent;border:none;" |
 [These are paired.]
 The 1988 Los Angeles lakers
 Four kindergarteners and Lebron James

 [These are paired.]
 Boxers playing basketball
 Basketball players in boxing gloves

 [These are paired.]
 A team playing on stilts
 A team playing on Segways

 [These are paired.]
 A bad team that would make a good Cinderella story
 A good team playing in glass slippers

|}

{{comic discussion}}

1819: Sweet 16

2017-04-04T08:37:52Z

Ret Samys: Table of the bracket - first draft, no idea what I'm doing