explain xkcd - User contributions [en]

3229: Grammar

2026-04-06T22:45:28Z

ScienceD90: This comic is not actually interactive. Unmarked it as one

{{comic
| number = 3229
| date = April 6, 2026
| title = Grammar
| image = grammar_2x.png
| imagesize = 227x312px
| noexpand = true
| titletext = Communication is one of the most popular ways to transmit information, ahead of rivals such as
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|This page was created recently. Don't remove this notice too soon.}}

==Transcript==
{{incomplete transcript|Don't remove this notice too soon.}}

[Miss Lenhart is teaching a classroom. Two students can be seen sitting at desks in front of her, a [[Cueball]] is on the first row and [[Megan]] is in the second row.]

Miss Lenhart:
'''Grammar''' is one of the most popular ways to structure a language, ahead of rival methods such as '''words order words random words words random good''' and '''EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE'''.

{{comic discussion}}<noinclude>

3063: Planet Definitions

2025-03-14T16:07:03Z

ScienceD90: Started the explanation

{{comic
| number = 3063
| date = March 14, 2025
| title = Planet Definitions
| image = planet_definitions_2x.png
| imagesize = 653x1435px
| noexpand = true
| titletext = Under the 'has cleared its orbital neighborhood' and 'fuses hydrogen into helium' definitions, thanks to human activities Earth technically no longer qualifies as a planet but DOES count as a star.
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|Created by an ERROR IN THE ILLUSTRATION - Please change this comment when editing this page. Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}

This comic addresses the controversy of whether of Pluto is a planet and gives many other humorous definitions of what a planet could be.

==Transcript==
{{incomplete transcript|Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}

{{comic discussion}}

Store

2025-03-13T23:53:11Z

ScienceD90: Added logo

{{incomplete|
*This page was created recently, help by adding what it was, when, and why it shut down, relevant Web Archive links, etc. You can see a [https://web.archive.org/web/20230000000000*/https://store.xkcd.com/ history of the site here]!}}

[[File:xkcd_store.png|thumb|Logo for the xkcd store]]

<noinclude>:''For a list of comics featured on xkcd merch, see [[:Category:Comics with xkcd store products|Comics with xkcd store products]].''</noinclude>

The '''xkcd store''' was available at https://store.xkcd.com before it was shut down due to supply chain issues. On 2022-04-06, when asked about its closure, Matthew Smoot, the "xkcd order wrangler", said in an email to a customer: "Unfortunately the store is closed indefinitely due to supply chain issues >_<. As soon as things with the new book are more settled we hope to be able to give the store the attention it needs, but Randall is completely focused on book stuff for the time being."

The last day it can be found on the web archive was [https://web.archive.org/web/20220125185031/https://store.xkcd.com/ 2022-01-25]. The [[Links#2022-01-29|link to the store]] from the [[Links|links sections]] on xkcd disappeared 2022-01-29.

The next archived version from [https://web.archive.org/web/20220131110718/https://store.xkcd.com/password 2022-01-31] shows the following text:
:The xkcd store
:Will be opening soon...
:Enter store using password
A password can be entered and there is an "enter" button.

This stayed like this until [https://web.archive.org/web/20221006055504/https://store.xkcd.com/password 2022-10-06]. That is the last saved version in the archive. The page seems to have been completely deleted after that, so there is no longer anything to save.

Several [[Links#2022-01-31|other changes]] happened to the links on 2022-01-31. That date is also the release day of the [[What If? 2]] book, and of the comic [[2575: What If? 2]]. Most likely the shop completely shut down on that day.

[[Category:Design of xkcd.com]]{{xkcdmeta}}

1975: Right Click

2025-03-13T23:39:20Z

ScienceD90: /* Explanation */ Added caption for the image that gets saved

{{comic
| number = 1975
| date = April 1, 2018
| title = Right Click
| image = right_click.png
| titletext = Right-click or long press (where supported) to save!
}}
{{TOC}}To experience the interactivity of the game, visit the {{xkcd|1975|original comic}}.

==Explanation==
{{Incomplete|Need to add more explanations for the spells. Also, need to caption the image on the right.}}
[[File:right click save.png|thumb|right|550px|This is the image that the save button downloads]]
This was the eighth [[:Category:April fools' comics|April fools' comic]] released by [[Randall]]. The previous one was [[1663: Garden]], scheduled for released Friday, April 1st, 2016, but in the end released on [[1663:_Garden#Monday_4th_of_April_release|Monday April 4th]] 2016, two years prior to the release of this comic. The next was [[2131: Emojidome]] released on Monday, April 1st, 2019.

This comic was released on April 1 even though that was [[:Category:Sunday comics|a Sunday]] (only the fourth comic to be released on a Sunday). But it was only due to the April Fool joke, as it did replace the comic that would have been scheduled for Monday, April 2nd. The next comic, [[1976: Friendly Questions]], was first released on Wednesday, April 4th. At first, the comic seems like the most simplistic xkcd comic possible - [[Cueball]] standing and doing nothing. The "editor's note" tells you to save a copy of the image to "view the full comic".

To save an image from a browser most people would right-click on it (or long-click in mobile devices) which normally leads to a "context menu" allowing several actions related to the image, including saving/downloading. This is what you are encouraged to do by the editorial note as well as by the comic name and title text. However, the context menu opened is not the default context menu of the browser but an elaborate context menu containing many nonsensical options.

At first it also seems impossible to save the image using that menu. However, after exploring the context menu you can find an "easter egg" in one of two different places (see below) which unlocks the save option. This save option gives you a different [https://xkcd.com/1975/v6xso1_right_click_save.png image] than the one you see, which can be thought of as "the full comic" although the meat of the comic is actually in the interactive context menu itself. Note that "cheating" by disabling JavaScript and other methods that allow you to directly save the image won't get you that "full comic" image.

This comic pokes fun at how hard it can be to save an image or to just navigate context menus in some computer programs. The "easter egg hunt" might be related to the fact the comic was released during Easter (which fell on April fool's in 2018). It might also be related to the movie "Ready Player One" which was recently released when the comic was released. In the movie, based on the book by Cline, finding an "easter egg" in a VR world was a central plot point.

The title is reminiscent of one of the first interactive comics [[1110: Click and Drag]], where the title explains what the user should do to experience it. However, that was not a fools' day comic.

The comic uses {{w|JavaScript}} and {{w|HTML5}} to override the standard context menu. Since modern browsers use the same features to integrate Add-ons into that menu, the behavior may be different depending on the browser environment. Browsers with JavaScript disabled, either totally or by using {{w|NoScript}}, won't access the functionality of the comic, but of course can easily save the image (not "the full version" but the image that is seen initially).
<div style="clear: both"></div>

==Context menu==
===Main Context Menu===
{| border =1 width=100% cellpadding=5 class="wikitable sortable"
! # !! Menu item !! Explanation !! Sub-menu items
|-
!1
| '''Save'''
| Only appears after getting one of the two easter eggs that can be found in the menu - in the games ADVENT.EXE and Mornington Crescent (see their explanations below).
| Save image> Views the image the first time you click, then downloads this image on every visit after that. [https://xkcd.com/1975/v6xso1_right_click_save.png]. The image includes a spheroid object near the top right-hand corner which appears to exhibit red shift and green shift, suggesting that it is rotating rapidly.

|-
! 2
| '''File'''
| Normal submenu
|Close: Closes menu, does nothing.
Open: A:\, C:\, / (See more [[#Filesystems Menu|below]])

Find: Where, When, How, (grayed out) What, (grayed out) Why, Who.

'Where' leads to four options. The first, 'computer', has two options ('folder' and 'menus'), which link back to the 'find' and right-click menus, respectively. "Narnia" leads to a link to the comic [[665: Prudence]] as well as to a grey comment about how it's weird that "they" have to die to go back to Narnia.
"Canada" and "America" lead to the same set of bizarre menus (America leads into Canada's menu), which then give the options 'Upper' and 'Lower', ultimately leading to a drive-through and hockey, respectively.

'When' leads to a description of Siri entering someone's home, and the menu can be followed to reveal several further events from 'earlier' in the day. The last one ('a bottle of jack and a toothbrush') is likely a reference to the song 'Tik Tok' by Kesha.

'How' simply leads to an exclamation of 'How!?'.

'What' is grayed out.

'Why' links to [http://itisamystery.com/], ''technically'' answering the question of "Why?"

'Who' leads to a menu version of the Abbot and Costello "Who's on First?" routine, which eventually links to a [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kTcRRaXV-fg&feature=youtu.be youtube video] of the routine. As of April 4th, a second submenu has been added, which contains Slappy and Skippy's "Who's on Stage?" parody of the previous routine, which also eventually leads to its [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mdqv5xIsFLM youtube video].

Backup: Causes the area around the comic to flash red 9 times, with high-pitch sounds reminiscent of a truck backing up. Reminiscent of the Sinclair Spectrum SAVE to tape command, which would flash the border and modulate the speaker.

Save: Only available after the save menu is unlocked after one of the two Easter Eggs is found, allows a download of a bonus comic, same as clicking the save option from the main menu.

|-
! 3
| '''Edit'''
| Enables a mode allowing the user to draw on the webpage. You can draw multiple scribbles, however, they will automatically connect together. Pressing Esc asks "Aw, that looks nice though. Really delete?" and the page returns to normal if OK is clicked.
| None
|-
! 4
| '''System'''
| Normal submenu
|Shut Down> Changes the only menu option to "Power on", then once that is used, the system returns to normal.

/ (See [[#Table - Filesystems Menu|below]])
|-
! 5
| '''View'''
| Normal submenu
|Cascade>Links to [http://wiki.xkcd.com/geohashing/Mt._St._Helens,_Washington]

Tile> Links to [[245: Floor Tiles]]

Minimize> Changes pointer to a smaller pointer.

Full Screen> Enters full screen.
|-
! 6
| '''Utilities'''
| Normal submenu
|Park drives> Nothing.

Check space usage> (cannot click) Space usage: -Dark matter -Hydrogen -Helium -Scattered clumps of heavier elements -Stars -Rocks -Some space probes -Earth

Spell check> English (links to [[1069: Alphabet]]) and Colors (links to [https://blog.xkcd.com/2010/05/03/color-survey-results/])

Train AI> links to [[1838: Machine Learning]]

Identify song> opens a long word-by-word menu for song lyrics; it's actually a menu-ised version of [[851: Na]].

Advanced> several Unix commands, all absurd (or dangerous) for some reason:
* <code>apt-get install /dev/null</code>: <code>apt-get</code> is the standard package manager used in Debian-derived Linux distributions (including Ubuntu); it is normally used to install software; <code>/dev/null</code> is the "bit-bucket" device on any Unix system, which can be used as a dummy output file to discard output or as a dummy empty input file. This command would attempt to install <code>/dev/null</code> (which is a device, not a package!) or, more correctly, would try to install a package reading its data from <code>/dev/null</code> (if <code>apt-get</code> is given a file name it tries to interpret it as a .deb package), which is obviously impossible.
* <code>brew install apt-get</code>: <code>brew</code> is a third-party package manager for macOS; it is generally used to install "missing" open-source utilities on a macOS system; the command is attempting to install the aforementioned <code>apt-get</code>, which is both impossible (<code>apt-get</code> doesn't run on macOS) and hilariously recursive (did you install a package manager - brew - to install another one?). Even if this were possible, the package would have been called <code>apt</code>, as apt-get is only one of the commands in the package manager.
* <code>/usr/local/bin/wine xen-hypervisor.exe</code>: <code>wine</code> is a compatibility layer used to run Windows executables on Linux (and on macOS); the fact that it is in <code>/usr/local</code> hints that it has been manually compiled on this machine; Xen is a Linux-based hypervisor, i.e. a software used to run and manage virtual machines over a Linux host, but the .exe suffix here hints that it is a Windows executable. The command would try to launch a Windows build of a Linux-based virtual machine manager on a Unix machine through a Windows emulation layer (wine).
* <code>source .bash_history</code>: the <code>source</code> shell command reads the file that is given as argument and executes each of its rows as a command in the current shell, roughly as if you typed them in; <code>.bash_history</code> (located in the user home directory) is the file where the bash shell saves the history of the commands that have been run. This command would re-run all the commands that have been typed in the shell.
* <code>rm -rf $DIRECTROY/*</code>: <code>rm -rf</code> deletes recursively and forcefully the paths it is given as arguments; <code>$DIRECTROY</code> is a shell variable, probably containing some directory that whoever typed in this command wanted to clean; however, it is misspelled (it says <code>$DIRECTROY</code>, not <code>$DIRECTORY</code>), and, due to how POSIX shell work, it is thus expanded to an empty string; so, the command becomes <code>rm -rf /*</code>, which deletes all the files and directories in the root of the disk, effectively killing the system instead of just deleting the content of some directory. Notice that this particular misspell manages to circumvent the builtin protection of many <code>rm</code> versions, which refuse to do a plain <code>rm -rf /</code>, as <code>/*</code> gets expanded by the shell, so <code>rm</code> never has the chance to see explicitly that you are killing all the data in the root directory.
* <code>:(){:|:&};:</code>: this is [https://askubuntu.com/q/159491/208527 a classic shell fork bomb], i.e. a small program that keeps launching copies of itself until all resources have been exhausted or the user somehow manages to kill all its copies.
* <code>echo "source .bashrc" >> .bashrc</code>: <code>.bashrc</code> is a file that gets executed whenever the <code>bash</code> shell is started in interactive mode; this command appends the string <code>source .bashrc</code> to it, which effectively executes it again recursively; this would pretty much make it impossible to open an interactive shell when launching it with the default parameters.
* <code>alias gcc=php</code>: the <code>alias</code> shell builtin create an alias for another command; <code>gcc</code> is the GNU C compiler driver, which is used to compile programs written in the C language; <code>php</code> is the command-line interpreter for the PHP language. This line creates an alias such that when typing <code>gcc</code>, <code>php</code> is actually invoked, which would generate completely absurd error messages. This is doubly devious, as PHP isn't generally held in high esteem by large part of the programming community (especially by someone writing stuff in C).

* <code>'); DROP TABLE Menus;--</code> links to [[327: Exploits of a Mom]]
|-
! 7
| '''Games'''
| Normal submenu
| Twenty Questions> A Twenty Questions interface that gets really confusing. There are links to Bing image searches for '[https://www.bing.com/images/search?q=okapi&FORM=HDRSC2 okapi]', '[https://www.bing.com/images/search?q=pronghorn&FORM=HDRSC2 pronghorn]', '[https://www.bing.com/images/search?q=eland&FORM=HDRSC2 eland]', '[https://www.bing.com/images/search?q=baribusa&FORM=HDRSC2 baribusa]', '[https://www.bing.com/images/search?q=musk%20deer&FORM=HDRSC2 musk deer]' and '[https://www.bing.com/images/search?q=ibex&FORM=HDRSC2 ibex]'. The game also contains some extremely large cans of creamed corn (a reference to [[1807: Listening]]).

Rock Paper Scissors> A Rock Paper Scissors game where the computer always matches your move. If you go long enough, the Defect option is added, a reference to the [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prisoner%27s_dilemma Prisoner's Dilemma].

D&D> An interface that allows you to "cast" over 300 spells from {{W|Dungeons_&_Dragons|D&D}} 5e. Several menus are used to filter the spells based on their traits: class which can learn the spell, the school of the spell, the spell level, and components required to perform it (somatic, vocal, material). The traits can be chosen in any order. After all six traits are chosen a submenu opens with all of the spells that match those exact traits (which might be no spells at all).

Most spells link to various pages, including xkcd comics (e.g. [[1331: Frequency]]), what-ifs (e.g. {{what if|144|Saliva Pool}}) and other external sites (e.g. [https://www.nasa.gov/sun The Sun | NASA]). Some spells create effects that change the comic page temporarily or permanently, and some open submenus from different parts of the context menu.

See [[#D&D spells|below]] for all links and effects.

ADVENT.EXE> A text-based adventure game. If played correctly, you can win, unlocking 'Save'>'Save image' from the beginning menu, which links to [https://xkcd.com/1975/v6xso1_right_click_save.png].

The first scene allows you a choice between exploring a dark cave or a castle. If you explore the cave first you get the following description: "It's pitch black. You're likely to be eaten by a grue". This is a reference to a text adventure game called [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zork Zork], where [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grue_(monster) Grues] are monsters who dwell in the dark and eat human explorers, making it impossible to explore dark areas. The same description often appears when you enter a dark area without a light source in Zork and other related games. This has previously been mentionned in [[91: Pwned]].

If you ignore the warning and go deeper, you are given one more warning ("You're deep in a cave. Something, possibly this very sentence, tells you it would be dangerous to go any further"). If you ignore that too and keep going, you fall into a pit. Several options are given to try and rescue yourself (or alternatively "resign to your fate" or deny you are in a pit [You also may try to cause a distraction by saying "Look behind you! A three-headed monkey!" This may be a reference to the Curse of Monkey Island, where Guybrush Threepwood distracts characters by saying the same line.]) but all lead to "you've been eaten by a grue". Being eaten by a grue seems to be an irreversible condition - if you exit the context menu and enter ADVENT.EXE again, you are given no options and are told again that "you've been eaten by a grue". Apparently only refreshing the page cancels that.

Exploring the castle is a much safer option to begin with. The main castle scene has a door, a well, and stairs that go up to the tower. The door is locked, and trying to break it is futile.

The well is a wishing well. Examining it allows for several options:
* Examine the sign - it reads "Dark! Narrow! Scary! Well of Three Features". This is a reference to [https://zeldawiki.wiki/wiki/Bottom_of_the_Well the well of three features] from The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time.
* Wish for... - this one has a lot of options, some of which are links to comics or What If pages and some lead to further submenus:
** World peace - leads to the answer "I'm just a well, can you scale it down a bit?" and then back to the well menu; this option is from now changed to "Inner peace", which gives "A feeling of calm washes over you." and "Ommmmmm...", which also goes back to the well menu
** More wishes - leads back to the "Wish for..." menu. The idea of using a wish to wish for more wishes is common when discussing things with wish-granting powers and was previously mentioned in [[1086: Eyelash Wish Log]].
** Fewer wishes - Tell you "Really? Okay.." (as this is not something most people would ask for{{Citation needed}}). If you continue you return to the "Examine well" menu. If you want to make a wish again (even after exiting the menu and coming back again) you can only wish for "more wishes" and then you can continue wishing normally.
** Happiness - links to [[572: Together]], a comic about getting "happiness" as a scavenger hunt item.
** Luck - links to [[1053: Ten Thousand]] which refers to hearing about commonly known things for the first time as being one of "today's lucky 10,000".
** Wisdom - You hear a voice whisper 'N, E, N, N, N, W, S, W'. This is a clue for later.
** Wealth - Links to the what if article {{what if|111|All the Money}}, which might explain what will happen if the wishing well "overgrants" your wish.
** A human-sized hamster ball - links to [[152: Hamster Ball]] where [[Cueball]] wishes for the same thing.
** A map of everything - links to [[1196: Subways]], a map of the subways of North America, which are apparently "everything" for Americans.
** True love - links to {{what if|9|Soul Mates}}.
** A kitty! - links to [[231: Cat Proximity]], a comic detailing the effect of cats on humans.
* Jump in - Allows you to swim (and later "just keep swimming..." indefinitely) or climb out and return to the "Examine well" menu.
* Pull up the bucket - "You reel in the bucket. There's something shiny in the bottom". If you examine the bucket you get a key!

After you have the key, if you go back to the castle you can now use the key on the locked door and enter a dungeon. In the dungeon, there is a clamp on a table that you can take.

Finally, in the tower, you can find a "strange machine" dubbed a "C-Remover". You can try to use the C-Remover on any item you got. It doesn't affect the key, but it does turn the clamp into a lamp! The C-remover is a reference to either the T-remover from [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leather_Goddesses_of_Phobos Leather Goddess of Phobos] or the multi-letter remover from [http://emshort.com/counterfeit_monkey/ Counterfeit Monkey], a text adventure by Emily Short inspired by it.

After you have the lamp, entering the cave becomes safer. It now becomes "a maze of twisty passages, all alike" where each room allows going N, E, S, or W, normally leading to an identical room. Only by using the clue from the wish for "wisdom" in the well and going N, E, N, N, N, W, S, W you can navigate the maze successfully. When following that path, after the first "W" the options become N, S, and Dennis instead of the usual N, E, S, W; this is a reference to the text-based game [http://www.hrwiki.org/wiki/Thy_Dungeonman Thy Dungeonman] found in a Strong Bad email from [http://homestarrunner.com homestarrunner.com].

If you follow the full path you find the center of the maze where there is a nest with a "large multicolored egg" (an easter egg!). If you take the egg you are told "You feel a sense of potential, as if you may have more options now". This is because the "save" options are now unlocked in the main context menu and the file menu!

Hoverboard> Links to [[1608: Hoverboard]] browser game.

Mornington Crescent> This is a simulation of the well-known game {{W|Mornington_Crescent_(game)|Mornington Crescent}}, which bears a surprising resemblance to {{W|London_Underground|London's Underground}} railway network. Players name a station, in turn, endeavoring to reach Mornington Crescent. The rules of play are very complicated and beyond the scope of this article; interested persons are referred to ''N. F. Stovold’s Mornington Crescent: Rules and Origins'' (sadly out of print). This variation only includes the sections of the London Underground in fare zone 1. There is a "station" only connected to Vauxhall called "Easter basket". The Easter basket leads you to "Take egg", also allowing you to save. The shortest path to the Easter basket is Euston > Warren Street > Oxford Circus > Green Park > Victoria > Pimlico > Vauxhall > Easter basket, simply following the Victoria Line the entire way. All playable stations are immediately adjacent on the London Underground network to the station last played. Despite the fact that this version of the game starts at Euston, which is adjacent to Mornington Crescent, as Mornington Crescent is in fare zone 2, the branch of the {{W|Northern_line|Northern line}} on which the {{W|Mornington_Crescent_tube_station|eponymous station}} is situated does not appear in the game and Mornington Crescent is not an objective.
|-
! 8
| '''Help'''
| Contains various submenus, all of which, barring Credits, loop back recursively to this menu:
|Tutorial
Support

Manual

Troubleshooting

FAQ

Guide

Q&A

User forums

--------------

Credits> 'Some people who helped with this comic:
[http://chromakode.com/ @chromakode]
[https://twitter.com/aiiane Amber]
[https://twitter.com/fadinginterest @fadinginterest]
[https://twitter.com/wirehead2501 Kat]
[https://twitter.com/cotrone Kevin]
[http://90d.ca/ Stereo]'
|-
! 9
| '''Do Crimes'''
| Contains several "crimes" that can be committed. This option is unlocked by File > Open > C:\ (or /home/user) > Bookmarks/ > Secret > Enable Dark Web.
This is a joke about how the dark web is perceived in popular culture - a place that exists solely to do crimes, mainly bitcoin and hacking related.
| Steal Bitcoins > Grayed out.
Say swears > Several clean swears that all link to [[771: Period Speech]].

Hack > Three sub-options that link to various related comics. (Gibson: Nothing. Election: [[1019: First Post]]. Planet: [[1337: Hack]].)

Forge a Scrabble Tile > Several sub-options that don't do anything. (U, Z, <this menu option intentionally left blank>, and two special characters, one being a Russian 'Э', as low-pitched [eh], and the second being a crossed swords emoji (⚔)
|}

====Filesystems Menu====

{| border =1 width=100% cellpadding=5 class="wikitable"
! Drive !! Menu Item !! Explanation !! Sub-Menu Items
|-
! A:\
| '''Insert'''
| Only appears before inserting a floppy disk.
|Floppy disk> Unlocks other options for drive A:\, which are identical to drive C:\
Chip card> A long sequence of being told 'Please wait. Authorizing...' ending in 'Chip error! REMOVE CARD NOW!'
|-
! C:\
| '''Documents/'''
| Nothing.
| None.
|-
! C:\
| '''Music/'''
| Leads to a long string of prompts for song lyrics. 'Hey now / Hey now na now / Sing "This Corrosion" to me' inverts the webpage's color before Easter egg mode is enabled, and plays the referenced song in the browser with inverted color and flashing if the Easter egg mode is enabled. It's actually the same menu that is shown under Utilities>Identify song (which itself is a menu-ised version of [[851: Na]]).
| 'Hey now / Hey now / Don't dream it's over' links to [[240: Dream Girl]]. 'This / is / a / story all about how / my life got flipped, turned upside down' links to [[464: RBA]]. 'This / is / the / story of a girl / who cried a river and drowned the whole world' links to a Youtube video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_FVAEYRM5I
|-
! C:\
| '''Bookmarks/'''
| Similar to Music/, Bookmarks/> Comics leads to a chain from which all comics prior to this comic except [[1974: Conversational Dynamics]] are titled and linked. For instance, he thus here recognizes his first April Fools' comic [[404: Not Found]], which cannot be found, as a real comic by linking to it. Bookmarks/> Secret> Enable Dark Web adds the 'Dark Web' option to the initial menu.
|-
! C:\
| '''Games/'''
| Same as 'Games' from the initial menu.
|-
! C:\
| '''Sequences/'''
| The options are the lines from a ''Tim and Eric'' sketch [http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/celery-man Celery Man]; the final option links to a YouTube video of the sketch.
| After several single-option menus, it links to this Youtube video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MHWBEK8w_YY
|-
! /
| '''home/'''
| Nothing.
| guest> links to http://uni.xkcd.com/ - a command-line Unix-style interface for viewing xkcd comics (and other commands to discover) that was used as the April Fool's joke in 2010. See also the comic [[unixkcd]].

user> Same files as C:\

root> Displays 'You are not in the sudoers file. This incident will be reported.' a refrence to [[838: Incident]] and also what the sudo command will print if unauthorized users try to use it.
|-
! /
| '''opt/'''
| Does nothing.
| None.
|-
! /
| '''sbin/'''
| Does nothing.
| None.
|-
! /
| '''usr/'''
| Opens an infinite sequence of options, each similar to the last, but replacing the previous selection with another folder; probably a reference to the fact that [https://www.tldp.org/LDP/Linux-Filesystem-Hierarchy/html/usr.html the /usr hierarchy] does contain a list of subdirectories pretty much identical [https://www.tldp.org/LDP/Linux-Filesystem-Hierarchy/html/the-root-directory.html to those of the root directory]. /usr/local, too is a duplicate of /usr for files not originating with the distro, and of late /var and /opt have also started expanding.
|-
! /
| '''dev/'''
| Nothing.
|random/> links to a random xkcd comic. In unix systems reading from the /dev/random file generates pseudorandom bytes, so it fits here that /dev/random gives a random comic.
urandom/> links to [[221: Random Number]]. In unix systems, /dev/urandom is the same as /dev/random, except in /dev/random you don't get anything if you don't have sufficient "randomness" in the system, and in /dev/urandom you get whatever you have. The linked comic describes a botched attempt to create a function that would return a truly random number but actually, it returns a fixed number (and thus isn't useful at all). This alludes to /dev/urandom providing bad results sometimes.
|}

====D&D spells====
Here all the spells from the D&D game are detailed, including the traits you need to enter to get to them and the link they lead to/effect they create.

To get to a specific spell using this table you need to go to games->d&d->cast and then enter the traits - level, class, school, and components - in any order. Note that many spells list more than one class in the table (in d&d it means multiple classes can cast that spell), which means you need to choose one of those classes in the menu. Components are listed in the table as V for Verbal Components, S for Somatic Components and M for Material Components - choose "yes" or "no" for these based on whether the matching letter is there or not.

=====Link Spells=====
The vast majority of spells (285 of them apparently) are actually links to xkcd comics, what ifs, or external pages that somehow demonstrate or relate to the spell.

{| border =1 width=100% cellpadding=5 class="wikitable"
! Name !! Level !! Classes !! School !! Components !! Link !! Explanation
|-
! Acid Arrow
| 2
| Wizard
| Evocation
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/790/
| The comic is about giving LSD (commonly known as "acid") to test subjects
|-
! Aid
| 2
| Cleric, Paladin
| Abjuration
| V, S, M
| http://donorschoose.org
| A site dedicated to donations - aiding various subjects
|-
! Alarm
| 1
| Ranger, Wizard
| Abjuration
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1359/
| Comic about phone alarm
|-
! Alter Self
| 2
| Sorcerer, Wizard
| Transmutation
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/1099/
| In this comic beret guy is "altered" in a weird way
|-
! Animal Friendship
| 1
| Bard, Druid, Ranger
| Enchantment
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1746/
| Comic about making friends in a way that might attract some animals better than humans
|-
! Animal Messenger
| 2
| Bard, Druid, Ranger
| Enchantment
| V, S, M
| https://twitter.com/dog_rates
| A humorous Twitter page about "rating dogs" - in a way "messaging about" animals
|-
! Animal Shapes
| 8
| Druid
| Transmutation
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/1278/
| Comic about using genetic engineering to change an animal (in this case a giraffe) shape
|-
! Animate Dead
| 3
| Cleric, Wizard
| Necromancy
| V, S, M
| http://www.asofterworld.com/index.php?id=62
| They were once dead.
|-
! Arcane Eye
| 4
| Wizard
| Divination
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/993/
| The comic is related to creating a brand by having products that "stand out" and are therefore "more visible"
|-
! Astral Projection
| 9
| Cleric, Warlock, Wizard
| Necromancy
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/977/
| Comic about map projections
|-
! Augury
| 2
| Cleric
| Divination
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1334/
| The comic is about checking the second page of google results for answers, which might be parallelized to reading omens in the spell.
|-
! Awaken
| 5
| Bard, Druid
| Transmutation
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1518/
| Comic about awakening... badly to an alarm sound
|-
! Bane
| 1
| Bard, Cleric
| Enchantment
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/972/
| The comic details a simple exploit by blackhat, the bane of everyone's existence
|-
! Barkskin
| 2
| Druid, Ranger
| Transmutation
| V, S, M
| https://youtu.be/qFI4BQlBbig
| A video by "My Brother, My Brother and Me" where a person creates a "shitty iron man armor", parallel to the armor created by barkskin
|-
! Beacon of Hope
| 3
| Cleric
| Abjuration
| V, S
| https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Svalbard_Global_Seed_Vault
| Link to the wikipedia page about the global seed vault, which is meant to function as "a beacon of hope" in case of global disaster.
|-
! Bestow Curse
| 3
| Bard, Cleric, Wizard
| Necromancy
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/214/
| The comic talks about "the problem of wikipedia" which can be time-waster to curious people. This can also be rephrased as "the curse of wikipedia"
|-
! Black Tentacles
| 4
| Wizard
| Conjuration
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1926/
| The comic is about an "ugly mess of code" which can be compared to a tentacle mess
|-
! Blade Barrier
| 6
| Cleric
| Evocation
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/1406/
| The comic is about a "universal converted" which can be thought of as a kind of barrier
|-
! Bless
| 1
| Cleric, Paladin
| Enchantment
| V, S, M
| https://what-if.xkcd.com/55/
| A what if article about saying "bless you" to random people on the phone, hoping they just sneezed
|-
! Blight
| 4
| Druid, Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard
| Necromancy
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/1807/
| Another exploit by black hat
|-
! Blindness/Deafness
| 2
| Bard, Cleric, Sorcerer, Wizard
| Necromancy
| V
| https://xkcd.com/467/
| Comic related to "two girls one cup", a well-known shock video which might make people wish they were blind after seeing it
|-
! Branding Smite
| 2
| Paladin
| Evocation
| V
| https://xkcd.com/384/
| (Can thunder make intelligent?)
|-
! Burning Hands
| 1
| Sorcerer, Wizard
| Evocation
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/1296/
| Git messages become increasingly similar to a person on fire typing them and also relate to haaaannds
|-
! Call Lightning
| 3
| Druid
| Conjuration
| V, S
| https://what-if.xkcd.com/16/
| A what if with several lightning-related questions
|-
! Calm Emotions
| 2
| Bard, Cleric
| Enchantment
| V, S
| https://twitter.com/CuteEmergency
| Twitter page about cute dogs that might indeed calm your emotions
|-
! Chain Lightning
| 6
| Sorcerer, Wizard
| Evocation
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/898/
| Comic about the chain of command
|-
! Charm Person
| 1
| Bard, Druid, Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard
| Enchantment
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/1777/
| Comic about the Nigerian Scan, which can be thought of as a way to "charm" people into doing what you want (like other scams)
|-
! Chill Touch
| 0
| Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard
| Necromancy
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/1108/
| Comic about a cautionary ghost, similar to the ghostly hand the spell creates
|-
! Circle of Death
| 6
| Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard
| Necromancy
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1674/
| Comic about doing "adult stuff" including writing a will
|-
! Clairvoyance
| 3
| Bard, Cleric, Sorcerer, Wizard
| Divination
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1421/
| Comic about discovering a creepily clairvoyant comment from your "past self" in your code
|-
! Clone
| 8
| Wizard
| Necromancy
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1597/
| Comic about git - "clone" is a common git command.
|-
! Cloudkill
| 5
| Sorcerer, Wizard
| Conjuration
| V, S
| https://what-if.xkcd.com/8/
| Human crowd
|-
! Color Spray
| 1
| Sorcerer, Wizard
| Illusion
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1882/
| Comic about color
|-
! Command
| 1
| Cleric, Paladin
| Enchantment
| V
| https://xkcd.com/857/
| Comic about a man making a famous phrase by Archimedes into a command with an ultimatum
|-
! Commune
| 5
| Cleric
| Divination
| V, S, M
| https://youtu.be/7yxaKeRRypo?t=44s
| Tried to snipe but turned into laughs
|-
! Commune with Nature
| 5
| Druid, Ranger
| Divination
| V, S
| https://youtu.be/BOxRFMiSDZU?t=9m47s
| Suddenly, Dino-Lansbury.
|-
! Comprehend Languages
| 1
| Bard, Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard
| Divination
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1816/
| Comic about language weirdness and puns
|-
! Compulsion
| 4
| Bard
| Enchantment
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/609/
| Comic about TVTropes, which might create a compulsion to follow links and stay there for a long time
|-
! Cone of Cold
| 5
| Sorcerer, Wizard
| Evocation
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1714/
| Comic about volcanoes, which are actually cones of heat usually (the "waffle cone" volcano in the comic is probably cold)
|-
! Confusion
| 4
| Bard, Druid, Sorcerer, Wizard
| Enchantment
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1969/
| Comic presents a way to confuse people by setting to "not found" page of your site to a "not available in your country" page
|-
! Conjure Woodland Beings
| 4
| Druid, Ranger
| Conjuration
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1903/
| Comic about "buns" (rabbits) which are woodland beings
|-
! Contact Other Plane
| 5
| Warlock, Wizard
| Divination
| V
| https://xkcd.com/1889/
| Comic from the "[[xkcd Phone]]" series. With all their features, surely xkcd phones can contact other planes...
|-
! Contagion
| 5
| Cleric, Druid
| Necromancy
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/1161/
| Comic about hand sanitizer, which is meant to prevent contagion, but maybe not as effectively as [[Cueball]] would like.
|-
! Contingency
| 6
| Wizard
| Evocation
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/140/
| Comic about how one gets cheese when they have chips and chips when they have cheese, a situation in which one condition triggers a contingency and vice versa.
|-
! Continual Flame
| 2
| Cleric, Wizard
| Evocation
| V, S, M
| https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_F._Kennedy_Eternal_Flame
| Wikipedia about eternal (continual) flame
|-
! Control Water
| 4
| Cleric, Druid, Wizard
| Transmutation
| V,S,M
| https://what-if.xkcd.com/103/
| What if article about water disappearing
|-
! Control Weather
| 8
| Cleric, Druid, Wizard
| Transmutation
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1126/
| Comic about the weirdness of the weather in 2005
|-
! Create Food and Water
| 3
| Cleric, Paladin
| Conjuration
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/1774/
| Comic about food in supermarkets
|-
! Create or Destroy Water
| 1
| Cleric, Druid
| Transmutation
| V, S, M
| https://what-if.xkcd.com/103/
| What if article about water disappearing (Same as in "control water" - actually more fitting here)
|-
! Create Undead
| 6
| Cleric, Warlock, Wizard
| Necromancy
| V, S, M
| https://what-if.xkcd.com/69/
| What if about the dead users in Facebook who are compared to "undead" in a comic image at the start of the article
|-
! Creation
| 5
| Sorcerer, Wizard
| Illusion
| V, S, M
| https://youtu.be/_hH7vZF15SY
| "Monster Factory" episode which is a gameplay video of the game spore which is about the creation of a species and a civilization. "Creating" is also in the video title.
|-
! Cure Wounds
| 1
| Bard, Cleric, Druid, Paladin, Ranger
| Evocation
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/1618/
| Comic about trying to cure a pretty bad cold
|-
! Dancing Lights
| 0
| Bard, Sorcerer, Wizard
| Evocation
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1331/
| Comic that shows frequencies of different events in the form of blinking ("dancing") gifs ("lights")
|-
! Daylight
| 3
| Cleric, Druid, Paladin, Ranger, Sorcerer
| Evocation
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/673/
| Comic about "daylight saving time"
|-
! Death Ward
| 4
| Cleric, Paladin
| Abjuration
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/865/
| In the comic IPv6 functions as a sort of "death ward" against nanobots, buying us some time before the total annihilation of life on earth.
|-
! Demiplane
| 8
| Warlock, Wizard
| Conjuration
| S
| https://xkcd.com/1703/
|
|-
! Detect Evil and Good
| 1
| Cleric, Paladin
| Divination
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/256/
| A map of internet communities, with the good and bad parts.
|-
! Detect Magic
| 1
| Bard, Cleric, Druid, Paladin, Ranger, Sorcerer, Wizard
| Divination
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/808/
| An economic argument that "detects" what crazy "magic" phenomenon actually works and what doesn't.
|-
! Detect Poison and Disease
| 1
| Cleric, Druid, Paladin, Ranger
| Divination
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/802/
| Updated version of "map of online communities" which was linked to from "detect good and evil", again suggesting that online communities are full of "poison and disease".
|-
! Detect Thoughts
| 2
| Bard, Sorcerer, Wizard
| Divination
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1448/
| A note asking someone about their thoughts (or feelings)
|-
! Disguise Self
| 1
| Bard, Sorcerer, Wizard
| Illusion
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/451/
| Comic about being an impostor and "disguising" yourself as an expert in a field.
|-
! Disintegrate
| 6
| Sorcerer, Wizard
| Transmutation
| V, S, M
| https://what-if.xkcd.com/1/
| The very first what if, where a baseball is pitched at 90% of the speed of light and begins to disintegrate... In a nuclear explosion
|-
! Dispel Evil and Good
| 5
| Cleric, Paladin
| Abjuration
| V, S, M
| https://what-if.xkcd.com/5/
| What-if about a contemporary robot apocalypse ("evil") and how to "dispel" it.
|-
! Dispel Magic
| 3
| Bard, Cleric, Druid, Paladin, Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard
| Abjuration
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/109/
| Comic about spoilers who "dispel the magic" of watching some movies.
|-
! Divination
| 4
| Cleric
| Divination
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1525/
| xkcd's version of the magic 8 ball, a toy/tool for divination
|-
! Divine Favor
| 1
| Paladin
| Evocation
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/1575/
| Comic parodying the Christian poem "footprints" which is about divine favor
|-
! Divine Word
| 7
| Cleric
| Evocation
| V
| https://xkcd.com/741/
| Comic about content producing, some of which may be divine words
|-
! Dominate Beast
| 4
| Druid, Sorcerer
| Enchantment
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/1934/
| Comic about excessive phone security settings that "dominate" the thief in a way
|-
! Dominate Monster
| 8
| Bard, Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard
| Enchantment
| V, S
| https://youtu.be/JgChfrBsEaI
| "Monster factory" episode about "creating the Shrek franchise" - which is about a monster - in spore.
|-
! Dominate Person
| 5
| Bard, Sorcerer, Wizard
| Enchantment
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/1116/
| Comic about confusing traffic light which can "dominate" a person.
|-
! Dream
| 5
| Bard, Warlock, Wizard
| Illusion
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/557/
| Comic about the common "not ready for school" dream
|-
! Druidcraft
| 0
| Druid
| Transmutation
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/867/
| Comic about branches of zoology - zoology can be thought of as "druidcraft"
|-
! Earthquake
| 8
| Cleric, Druid, Sorcerer
| Evocation
| V, S, M
| https://blog.xkcd.com/2011/08/24/earthquakes/
| Blog post about earthquakes
|-
! Eldritch Blast
| 0
| Warlock
| Evocation
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/356/
| Comic about "nerd sniping", an unconventional sort of "blast" for "hitting" nerds
|-
! Enhance Ability
| 2
| Bard, Cleric, Druid, Sorcerer
| Transmutation
| V, S, M
| https://youtu.be/YLg_aIlhe6I?t=23m33s
| "Monster factory" episode about the stars recreating themselves in a WWE videogame, in a way "enhancing their abilities"
|-
! Entangle
| 1
| Druid
| Conjuration
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/257/
| Comic about code encryption, which adds complexity similar to an entanglement
|-
! Enthrall
| 2
| Bard, Warlock
| Enchantment
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/1286/
| Comic about improperly encrypted passwords, similar to the "distracting string of words" in the spell description
|-
! Etherealness
| 7
| Bard, Cleric, Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard
| Transmutation
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/644/
|
|-
! Expeditious Retreat
| 1
| Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard
| Transmutation
| V, S
| https://what-if.xkcd.com/61/
| What-if about speed bumps
|-
! Eyebite
| 6
| Bard, Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard
| Necromancy
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/1015/
| Comic about bad kerning, which is a "bite" to the eyes
|-
! Fabricate
| 4
| Wizard
| Transmutation
| V, S
| Another Monster Factory video, fabricating a character in Mass Effect
|
|-
! Faerie Fire
| 1
| Bard, Druid
| Evocation
| V
| https://what-if.xkcd.com/151/
| What-If about fireflies
|-
! Faithful Hound
| 4
| Wizard
| Conjuration
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1193/
| Comic that ends with a very large dog
|-
! False Life
| 1
| Sorcerer, Wizard
| Necromancy
| V, S, M
| https://youtu.be/8-3jDVTLdaQ
| Monster Factory video involving the game Second Life.
|-
! Fear
| 3
| Bard, Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard
| Illusion
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1242/
| A chart comparing how scary things are
|-
! Feather Fall
| 1
| Bard, Sorcerer, Wizard
| Transmutation
| V, M
| https://youtu.be/bWvyJ05TdC8?t=13m34s
| In this clip, the floor is removed, causing a lot of people to fall.
|-
! Feeblemind
| 8
| Bard, Druid, Warlock, Wizard
| Enchantment
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/574/
| A comic about misinformed people, who could be described as acting feeble-minded.
|-
! Find Familiar
| 1
| Wizard
| Conjuration
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/413/
| Comic talking about a new pet (that is actually a computer). A familiar is an animal, similar to a pet, that serves a master, usually the magic user that summoned it.
|-
! Find Steed
| 2
| Paladin
| Conjuration
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/1651/
| After the events of the comic, you would have to sort through the pile of cars to find your own; Your car here being the "steed" of the spell.
|-
! Find the Path
| 6
| Bard, Cleric, Druid
| Divination
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/887/
|
|-
! Find Traps
| 2
| Cleric, Druid, Ranger
| Divination
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/1195/
| This comic itself is a trap!
|-
! Finger of Death
| 7
| Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard
| Necromancy
| V, S
| https://what-if.xkcd.com/117/
| A What-If about death.
|-
! Fire Bolt
| 0
| Sorcerer, Wizard
| Evocation
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/639/
|
|-
! Fire Shield
| 4
| Wizard
| Evocation
| V, S, M
| https://www.jpl.nasa.gov/video/details.php?id=1090
|
|-
! Fire Storm
| 7
| Cleric, Druid, Sorcerer
| Evocation
| V, S
| https://youtu.be/ujADg0nWqCw?t=15m51s
| A discusion of Curiosity's landing gear, including its heat shield.
|-
! Flame Blade
| 2
| Druid
| Evocation
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/961/
| Strangely, not used for Continual Flame, despite the title.
|-
! Flame Strike
| 5
| Cleric
| Evocation
| V, S, M
| https://youtu.be/J9hMe1R8eYw
|
|-
! Flaming Sphere
| 2
| Druid, Wizard
| Conjuration
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/673/
| This is a comic about the sun, which can be described as a flaming sphere.
|-
! Flesh to Stone
| 6
| Warlock, Wizard
| Transmutation
| V,S,M
| https://xkcd.com/1409/
| Might be a penis joke on the "hours since watching porn" query.
|-
! Floating Disk
| 1
| Wizard
| Conjuration
| V, S, M
| https://what-if.xkcd.com/50/
| What-If on boating. A boat can - generously - be described as a floating disk.
|-
! Fly
| 3
| Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard
| Transmutation
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/353/
| A comic where a Python user gains the power of flight.
|-
! Fog Cloud
| 1
| Druid, Ranger, Sorcerer, Wizard
| Conjuration
| V, S
| http://twitter.com/karlthefog
| The twitter account for a fog cloud.
|-
! Forbiddance
| 6
| Cleric
| Abjuration
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/782/
| A comic about breaking forbidden taboos and paying the consequences.
|-
! Forcecage
| 7
| Bard, Warlock, Wizard
| Evocation
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1142/
| A Faraday cage could be described as a force-cage.
|-
! Foresight
| 9
| Bard, Druid, Warlock, Wizard
| Divination
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1876/
| A comic about using one's foresight to extrapolate trends.
|-
! Freedom of Movement
| 4
| Bard, Cleric, Druid, Ranger
| Abjuration
| V, S, M
| https://youtu.be/sCOwRahm0so?t=1m8s
| Jet boots and forging your own path both enable freedom of movement
|-
! Freezing Sphere
| 6
| Wizard
| Evocation
| V, S, M
| https://what-if.xkcd.com/121/
| A What-If about freezing a lot of things at once.
|-
! Gaseous Form
| 3
| Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard
| Transmutation
| V, S, M
| https://what-if.xkcd.com/146/
| This What-If is about Jupiter, a gas giant.
|-
! Geas
| 5
| Bard, Cleric, Druid, Paladin, Wizard
| Enchantment
| V
| https://xkcd.com/1559/
| Geas gives the target a magical command that they must follow, a somewhat-common use of which is instructing someone to walk across a continent to get them out of the way.
|-
! Gentle Repose
| 2
| Cleric, Wizard
| Necromancy
| V, S, M
| https://youtu.be/1Wl_yf86n78?t=20m
|
|-
! Giant Insect
| 4
| Druid
| Transmutation
| V, S
| https://youtu.be/_1jGnFt78H8?t=25m32s
| Roachie is a radroach, a giant insect much like the kind that this spell creates.
|-
! Glibness
| 8
| Bard, Warlock
| Transmutation
| V
| https://xkcd.com/707/
| Glibness is both a spell that makes you more charismatic and the quality of being funny and insincere.
|-
! Globe of Invulnerability
| 6
| Sorcerer, Wizard
| Abjuration
| V, S, M
| https://what-if.xkcd.com/153/
|
|-
! Glyph of Warding
| 3
| Bard, Cleric, Wizard
| Abjuration
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1247/
| The warning message in this comic functions as a way of warding off viruses, warning the user of possibile attacks.
|-
! Goodberry
| 1
| Druid, Ranger
| Transmutation
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1035/
| Goodberry summons a magical berry with as much nutritional value as a full day's food, much in the way that a soda has as much sugar as two or three Cadbury eggs.
|-
! Grease
| 1
| Wizard
| Conjuration
| V, S, M
| https://what-if.xkcd.com/4/
|
|-
! Greater Invisibility
| 4
| Bard, Sorcerer, Wizard
| Illusion
| V, S
| https://what-if.xkcd.com/72/
| The loneliest human had no connection to anyone else at the time, making them functionally invisible to the world.
|-
! Greater Restoration
| 5
| Bard, Cleric, Druid
| Abjuration
| V, S, M
| http://www.maximumfun.org/shows/my-brother-my-brother-and-me
|
|-
! Guardian of Faith
| 4
| Cleric
| Conjuration
| V
| https://xkcd.com/1934/
| The same comic as Dominate Beass. The security settings guard against thieves.
|-
! Guards and Wards
| 6
| Bard, Wizard
| Abjuration
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1890/
| A guide to self-defense in specific situations.
|-
! Guidance
| 0
| Cleric, Druid
| Divination
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/1028/
| A comic on communication and guiding others.
|-
! Guiding Bolt
| 1
| Cleric
| Evocation
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/1160/
| Both a poster guiding people to join the trebuchet club, and the actual mechanism of aiming the trebuchet.
|-
! Gust of Wind
| 2
| Druid, Sorcerer, Wizard
| Evocation
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1378/
| In this comic, a wind turbine is asked to create a Gust of Wind, but is unable to.
|-
! Hallow
| 5
| Cleric
| Evocation
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1677/
| PF2e tips: "Hallow-led" Background has Dubious knowledge skill feat, fail pulls a correct information and a misinformation.
|-
! Hallucinatory Terrain
| 4
| Bard, Druid, Warlock, Wizard
| Illusion
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1472/
|
|-
! Harm
| 6
| Cleric
| Necromancy
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/218/
| A comic where harm is caused to the patient by suggesting the heart is taken out and the ventricles are blown in
|-
! Haste
| 3
| Sorcerer, Wizard
| Transmutation
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1701/
|
|-
! Heal
| 6
| Cleric, Druid
| Evocation
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/218/
|
|-
! Healing Word
| 1
| Bard, Cleric, Druid
| Evocation
| V
| https://youtu.be/NYnldxUpYQQ
|
|-
! Heat Metal
| 2
| Bard, Druid
| Transmutation
| V, S, M
| https://what-if.xkcd.com/35/
|
|-
! Hellish Rebuke
| 1
| Warlock
| Evocation
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/327/
|
|-
! Heroes' Feast
| 6
| Cleric, Druid
| Conjuration
| V, S, M
| https://youtu.be/_v1v0t8Q5xg?t=7m48s
|
|-
! Heroism
| 1
| Bard, Paladin
| Enchantment
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/326/
|
|-
! Hideous Laughter
| 1
| Bard, Wizard
| Enchantment
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1974/
|
|-
! Hold Monster
| 5
| Bard, Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard
| Enchantment
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1604/
|
|-
! Hold Person
| 2
| Bard, Cleric, Druid, Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard
| Enchantment
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/540/
|
|-
! Holy Aura
| 8
| Cleric
| Abjuration
| V, S, M
| https://what-if.xkcd.com/145/
|
|-
! Hunter's Mark
| 1
| Ranger
| Divination
| V
| https://what-if.xkcd.com/11/
|
|-
! Hypnotic Pattern
| 3
| Bard, Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard
| Illusion
| S, M
| https://xkcd.com/722/
|
|-
! Ice Storm
| 4
| Druid, Sorcerer, Wizard
| Evocation
| V, S, M
| https://what-if.xkcd.com/104/
|
|-
! Identify
| 1
| Bard, Wizard
| Divination
| V, S, M
| https://what-if.xkcd.com/9/
|
|-
! Illusory Script
| 1
| Bard, Warlock, Wizard
| Illusion
| S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1288/
|
|-
! Imprisonment
| 9
| Warlock, Wizard
| Abjuration
| V, S, M
| https://youtu.be/U4rwlvMEoj0
|
|-
! Incendiary Cloud
| 8
| Sorcerer, Wizard
| Conjuration
| V, S
| https://what-if.xkcd.com/139/
|
|-
! Inflict Wounds
| 1
| Cleric
| Necromancy
| V, S
| https://youtu.be/Kcd44VfN-Ro?t=3m24s
|
|-
! Insect Plague
| 5
| Cleric, Druid, Sorcerer
| Conjuration
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1127/
|
|-
! Instant Summons
| 6
| Wizard
| Conjuration
| V, S, M
| https://what-if.xkcd.com/123/
| What if about fairy demographics which are "summoned" to the first laugh of a child
|-
! Invisibility
| 2
| Bard, Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard
| Illusion
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1080/
|
|-
! Irresistible Dance
| 6
| Bard, Wizard
| Enchantment
| V
| https://xkcd.com/878/
|
|-
! Jump
| 1
| Druid, Ranger, Sorcerer, Wizard
| Transmutation
| V, S, M
| https://youtu.be/kT2Y6ftxilM?t=17m37s
|
|-
! Knock
| 2
| Bard, Sorcerer, Wizard
| Transmutation
| V
| https://xkcd.com/530/
|
|-
! Legend Lore
| 5
| Bard, Cleric, Wizard
| Divination
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1350/
|
|-
! Lesser Restoration
| 2
| Bard, Cleric, Druid, Paladin, Ranger
| Abjuration
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/567/
|
|-
! Levitate
| 2
| Sorcerer, Wizard
| Transmutation
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/520/
|
|-
! Light
| 0
| Bard, Cleric, Sorcerer, Wizard
| Evocation
| V, M
| https://what-if.xkcd.com/13/
|
|-
! Lightning Bolt
| 3
| Sorcerer, Wizard
| Evocation
| V, S, M
| https://what-if.xkcd.com/109/
|
|-
! Locate Animals or Plants
| 2
| Bard, Druid, Ranger
| Divination
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1826/
|
|-
! Locate Creature
| 4
| Bard, Cleric, Druid, Paladin, Ranger, Wizard
| Divination
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1747/
|
|-
! Locate Object
| 2
| Bard, Cleric, Druid, Paladin, Ranger, Wizard
| Divination
| V, S, M
| http://bfy.tw/Dh
|
|-
! Longstrider
| 1
| Bard, Druid, Ranger, Wizard
| Transmutation
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1065/
|
|-
! Mage Armor
| 1
| Sorcerer, Wizard
| Abjuration
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1636/
|
|-
! Mage Hand
| 0
| Bard, Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard
| Conjuration
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/1812/
|
|-
! Magic Circle
| 3
| Cleric, Paladin, Warlock, Wizard
| Abjuration
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/112/
|
|-
! Magic Jar
| 6
| Wizard
| Necromancy
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1021/
|
|-
! Magic Missile
| 1
| Sorcerer, Wizard
| Evocation
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/1356/
|
|-
! Magic Mouth
| 2
| Bard, Wizard
| Illusion
| V, S, M
| https://what-if.xkcd.com/37/
|
|-
! Magic Weapon
| 2
| Paladin, Wizard
| Transmutation
| V, S
| https://what-if.xkcd.com/81/
|
|-
! Magnificent Mansion
| 7
| Bard, Wizard
| Conjuration
| V, S, M
| https://youtu.be/TamwFUUd9Yk?t=10m29s
|
|-
! Major Image
| 3
| Bard, Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard
| Illusion
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/980/
|
|-
! Mass Cure Wounds
| 5
| Bard, Cleric, Druid
| Evocation
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/1793/
|
|-
! Mass Heal
| 9
| Cleric
| Evocation
| V, S
| https://youtu.be/1Cj8d6EcFp0
|
|-
! Mass Healing Word
| 3
| Cleric
| Evocation
| V
| https://xkcd.com/1520/
|
|-
! Mass Suggestion
| 6
| Bard, Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard
| Enchantment
| V, M
| https://xkcd.com/1264/
|
|-
! Maze
| 8
| Wizard
| Conjuration
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/246/
|
|-
! Meld into Stone
| 3
| Cleric, Druid
| Transmutation
| V, S
| https://youtu.be/V5PlKZRQVgQ
|
|-
! Mending
| 0
| Bard, Cleric, Druid, Sorcerer, Wizard
| Transmutation
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1780
|
|-
! Message
| 0
| Bard, Sorcerer, Wizard
| Transmutation
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1782/
|
|-
! Meteor Swarm
| 9
| Sorcerer, Wizard
| Evocation
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/1249/
|
|-
! Mind Blank
| 8
| Bard, Wizard
| Abjuration
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/1145/
|
|-
! Minor Illusion
| 0
| Bard, Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard
| Illusion
| S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1492/
|
|-
! Mirage Arcane
| 7
| Bard, Druid, Wizard
| Illusion
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/806/
|
|-
! Mislead
| 5
| Bard, Wizard
| Illusion
| S
| https://xkcd.com/1488/
|
|-
! Misty Step
| 2
| Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard
| Conjuration
| V
| https://what-if.xkcd.com/126/
|
|-
! Modify Memory
| 5
| Bard, Wizard
| Enchantment
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/1156/
|
|-
! Moonbeam
| 2
| Druid
| Evocation
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1738/
|
|-
! Move Earth
| 6
| Druid, Sorcerer, Wizard
| Transmutation
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/723/
|
|-
! Nondetection
| 3
| Bard, Ranger, Wizard
| Abjuration
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/937/
|
|-
! Pass Without Trace
| 2
| Druid, Ranger
| Abjuration
| V, S, M
| https://youtu.be/LHBzVTCO3nM?t=4m32s
|
|-
! Passwall
| 5
| Wizard
| Transmutation
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1608/
|
|-
! Phantasmal Killer
| 4
| Wizard
| Illusion
| V, S
| https://what-if.xkcd.com/12/
|
|-
! Phantom Steed
| 3
| Wizard
| Illusion
| V, S
| https://youtu.be/U3JnZEzoL6M
|
|-
! Planar Ally
| 6
| Cleric
| Conjuration
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/112/
|
|-
! Planar Binding
| 5
| Bard, Cleric, Druid, Wizard
| Abjuration
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1956/
|
|-
! Plane Shift
| 7
| Cleric, Druid, Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard
| Conjuration
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/803/
|
|-
! Plant Growth
| 3
| Bard, Druid, Ranger
| Transmutation
| V, S
| https://youtu.be/yV9wy9ucXgc
|
|-
! Poison Spray
| 0
| Druid, Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard
| Conjuration
| V, S
| https://what-if.xkcd.com/144/
|
|-
! Polymorph
| 4
| Bard, Druid, Sorcerer, Wizard
| Transmutation
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1094/
|
|-
! Power Word Kill
| 9
| Bard, Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard
| Enchantment
| V
| https://youtu.be/VHR0EfYACAI?t=13m51s
|
|-
! Power Word Stun
| 8
| Bard, Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard
| Enchantment
| V
| https://what-if.xkcd.com/
|
|-
! Prayer of Healing
| 2
| Cleric
| Evocation
| V
| https://xkcd.com/418/
|
|-
! Prestidigitation
| 0
| Bard, Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard
| Transmutation
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/942/
|
|-
! Prismatic Spray
| 7
| Sorcerer, Wizard
| Evocation
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/657/
|
|-
! Prismatic Wall
| 9
| Wizard
| Abjuration
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/1271/
|
|-
! Private Sanctum
| 4
| Wizard
| Abjuration
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1663/#74b2196a-34fa-11e8-8001-42010a8e0006
|
|-
! Produce Flame
| 0
| Druid
| Conjuration
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/386/
|
|-
! Programmed Illusion
| 6
| Bard, Wizard
| Illusion
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/303/
|
|-
! Project Image
| 7
| Bard, Wizard
| Illusion
| V, S, M
| https://youtu.be/bR0Ubck0IRA
|
|-
! Protection from Energy
| 3
| Cleric, Druid, Ranger, Sorcerer, Wizard
| Abjuration
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/556/
|
|-
! Protection from Evil and Good
| 1
| Cleric, Paladin, Warlock, Wizard
| Abjuration
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1303/
|
|-
! Protection from Poison
| 2
| Cleric, Druid, Paladin, Ranger
| Abjuration
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/1305/
|
|-
! Purify Food and Drink
| 1
| Cleric, Druid, Paladin
| Transmutation
| V, S
| https://youtu.be/ONSWw4aBBLg
|
|-
! Raise Dead
| 5
| Bard, Cleric, Paladin
| Necromancy
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/599/
|
|-
! Ray of Enfeeblement
| 2
| Warlock, Wizard
| Necromancy
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/526/
|
|-
! Ray of Frost
| 0
| Sorcerer, Wizard
| Evocation
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/312/
|
|-
! Regenerate
| 7
| Bard, Cleric, Druid
| Transmutation
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1024/
|
|-
! Reincarnate
| 5
| Druid
| Transmutation
| V, S, M
| https://youtu.be/WbKrlJgwI4A?t=17m33s
|
|-
! Remove Curse
| 3
| Cleric, Paladin, Warlock, Wizard
| Abjuration
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/391/
|
|-
! Resilient Sphere
| 4
| Wizard
| Evocation
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1248/
|
|-
! Resistance
| 0
| Cleric, Druid
| Abjuration
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/730/
|
|-
! Resurrection
| 7
| Bard, Cleric
| Necromancy
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com
|
|-
! Reverse Gravity
| 7
| Druid, Sorcerer, Wizard
| Transmutation
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1115/
|
|-
! Revivify
| 3
| Cleric, Paladin
| Necromancy
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/346/
|
|-
! Rope Trick
| 2
| Wizard
| Transmutation
| V, S, M
| https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ
|
|-
! Sacred Flame
| 0
| Cleric
| Evocation
| V, S
| https://www.nasa.gov/sun
|
|-
! Sanctuary
| 1
| Cleric
| Abjuration
| V, S, M
| https://youtu.be/qQVlGrwG9yo?t=11m49s
|
|-
! Scorching Ray
| 2
| Sorcerer, Wizard
| Evocation
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/729
|
|-
! Scrying
| 5
| Bard, Cleric, Druid, Warlock, Wizard
| Divination
| V, S, M
| https://archive.org/donate/
|
|-
! Secret Chest
| 4
| Wizard
| Conjuration
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1762/
|
|-
! See invisibility
| 2
| Bard, Sorcerer, Wizard
| Divination
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/401/
|
|-
! Seeming
| 5
| Bard, Sorcerer, Wizard
| Illusion
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/451/
|
|-
! Sending
| 3
| Bard, Cleric, Wizard
| Evocation
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/352/
|
|-
! Sequester
| 7
| Wizard
| Transmutation
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/646/
|
|-
! Shapechange
| 9
| Druid, Wizard
| Transmutation
| V, S, M
| https://youtu.be/-aWH3-46slI?t=6m4s
|
|-
! Shatter
| 2
| Bard, Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard
| Evocation
| V, S, M
| https://what-if.xkcd.com/137/
|
|-
! Shield
| 1
| Sorcerer, Wizard
| Abjuration
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/916/
|
|-
! Shield of Faith
| 1
| Cleric, Paladin
| Abjuration
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/129/
|
|-
! Shillelagh
| 0
| Druid
| Transmutation
| V, S, M
| https://youtu.be/LXxdC9X3hxg?t=8m6s
|
|-
! Shocking Grasp
| 0
| Sorcerer, Wizard
| Evocation
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/242/
|
|-
! Silence
| 2
| Bard, Cleric, Ranger
| Illusion
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/525/
|
|-
! Silent Image
| 1
| Bard, Sorcerer, Wizard
| Illusion
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1416/
|
|-
! Simulacrum
| 7
| Wizard
| Illusion
| V, S, M
| https://youtu.be/1Qo1Aj_leEo
|
|-
! Sleep
| 1
| Bard, Sorcerer, Wizard
| Enchantment
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/320/
|
|-
! Sleet Storm
| 3
| Druid, Sorcerer, Wizard
| Conjuration
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/511/
|
|-
! Slow
| 3
| Sorcerer, Wizard
| Transmutation
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/162/
|
|-
! Speak with Animals
| 1
| Bard, Druid, Ranger
| Divination
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/1879/
|
|-
! Speak with Plants
| 3
| Bard, Druid, Ranger
| Transmutation
| V, S
| https://what-if.xkcd.com/70/
|
|-
! Spider Climb
| 2
| Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard
| Transmutation
| V, S, M
| https://what-if.xkcd.com/136/
|
|-
! Spike Growth
| 2
| Druid, Ranger
| Transmutation
| V, S, M
| https://what-if.xkcd.com/67/
|
|-
! Spirit Guardians
| 3
| Cleric
| Conjuration
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/695/
|
|-
! Spiritual Weapon
| 2
| Cleric
| Evocation
| V, S
| https://youtu.be/A1gTbnB-Gps?t=17m2s
|
|-
! Stinking Cloud
| 3
| Bard, Sorcerer, Wizard
| Conjuration
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1066/
|
|-
! Stone Shape
| 4
| Cleric, Druid, Wizard
| Transmutation
| V, S, M
| https://what-if.xkcd.com/135/
|
|-
! Stoneskin
| 4
| Druid, Ranger, Sorcerer, Wizard
| Abjuration
| V, S, M
| https://youtu.be/LlKnEgPEGmA
|
|-
! Storm of Vengeance
| 9
| Druid
| Conjuration
| V, S
| https://what-if.xkcd.com/93/
|
|-
! Suggestion
| 2
| Bard, Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard
| Enchantment
| V, M
| https://xkcd.com/672
|
|-
! Sunbeam
| 6
| Druid, Sorcerer, Wizard
| Evocation
| V, S, M
| https://what-if.xkcd.com/141/
|
|-
! Sunburst
| 8
| Druid, Sorcerer, Wizard
| Evocation
| V, S, M
| https://what-if.xkcd.com/115/
|
|-
! Telekinesis
| 5
| Sorcerer, Wizard
| Transmutation
| V, S
| https://what-if.xkcd.com/3/
|
|-
! Telepathic Bond
| 5
| Wizard
| Divination
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1504/
|
|-
! Thaumaturgy
| 0
| Cleric
| Transmutation
| V
| https://xkcd.com/1131/
|
|-
! Thunderwave
| 1
| Bard, Druid, Sorcerer, Wizard
| Evocation
| V, S
| https://what-if.xkcd.com/140/
|
|-
! Tiny Hut
| 3
| Bard, Wizard
| Evocation
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/905/
|
|-
! Tongues
| 3
| Bard, Cleric, Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard
| Divination
| V, M
| https://xkcd.com/1137
|
|-
! Tree Stride
| 5
| Druid, Ranger
| Conjuration
| V, S
| https://youtu.be/IDBcGgjtFRs?t=1m3s
|
|-
! True Polymorph
| 9
| Bard, Warlock, Wizard
| Transmutation
| V, S, M
| (no link?)
|
|-
! True Resurrection
| 9
| Cleric, Druid
| Necromancy
| V, S, M
| https://youtu.be/7-n8TZqm9Ic?t=12m36
|
|-
! True Seeing
| 6
| Bard, Cleric, Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard
| Divination
| V, S, M
| http://geekwagon.net/projects/xkcd1190/
|
|-
! True Strike
| 0
| Bard, Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard
| Divination
| S
| https://youtu.be/wWOVS0XQmPM?t=12m11s
|
|-
! Unseen Servant
| 1
| Bard, Warlock, Wizard
| Conjuration
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/958/
|
|-
! Vampiric Touch
| 3
| Warlock, Wizard
| Necromancy
| V, S
| https://what-if.xkcd.com/98/
|
|-
! Vicious Mockery
| 0
| Bard
| Enchantment
| V
| https://xkcd.com/732/
|
|-
! Wall of Fire
| 4
| Druid, Sorcerer, Wizard
| Evocation
| V, S, M
| https://www.nasa.gov/mission_pages/fires/main/usa/index.html
|
|-
! Wall of Force
| 5
| Wizard
| Evocation
| V, S, M
| https://what-if.xkcd.com/147/
|
|-
! Wall of Ice
| 6
| Wizard
| Evocation
| V, S, M
| https://what-if.xkcd.com/104/
|
|-
! Wall of Stone
| 5
| Druid, Sorcerer, Wizard
| Evocation
| V, S, M
| https://pubs.usgs.gov/of/2003/of03-001/htmldocs/images/chart.pdf
|
|-
! Wall of Thorns
| 6
| Druid
| Conjuration
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1970/
|
|-
! Warding Bond
| 2
| Cleric
| Abjuration
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1188/
|
|-
! Water Breathing
| 3
| Druid, Ranger, Sorcerer, Wizard
| Transmutation
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/969/
|
|-
! Water Walk
| 3
| Cleric, Druid, Ranger, Sorcerer
| Transmutation
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/1599/
|
|-
! Web
| 2
| Sorcerer, Wizard
| Conjuration
| V, S, M
| https://xkcd.com/195/
|
|-
! Weird
| 9
| Wizard
| Illusion
| V, S
| https://xkcd.com/1501/
|
|-
! Wind Walk
| 6
| Druid
| Transmutation
| V, S, M
| https://youtu.be/zpahjcaRt6w?t=12m27s
|
|-
! Wind Wall
| 3
| Druid, Ranger
| Evocation
| V, S, M
| https://what-if.xkcd.com/66/
|
|-
! Wish
| 9
| Sorcerer, Wizard
| Conjuration
| V
| https://xkcd.com/1086/
|
|-
! Zone of Truth
| 2
| Bard, Cleric, Paladin
| Enchantment
| V, S
| http://www.maximumfun.org/shows/adventure-zone
| A reference to the Adventure Zone podcast by the McElroy family, specifically the character Merle Highchurch, who is well known for using this spell in possibly unhelpful situations.
|}

=====Submenu Spells=====
These 9 spells all appear with an arrow and open submenus when hovered on. The submenus are all actually from different parts of the context menu. Several of the spells are "teleportation/transportation" related which might explain why they lead you to a different place in the menu.

{| border =1 width=100% cellpadding=5 class="wikitable"
! Name !! Level !! Classes !! School !! Components !! Submenu !! Explanation
|-
! Antimagic Field
| 8
| Cleric, Wizard
| Abjuration
| V, S M
| Utilities menu
|
|-
! Banishment
| 4
| Cleric, Paladin, Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard
| Abjuration
| V, S, M
| Do Crimes menu (even without unlocking it via Enable Dark Web)
|
|-
! Blink
| 3
| Sorcerer, Wizard
| Transmutation
| V, S
| Utilities menu
|
|-
! Counterspell
| 3
| Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard
| Abjuration
| S
| Utilities menu
|
|-
! Delayed Blast Fireball
| 7
| Sorcerer, Wizard
| Evocation
| V, S, M
| Help menu
|
|-
! Dimension Door
| 4
| Bard, Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard
| Conjuration
| V
| File - Open - C:\ - Bookmarks submenu
|
|-
! Teleportation Circle
| 5
| Bard, Sorcerer, Wizard
| Conjuration
| V, M
| Games menu
|
|-
! Transport via Plants
| 6
| Druid
| Conjuration
| V, S
| Games menu
|
|-
! Word of Recall
| 6
| Cleric
| Conjuration
| V
| Utilities menu
|
|}

=====Effect Spells=====
These 10 spells activate different JavaScript functions that affect the page in various ways, permanent or temporary, that are suggestive of the spell that was cast.

{| border =1 width=100% cellpadding=5 class="wikitable"
! Name !! Level !! Classes !! School !! Components !! Effect !! Explanation
|-
! Acid Splash
| 0
| Sorcerer, Wizard
| Conjuration
| V, S
| Causes the background to change color between red, yellow, chartreuse, blue, fuchsia, and blue-violet randomly every 300ms.
| Using LSD ('acid') often causes vibrant colors to 'splash' and swivel around one's visual field.
|-
! Animate Objects
| 5
| Bard, Sorcerer, Wizard
| Transmutation
| V, S
| Causes most parts of the page to begin shifting in place randomly every 100ms.
| The parts, or "objects" on the page are being "animated".
|-
! Blur
| 2
| Sorcerer, Wizard
| Illusion
| V
| Causes the comic and most text to blur.
| Largely self-explanatory. In D&D, the Blur spell blurs one's body to make it harder to hit. This one blurs the elements on the page.
|-
! Conjure Animals
| 3
| Druid, Ranger
| Conjuration
| V, S
| Adds a rabbit image of a random size next to the comic.
| Conjures an image of an animal.
|-
! Darkness
| 2
| Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard
| Evocation
| V, M
| Causes the comic to disappear and the background to turn black.
| In D&D, the Darkness spell conjures darkness. This does largely the same thing.
|-
! Darkvision
| 2
| Sorcerer, Wizard, Druid, Ranger
| Transmutation
| V, S, M
| Causes the background to turn gray and the comic to fade. However, it does not appear to work.
|
|-
! Fireball
| 3
| Sorcerer, Wizard
| Evocation
| V, S, M
| Causes the page background to turn red then slowly turn white.
| Fireballs caused by nuclear weapons generally appear reddish-white.
|-
! Mirror Image
| 2
| Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard
| Illusion
| V, S
| Causes the entire page to be mirrored on the vertical axis.
| Here, Mirror Image "mirrors" the image, instead of conjuring "mirror images" of yourself.
|-
! Symbol
| 7
| Bard, Cleric, Wizard
| Abjuration
| V, S, M
| Changes all text on the page to use Wingdings, Webdings, Symbol, or Zapf Dingbats.
| These are all {{w|dingbat}} fonts which replace text with symbols.
|-
! Time Stop
| 9
| Sorcerer, Wizard
| Transmutation
| V
| Pauses any currently ongoing effects. (But does not cancel them)
| Time Stop is a spell that stops time. This would make sense to stop ongoing effects.
|}

==Transcript==
:[Empty frame with Cueball standing slightly right of center.]

:[Caption below the frame:]
:Editor's Note: Today's comic is optimized for local viewing. To see the full version, just save a copy of the image!

==Trivia==
*On Monday, April 1st, 2019 [[2131: Emojidome]], an April Fools' comic was released, making it look like the missing April Fools' Day comic in 2017 was an [[1818:_Rayleigh_Scattering#No_April_Fools.27_Day_comic_in_2017|outlier]].
*Here is an example of how the game looks when entered:
[[File:1975_Right_Click_Systems_menu.png]]
*This is broken on iPadOS.
* The [https://github.com/xkcd/alto source code] for the comic was released on GitHub.

{{comic discussion}}



[[Category:Interactive comics]]
[[Category:April fools' comics]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Animals]]
[[Category:Buns]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Beret Guy]]
[[Category:Multiple Cueballs]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Black Hat]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Ponytail]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Hairbun]]
[[Category:Comics with audio]]
[[Category:Chronicles of Narnia]]
[[Category:Dynamic comics]]

3062: Off By One

2025-03-12T19:23:37Z

ScienceD90: /* Explanation */

{{comic
| number = 3062
| date = March 12, 2025
| title = Off By One
| image = off_by_one_2x.png
| imagesize = 202x337px
| noexpand = true
| titletext = It does come at the small cost of a LOT more off-by-40-or-50 errors.
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|Created by 40-50 BOTS - Please change this comment when editing this page. Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}

In programming, {{w|off-by-one errors}} are very common. An off-by-one error is an error where the value of a variable differs from the intended or expected value by 1. This can arise from a number of sources, including mistakenly using a ≤ (less than or equals) comparison where a < (less than) comparison was needed, or vice versa (or ≥ / >); confusion between zero- and one-based indexing of arrays in code, either by convention or by definition in the code; or fencepost errors (needing the number of values in the range, say, 4 to 6, inclusive, but using 6 - 4 = 2 as the number instead of 3).

[[Cueball]] has attempted to combat off-by-one errors by introducing off-by-40-to-50 errors, which is arguably even worse.{{cn}} For example, when trying to loop over an array, it will miss many elements, not just possibly the endpoints. It may also completely leave the bounds of the array, causing out-of-bounds errors.

==Transcript==
{{incomplete transcript|Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}

:[Cueball faces Megan and Hairy. Cueball points towards a computer behind him]

Cueball: Any time an integer is stored or read, its value is adjusted upward or downward by a random amount between 40 or 50.

[Caption below the panel]
My new language almost completely eliminates off-by-one errors.

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Programming]]

3062: Off By One

2025-03-12T19:19:04Z

ScienceD90: /* Transcript */ Added transcript

{{comic
| number = 3062
| date = March 12, 2025
| title = Off By One
| image = off_by_one_2x.png
| imagesize = 202x337px
| noexpand = true
| titletext = It does come at the small cost of a LOT more off-by-40-or-50 errors.
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|Created by 40-50 BOTS - Please change this comment when editing this page. Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}

In programming, off by one errors are very common. An off-by-one error is an error where the value of a variable differs from the intended value by 1. This can arise from a number of sources, including mistakenly using a ≤ (less than or equals) comparison where a < (less than) comparison was needed, or vice versa (or ≥ / >); confusion between zero- and one-based indexing in code, either by convention or by definition in the code; or fencepost errors (needing the number of values in the range, say, 3 to 5, inclusive, but using 5 - 3 = 2 as the number instead of 3).[[Cueball]] has attempted to combat off-by-one errors by introducing off-by-40-to-50 errors, which is arguably even worse.{{cn}}

==Transcript==
{{incomplete transcript|Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}

Cueball: Any time an integer is stored or read, its value is adjusted upward or downward by a random amount between 40 or 50.

[Caption below the panel]
My new language almost completely eliminates off by one errors.

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Programming]]

3062: Off By One

2025-03-12T19:15:42Z

ScienceD90: Added some context for off-by-one errors

2750: Flatten the Planets

2025-03-12T17:49:07Z

ScienceD90: /* Explanation */ Added information on NASA's response

{{comic
| number = 2750
| date = March 15, 2023
| title = Flatten the Planets
| image = flatten_the_planets_2x.png
| imagesize = 740x647px
| noexpand = true
| titletext = We'll turn the asteroid belt into ball bearings to go between different rings orbiting at different speeds.
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|Explain more the response given by NASA, including its conclusion and weaknesses and strengths.}}This comic depicts a situation where the planets in the solar system are flattened to create a ring system around the Sun. This may be inspired by the {{w|Alderson disk}}, a hypothetical megastructure intended to gain truly massive amounts of living space by constructing a literal disk of matter around a star. This would require several solar systems' worth of matter to do, and materials with a tensile strength beyond what is likely physically possible for any known form of matter. The planets of our solar system would not be suitable for this endeavor; alas, Randall apparently cannot comprehend why {{w|NASA}} is rejecting this proposal to "improve" the planets. This comic may be a followup to [[2258: Solar System Changes]].

{| class="wikitable"
! rowspan="2" | Planet
! colspan="2" | Thickness
|-
!Inches
!Millimeters
|-
| Mercury || 1/8" || 3.2 mm
|-
| Venus || 1" || 25 mm
|-
| Earth || 3/4" || 19 mm
|-
| Mars || 5/512" || 0.25 mm
|-
| Jupiter || 18" || 460 mm
|-
| Saturn || 3" || 76 mm
|-
| Uranus || 1/8" || 3.2 mm
|-
| Neptune || 1/16" || 1.6 mm
|}

The title text explains what would happen to the asteroid belt if this was done. He is proposing that the asteroids should be turned into ball bearings to go in between the planetary discs. There is enough matter in the asteroid belt to do this, dependent upon the size and distribution of the ball bearings used, and furthermore it implies that the discs would actually have small gaps between them. Unless the discs were made of material with impossibly high tensile strength, the whole structure would soon be torn apart by the relative forces between the inner and outer fringes of each disc trying to both 'orbit' at the rate more suited to a radial distance somewhere between the two, and crushing the bearings placed between adjacent ones. Although less so than with a single structural disc rotating at any single given compromise rotation (or not at all).

=== Response from NASA ===
NASA themselves have [https://bsky.app/profile/xkcd.com/post/3klz7zr6s7i2x responded] to this comic. They claimed that they do not have any records of rejecting it.

Strengths:
* Simplifies navigation of the Solar System
* Reduces need to study orbital dynamics
* Simplifies seasonal migration patterns as seasons no longer exist
* Would demonstrate the first real-world use of incredibly strong materials as regular materials could not withstand those strengths (NASA cites Laplace 1787 and undergraduate problem sets since then)
* Would increase the amount of ice skating, cross country skiing and Keplerian ice-boat racing in the Outer Solar System
* Increases Solar System's visibility to galactic neighbors
* Easier visualization of the Solar System
* Removes ambiguity of comet and asteroid origins
* The night sky would be darker and there would only be night
* Would cause an actual collision with Apophis instead of a near miss
* Enables new methods of exploring the Solar System

Weaknesses:
* Would require rapid transfer of orbital assets
* Mars would be very thin and liable to being pierced by interplanetary dust particles
* Does not include Pluto
* Time scale was not sufficiently addressed
* The proposal did not address the varying density of the planets
* The proposal did not include details on the environmental impact. They said they believe this was an intentional ommision
* Results in the end of all Solar eclipses
* Slides and roller coasters would be much less entertaining due to reduced gravity
* Not enough information on the thickness of Kuiper Belt and Oort Cloud
* Did not sufficiently account for Mercury heating up and expanding due to solar energy from the Sun
* May conflict with the exploration of the secrets of the Universe

NASA decided to not fund the project {{citation needed}}

==Transcript==
:[This comic depicts a situation where the planets of the Solar System are flattened using a rolling pin to create a contiguous ring system around the Sun, with each planet taking up the part within their orbit to the next planet (or the Sun).]

:[The top part shows a normal image of the Solar System with the eight planets orbiting the Sun, and their orbits shown as circles. The Sun is yellow and the planets have approximately the color they typically are shown in. Earth has more features than the other three rocky planets. Jupiter has clear features including the red spot, while Saturn has its rings. Beneath this is a broad arrow pointing down.]
:↓
:[The arrow points to a rolling pin. A similar arrow points down to the next image.]
:↓
:[The second large image shows the Solar System with the planets flattened to fill out the gap between the Sun and each of the planets, so they each cover the area of the circle within their orbits, into the next planet (or the Sun). Each segment has kept a similar color as used for the planets in the first image. The Sun is not flattened and is now the center of a huge ring with eight different colors, some with patterns, mainly Earth, but also Jupiter and Saturn's discs show features.]

:[Beneath this to the right is a side view of the flattened Earth, with its thickness indicated with two arrows pointing in at the top and up at the bottom of two dotted lines continuing where the "Earth" stops. A label has been written between these two lines, and the thickness is compared to US quarter and penny coins.]
:Earth
:3/4"

:[Below this and going all the way across the panel is a side view with a segment of the Sun to the left followed by all the flattened planets, labeled with their name and their thicknesses. Arrows point to the relevant segment from the three rocky planets other than Earth. Above Jupiter and Saturn is a label between two arrows. Text alternates between being above and below the planets. Their thicknesses differ quite a lot, with Mars being the thinnest and Jupiter by far the thickest. Cueball stands on the flattened Earth.]
:← Not to scale →
:Mercury 1/8"
:Venus: 1"
:Earth 3/4"
:Mars 250 microns
:Jupiter 18"
:Saturn 3"
:Uranus 1/8"
:Neptune 1/16"

:[Caption below the panel:]
:I don't know why NASA keeps rejecting my proposals to improve the Solar System

{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:Comics with color]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Astronomy]]
[[Category:Space]]

Talk:List of all comics

2025-03-11T15:25:34Z

ScienceD90: /* Extra comics */ new section

==Add blog entry==
Hmm is there a way we can have a column linking to the original explainxkcd blog entry if it exists? --[[User:SurturZ|SurturZ]] ([[User talk:SurturZ|talk]]) 08:55, 5 August 2012 (EDT)
:Sure, that makes perfect sense, especially since the comments were very important for many of the comics. Feel free to add it :) --[[User:Waldir|Waldir]] ([[User talk:Waldir|talk]]) 14:27, 5 August 2012 (EDT)

==Create not working==
The create-links don't work because "Template:'''C'''reate" has to be written with a capital C. Unfortunately, text replacing is not installed. --[[User:Kronf|Kronf]] ([[User talk:Kronf|talk]]) 13:58, 29 August 2012 (UTC)
:For future reference, Kronf himself {{diff|11070|moved}} the template to the lowercase title to make this work. [[User:Waldir|Waldir]] ([[User talk:Waldir|talk]]) 18:01, 1 May 2013 (UTC)

==Dates==
The dates for comics 12 and 5 can be deduced from the dates of the adjacent comics - they're all 2005-09-30. We can also make a jab at guessing that comic number 36 is between 2005-10-28 and 2005-10-26. Those comments in the source annoy me, and I wish them gone. We could also jump on the XKCD forums and see if they know anything, but the relative dates should be telling enough. [[User:Davidy22|Davidy22]][[User talk:Davidy22|<tt>(talk)</tt>]] 09:06, 27 November 2012 (UTC)

:XKCD back in 2005 was not published on a regular schedule. Randall doesn't have logs from when those comics went live, so the dates are in fact lost to history. [[User:Lcarsos|lcarsos]]_a ([[User talk:Lcarsos|talk]]) 15:57, 27 November 2012 (UTC)

::Yeeah, but we can see from the dates on comics submitted around the unknowns that the first 14 comics seem to have been batch-uploaded on the same day, and that comics 35 and 37 leave a three-day range that comic 36 could have been published on, the most likely of those dates being 2005-10-27 given the way that Randall seems to never release two comics on the same day after his initial 14. [[User:Davidy22|Davidy22]][[User talk:Davidy22|<tt>(talk)</tt>]] 06:10, 28 November 2012 (UTC)

According to [http://xkcd.com/archive/ xkcd archive] the first comics are released on 01.01.2006 at xkcd. I think we should reflect this here and only mention earlier releases at explanation. What do you think?--[[User:Dgbrt|Dgbrt]] ([[User talk:Dgbrt|talk]]) 20:34, 3 June 2013 (UTC)

:Those are automatically entered dates for null fields. They're not necessarily correct. It would be nice if we could figure out exactly when they were uploaded though. Not enough information, we'll probably just have to build up clout and grill Randall for information. Nooot optimal. '''[[User:Davidy22|{{Color|#707|David}}y²²]]'''[[User talk:Davidy22|<tt>[talk]</tt>]] 23:39, 3 June 2013 (UTC)
::You're right, it's not optimal. When I am looking for historical websites I am often using this site: [http://web.archive.org web.archive.org]. The first entry gave me this:
:::http://www.xkcd.com:80/ | 17:01:40 Dec 17, 2003
:::Got an HTTP 302 response at crawl time
:::Redirecting to...
:::lacuna.res.wpi.net/~xkcd
::'''Whois''' is telling this (Registered through: GoDaddy.com):
::: Domain Name: XKCD.COM Created on: 25-Jan-03
::So it seems it's really hard to determine what Randall did ten years ago. Needs many more investigations...--[[User:Dgbrt|Dgbrt]] ([[User talk:Dgbrt|talk]]) 20:58, 4 June 2013 (UTC)

== Broken comics here ==

The comics 1031 and 1245 do need a review on special characters. Links do not work while pages do exit.--[[User:Dgbrt|Dgbrt]] ([[User talk:Dgbrt|talk]]) 20:53, 31 July 2013 (UTC)

== GIF ==

Crap. 1264 is an animated GIF, and the template used on this page has PNG hardcoded into it. Can someone fix this? [[User:Alpha|Alpha]] ([[User talk:Alpha|talk]]) 05:51, 13 September 2013 (UTC)
: Fixed. --[[User:Jeff|Jeff]] ([[User talk:Jeff|talk]]) 16:34, 25 October 2013 (UTC)

== Extra comics ==

There are several [[:Category:Extra comics|extra comics]]. Should they be linked here somehow. [[User:ScienceD90|ScienceD90]] ([[User talk:ScienceD90|talk]]) 15:25, 11 March 2025 (UTC)

3036: Chess Zoo

2025-03-11T15:13:43Z

ScienceD90: Moved the colored version of the image into the explanation section and modified some related text in the trivia section

{{comic
| number = 3036
| date = January 10, 2025
| title = Chess Zoo
| image = chess_zoo_2x.png
| imagesize = 740x1221px
| noexpand = true
| titletext = The zoo takes special care to keep kings separated from opposite-color pieces as part of their conservation program to prevent mating in captivity.
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|
*Need to move the image in the trivia inside the explanation in a smooth way. It's not trivial, it's useful for the explanation.}}
{{w|Zoo|Zoos}} are large encampments where various animals live in small enclosures. They're generally used as public exhibitions for amusement and education and as safe spaces for rescued and endangered animals. Many modern zoos deliberately allow different types of animals to mingle and interact, finding that it promotes enrichment and well-being. Naturally, in such cases, the zoo needs to be designed so that incompatible species (such as predators and prey) aren't allowed to interact, and good designs will allow animals space for rest and privacy when needed.

[[Randall]] has created a zoo for giant {{w|chess}} pieces, treating them as if they were animals. He designs the enclosures to allow interactions between different species, but prevents the possibility of one piece capturing another (which is treated as analogous to one animal attacking another), as well as of escape. In the [[#Trivia|Trivia]] section, a coloured version of the zoo shows where different types of pieces can move. The zoo is almost completely horizontally symmetrical from top to bottom with black pieces on the top and white pieces on the bottom. The only place that isn't completely symmetrical is the entrances to the bishop enclosures.

[[File:3636 Chezz Zoo-with colors.png|frame|right|This is a version of xkcd 3036 "Chess Zoo" with partially-transparent coloured overlays illustrating the range of movement each piece has. Warm colours (red, brown, orange, yellow) are used for the black pieces, and cool colours (blue, teal , cyan, green) for the white pieces to show contrast. Because some regions are accessible to multiple pieces, these overlays overlap in places, producing colours that are combination or mixture of the originals.]]

There are many subtle "jokes" in the image that play on how chess pieces move:
* '''♗ Bishops''' can only move diagonally. Enclosures containing them do not have diagonal walls or corners which would allow them to slip out, and orthogonal portals into their enclosures are only one square wide and at least two squares long so that they can't get through. One bishop enclosure even has a portal open to the visiting people, letting it serve as a {{w|petting zoo}}. Opposing bishops can safely mingle as long as they are on opposite colors, since a bishop can never move to a square of the opposite color than the one on which it currently stands. This is enforced by these mingling enclosures only having two openings, each on opposite colored squares (i.e. an enclosure only has an opening for black pieces on white squares and one for white pieces on black squares).
* '''♘ Knights''' move in an "L" shape (two squares along one orthogonal direction, then one more square in a perpendicular direction), leaping over other pieces and presumably walls. The walls of their enclosures have been designed to prevent escape by placing blocks where they would land if they leapt over the wall, or using double-thick walls. They can also be blocked by the same portals that block bishops, although they would need to be four blocks long instead of two.
* '''♖ Rooks''' can only move along ranks and files. They have free roam of several enclosures, though diagonal walls are able to stop them, preventing them from accessing the center mingling bishops.
* '''♕ Queens''' and '''♔ kings''' can move along ranks and files as well as diagonally, so their enclosures must have the same precautions as would be required for both bishops and rooks.
* '''♙ Pawns''' can only move forward (or diagonally forward when capturing), but upon reaching the final rank (the opponent's back rank), they are "promoted," becoming a knight, bishop, rook, or queen. The pawns are in a double-walled enclosure with no doors to prevent escape after promotion.
* A special feature of the enclosure, mentioned in the caption, is that there is at least one room for every type of pieces where other pieces cannot enter (except the king is always in a room with the queens). This means that even though some of the pieces can mingle with some of the other pieces they can also always retreat to a room where the other pieces cannot disturb them. For instance the top and bottom room with rooks can not be entered by any other type of pieces. In the two rooms right above and below the middle room, the bishops of the same color have their personal room. And also the two rooms to the right where black and white bishops co-exist on different colors, cannot be entered by any other type. (This is of course needed, since else there could be captures). The pawns have their own rooms top and bottom right. The knights have a separate room from which they can jump out to the rooms with either rooks or king/queens, but no other piece can enter their personal space to the left. And the king and his queens can retreat top or bottom left where the knights cannot enter. No piece can encounter all the others (even of the same color) but all pieces can meet at least one other type of pieces, the pawns though only after promotion. But they could not meet a king. This is similar to real zoos where separate enclosures are designed to be accessible only to one species (for example, through an opening too small for one of the species to pass through), allowing animals control over their interactions.

It is unclear what would happen to the pawns after they are promoted. Whether they remain in the "pawn" enclosure or moved to their new enclosure according to their new piece type is not indicated. Also unsure is how the pawns would be repopulated if all of them were to be promoted, leaving the pawn enclosure devoid of pawns. It appears that the pawns promoting is part of the zoo's attractions as mentioned in the Banner for the black pawns' enclosure that reads "SHH! PAWNS PROMOTING." It is not explained why the visitors would need to be quiet, but if the logic of treating the pawns like zoo animals is extended then loud and rowdy humans would likely distract, disturb or otherwise prevent the pawns from promoting.

There are a couple of "interaction" areas that could have been built into the zoo design while preventing piece capture or escape but have not. There is no reason bishops and knights of the same color couldn't occupy the same enclosure, so long as there are adequate walls to prevent knights from escaping their enclosure. Additionally, it would be possible to allow visitor access to the white-bishop-on-black and black-bishop-on-white enclosure, as well as allow visitor access to the knight enclosures, however it is not apparent whether this is a priority of the zoo.

Every visitor of the zoo is depicted as centered on a single square occupied only by themselves, just like a chess piece. This could perhaps imply an entire chess board "world", where humans and chess pieces coexist as separate species, both aligned to the grid.

The title text contains a pun on the word 'mating'. The phrase "mating in captivity" is typically used to refer to animals in zoos copulating, hopefully producing offspring. This is typically done for species that are endangered (in hopes of reintroducing them to the wild, and in the meantime maintaining a healthy population of their own), but in the relatively safe and nurturing environment of the zoo could become problematic if allowed to happen without a certain degree of planning. In a conservation program, much thought may be put to how to avoid inbreeding, overpopulation and social stresses amongst the animals (as well as the problems of feeding and housing all the offspring), and so males and females may be given limited and highly curated access to each other, strictly according to the identified breeding requirements.

In the context of chess, "mating" means delivering an attack from which the opponent's king cannot escape, thereby winning the game. Unlike captive breeding programs, "mating" in in this sense, would presumably eliminate a piece (or an entire side), rather than creating additional animals, and therefore is undesirable. To prevent this from occurring, kings are not kept in the same enclosure as any piece of an opposing color. In fact, only opposing bishops on opposite colors are shown as unallied co-residents of an enclosure, in this zoo, thanks to their particular method of wall-free separation.

==Transcript==
:[A large panel is shown. It contains what appear to be a chessboard, but it is much larger than the usual 8x8=64 chess board squares. But it is divided into squares that are alternatingly white or gray. In the part shown 29x43 = 1247 squares are visible. Although for the outer rows and columns only less than half of each square there can be seen, so only 27x41 = 1107 squares are fully shown. On the "board" there are many details. Above the panel there is a large caption with a caption giving an explanation:]
:<big><big>Chess Zoo</big></big>
:<big>Designed to give different types of pieces their own enclosures while letting them interact as much as possible without allowing captures</big>

:[Upon the board there has been drawn an enclosure by drawing black squares on the white/gray squares. These black squares are smaller than the underlying squares but centered on the middle of their square. The outer parts of this enclosure covers 25x39 = 975 squares. It is not an entire rectangle of the black squares, but the top, the right side and bottom is a full line of 25, 39 and 25 black squares. The left line is only a normal line for the top and bottom 6 squares. Then for the next 12 rows (top or bottom), the "solid" line is moved one step in (to the right) and only on every second row is here a black square on the outer line. Above this there is a gap of 5 squares without black squares on either of the two left most squares (and 7 rows in a row with no black squares on the outer most line). This created a section inside the enclosure connected directly to the outside, but this part is still closed off, with black squares forming walls on this inner section, that closes it off from the rest of the enclosure.]

:[Inside this enclosure there are many other squares that have the black squares on top forming several rooms that are either closed of from other rooms or connected in some places. And on the white and gray squares that do not have black squares in top, there may bee drawn chess pieces or humans on them.]

:[The top part of the image has enclosures for black chess pieces and the bottom for white ones. Smaller black squares form enclosures around the chess pieces while the characters are outside of them. In the middle of the image, to the right, there are black and white bishops next to each other on squares of opposite colors. Humans are only on the outside of the enclosure, mainly above (eight) and below (six) with only three to the right. The the left people can stand either outside normal (three), or inside one of the indentations (two). But they can also walk into the open part and there are nine inside like this.]

:[Banner on top of smaller black squares on the top right, above an enclosure with a knight and four pawns:]
:Banner: ''Shh! Pawns promoting.''

:[Jill near the center, standing in front of Blondie and pointing forward:]
:Jill: Look, mommy! Bishops!

===Detailed description===
:[The humans outside the actual part of the enclosure are listed here, and the rooms they are looking into are also described:]

:[Top row from the left: Over the fifth black square a boy with what appears to be a cap. Next to him Hairbun. Two squares over Cueball. They look into the blacks King and Queens only section. There are four queens in this room and the king. One of the Queens are on her way down a hall to a room below, with a fifth queen and a knight. Over black square 14 there is another Cueball next to Hairy looking into the black rook only section. There are three rooks, one of which is moving in a hall to the room below. Over black square 19 is White Hat and two squares on Danish next to Ponytail looking into the black pawns only section, the two women over the banner. One of the pawns has promoted into a knight four others are still on their way to promote. This room has double thickness walls with two black squares all the way around.]

:[Down the right side from the top: To the right of black square 12 from the top another Cueball looking into the blacks bishops only section with three bishops, two on gray squares and one on a white square. To the right of black square 26 from the top another White Hat and another Hairy are looking into the white bishops only section with two bishops both on white squares. Above this room is a room with both white and black bishops, with the three white bishops on gray squares and the three black bishops on white squares.]

:[Bottom row from the right: Under the fourth black square from the right another Cueball looking into the White pawns only section, there are three pawns, none of them has promoted, bu their is also no banner- This room also has double thickness walls. Under the tenth black square to the 13th are four people in a row, from the right, another White Hat, another Hairy, another Hair Bun and another Cueball. They look into the white rooks only section. There are four rooks, one of them on the way into a hall towards the room above. Under the 21st black square from the right Megan is looking into the white King and Queens only section. There are three Queens with the King. A fourth queen is in a room above, where she is together with a knight.]

:[Up the left side from the bottom: The the left of black square three from the bottom another Hairy is looking into the white King and Queens only section. The seventh black square from the bottom it moved on space to the right. In the hole left there another Cueball is standing so he can see the passage where the white King and Queen can move into a room where also white knights can be, and there is one knight and one queen. To the left of outer wall 27 squares up, is Blondie, she is standing in the normal row left of the wall, but at a place where there is an indentation, so she is not next to the nearest black square. Se looks into the black knights only section with only one knight present. Four squares above her another Ponytail is standing in an indentation in the wall looking into the room where the black King and Queens can be together with the black knights, there is a queen and a knight. Four squares above this another Hairy is seen. He seems to have turned away from the wall walking to the left, so he is not looking into the black King and Queens only section behind him.]

:[The opening into the enclosure from the left to the end: Three squares in at the bottom over a black square one higher than the nearest another Megan walks to the right, next to her another Cueball walks the same way, he is not directly over a black square. And one further left below in one if the indentations another Ponytail. They are all above the white knights only section, with only one knight present. Above the first of the two Cueball's at the top of the opening in an indentation is Knit Cap looking into the black knights only section. At the bottom four squares further in than Ponytail is a person standing in an indentation with very large hair looking into a room where both white knights and rooks can be together, one of each is present. One further square in but two above him is another Blondie and next to her Jill pointing at the room with white and black bishops together, as she calls out. This room is the one where they are on their own color square, three white on white and three black on gray squares. Above them is the room where both black knight and black rooks can be together, with three knights and one rook. One square further in and one below them is another Cueball looking in to a section only accessible to white rooks next to the bishops room. There is one rook there. But below this part of the room it opens up and has both white rooks (3) and white bishops (5) with three bishops on white and two on gray squares. A similar room is above these last three persons with a black rook in the near part not accessible to bishops but then black rooks (1) and black bishops (3) can be together in the rest of that room. All bishops on gray squares.]

:[In total there are 9 Cueballs, 5 Hairys, 3 White Hats, 3 Ponytails, 2 Megans, 2 Hairbuns, 2 Blondies, 1 Knit Cap, 1 Danish, 1 Jill, 1 kid with a cap, 1 man with lots of hair, for a total of 31 humans.]

:[In total there are the following black pieces 1 king, 5 queens, 6 knights (one a promoted pawn), 5 rooks, 11 bishops and 4 pawns (together with the promoted knight). A total of 32 black pieces. There are the following white pieces: 1 king, 4 queens, 3 knights, 9 rooks, 13 bishops and 3 pawns for a total of 33 white pieces. 65 pieces in all. Similar number of each type of pieces as there are humans, 31, 32 and 33 for a total of 96 squares occupied by something that are "alive".]

===Visual-aspects-reliant representation of the comic===
:[Layout (H is a human; # is a smaller black square; chess pieces on the top half are black and below that white, unless otherwise noted):]
HH H HH H HH
#########################
# # #########
# Q Q # R ## ##
# K # R##P P##
H# #Q# Q##### ## P ##
### ### #R## P ##
## ###### # ## N ##
### # ##### # #########
H# Q # #### # ########
### N# ##### # #
# # R B # #
####### #### # B B#H
H # # N N## B R# #
### N # ## B# B #
# # ## # # # #
### # #N# ### ###B## ####
########### # B# B#
#H# # # # #R# # #
##B # B # [White bishops]
H HH B # B # [Black bishops]
HH H## B # B # [Left bishop: white, right bishop: black]
# #H# #H# # # B # B B#
########### R# # #
### # # # ### ## #### ###
# N# ## # #B # #
### # ##R R #B #H
# # ## R B # #H
####### R#### # B #
# # BB# #
###QN # N ##### B # #
# # #### # ########
### # ##### # #########
H## ###### # ## ##
### ### # ##P ##
# # # #####R## ##
# K Q# ## P P##
H# Q # RR ## ##
# Q # R #########
#########################
H HHHH H

==Trivia==
*User [[User:D5xtgr|D5xtgr]] made the [https://pasteboard.co/64VsBMA5af8l.png image used above] of the board with colors showing which rooms the different pieces can enter by mixing colors.
**It was uploaded here with help, as D5xtgr could not at the time upload files:

**This is a version of xkcd 3036 "Chess Zoo" with partially-transparent coloured overlays illustrating the range of movement each piece has. Warm colours (red, brown, orange, yellow) are used for the black pieces, and cool colours (blue, teal , cyan, green) for the white pieces to show contrast. Because some regions are accessible to multiple pieces, these overlays overlap in places, producing colours that are combination or mixture of the originals.
**The text taken from the page where the original image was posted.
*Jake Ouellette made an [https://cadencecode.com/play/zooofchess interactive simulation of the chess zoo], which has several more jokes embedded in it.
{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:Chess]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Megan]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Ponytail]]
[[Category:Comics featuring White Hat]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Hairy]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Hairbun]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Blondie]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Jill]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Knit Cap]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Danish]]
[[Category:Multiple Cueballs]]

1052: Every Major's Terrible

2025-03-11T03:09:58Z

ScienceD90: /* Trivia */ Added information about the video link

{{comic
| number = 1052
| date = May 7, 2012
| title = Every Major's Terrible
| before = [[#Explanation|↓ Skip to explanation ↓]]
| image = every_majors_terrible.png
| titletext = Someday I'll be the first to get a Ph. D in 'Undeclared'.
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|As of August 2018, the title text has been changed to a link to the said song...", apparently. Need to mention the change in the [[#Trivia]] section with the original title text, and update the title text above.}}[[Randall]] has written a song called ''Every Major's Terrible'' and this comic illustrates the song. In this song the term {{w|Major (academic)|Major}} refers to the US version of an academic major. The point of the song is that it makes no sense to pick any major since they are all terrible!

The header notes that the song is written to the tune of the satirical {{w|Major-General's Song}} from {{w|Gilbert and Sullivan's}} 1879 comic opera ''{{w|The Pirates of Penzance}}''. The song satirizes the idea of the "modern" educated British Army officer of the latter 19th century. {{w|Major general}} is a military rank in the United Kingdom and many other countries. (As of August 2018, the title text has been changed to [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DhaEjgnmy3c a link to the said song], in which the associated account has since been terminated). The meter in the Major-General's Song is {{w|iambic octameter}}, which means that in each line there are eight iambs, where an iamb is two syllables in an unstressed-stressed pattern. Therefore, each line contains 16 syllables.

The panels show Randall's rewritten lyrics to the song. Below each of the three verses are described in detail (go to [[#Verse 1|Verse 1]], [[#Verse 2|Verse 2]] or [[#Verse 3|Verse 3]]). Each verse ends with "Just put me down as 'Undecided' - Every Major's Terrible", which gives the song its name — and "Major's Terrible" is similar enough to "Major General", the corresponding lyrics in the original version, to serve as a callback. The last line of the first verse in each song goes as follows:
*Original: I am the very model of a modern Major-General
*Randall's: Just put me down as undecided- every major's terrible

The lyrics are commonly rewritten, the most famous rewrite likely being {{w|The Elements (song)}} by {{w|Tom Lehrer}} which is also mentioned below the main header. This song is also [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AcS3NOQnsQM available on-line].

His last suggestion, "{{w|Supercalifragilisticexpialadocious}}", from ''{{w|Mary Poppins}}'', is another fast-paced patter-song with a somewhat similar tune, though it doesn't fit quite so well, and the match falls apart at the end of the fourth line, when the "Um-diddly"s start up — still, it's better than nothing.

There are at least two performances of this xkcd song online where the transcription is shown to make it easier to understand the text:
*A video with each major acted out by the [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=seGpYa8UO0E SFU Choir - Every Major's Terrible].
*A solo with piano: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRexBMPeRTo Every Major's Terrible' by Ben Miller].
**See also this article [http://www.uproxx.com/gammasquad/2012/08/ben-miller-xkcd-every-majors-terrible/ Xkcd's 'Every Major's Terrible' Is Now A Real Song].

Regarding the title text: "Undeclared" is sometimes called "General Studies". Most U.S. universities will not let you get a degree in this, let alone an advanced degree such as a {{w|Ph.D.}} Also, it should probably be noted that this song refers to U.S.-like university systems, in other countries, one will study little to nothing outside your major, making it more-or-less impossible to be undecided as to major.

It should also be noted that the title text fits the cadence of the first line of the song, possibly teasing a fourth verse. As to what that consists of, only Randall knows.

===Verse 1===
;Panel 1, ''Philosophy's just math sans rigor, sense, and practicality'': [[Cueball]] is posing as {{w|Rodin}}'s {{w|The Thinker}}, a common symbol for {{w|philosophy}}. The equation in the background (two plus light bulb equals sailboat) is nonsense, hence "{{w|math}} sans rigor, sense or practicality" ([http://www.thefreedictionary.com/sans sans] meaning without).

;Panel 2, ''And math's just physics unconstrained by precepts of reality.'': A cannon is firing. However, instead of going in the normal parabolic arc (a precept of reality and thus {{w|physics}}), the cannonball splits and splits again, so that it looks like a {{w|bifurcation diagram}} from {{w|chaos theory}}. The dashed line indicates the cannonball's trajectory, which bifurcates twice, although the sum of the momentums of the four resulting (1/4 sized?) cannonballs is presumably mathematically identical to the original.

;Panel 3, ''A business major's just a thing you get so you can graduate'': {{w|Business education|Business}} is the most common major, often seen as a practical choice applicable to a wide variety of careers, or, as the comic illustrates, preferred by those who just want an easy way to graduate. Cueball gets his diploma and runs away from the dean on the podium while shedding both his robe and his {{w|square academic cap}} (or Mortarboard).

;Panel 4, ''And chemistry's for stamp collectors high on methylacetate.'': Stamp collecting refers to the [https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Ernest_Rutherford famous quote] by {{w|Ernest Rutherford}}, "All science is either physics or stamp collecting." {{w|Methyl acetate}} is a solvent that for instance can be used to remove stamps from their envelope (although water will do the same). The stamps in the background form the {{W|periodic table}} of the chemical elements. And since {{w|chemistry}} is not physics, according to the quote, {{w|chemists}} must be stamp collectors. [[Ponytail]] is depicted wearing googles, holding an {{w|Erlenmeyer flask}}, and dizzy from being high on methylacetate.

;Panels 5 and 6, ''Why anyone who wants a job would study lit's a mystery'', ''Unless their only other choice were something like art history.'': These lines, both sung by Cueball, refer to subjects where a majority of graduates will end up unemployed or eventually working in a field outside their majors. Topics such as {{w|Literature}} or {{w|Art History}} are often and historically said to be in this category — although from [http://www.studentsreview.com/unemployment_by_major.php3?sort=Rate actual statistics], it is clear that there are far worse majors these days.

;Panels 7 and 8, ''A BA in communications guarantees that you'll achieve'', ''A little less than if you'd learned to underwater basket-weave'': Here Cueball first has a major in {{w|Communication studies|Communications}} and next he is seen underwater with a basket. {{w|Underwater basket weaving}} is a commonly used metaphor for any college major that is easy and/or worthless. "Communications" is a major chosen by people interested in news broadcasting or other media. Note that, if following the original music exactly, the line "A little less than if you'd learned to underwater basket-weave." will be repeated three times by the chorus after these panels.

;Panel 9, ''I'd rather eat a Fowler's toad than major in biology,'': We see Cueball holding a frog out in front of him while taking his hand to his head (in disgust?). A {{w|Fowler's toad}} is a relatively common toad in the eastern US, and a stereotype of studying {{w|biology}} is a frog {{w|dissection}}, which is likely part of the reference, albeit oblique. Fowler's Toad emits a {{w|Bufo_fowleri#Behavior|noxious secretion}} that [http://www.nwf.org/wildlife/wildlife-library/amphibians-reptiles-and-fish/toads.aspx irritates skin] and thus probably also the mucous membranes in the mouth. It would thus be rather painful to eat, making it very bad for Cueball to major in biology since he would rather eat such a toad.

;Panel 10, ''And social psych is worse than either psych ''or'' sociology.'': {{w|Social psychology}} is compared to {{w|sociology}} (study of humans in society) and {{w|psychology}} (study of human minds). Psychology is represented by a {{w|serial killer}} with a chainsaw, and sociology is represented by a {{w|zombie}}. These are to the left of [[Megan]]. To her right is a zombie serial killer with chainsaw. She is standing between them undecided as to take one, the other or both. They are all terrible options...

;Panels 11 and 12, ''The thought of picking any one of these is too unbearable,'' ''Just put me down as "Undecided"—Every major's terrible.'': End of the first verse where Cueball tells his academic advisor that he is undecided as every major's terrible. He even throws away his {{w|study guide}}. Every verse ends with some variation of this couplet, and in the original tune, each of these couplets are repeated by the chorus afterwards.
:''Unbearable'' and ''terrible'' rhyme for people who have the {{w|English-language vowel changes before historic /r/#Mary–marry–merry merger|Mary-merry merger}}.

===Verse 2===
;Panel 13, ''Now, if you can't prognosticate, that's OK in seismology,'':[https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/prognosticate Prognosticate] means "to predict". This refers to the inability of {{w|seismology}} to reliably predict catastrophic {{w|earthquake}}s, even after centuries of extensive research. The panel shows {{w|Seismic wave|seismic waves}} from a {{w|seismograph}}. The seismograph chart has four traces and about halfway across one trace begins oscillating vigorously indicating an earthquake. Five months after this comic was published several seismologists in Italy were [http://www.nature.com/news/italian-court-finds-seismologists-guilty-of-manslaughter-1.11640 convicted of crimes] that effectively stemmed from an inability to predict an earthquake. This does not go down well for the message of this panel... Their conviction was [http://www.nature.com/news/italian-seismologists-cleared-of-manslaughter-1.16313 overturned on appeal] in 2014.

;Panel 14, ''But if your hindsight's weak as well, you'd best stick to theology.'': The bearded [https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/theologist theologist] represents {{w|Theology}} by stating the formal logic proposition shown in the illustration: "X ∴ ∃X". This says "I can describe this thing called X, therefore X exists". (However, it might not be syntactically correct, since "X" is not a formula, and there are no free variable(s) after the ∃.) This is what Anselm’s {{w|ontological argument}} for God boils down to. Briefly, it asks you to imagine the best possible deity, which, by definition, would be God. A God which exists in both reality and theory would be greater than one who exists in merely the latter. Therefore, this proposition concludes that God exists. The fatal flaw of this argument is that it can be used to prove the existence of anything (e.g. a vacuum cleaner which exists in both reality and theory is greater than one which exists merely in theory). Just because a perfect God would exist does not mean he does. Thus it has been largely rejected. (See [[1505: Ontological Argument]].)

;Panel 15, ''CS will make each day a quest to find a missing close-paren.'': "CS" is short for "{{w|Computer Science}}." Most programming languages use parentheses as part of their syntax, and often have multiply-nested parenthetical expressions. This is especially true of {{w|Lisp (programming language)|Lisp}}. It is often difficult for a programmer to determine where the unbalanced parenthesis begins or ends when the code and parentheses are not properly formatted and indented. In the panel there is one more left "(" parenthesis (13) than right ")" or ''close-paren'' (12). Unpaired parentheses were also discussed in comic [[859]].

;Panel 16, ''Virology will guarantee you'll never get a hug again.'': {{w|Virology}} is the study of {{w|infectious diseases}}. The green symbol above the central figure is the {{w|Hazard_symbol#Biohazard_sign|biohazard symbol}}, implying that people who study infectious diseases, and are therefore located near them at some points in time, will be shunned like the plague, because they're probably carrying it. Thus no hugs to Megan as three Cueballs and Ponytail lean back away from her.

;Panel 17, ''I.T. prepares you for a life of fighting with PCs nonstop.'': "I.T." is short for "{{w|Information Technology}}", a degree for people who maintain computer systems. If there is a need for an I.T. position (in which I.T. professionals are employed) there are computers which need fixing — hence the I.T. Professional is always fixing (or fighting) computers, which may or may not have been[https://web.archive.org/web/20220225163355/https://ars.userfriendly.org/cartoons/?id=19980506 "broken"] by [[:Category:Cueball Computer Problems|certain users]]. In the panel Megan, wielding an axe, is in a real fight with a PC.

;Panel 18, ''As Pratchett said, "Geography's just physics slowed with trees on top."'': This is a slightly amended quote from {{w|Discworld}} author {{w|Terry Pratchett}}, from his book "{{w|Feet of Clay (novel)|Feet of Clay}}". The actual quote is "{{w|Geography}} is just physics slowed down, with a couple of trees stuck in it." But the meaning is the same, that physics also describes geography - a similar quote to the one about physics vs. stamp collections mentioned under panel 4.

;Panel 19, ''Though physics seems to promise you a Richard Feynman-like career,'': {{w|Richard Feynman}} was a 20th-century {{w|Nobel Prize|Nobel}}-laureate {{w|physicist}} known for his great sense of humor, including being photographed for one of his books while holding a {{w|bongo drum}}. Here he is depicted with the drum and with both a blond woman and Megan looking admiringly upon him. Feynman made physics seem cool, and many a young fan might choose the subject in the hope of obtaining a Feynman-like career. This is, however, very unlikely for most people as is also shown in the next panel.

;Panel 20, ''The wiki page for "Physics major" redirects to "Engineer."'': A redirect on Wikipedia is a page which immediately sends the visitor to a different page. This implies that the title of the first is either a synonym or a sub-topic of the second. Physics majors usually learn to code, and the standard joke is that they invariably get hired as {{w|computer programmers}} after graduation, but here in this comic they get hired as {{w|engineers}}. This relates back to the previous panel, as it is here shown that most of those that major in physics end up as engineers and not like Feynman. The Wikipedia page physics major didn't actually exist when this comic was published. It was created the same day, but as a [https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Physics_major&redirect=no redirect] to {{w|physics education}}. It is such a redirect page that is shown in the panel. In the subsequent days, there were dozens of instances of people changing it to redirect to engineer, usually reverted within minutes. The redirect page was ''fully protected'' and locked for editing. As with the underwater basket-weaving line in the first verse, after the soloist sings this, the line would be repeated three times by the chorus.

;Panels 21 and 22, ''They say to study history or find yourself repeating it,'' ''But all that it prepares you for is forty years of teaching it.'': This uses a version of a quote by {{w|George Santayana}} (although often attributed to others as well), ''Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it'' as a reason to study {{w|history}} — only to be followed by an indication that by studying history as a major, you will only be prepared to become a history teacher, and you will then spend the rest of your life teaching history. The first panel shows a flow chart that will lead you to repeat your sad past if you cannot remember it, and only move on to happier times if you can. In the next panel we see a [[Hairbun]] as a history teacher, with glasses and her gray hair tied up in a bun, standing in front of a green {{w|blackboard}} with three important years for her current history class.

:One connection between these years could be pivotal points in Jewish history concerning the formation of nationality: the Nurenberg Laws of 1935 removing citizenship from Jews in Germany, Israel's claims on Jerusalem, and the UN Security Council's condemnation of the treatment of Palestines by Israel.

:A more lighthearted connection, more in line with the message of learning from history, is the collapse of three notable communications towers: the wooden radio tower in Langenberg in 1935 (by tornado), a TV mast at Emley Moor in 1969 (due to ice build-up), and the Warsaw radio mast in 1991 (due to construction errors). This demonstrates various attempts and failures to learn from engineering mistakes from the past, connecting this with the earlier mentioning of physicists becoming engineers, and perhaps not taking real-world practical considerations into account (such as storms or ice build-up).

:Of course, in practice, with a narrow enough subject, there are likely to be many more examples fitting these three years. The two examples above were from general world history.

;Panels 23 and 24, ''I recognize my four-year plan's at this point not repairable,'' ''But put me down as "Undecided"—Every major's terrible.'': End of the second verse where Cueball again talks to his academic advisor saying that he is undecided. In the last of the two panel he says almost the same as at the end of the first verse. In the first, however, he mentioned his "four-year plan" which is the list of all the courses a student plans to include in their degree program. If you change majors every semester, or do not decide on one until too late, this list gets really difficult to turn into any one degree. Again these lines would be repeated by the chorus afterwards.

===Verse 3===
;Panel 25, ''Astronomers all cringe when they hear "supermoon" or "zodiac".'': {{w|Supermoon}} is a term invented by {{w|astrologers}} in the 1970s, with no significance in {{w|astronomy}} other than being the co-occurrence of orbital {{w|perigee}} and full-moon. But it comes up often in the press, linked to supernatural behavior. That also Randall dislikes seems realistic and he also "mocked" the term soon after in [[1080: Visual Field]] and then finally confirmed what he thought about the term directly when he published [[1394: Superm*n]]. This was the first comic referencing supermoon, here is [[:Category:Supermoon|a list]] of all such comics. The {{w|zodiac}} is the circular band in the sky containing the apparent path of the sun, moon and planets. Most often when people talk about it, they're referring to {{w|astrology}} and {{w|horoscopes}} and other pseudo-scientific notions which often lead to conversations which are frustrating to astronomers, like the bald, bearded one ({{w|Phil Plait}}?) from the panel.

;Panel 26, ''Agronomy's a no-go; I'm a huge agorophobiac.'': {{w|Agronomy}} is the science of farming, while {{w|agoraphobia}} is the fear of wide open spaces. Fields, where most farming happens, are wide open spaces. In the panel an anxious Cueball is standing near a fence on an open field with a tractor. Presumably he may be OK inside the tractor, but once he gets outside he becomes anxious.

;Panel 27, ''I'm too ophiophobic to consider herpetology,'': {{w|Herpetology}} is the study of {{w|reptiles}} and {{w|amphibians}}, while {{w|ophiophobia}} is the fear of {{w|snakes}} (a reptile). The panel shows sweating Cueball holding his hands to his mouth while looking at a green snake asking for his love? It is possible that Cueball is afraid of the snake, who is harmless and just wants to be friends.

;Panel 28, ''And I can't stomach any part of gastroenterology.'': As the pun suggests, {{w|gastroenterology}} is the study of the human digestive system and the image shows the human {{w|stomach}}. To [http://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/cannot+stomach not be able to stomach something] means you can't stand or tolerate this thing.

;Panel 29, ''While pre-med gives you twitchy-eyed obsession with your GPA,'': {{w|Pre-med}} (pre-medical) is a major chosen by students hoping to go on to {{w|medical school}} to study {{w|medicine}} and eventually become {{w|Doctor of Medicine|doctors}}. Medical school is extremely competitive and usually requires a very high undergraduate {{w|GPA}} for prospective students. Hence we see a pre-med student holding all his grades.

;Panel 30, <tt>a poetry degree bespeaks bewildering naïveté.</tt>: The text is in all lower-case, a different font and strangely laid out compared to the text in all the other panels. All-lower-case and "free" layout are both associated with 20th century "{{w|Modernist}}" {{w|poetry}}, especially the works of {{w|E. E. Cummings}}. Ponytail is actually reciting this line of the song.

;Panels 31 and 32, ''TV's behind the rush into forensic criminology'', ''(Or so claims meta-academic epidemiology).'': This refers to how {{w|forensic}}-{{w|criminology}} shows, specifically {{w|CSI: Miami}} (Crime Scene Investigation: Miami) as shown on the TV screen in both panels, often dramatize, exaggerate or otherwise confuse the science behind forensics; this gives people unrealistically glamorous views of the career, thus encouraging them to join it. {{w|Epidemiology}} is the study of causes and effects of events and trends. We see a pipe smoking epidemiologist standing with Ponytail and watching CSI - presumably making wild claims on cause and effect based only on what they see on TV. This is, again, the point where the chorus joins in three times, as in the previous two verses.

;Panels 33 and 34, ''By dubbing econ "dismal science" adherents exaggerate;'' ''The "dismal"'s fine - it's "science" where they patently prevaricate.'': "Econ" is short for "{{w|economics}}". {{w|Thomas Carlyle}} declared economics "{{w|the dismal science}}" in the {{w|Victorian era}} as a derogatory alternative name. {{w|Economists}} often claim that economics is a {{w|science}} like any other; however, as the predictive powers of all economic theories are exceedingly weak compared to those of any science, this is disputed by those outside the field at times. It is of course also disputed by this song, in which Cueball "clearly" (see below) states that economics should not call itself a science - that is the ''dismal science'' is not derogatory enough for him.
*The above sentences can be tricky to understand due to the combination of vocabulary used and atypical word order (the former is in object-subject-verb). Here is some help in understanding them:
**[https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/dub Dubbing] something means ''giving it a nickname''.
**[https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/dismal Dismal] science means (in this context) ''the disappointingly inadequate science''.
**[https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/adherent Adherents] means ''supporters''.
**[https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/patently Patently] means ''in a clear and unambiguous manner''
**[https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/prevaricate Prevaricate] means to ''evade the truth''.
*Using these meanings of the words the two sentences can be re-written as:
**The people who give economics the nickname "the inadequate science" are exaggerating how bad it is;
**The "inadequate" part is fine - it's "science" where they clearly are evading the truth.
:That is, Cueball is saying that "inadequate science" is too nice of a term for economics, he thinks it's not even science at all.

;Panel 35, ''In terms of choices, I'd say only Sophie's was comparable.''
;Panel 36, ''Just put me down as "Undecided"—Every major's terrible!'': End of the third verse, with yet another variant on the closing couplet. Choosing a major is compared to {{w|Sophie's Choice}}, which is any {{w|dilemma}} where choosing one cherished person or thing over the other will result in the death or destruction of the other, derived from the theme of the {{w|Sophie's Choice (novel)|novel}} of the same name, which has also been turned into a {{w|Sophie's Choice (film)|romantic drama film}}. So Cueball tells the academic advisor that choosing any of the majors over any other is as horrible as to have to choose which cherished person should die to save the other. Although in his case, it is the other way around, since he thinks all choices suck. Again these lines would be repeated by the chorus.

==Transcript==

:[The entire comic is a 4 by 9 grid. Left-justified headings above the 36 panels:]
:<big><big>Every Major's Terrible</big></big>
:to the tune of Gilbert & Sullivan's
:<big>Modern Major-General Song</big>
:(Which you may know from Tom Lehrer's ''Elements''.
:If not, just hum ''Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious''.)

:[To make it easier to read the lyrics, the lyrics text is double indented. If no one says the line it is just written after the description. Unless otherwise stated, the text is inside the frame of the panel above the drawing. If any other text is present it will be written after the lyrics.]

:[Panel 1: Cueball sitting with his chin on fist on a square, gray rock. Next to him is a mathematical expression "2 + a picture of yellow glowing light bulb = picture of Cueball in sailboat on a blue sea".]
::Philosophy's just math sans rigor, sense, and practicality
:Expression: 2+[lightbulb]=[sailboat]

:[Panel 2: A black and brown cannon standing on a green hill fires and a dashed line indicates the cannonball's trajectory. The line splits in two twice ending up at 4 cannonballs.]
::And math's just physics unconstrained by precepts of reality.

:[Panel 3: A student in robes and square academic cap receives a diploma from a dean on a brown podium, while Cueball, diploma in hand, runs away on the green lawn, arms in the air, shedding both robe and cap.]
::A business major's just a thing you get so you can graduate

:[Panel 4: Ponytail wearing goggles and holding a flask with the periodic table in the background. Three stars and circle lines around her head indicates that she is dizzy.]
::And chemistry's for stamp collectors high on methylacetate.

:[Panel 5: Cueball holds up his hands questioningly, in a shrugging pose.]
::Cueball: Why anyone who wants a job would study lit's a mystery

:[Panel 6: Cueball holding his chin.]
::Cueball: Unless their only other choice were something like art history.

:[Panel 7: The text is above this panels frame, which is only about two third of the other frames. In the frame is a close-up of Cueball as a graduate wearing yellow embroidered robe and yellow tasseled mortarboard.]
::A BA in communications guarantees that you'll achieve

:[Panel 8: The text is above this panels frame, which is only about two third of the other frames. In the frame is the same Cueball graduate, only now he is submerged in blue water. A wicker basket flows to the left, where air bubbles escape from Cueball. To the right are two black fish.]
::A little less than if you'd learned to underwater basket-weave

:[Panel 9: Cueball holding a gray frog at arm's length.]
::Cueball: I'd rather eat a Fowler's toad than major in biology,
:Frog: Ribbit

:[Panel 10: Megan indicating to the left a scruffy individual and an individual holding a chainsaw, and to the right a single scruffy individual holding a chainsaw.]
::Megan: And social psych is worse than either psych or sociology.

:[Panel 11: Cueball stands in front of a brown desk holding a gray course catalog. Behind the desk sits a man with glasses and hair at the back of his head. He sits on his gray office chair. There is a stack of papers on the desk.]
::Cueball: The thought of picking any one of these is too unbearable.

:[Panel 12: Same picture as panel 11, only now Cueball tosses the course catalog over his shoulder.]
::Cueball: Just put me down as "Undecided"—Every major's terrible.

:[Panel 13: The text is above this panels frame, which is only about two third of the other frames. In the frame is a seismograph chart with four traces; about halfway across one trace begins oscillating vigorously.]
::Now, if you can't prognosticate, that's OK in seismology,

:[Panel 14: A bearded man with white hair states a formula with his left arm lifted.]
::But if your hindsight's weak as well, you'd best stick to theology.
:Bearded man: X ∴ ∃X

:[Panel 15: Two lines with gray parenthesis.]
::CS will make each day a quest to find a missing close-paren.
:(((()((((()(
:))))())())())

:[Panel 16: Megan with a green biohazard symbol floating above her head stands alone; to the left and right three Cueball-like guys and Ponytail shun her.]
::Virology will guarantee you'll never get a hug again.

:[Panel 17: Megan running at a PC on a brown table at the left of the frame, with a brown and black axe raised over her head.]
::I.T. prepares you for a life of fighting with PCs nonstop.

:[Panel 18: The frame is a little smaller than the other frames. Above the frame is the first part of the text. In the frame is an image of a bearded man with glasses who says the rest of the text. ]
::As Pratchett said,
::Pratchett: "Geography's just physics slowed with trees on top."

:[Panel 19: A man with black hair plays on brown bongo drums while Blondie and Megan lean into the frame and look at him from left and right respectively.]
::Though physics seems to promise you a Richard Feynman-like career,

:[Panel 20: The text is above this panels frame, which is only about two third of the other frames. In the frame is screenshot of a wiki redirect page. Below the title is the normal text for such a page. This is unreadable though, although it is possible to imagine it is possible to read the first line which would say: ''From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia''. But not the other line which would be ''Redirect page''. Below this line is an arrow down to the page the redirect points to. This is written in blue underlined letters.]
::The wiki page for "Physics major" redirects to "Engineer."
:Wiki page:
::Physics major
:: Engineer

:[Panel 21: Flowchart: a gray-brown box with a sad face chains to a decision diamond reading simply "?"; the "yes" branch leads to a yellow happy-face box while the "no" branch loops back to the initial sad face.]
::They say to study history or find yourself repeating it,
:Flow chart:
::?
::No
::Yes

:[Panel 22: The text is above this panels frame, which is only about two third of the other frames. In the frame is Hairbun as a teacher with boxy spectacles and a bun in front of a green chalkboard with three years in white. She is holding a rod and using it to point at the board.]
::But all that it prepares you for is forty years of teaching it.
:Chalkboard:
::1935
::1969
::1991

:[Panel 23: Cueball at his adviser's desk again as in panel 12, but now without any catalog and holding his arms down.]
::Cueball: I recognize my four-year plan's at this point not repairable,

:[Panel 24: Same as panel 23 except Cueball has raised a first and the adviser has his hand to his mouth.]
::Cueball: But put me down as "Undecided"—Every major's terrible.

:[Panel 25: Image of a bald man with beard and glasses. He raised both hands one as a fist the other pointing up. There are lines out from his head to the left and lightning lines out from his head to the right.]
::Astronomers all cringe when they hear "supermoon" or "zodiac".

:[Panel 26: Silhouette of Cueball, agitated, in an open field near a fence and a tractor.]
::Agronomy's a no-go; I'm a huge agorophobiac.

:[Panel 27: Cueball looking aghast at a green snake on the ground, both hands at his mouth and sweat jumping from his head. The snake is "saying" a red heart with a black question mark next to it.]
::I'm too ophiophobic to consider herpetology,
:Snake: ♥ ?

:[Panel 28: Anatomical image of a stomach in pink and red.]
::And I can't stomach any part of gastroenterology.

:[Panel 29: A man with wild hair, glasses askew, clutching folders and papers (green, blue and white), and dropping several.]
:Man:
::While pre-med gives you twitchy-eyed obsession with your GPA,

:[Panel 30: Ponytail reciting poetry; her poem is this panel's line, in a lighter, lower-case font.]
::Ponytail: <tt>a poetry degree bespeaks bewildering naïveté.</tt>

:[Panel 31: The text is above this panels frame, which is only about two third of the other frames. The frame is a TV screen with the ''CSI: Miami'' logo, CSI in yellow.]
::TV's behind the rush into forensic criminology
:TV screen:
::''' CSI: '''
::'''Miami'''

:[Panel 32: A balding man wearing glasses and holding a smoking pipe together with Ponytail holding a notebook watch a wall-mounted flat-screen TV on which the ''CSI: Miami'' logo from the previous panel is showing.]
::(Or so claims meta-academic epidemiology).
:TV screen:
:: CSI:
::Miami

:[Panel 33: Cueball is talking with his left arm raised, palm up.]
::Cueball: By dubbing econ "dismal science" adherents exaggerate;

:[Panel 34: Close-up on Cueball with right arm up and one finger in the air.]
::Cueball: The "dismal"'s fine—it's "science" where they patently prevaricate.

:[Panel 35: As panel 23 with Cueball at his adviser's desk once more though with both hands held out in front of him. The adviser is holding his hand to the side of his head.]
::Cueball:In terms of choices, I'd say only Sophie's was comparable.

:[Panel 36: Same as panel 35 except that Cueball makes a final dramatic flair spreading both arms out.]
::Cueball:Just put me down as "Undecided"—Every major's terrible!

==Trivia==

In August of 2018, the comic was made to link to [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DhaEjgnmy3c], a video which no longer exists due to the owner's account being terminated by YouTube.

{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:Comics with color]]
[[Category:Songs]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball‏‎]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Megan‏‎]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Ponytail‏‎]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Hairbun]]
[[Category:Multiple Cueballs]]
[[Category:Comics featuring real people‏‎]]
[[Category:Supermoon]]
[[Category:Astronomy‏‎]]
[[Category:Biology‏‎]]
[[Category:Chemistry‏‎]]
[[Category:Computers‏‎]]
[[Category:Engineering]]
[[Category:Geography]]
[[Category:Geology]]
[[Category:Math‏‎]]
[[Category:Philosophy‏‎]]
[[Category:Physics‏‎]]
[[Category:Psychology‏‎]]
[[Category:Science‏‎ ]]
[[Category:Flowcharts]]
[[Category:Puns]]
[[Category:Animals]]
[[Category:Wikipedia]]
[[Category:Comics edited after their publication]] 
[[Category:Comics with lowercase text]]

3049: Incoming Asteroid

2025-02-11T01:58:15Z

ScienceD90: Added a tag

{{comic
| number = 3049
| date = February 10, 2025
| title = Incoming Asteroid
| image = incoming_asteroid_2x.png
| imagesize = 454x570px
| noexpand = true
| titletext = The bottom ones are also potentially bad news for any other planets in our solar system that have been counting on Earth having a stable orbit.
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|Created by an incoming bearer of bad news - More accurate readings of the log scale, and provide detailed explanations of each point on the chart (should probably be a table, as well). Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}

This comic may be inspired by the recent discovery of asteroid {{w|2024 YR4|2024 YR4}}, which is estimated to have about a 2% chance of striking Earth on December 22, 2032. Its size is estimated to be 40-90 meters.

This comic provides a log scale correlating the size of any incoming asteroid to whether its arrival is good or bad news. While asteroids on the smaller end of the scale are good news for sky watchers, as the upcoming objects get bigger, the potential for catastrophe grows. Many astronomy enthusiasts would be happy to see bigger meteors, as bigger generally means more exciting pictures. Of course, once the meteors grow past a certain size even the most enthusiast astronomer might grow concerned about their imminent extinction.{{cn}}

===List of approximate sizes and consequences===

* '''1 cm''': Good news! Meteors are pretty!
** At this size, such a meteor is nothing more than a streak in the sky.

* '''30 cm''': Great news! You might see a fireball!
** At this size, a meteor might descend far enough for the flames of its entry to be visible with the naked eye.

* '''3 m''': Okay news, unless you have expensive windows or are very unlucky
** At this side, a meteor can expect to descend far enough for the shockwave of its passing to shatter windows. The comic mockingly claims this is only a problem if your windows are expensive.

* '''100 m''': Bad news, especially if you live near the city it's aimed at
* '''1 km''': Bad news, especially if you live on the continent it's aimed at
** Meteors of either size can easily cause localized extinction, and can be expected to have effects on the rest of the world as well.

* '''6 km''': Bad news for your species
* '''50 km''': Bad news for your phylum
* '''200 km''': Bad news for your biosphere
** For meteors of this size, a global extinction event is pretty much guaranteed.

* '''3,000 km''': Good news for any life that might some day evolve on Earth's new moon
** Earth's moon is believed to have been formed when Earth, in its infancy, was hit by an object of roughly this size. The comic assumes that another moon would form from another such impact, hypothesizes that life might evolve on that moon, {{tvtropes|BadNewsInAGoodWay|and pretends that it's good news}}.

* '''30,000 km''': Bad news for whatever planet is about to get hit by Earth.
** At this size, the asteroid is larger than Earth itself (whose diameter is about 12,700km) and would likely be classified as a planet. (Unofficially, at least. ''Officially,'' there would be quibbling about whether it had "cleared its orbit." Briefly. {{Citation needed}}) At that point, the comic argues, it would be more accurate to describe the Earth crashing into the "asteroid"/planet, not the other way around.

==Transcript==
{{incomplete transcript|Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}

:[Header:]
:An asteroid is headed straight for Earth! That's...

:[A log scale of lengths is shown.]
:[Length label:] Asteroid size
:1 cm: ...Good news! Meteors are pretty!
:10 cm
::...Great news! You might see a fireball!
:1 meter
::...Ok news, unless you have expensive windows or are very unlucky.
:10 meters
::...Bad news, especially if you live near the city it's aimed at.
:100 meters
::...Bad news, especially if you live on the continent it's aimed at.
:1 km
::...Bad news for your species.
:10 km
::...Bad news for your phylum.
:100 km
::...Bad news for your biosphere.
:1,000 km
::...Good news for any life that might someday evolve on Earth's new moon.
:10,000 km
::...Bad news for whatever planet is about to get hit by Earth.

{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:Charts]]
[[Category:Astronomy]]
[[Category:Space]]

ibm hc 3

2025-02-09T23:22:26Z

ScienceD90: /* Transcript */ Added dialogue

<noinclude>{{DISPLAYTITLE:ibm_hc_3}}</noinclude>{{comic
| image = ibm_hc_3.png
| lappend = ibm/ibm_hc_3.png
| ldomain = imgs
| extra = yes
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|[[User:Novotvor]] has discovered 2 new comics, [[ibm hc 2]] and [[ibm hc 3]]. They do not have a title, so the filename is used instead. '''They have never been published.''' For more info, see [[Category talk: A Smarter Planet]]. To discuss and coordinate, only use [[Category talk: A Smarter Planet]]. Below is the text copied from [[Prescriptions]] to kickstart the page. Explain everything (both the joke and the discovery) and use all the information you can find (also add the missing categories).
*Learn more about the discovery: [[Category talk: A Smarter Planet]]
*Learn about the "A Smarter Planet" comic series: [[:Category:A Smarter Planet]]
*Learn about the two released comics: [[Conservation]] and [[Prescriptions]]
*Use the Wayback Machine if necessary ([https://web.archive.org/web/20250000000000*/https://imgs.xkcd.com/ibm/ibm_hc_2.png Wayback: ibm hc 2]) ([https://web.archive.org/web/20250000000000*/https://imgs.xkcd.com/ibm/ibm_hc_3.png Wayback: ibm hc 3]). (see more wayback machine links at [[:Category: A Smarter Planet]].)}}

This comic was created by [[Randall Munroe|Randall]] after a special request from {{w|IBM}}'s [http://asmarterplanet.com A Smarter Planet blog] (now defunct, [https://web.archive.org/web/20161119052748/http://asmarterplanet.com archive]). The website now redirects to IBM's Think blog's homepage. This and the other [[:Category:A Smarter Planet|A Smarter Planet]] comic, [[Conservation]], are not part of the regular numbered series of comics, but both of them used to be featured on [https://xkcd.com/asmarterplanet xkcd.com/asmarterplanet] (now defunct, [https://web.archive.org/web/20190102070937/https://xkcd.com/asmarterplanet/ archive]). Each comic on that page linked to their respective blog posts on IBM's site.

==Transcript==

Megan: We barely use computers. Red tape, paperwork, and bureaucracy should be vanishing, with information appearing where we need it, fast and secure.

Megan: Instead we're emailing scans of forms. It's like hiring Peter Jackson to answer phone at your studio.

Cueball: Or putting tiger woods on your Olympic swim team

Ponytail: or hiring a German porn star to do Hungarian ballet.

Megan: Is it really like that?

Cueball: Yeah, I don't think it is anything like that.

{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:A Smarter Planet]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Megan]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Ponytail]]
[[Category:No title text]]
[[Category:Unreleased comics]]