explain xkcd - User contributions [en]

1625: Substitutions 2

2016-01-04T20:36:50Z

Whitecanvas:

{{comic
| number = 1625
| date = January 4, 2016
| title = Substitutions 2
| image = substitutions_2.png
| titletext = Within a few minutes, our roads will be full of uncontrollably-swerving cars and our skies full of Amazon delivery dogs.
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|Please add examples as per 1288 comic.}}

In this table, Randall suggests substituting several common phrases in generic news with similar or related phrases that mean something different for comical effect. Some of the replacements are synonyms, some are antonyms, and some are plain different concepts that, while would make a grammatically correct sentence, the resulting idea would sound absurd or bizarre.

Some of the examples might, also, mock the fact that many news contradict the actual facts or obvious results of a situation. (e.g. "[influential person] vows to do good to the world" would be replaced with with a more usual fact "[influential person] probably won't do good to the world")

The title text is an example of how the closing sentence of a given article or report might sound.

See also [[1288: Substitutions]].

See also [[1031: s/keyboard/leopard/]] and [[1418: Horse]].

Examples:

*Original sentence (as per title text, using also 1288 for "cars"): Within a few years, our roads will be full of self-driving cars and our skies full of Amazon delivery drones.
:Modified sentence: Within a few minutes, our roads will be full of uncontrollably-swerving cats and our skies full of Amazon delivery dogs.

*Original sentence: North Korea’s Kim vows to raise living standards
:Modified sentence: North Korea’s Kim probably won't raise living standards

*Original sentence: Commissioner Russell successfully ran for an at-large seat on the commission
:Modified sentence: Commissioner Russell suddenly ran for a very large seat on the commission

*Original sentence: The Republican presidential front-runner faces a global firestorm
:Modified sentence: The Republican presidential blade runner faces a spherical firestorm

*Original sentence: Donald Trump remains the front-runner Republican candidate in an unknown number of polls since the debates.
:Modified sentence: Donald Trump remains the Blade Runner Republican Airbender in like hundreds of psychic readings since the dance-offs.

*Original sentence: There was no indication of first-degree familial relationships in the analyzed dataset
:Modified sentence: There were lots of signs of friggin' awful familial relationships in the analyzed dataset

Airbender refers to the show {{w|Avatar: The Last Airbender}}, where there are waterbenders, earthbenders, firebenders and airbenders.
*Original sentence: Fifth Republican debate: where each candidate excelled and faltered
:Modified sentence: Fifth Republican dance-off: where each airbender excelled and faltered

==Transcript==
More

'''Substitutions'''

That make reading the news more fun

{|
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Debate
| ➜
| Dance-off
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Self driving
| ➜
| Uncontrollably swerving
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Poll
| ➜
| Psychic reading
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Candidate
| ➜
| Airbender
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Drone
| ➜
| Dog
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Vows to
| ➜
| Probably won't
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | At large
| ➜
| Very large
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Successfully
| ➜
| Suddenly
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Expands
| ➜
| Physically expands
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | First/Second/Third-degree
| ➜
| Friggin' awful
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | An unknown number
| ➜
| Like hundreds
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Front runner
| ➜
| Blade runner
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Global
| ➜
| Spherical
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Years
| ➜
| Minutes
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Minutes
| ➜
| Years
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | No indication
| ➜
| Lots of signs
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Urged restraint by
| ➜
| Drunkenly egged on
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Horsepower
| ➜
| Tons of horsemeat
|}

{{comic discussion}}

1625: Substitutions 2

2016-01-04T20:20:20Z

Whitecanvas: /* Explanation */

{{comic
| number = 1625
| date = January 4, 2016
| title = Substitutions 2
| image = substitutions_2.png
| titletext = Within a few minutes, our roads will be full of uncontrollably-swerving cars and our skies full of Amazon delivery dogs.
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|Please add examples as per 1288 comic.}}

In this table, Randall suggests substituting several common phrases in generic news with similar or related phrases that mean something different for comical effect. Some of the replacements are synonyms, some are antonyms, and some are plain different concepts that, while would make a grammatically correct sentence, the resulting idea would sound absurd or bizarre.

See also [[1288: Substitutions]].

See also [[1031: s/keyboard/leopard/]] and [[1418: Horse]].

Examples:

*Original sentence (as per title text, using also 1288 for "cars"): Within a few years, our roads will be full of self-driving cars and our skies full of Amazon delivery drones.
:Modified sentence: Within a few minutes, our roads will be full of uncontrollably-swerving cats and our skies full of Amazon delivery dogs.

*Original sentence: North Korea’s Kim vows to raise living standards
:Modified sentence: North Korea’s Kim probably won't raise living standards

*Original sentence: Commissioner Russell successfully ran for an at-large seat on the commission
:Modified sentence: Commissioner Russell suddenly ran for a very large seat on the commission

*Original sentence: The Republican presidential front-runner faces a global firestorm
:Modified sentence: The Republican presidential blade runner faces a spherical firestorm

*Original sentence: Donald Trump remains the front-runner Republican candidate in an unknown number of polls since the debates.
:Modified sentence: Donald Trump remains the Blade Runner Republican Airbender in like hundreds of psychic readings since the dance-offs.

*Original sentence: There was no indication of first-degree familial relationships in the analyzed dataset
:Modified sentence: There were lots of signs of friggin' awful familial relationships in the analyzed dataset

Airbender refers to the show {{w|Avatar: The Last Airbender}}, where there are waterbenders, earthbenders, firebenders and airbenders.
*Original sentence: Fifth Republican debate: where each candidate excelled and faltered
:Modified sentence: Fifth Republican dance-off: where each airbender excelled and faltered

==Transcript==
More

'''Substitutions'''

That make reading the news more fun

{|
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Debate
| ➜
| Dance-off
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Self driving
| ➜
| Uncontrollably swerving
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Poll
| ➜
| Psychic reading
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Candidate
| ➜
| Airbender
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Drone
| ➜
| Dog
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Vows to
| ➜
| Probably won't
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | At large
| ➜
| Very large
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Successfully
| ➜
| Suddenly
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Expands
| ➜
| Physically expands
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | First/Second/Third-degree
| ➜
| Friggin' awful
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | An unknown number
| ➜
| Like hundreds
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Front runner
| ➜
| Blade runner
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Global
| ➜
| Spherical
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Years
| ➜
| Minutes
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Minutes
| ➜
| Years
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | No indication
| ➜
| Lots of signs
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Urged restraint by
| ➜
| Drunkenly egged on
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Horsepower
| ➜
| Tons of horsemeat
|}

{{comic discussion}}

1549: xkcd Phone 3

2015-07-10T06:06:06Z

Whitecanvas:

{{comic
| number = 1549
| date = July 10, 2015
| title = XKCD Phone 3
| image = xkcd_phone_3.png
| titletext = If you're not completely satisfied with the phone after 30 days, we will return you to your home at no cost.
}}

==Explanation==
This is a follow up to [[1363: xkcd Phone]] and [[1465: xkcd Phone 2]]. It parodies common smartphone specs by attributing absurd or useless features to a fictional phone.

*'''Ear screen''': A strange phrase as the word screen refers to a visual artifact while the ear process sound. It may refer to the loudspeaker.
*'''Heartbeat accelerator''':
*'''MobilePay money clip''': While mobile pay is a form of payment involving electronic transfers via cellphone, this model includes a money clip; a way of holding physical bills together, which beats the purpose of electronic payment. whether this is a clip that transfers money digitally or the phrase mobile pay is just a marketing tag is unknown.
*'''Siri, or whoever it was w put in here''': A joke on intelligent personal assistants.
*'''Instead of being on surface only, screen goes all the way through''':
*'''theknot.con partnership: Phone licensed to perform wedding ceremonies and does so at random''':
*'''Fingerprint randomizer''':
*'''USB E (hotswappable)''':
*'''waterproof, but can drown''':
*'''Foretold by prophecy''':
*'''Runs Natively''':
*'''Wristband''': Probably mocking trending smart watches
*'''Wireless discharging''': Many modern cellphones feature wireless charging, which uses electromagnetic induction to charge the battery of the device. This model, apparently uses the same technology to discharge the battery; which, of course is something undesired, as one needs the battery's energy to run the phone.
*'''Magnetic stripe''': A data storage method used by devices such as credit cards and key cards to hold and transfer smalls amounts of information like key codes. Usually cellphones don't have them as they utilize more robust and protected ways to store and transmit data. The magnetic stripe shown would also be very annoying as it seems to block part of the screen.
*'''2 AA batteries (not included)''': A phrase usually shown on small low powered electronic devices like remote controllers, and not on cellphones; which need to be constantly recharged for continuous use.
*'''boneless''':

The title texts is a joke on guaranties and customer service. Usually the advertisement says that, if the customer is not satisfied with the product, they'll refund the money and take the product back at no additional cost. In this case they guarantee the customer they'll send him/her home without charge; implying they wont fix or refund anything.

==Transcript==
:Ear screen
:Heartbeat accelerator
:MobilePay money clip
:Siri, or whoever it was w put in here
:Instead of being on surface only, screen goes all the way through
:theknot.con partnership: Phone licensed to perform wedding ceremonies and does so at random
:Fingerprint randomizer
:USB E (hotswappable)
:waterproof, but can drown
:Foretold by prophecy
:Runs Natively
:Wristband
:Wireless discharging
:Magnetic stripe
:2 AA batteries (not included)
:boneless

:Introducing
:The XKCD phone 3
:we made another one

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Smartphones]]

1549: xkcd Phone 3

2015-07-10T06:02:14Z

Whitecanvas:

{{comic
| number = 1549
| date = July 10, 2015
| title = XKCD Phone 3
| image = xkcd_phone_3.png
| titletext = If you're not completely satisfied with the phone after 30 days, we will return you to your home at no cost.
}}

==Explanation==
This is a follow up to [[1363: xkcd Phone]] and [[1465: xkcd Phone 2]]. It parodies common smartphone specs by attributing absurd or useless features to a fictional phone.

*'''Ear screen''': A strange phrase as the word screen refers to a visual artifact while the ear process sound. It may refer to the loudspeaker.
*'''Heartbeat accelerator''':
*'''MobilePay money clip''': While mobile pay is a form of payment involving electronic transfers via cellphone, this model includes a money clip; a way of holding physical bills together, which beats the purpose of electronic payment. whether this is a clip that transfers money digitally or the phrase mobile pay is just a marketing tag is unknown.
*'''Siri, or whoever it was w put in here''': A joke on personal digital assistants.
*'''Instead of being on surface only, screen goes all the way through''':
*'''theknot.con partnership: Phone licensed to perform wedding ceremonies and does so at random''':
*'''Fingerprint randomizer''':
*'''USB E (hotswappable)''':
*'''waterproof, but can drown''':
*'''Foretold by prophecy''':
*'''Runs Natively''':
*'''Wristband''': Probably mocking trending smart watches
*'''Wireless discharging''': Many modern cellphones feature wireless charging, which uses electromagnetic induction to charge the battery of the device. This model, apparently uses the same technology to discharge the battery; which, of course is something undesired, as one needs the battery's energy to run the phone.
*'''Magnetic stripe''': A data storage method used by devices such as credit cards and key cards to hold and transfer smalls amounts of information like key codes. Usually cellphones don't have them as they utilize more robust and protected ways to store and transmit data. The magnetic stripe shown would also be very annoying as it seems to block part of the screen.
*'''2 AA batteries (not included)''': A phrase usually shown on small low powered electronic devices like remote controllers, and not on cellphones; which need to be constantly recharged for continuous use.
*'''boneless''':

The title texts is a joke on guaranties and customer service. Usually the advertisement says that, if the customer is not satisfied with the product, they'll refund the money and take the product back at no additional cost. In this case they guarantee the customer they'll send him/her home without charge; implying they wont fix or refund anything.

==Transcript==
:Ear screen
:Heartbeat accelerator
:MobilePay money clip
:Siri, or whoever it was w put in here
:Instead of being on surface only, screen goes all the way through
:theknot.con partnership: Phone licensed to perform wedding ceremonies and does so at random
:Fingerprint randomizer
:USB E (hotswappable)
:waterproof, but can drown
:Foretold by prophecy
:Runs Natively
:Wristband
:Wireless discharging
:Magnetic stripe
:2 AA batteries (not included)
:boneless

:Introducing
:The XKCD phone 3
:we made another one

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Smartphones]]

1549: xkcd Phone 3

2015-07-10T05:48:07Z

Whitecanvas:

{{comic
| number = 1549
| date = July 10, 2015
| title = XKCD Phone 3
| image = xkcd_phone_3.png
| titletext = If you're not completely satisfied with the phone after 30 days, we will return you to your home at no cost.
}}

==Explanation==
This is a follow up to [[1363: xkcd Phone]] and [[1465: xkcd Phone 2]]. It parodies common smartphone specs by attributing absurd or useless features.

*'''Ear screen''': A strange phrase as the word screen refers to a visual artifact while the ear process sound. It may refer to the loudspeaker.
*'''Heartbeat accelerator''':
*'''MobilePay money clip''': While mobile pay is a form of payment involving electronic transfers via cellphone, this model includes a money clip; a way of holding physical bills together, which beats the purpose of electronic payment. whether this is a clip that transfers money digitally or the phrase mobile pay is just a marketing tag is unknown.
*'''Siri, or whoever it was w put in here''': A joke on personal digital assistants.
*'''Instead of being on surface only, screen goes all the way through''':
*'''theknot.con partnership: Phone licensed to perform wedding ceremonies and does so at random''':
*'''Fingerprint randomizer''':
*'''USB E (hotswappable)''':
*'''waterproof, but can drown''':
*'''Foretold by prophecy''':
*'''Runs Natively''':
*'''Wristband''': Probably mocking trending smart watches
*'''Wireless discharging''': Many modern cellphones feature wireless charging, which uses electromagnetic induction to charge the battery of the device. This model, apparently uses the same technology to discharge the battery; which, of course is something undesired, as one needs the battery's energy to run the phone.
*'''Magnetic stripe''': A data storage method used by devices such as credit cards and key cards to hold and transfer smalls amounts of information like key codes. Usually cellphones don't have them as they utilize more robust and protected ways to store and transmit data. The magnetic stripe shown would also be very annoying as it seems to block part of the screen.
*'''2 AA batteries (not included)''': A phrase usually shown on small low powered electronic devices like remote controllers, and not on cellphones; which need to be constantly recharged for continuous use.
*'''boneless''':

==Transcript==
:Ear screen
:Heartbeat accelerator
:MobilePay money clip
:Siri, or whoever it was w put in here
:Instead of being on surface only, screen goes all the way through
:theknot.con partnership: Phone licensed to perform wedding ceremonies and does so at random
:Fingerprint randomizer
:USB E (hotswappable)
:waterproof, but can drown
:Foretold by prophecy
:Runs Natively
:Wristband
:Wireless discharging
:Magnetic stripe
:2 AA batteries (not included)
:boneless

:Introducing
:The XKCD phone 3
:we made another one

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Smartphones]]

1549: xkcd Phone 3

2015-07-10T05:14:01Z

Whitecanvas:

1549: xkcd Phone 3

2015-07-10T05:04:07Z

Whitecanvas: