2968: University Age

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University Age
This only makes it more urgent that we adopt my roadmap for the next 10 years, which should put us solidly in the lead.
Title text: This only makes it more urgent that we adopt my roadmap for the next 10 years, which should put us solidly in the lead.

Explanation

Cueball has been the leader of a university for the last five years. In a speech, he declares that his goal during those five years has been to make his university overtake the age of the oldest university in his state, which is obviously impossible.[citation needed] The other university was then two years older than his own (215 years vs 213 years old). He states he has funded an intensive program to make the university five years older, or three years older than the rival university was. That would have happened anyway, whatever he had done (short of such gross mismanagement as to cause his university to cease operations), or if he'd done nothing at all.

The final line of Cueball's speech, "Unfortunately, I have terrible news", presumably precedes the announcement that the rival university has also aged 5 years and is therefore just as far ahead as they were before.

Universities often plan ambitious initiatives to boost prestige. However, true success often depends on factors outside administrative control, such as student quality, alumni achievements, faculty research, historical reputation, and external economic and social factors. While administrative efforts are important for operations and gradual improvements, a university's overall prestige cannot be engineered quickly through planning alone.

In the title text, Cueball's proposed "roadmap for the next 10 years" could mean more of the same ineffective efforts, perhaps merging his university into another institution that was founded before the rival university, or undermining the rival university so it ceases operation, probably by malicious means. A much more unlikely plan could involve placing the rival university in a spacecraft on a near-light speed journey, slowing its apparent age due to relativistic time dilation. Most likely, his plan is to continue doing the same thing as he'd done the last five years but making it sound like a new idea even though nothing will ultimately change.

Transcript

[Cueball is standing behind a lectern on a stage. He has raised a finger in the air while addressing an unseen audience.]
Cueball: When I took the helm five years ago, our university was 213 years old – the second oldest in the state, just behind our 215 year old rival.
Cueball: Under my leadership, we've funded an intensive program to increase our age to 218, overtaking our rival by 3.
Cueball: Unfortunately, I have terrible news.


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Discussion

1477 anyone? 162.158.41.131 03:29, 6 August 2024 (UTC)

Not relevant in my opinion. In 1477: Star Wars Cueball is surprised by how fast time seems to flow past him. Not surprised that everything ages at the same rate as the Cueball in this comic. There are more than 40 comics relating to time on explain xkcd... Kynde (talk) 06:50, 6 August 2024 (UTC)
Reminds me of 209... the kayak (and the university) travel through time just like everything else. VeraqueVeritas (talk) 18:13, 9 August 2024 (UTC)

Was there a USA political debate this week that I didn't hear about? About. Hear of it's existence. I Assuredly didn't hear it. 172.70.175.121 06:27, 6 August 2024 (UTC)

On a related note, today I set a new personal best for time spent continuously being alive. I'm still well behind the world records, but I have beaten pretty much all of the current collegeate athletes. RegularSizedGuy (talk) 07:08, 6 August 2024 (UTC)

Happy birthday :) 172.70.86.16 12:59, 6 August 2024 (UTC)

"Unfortunately, I have terrible news" kind of feels to me like — almost — there is a pop culture reference here that I am missing (I'd say I feel 33% of the way towards that feeling; certainly somewhere less likely than even). It just seems like a little too strong of a statement to be what President Cueball would say in the moment. That said, I can't find any support for such a half-baked theory. Although there is an "I have terrible news" (without "Unfortunately") from The Office, Season 9, "Vandalism" (video), but it doesn't strike me as particularly significant.
¶ Apart from that, I sort of expected more emphasis on obscure schemes, like (a) increasing the average altitude of the rival university to increase its velocity for the tiny relativistic effect, e.g. by funding construction of an observatory for its astronomy department; (b) attempting to measure the founding dates more precisely, e.g. what if it were only 1-year-183-days older; (c) merger with the rival, ala the proposed MIT/Harvard mergers of the early 20th century; &c. JohnHawkinson (talk) 09:51, 6 August 2024 (UTC)

I thought the terrible new was that, after sending the rival university on a round trip at relativistic speed, due to an unfortuneate miscalculation, the rival university would collide with Earth while still going too fast, causing the destruction of the planet. --Itub (talk) 11:51, 6 August 2024 (UTC)
I think it's more a commentary on the futility of university administration plans and goals, given that actual success for a prestigious university involves mostly decisions entirely out of administration hands. 162.158.90.109 20:55, 6 August 2024 (UTC)
What do you think the universities alluded to were? I'm guessing MIT in 1861 and UMass (originally Amherst) in 1863. 162.158.186.20 21:39, 6 August 2024 (UTC)
From the deletions at [1], "The particular years referenced in the comic (218 years before 2024 would require a university founded in 1806) do not appear to match with any institution of higher learning in the United States. However, there is a very close near-twin that this might refer to - Miami University was founded in 1809, making it 215 years old, and Ohio University was founded in 1804, making it 220 years old."
Of course, those are in different states. 108.162.245.100 01:15, 7 August 2024 (UTC)
Actually, those two universities are in the same state! Both Miami University and Ohio University are in the state of Ohio - in fact, Miami University is in the confusingly named city of Oxford, Ohio. ChunyangD (talk) 22:16, 8 August 2024 (UTC)
Wouldn't it be more sensible (or less un-sensible...) to dig down your own one, instead of artificially elevating the other one? --Lupo (talk) 07:13, 7 August 2024 (UTC)

The way I read the "overtaking our rival by 3" part was that part of the "intensive program" was the sabotage of the other university, effectively ending its aging. This would then be the terrible news to share. 172.71.166.219 14:02, 6 August 2024 (UTC)

But that wouldn't be "unfortunate" for Cueball. It would be a win. And there would be no point in the redoubled efforts announced in the title text if they had already successfully destroyed their rival - what would they be doing for the next 10 years if the goal was already achieved? No, the terrible news is the failure to overtake the age of the other university.

Yorkshire Pudding (talk) 09:55, 8 August 2024 (UTC)

I have good news for Cueball: when he took over, their rival was 0.94% older. Now it's only 0.92% older. After the 10-year plan finishes, the gap will have closed to 0.88%! The gap is closing slower than he hoped, but with dedicated work, he'll get there. 172.70.80.48 (talk) 16:39, 7 August 2024 (please sign your comments with ~~~~)

I find it weird that Cueball calls his rival university also increasing its age to be "terrible news". Disappointing, yes, but not terrible. Suppose that Cueball had made his goal to have the largest student body, the largest faculty, the largest library, or the largest endowment of any university in the state. He might have succeeded in outdoing his rival's former standard but nobody would have been shocked to find that the rival university had also grown as well. --172.69.6.221 20:16, 11 August 2024 (UTC)

I don't know about that. Imagine the analogue of "We managed to increase our footfall by 50%, but everyone else also increased their footfall by 50%, so all our efforts are effectively treading water, and maybe we'd have increased even without trying..." Terrible news, in that the stretch-goal turns out to be worthless. (Unless you can actually prove that not having stretched for the goal would have sent them relatively further back down the rankings. In which case, well done for maintaining position against the passive trend downward.) 172.68.205.134 21:05, 11 August 2024 (UTC)

Harvard University is now the oldest university under U.S. jurisdiction, but it wasn't always -- from 1898 to 1946, when the Philippines was a U.S. territory, the University of Santo Tomas in Manila, which is older, held that distinction. Harvard regained that title when the Philippines became independent in 1946. Maybe Cueball should focus his efforts on lobbying Congress and state legislatures to transfer the town where the rival university is located to another state. (And, if he really wanted to stick it to the other university, to a state where there is an even older university.) --172.69.59.211 23:15, 11 August 2024 (UTC)

Harvard is 140 years older than the US is, by some measures. Could make for some other interesting variations on the "oldest in..." question. (And reminds me of the old chestnut of the US tourist to Britan looking round Oxford... or maybe it's Cambridge, it works for both... asking a porter "Is this college is pre-war?" / "Which war? This college is pre-America!") 162.158.33.216 23:37, 11 August 2024 (UTC)