Editing 461: Google Maps

{{comic
| number    = 461
| date      = August 11, 2008
| title     = Google Maps
| image     = google_maps.png
| titletext = Apparently Google assumes you're traveling during the ferry's normal operating hours. We lost two hours circling that damn lake (to say nothing of the Straw Man).
}}

==Explanation==

{{w|Google Maps}} (Check it out [https://www.maps.google.com here]) is a web mapping service application. Before smartphones with GPS mapping software were widespread and most people's printers hadn't yet run out of ink, it was common to print out directions to take with you on a trip. The web version of Google Maps has many features including a route planner. As sophisticated as early versions were, it occasionally gave suboptimal directions. For example, the directions may tell you to take an exit that, in reality, is unmarked. Directions also did not take time of day into account, which would help in planning routes to avoid traffic or to make use of services such as a ferry.

Though no specific game or movie is referenced, steps 75 to 81 of the directions read like the plot of a horror film or role playing game. A straw man is another term for scarecrow, a common antagonist in both. Step 80 reads exactly like an old {{w|Interactive fiction|text adventure}} game's description of an area.

There are additional small jokes in the distance column of the directions:
*Step 75 tells you to travel 1172 feet up, a direction that Google Maps doesn't normally take into account.
*No distance is traveled in step 77, so Google instead tells you to be careful when talking to Charlie.
*{{w|Pi}} is a ratio usually used in calculations involving circles, rather than in measuring distances.
*Google doesn't know how far it is from the Spectral Wolf to your destination, so it gives you question marks as the distance.

This might be a reference to Google Maps' {{w|List_of_Google_hoaxes_and_easter_eggs#Google_Maps_and_Google_Earth|many easter eggs}}.

The title text tells us that Cueball and his brother attempted to drive around the lake, since they could not take the ferry. It seems they also had an unfortunate run-in with the Straw Man, apparently waking him as the directions warned against.

===Directions===
{| class="wikitable" 
!Direction Number
!Direction
!Explanation 
|-
| 70
| Slight '''left''' at '''RT-22''' - go 6.8 mi
| A normal direction, RT-22 might mean Route 22.
|-
| 71
| Turn '''right''' to stay on '''RT-22''' - go 2.6 mi
|
|-
| 72
| Turn '''left''' at '''Lake Shore Rd''' - go 312 ft
| 
|-
| 73
| Turn '''right''' at '''Dock St''' - go 427 ft
| 
|-
| 74
| Take the '''ferry''' across the '''lake.''' - go 2.8 mi
| 
|-
| 75
| Climb the '''HILL''' toward '''Hangman's Ridge,''' avoiding any '''mountain lions.''' - up 1,172 ft
| Google Maps does not usually ask you to avoid mountain lions, nor does it ask you to walk if you want to drive and there is an available route by road.
|-
| 76
| When you reach an '''old barn,''' go around back, knock on the '''second door,''' and ask for '''Charlie.''' - go 52 ft
| This resembles less directions from Google Maps, and more a back-alley dealing trying to introduce a contact to another contact.
|-
| 77
| Tell '''Charlie''' the '''Dancing Stones''' are '''restless'''. He will give you his '''van'''. - Careful
| This seems more like a text adventure game with the code words.
|-
| 78
| Take '''Charlie's van''' down '''Old Mine Road'''. Do not wake the '''Straw Man'''. - go π mi
| It is impossible to go exactly π miles. But then it is also impossible to go exactly 52 feet or 3.2 miles.
|-
| 79
| Turn left on '''Comstock'''. When you feel the '''blood chill''' in your '''veins''', stop the van and '''get out'''. - go 3.2 mi
| Google Maps usually does not ask you to wait until your blood chills.{{Citation needed}}
|-
| 80
| Stand very still. Exits are '''north''', '''south''', and '''east''', but are blocked by a '''Spectral Wolf'''. - go 0 ft
| The directions resemble a text adventure game.
|-
| 81
| The '''Spectral Wolf''' fears only '''fire'''. The '''Google Maps Team''' can no longer help you, but if you master the '''wolf''', he will guide you. '''Godspeed'''. - go ?? mi
| Judging by the well-wishes ("Godspeed"), this is the final direction, and the mysterious "Spectral Wolf" will guide Cueball and Cueball to their destination should they succeed in taming it. Google Maps does not usually instruct its users to seek mysterious cryptid entities in search of guidance.
|-
|}

==Transcript==
:My road trip with my brother ran into trouble around page three of the Google Maps printout

:[Google Maps printout.]
::← 70. Slight '''left''' at '''RT-22''' - go 6.8 mi
::→ 71. Turn '''right''' to stay on '''RT-22''' - go 2.6 mi
::← 72. Turn '''left''' at '''Lake Shore Rd''' - go 312 ft
::→ 73. Turn '''right''' at '''Dock St''' - go 427 ft
::[An icon of water] 74. Take the '''ferry''' across the '''lake.''' - go 2.8 mi

:[A car is driving in the dark.]
:Brother: Okay, now take Dock St toward the ferry.
:Cueball: We're supposed to take a ferry? It's past midnight, and these woods are creepy.
:Brother: Google Maps wouldn't steer us wrong.

:[Cueball and his brother stand outside the car. The ferry has a sign on it reading CLOSED.]

:[Cueball is standing next to his brother, who is holding a Google Maps printout.]

:[Cueball motions towards his brother.]
:Cueball: Let me see those directions.

:[Google Maps printout.]
::[An icon of water] 74. Take the '''ferry''' across the '''lake.''' - go 2.8 mi
::↗ 75. Climb the '''HILL''' toward '''Hangman's Ridge,''' avoiding any '''mountain lions.''' - up 1,172 ft
::↷ 76. When you reach an '''old barn,''' go around back, knock on the '''second door,''' and ask for '''Charlie.''' - go 52 ft
::[An icon of a van] 77. Tell '''Charlie''' the '''Dancing Stones''' are '''restless'''. He will give you his '''van'''. - Careful
::[An icon of a straw man] 78. Take '''Charlie's van''' down '''Old Mine Road'''. Do not wake the '''Straw Man'''. - go π mi
::← 79. Turn left on '''Comstock'''. When you feel the '''blood''' chill in your '''veins''', stop the van and '''get out.''' - go 3.2 mi
::↓ 80. Stand very still. Exits are '''north''', '''south''', and '''east''', but are blocked by a '''Spectral Wolf'''. - go 0 ft
::[An icon of a menacing face] 81. The '''Spectral Wolf''' fears only '''fire'''. The '''Google Maps Team''' can no longer help you, but if you master the '''wolf''', he will guide you. '''Godspeed.''' - go ?? mi

{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Google Maps]]