Editing 1679: Substitutions 3

{{comic
| number    = 1679
| date      = May 11, 2016
| title     = Substitutions 3
| image     = substitutions_3.png
| titletext = BREAKING: Channing Tatum and his friends explore haunted city
}}

==Explanation==
This is the third comic in the [[:Category:Substitution series|Substitution series]] where [[Randall]] has suggested substitutions that will make reading the news more fun. This time it will be even '''more''' fun! But there have been several [[:Category:Substitutions|comics using substitutions]] both before and after these ones.

The series as of 2023:
*[[1288: Substitutions]] 
*[[1625: Substitutions 2]]
*[[1679: Substitutions 3]]

The title text in original form would be "Scientists explore ancient city", which most would consider a fairly bland headline. Two days before this comic came out, there was [http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/forgotten-mayan-city-discovered-in-central-america-by-15-year-old-a7021291.html news] that a potential ancient Mayan city had been found by a 15 year old boy through satellite imagery, which may be what Randall was referencing. The Mayan city has now been proven inexistent. Imagining Channing Tatum and his "friends", and pretending that the city is haunted, provides a much more dramatic setting mirroring many episodes (and later films) of ''Scooby Doo'' featuring a gang of friends (Mysteries, Inc.).

===Table of Substitutions===
{| class="wikitable" border="1" cellpadding="4" style="border-collapse: collapse;"
|-
! Original word/phrase !! Meaning !! Substitution !! New meaning
|-
| Gaffe || A social mistake, faux pas || Magic spell || A form of sorcery
|-
| Ancient || Very old || Haunted || Occupied by ghosts, spirits, etc. Old structures and objects in genre fiction are frequently haunted.
|-
| Star-studded || Featuring a lot of popular celebrities || Blood-soaked || Full of blood, or a place where a lot of violent deaths occurred
|-
| Remains to be seen || Unknown as of yet, speculative || Will never be known || Can never be determined, final statement indicating we've given up trying to understand, etc.
|-
| Silver bullet || Perfect solution || Way to kill werewolves || In {{w|werewolf}} folklore, a {{w|silver bullet}} was usually the only way to actually kill a werewolf.  The phrase "silver bullet" is usually used to mean something like "perfect solution" &mdash; this substitution suggests the more literal meaning of the phrase.
|-
| Subway system || A network of underground tunnels for commuter trains || Tunnels I found || A more personal and colloquial way to refer to underground tunnels, as though they had just been discovered for the first time.
|-
| Surprising || Unexpected || Surprising (but not to me) || The speaker/writer claims that everyone else is surprised by something, but they had anticipated it all along.
|-
| War of words || Public arguments, smear campaigns, etc. || Interplanetary war || A major conflict involving the civilizations of multiple planets (as seen in e.g. ''War of the Worlds''). ({{w|Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy|"Well, that escalated quickly."}})
|-
| Tension || Anxiety, conflict between people or groups || Sexual tension || Situation in which two or more people attempt to avoid acknowledging being sexually attracted to each other.
|-
| Cautiously optimistic || A guarded statement of optimism about a situation || Delusional || Firmly believing something in spite of clear evidence to the contrary
|-
| {{w|Doctor Who}} || Longrunning popular sci-fi TV series often combining history and aliens || {{w|The Big Bang Theory}} || A popular comedy TV series about a friendship-group of stereotypical nerds and their acquaintences.
|-
| Win votes || To make a politician more popular and more likely to win an election || Find {{w|Pokémon}} || To collect virtual creatures in a popular video game series
|-
| Behind the headlines || Usually, to go into greater depth on a news story || Beyond the grave || To communicate with (or experience) life after death
|-
| Email / {{w|Facebook}} post / {{w|Twitter|Tweet}} || Forms of electronic communication, usually shortform and either serious or casual. || Poem || An artistic form of writing that usually involves rhyming and meter.
|-
| Facebook CEO || At time of writing, {{w|Mark Zuckerberg}} || This guy || Any generic person, sometimes used in a derogatory fashion by suggesting the person isn't special or important, or used to refer to oneself.
|-
| Latest || The most recent in a series || Final || The last entry in a series (as in, there won't be any more).
|-
| Disrupt || Interrupt, temporarily hinder || Destroy || Make completely inoperable, remove all trace of, etc.
|-
| Meeting || A gathering of people to discuss a topic, as in business || Ménage à trois || One or more sex acts performed among three people.
|-
| Scientists || A group of people considered authorities in various scientific realms of study || {{w|Channing Tatum}} and his friends || A famous actor and a group of people closely associated with him. The name was likely chosen at random.
|-
| You won't believe || A catchphrase used in "click-bait" headlines to attract attention and traffic || I'm really sad about || A different phrase expressing genuine disappointment in the topic
|}

===Real life examples===
*Remains to be seen ➜ Will never be known
**[http://english.cri.cn/12394/2016/04/30/4203s926079.htm Japan's Sincerity in Improving Bilateral Ties Will Never Be Known]
*Cautiously optimistic ➜ Delusional
**[http://jewishvoiceny.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=14455:london-jews-cautiously-optimistic-about-first-ever-muslim-mayor&catid=106:international&Itemid=289 London Jews Delusional About First-Ever Muslim Mayor]
*Silver Bullet ➜ Way to Kill Werewolves
**[http://moneymorning.com/2016/05/10/why-no-silver-bullet-will-ever-kill-crude-oil/ Why no Way to Kill Werewolves will Kill Crude Oil]
* Tension ➜ Sexual Tension; Meeting ➜ Ménage à Trois
**[http://townhall.com/tipsheet/cortneyobrien/2016/05/09/2016-race-roundup-tension-between-trumpryan-ahead-of-thursday-meeting-n2160407 Sexual Tension Between Trump-Ryan Ahead of Thursday Ménage à Trois]
*Gaffe ➜ Magic Spell
**[http://www.theguardian.com/politics/blog/2016/may/11/david-cameron-corruption-remark-gaffe Was David Cameron's corruption remark really a magic spell?]
*Ancient ➜ Haunted
**[http://gizmodo.com/teen-discovers-lost-maya-city-using-ancient-star-maps-1775735999 Teen Discovers Lost Maya City Using Haunted Star Maps]
*Star-Studded ➜ Blood-Soaked
**[http://ewn.co.za/2016/05/11/Woody-Allen-tops-bill-at-star-studded-Cannes-festival Woody Allen tops bill at blood-soaked Cannes Festival]
*Subway system ➜ Tunnels I found
**[http://pix11.com/2016/05/09/dhs-releasing-harmless-gas-in-nyc-subway-system-to-test-bioterror-airflow/ DHS releasing harmless gas in NYC tunnels I found to prepare for possible attack]
*Surprising ➜ Surprising (but not to me)
**[http://www.npr.org/sections/thesalt/2016/05/11/476198119/a-surprising-japanese-presence-in-central-ohio A Surprising (But Not to Me) Japanese Presence In Central Ohio]
*War of Words ➜ Interplanetary War
**[http://www.thehindu.com/news/cities/Coimbatore/road-caves-in-leading-to-war-of-words-between-aiadmk-and-dmk/article8577830.ece Road caves in leading to interplanetary war between AIADMK and DMK]
*Tension ➜ Sexual Tension
**[http://allafrica.com/stories/201605111244.html Uganda: Use Swearing-in to Ease Sexual Tension]
*Doctor Who ➜ The Big Bang Theory
**[http://www.themarysue.com/doctor-who-trans-identity/ On The Big Bang Theory and My Struggle With My Trans Identity]
*Win votes ➜ Find Pokémon
**[http://www.heraldscotland.com/news/14479510.Jeremy_Corbyn_must_urgently_develop_strategy_to_win_votes__warns_failed_leadership_candidate_Yvette_Cooper/ Labour's Jeremy Corbyn must urgently develop strategy to find Pokémon, warns failed leadership candidate Yvette Cooper]
*Behind the headlines ➜ Beyond the grave
**[http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/news/headlines-breaking-stories/411443/behind-the-headlines-the-erev-pesach-story-we-all-should-be-talking-about.html Beyond the Grave: The Erev Pesach Story We All Should Be Talking About]
*Email / Facebook Post / Tweet ➜ Poem
**[http://www.cbsnews.com/news/wtae-anchor-and-reporter-wendy-bell-apologizes-for-facebook-post-that-could-be-viewed-as-racist/ TV anchor admits poem about fatal shooting "could be viewed as racist"]
*Facebook CEO ➜ This guy
**[http://hotair.com/archives/2016/05/10/senator-thune-demands-answers-from-facebook-about-news-bias/ Senator Thune demands answers from this guy about news bias]
*Latest ➜ Final
**[http://www.engadget.com/2016/05/11/garmin-forerunner-735xt-running-watch/ Garmin's final running watch tracks your suffering]
*Disrupt ➜ Destroy
**[https://news.fastcompany.com/amazon-thinks-it-can-disrupt-youtube-4006719 Amazon thinks it can destroy YouTube]
*Scientists ➜ Channing Tatum and his friends
**[http://www.futurity.org/memory-acetylcholine-ptsd-1159862-2/ Channing Tatum and his friends test a way to erase scary memories]
*You won't believe ➜ I'm really sad about
**[http://www.komando.com/happening-now/357958/iphone-7-rumor-you-wont-believe-what-it-looks-like iPhone 7 rumor: I'm really sad about what it looks like]

==Transcript==
:[Caption above the panel:]
:Even More
:<big>'''Substitutions'''</big>
:That make reading the news more fun

:[A table of words/sentences on the left that change in to those on the left. Between each set of words there is an arrow pointing from right.]
:{|
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Gaffe
|  ➜
| Magic spell
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Ancient
|  ➜
| Haunted
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Star-Studded
|  ➜
| Blood-soaked
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Remains to be seen
|  ➜
| Will never be known
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Silver bullet
|  ➜
| Way to kill werewolves
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Subway system
|  ➜
| Tunnels I found
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Surprising
|  ➜
| Surprising (but not to me)
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | War of words
|  ➜
| Interplanetary war
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Tension
|  ➜
| Sexual tension
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Cautiously optimistic
|  ➜
| Delusional
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Doctor Who
|  ➜
| The Big Bang Theory
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Win votes
|  ➜
| Find Pokémon
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Behind the headlines
|  ➜
| Beyond the grave
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Email \
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Facebook Post 
|  ➜
| Poem
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Tweet /
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Facebook CEO
|  ➜
| This guy
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Latest
|  ➜
| Final
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Disrupt
|  ➜
| Destroy
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Meeting
|  ➜
| Ménage à trois
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Scientists
|  ➜
| Channing Tatum<br> and his friends
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | You won't believe
|  ➜
| I'm really sad about
|}

{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:Substitution series]]
[[Category:Comics sharing name|Substitutions]]
[[Category:Charts]]
[[Category:Comics featuring real people]] <!--Channing Tatum-->
[[Category:Language]]
[[Category:Science]]
[[Category:Politics]]
[[Category:Pokémon]]
[[Category:Doctor Who]]