1085: ContextBot

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If you read all vaguebooking/vaguetweeting with the assumption that they're saying everything they can without revealing classified military information, the internet gets way more exciting.
Title text: If you read all vaguebooking/vaguetweeting with the assumption that they're saying everything they can without revealing classified military information, the internet gets way more exciting.

[edit] Explanation

This comic is a commentary on the practice of "vaguebooking" or "vaguetweeting", which is posting a short message of sadness or frustration without context.

Google has been criticized more than a few times for keeping rather extensive data records on its users, who by this point constitute most of the internet, enough to cause serious damage if Google wasn't historically altruistic (as altruistic as a for-profit company can be). In the comic, ContextBot is a fictitious Google invention which puts context for these statuses, presumably based on all that personal data which Google has collected:

  • The first response is pretty self-explanatory: the original poster wants to use the Internet while on the toilet, but can't get a wi-fi signal there.
  • The second response is about a bad torrent file the original poster downloaded. A torrent is a way to download files from a lot of different sources at the same time, thereby speeding up the process; it is typically used for large downloads such as movies, games, or Linux software distributions. Fake torrents exist, which usually contain an encrypted .rar file which requires a password to open. To get the password, you usually need to go through a survey through the link supplied in the torrent; in some situations, you even need to pay in order to get the password. Even after that, it's quite likely that the .rar file just contains trash files, instead of the download you wanted.
  • The third response is about an xkcd favorite, Minecraft, which has been referenced multiple times in xkcd comics. Diamond is a very valuable resource in the game, and lava destroys any item dropped into it. A "stack" of diamond is 64 individual diamonds, because items can only be stacked up to 64 (maximum) in the vanilla minecraft. The 64 diamonds likely represents the fruit of several hours mining.
  • The fourth response is about how the original poster mistook the grapes as being seedless. Grape seeds taste really bitter and are uncomfortable when swallowed; this is even more annoying when the seeds are unexpected.

As noted by the subtitle, ContextBot is considered a great good by everyone who was sick of vaguebooking. This also redeem's Google's practice of all those data records in the public's eye.

In the ContextBot's avatar image, three people can be seen together hanging out. But the image is about to be cropped, leaving out the third person and therefore giving the impression that the two people in the cropped image are there without that person. This demonstrates how context is important to understanding a situation.

The title text refers to the cryptic ways in which someone with sensitive information must communicate. While most vaguebooking/vaguetweeting is about things of little importance, the title text implies that the things not mentioned impact national/global security. This implies that many tweets may actually be related to high-clearance military and or national security information, but must be vague in order to keep it secret, and if you take that as the context, then the internet suddenly becomes much more exciting.

[edit] Transcript

[A social network feed with four status updates from four different people. Each one has a reply from the same account, which is called 'ContextBot', underneath.]
Close-up face with glasses: The things I put up with...
ContextBot: (His building's WiFi doesn't reach the bathroom.)
Male female couple: You'd think by now I'd have learned never to trust anyone.
ContextBot: (She downloaded a torrent that turned out to be an encrypted .rar and a link to a survey.)
Blonde girl with bangs: I officially give up.
ContextBot: (She hit alt-tab to hide Minecraft at work and accidentally dropped a stack of diamond into lava.)
Spiky hair guy: Sighhhh
ContextBot: (He thought these grapes were seedless.)
Everyone stopped complaining about Google's data-gathering when they launched ContextBot, a system which replies to vague, enigmatic social network posts with context from the poster's life.

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Just so you know it would be fairly easy to drop a stack of diamond while alt-tabbing because the default "drop" key is 'q'.

But the Q key just drops one item, not the whole stack. To drop the whole stack you have to open your inventory, click on the stack then click outside the inventory dialog. (yeah I'm a Minecraft addict :D) --
If you were 'holding' the stack with your cursor and left the inventory, it would also drop. Same if it was in the crafting slots. 21:17, 10 March 2013 (UTC)
If you press ctrl + q you can drop the contents of the currently selected slot 10:25, 15 July 2014 (UTC)

Possible explanation for the bot's choice of avatar. Two girls holding hands in the small image, but the "context" is that it's a group of friends just hanging out. 03:50, 26 May 2013 (UTC)

I added an incomplete tag because of informality and no explanation of google's data gathering. I also removed it from the category "video games." Why was it in there anyway? 02:48, 22 August 2015 (UTC)

Perhaps because Minecraft is one? 20:01, 7 September 2015 (UTC)
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