Editing 2711: Optimal Bowling

This series of line graphs purports to advise players on how to improve their odds of achieving a strike in the sport of {{w|bowling}} – presumably {{w|ten-pin bowling}}, the most popular version of the sport in the United States. As is typical for Randall, however, things start off halfway reasonable and quickly escalate to the absurd. Among the parameters being measured, that being angle, throwing speed, spinning speed, and weight of the ball, the latter three are on {{w|logarithmic scale}}s, making them encompass ranges larger than would be useful for reference by a bowler, up to values that are physically impossible for a human to achieve.{{Citation needed}}

The first line graph indicates that a bowler has the greatest chance of achieving a strike by aiming the ball directly at the pins, with the chance of a strike decreasing rapidly as the ball is aimed to the left or the right. Even a novice bowler already knows to aim the ball at the pins, not elsewhere. While a novice bowler may have difficulty achieving a 0° angle roll, their roll would still not come close to a -90° or 90° angle (due left or due right), much less a -180° or 180° angle (which, in either case, would be the opposite direction from the pins). Unlike with the other graphs, it is physically possible for a bowler to aim the ball at any angle, albeit not permissible under bowling rules; aiming the ball at an angle which deviates significantly from 0° would most likely cause the ball to end up in the gutter, while more violent or wildly aimed actions could create a risk of the ball going into one of the other lanes or missing the lanes entirely, which would annoy or anger other bowlers and employees of the bowling alley (and possibly endanger them, if the absolute value of the angle is superior to 90° on either side).

The second graph indicates that a bowler has the greatest chance of achieving a strike by throwing the ball about 5-20 m/s (11-45 mph, 18-72 kph), with the chance of a strike decreasing as the speed is increased or decreased. Most bowlers cannot throw more than 45 m/s (100 mph or 160 kph).{{Citation needed}} According to the graph, any throw faster than 100 m/s would cause equipment damage, and then widespread destruction several orders of magnitude later. (Possibly a reference to {{what if|1|Relativistic Baseball}}.) The graph ends at the {{w|speed of light}}, as it is physically impossible to throw anything faster.{{Citation needed}}

The third graph concerns the rotational speed of the ball. The "ball explodes" section is a reference to one of Randall's favorite equations, which is that an object cannot spin faster than the square root of its specific tensile strength. Spinning the ball any faster than this limit would cause the bowling ball to lose its structural integrity and explosively disintegrate. At particularly high speeds, the material of the ball would be flung outwards at a significant fraction of the speed of light, causing, as in graph #2, widespread destruction (possibly a reference to {{what if|92|One-Second Day}}.)

The fourth graph in this comic illustrates a bowler's probability of a strike with a ball whose mass ranges from 10⁰ kg (2.2 pounds) to close to 10¹⁰ kg (over 22 billion pounds), and continues by indicating that balls even larger than that would cause "equipment damage" (up to 10²⁰ kg) or the creation of a black hole (starting from around 10²⁵ kg and up). The last entry on the x-axis of this graph is 10⁴⁰ kg, which is about 5 billion times the mass of the {{w|Sun}}.

 

The title text continues the trend of providing unhelpful information by stating that the optimal place to stand when trying to bowl a strike is inside the bowling alley. It is quite obvious that if one is to attempt to bowl a strike, they should stand near the pins, hence inside a bowling alley. The title text also mentions the possibility of "any establishment uphill from one" working, with a little luck. This suggests the possibility of rolling the bowling ball downhill, into the bowling alley (possibly ''through'' it) and into the pins. If the ball were to be launched at very high speed, its destructive power would allow it to get a strike from any site with a bowling alley along the ball's path. If launched at sufficiently high rotational speed, it could get a strike from outside at any bowling alley that doesn't have enough solid shielding between the pins and the exploding fragments of the ball.

:Equipment Damage

:Widespread Destruction

:Ball Explodes

:Widespread Destruction

:Equipment Damage

:Black Hole Created