Editing 2886: Fast Radio Bursts

| titletext = Dr Petroff has also shown that the Higgs boson signal was actually sparks from someone microwaving grapes, the EHT black hole photo was a frozen bagel someone left in too long, and the LIGO detection was just someone slamming the microwave door too hard.

[[Cueball]] is giving a presentation, stating the different sources of {{w|fast radio burst}}s, which are short high-energy signals which have been detected by astronomers, but whose sources are not known. His team is pretty sure that most of these bursts are energetic stellar objects in space - that is, astronomical phenomena.

He then says that some of them are caused by {{w|microwave oven}}s, citing Dr. Emily Petroff's work on identifying the apparent source of "{{w|Peryton (astronomy)|peryton}}s" at the {{w|Parkes Observatory}}.<ref>E.Petroff et al. (2015). "[https://academic.oup.com/mnras/article/451/4/3933/1119649?login=false Identifying the source of perytons at the Parkes radio telescope]". ''Monthly Notices of the Royal Astronomical Society'', '''451'''(4):3933–3940.</ref> These are signals similar to fast radio bursts, but which originate on Earth and not in space; initial hypotheses included atmospheric effects related to {{w|lightning}} and passing aircraft, but they were eventually identified as a much closer range signal from microwaves escaping as the oven door was opened inside the observatory.

* Energetic stellar-sized microwave ovens floating in space; this is unlikely since microwave ovens typically are not stellar-sized and all known microwave ovens originate on Earth rather than in space. (There is [https://global.chinadaily.com.cn/a/202106/30/WS60dbaca4a310efa1bd65ebc9.html a microwave oven] installed in the Chinese Tiangong space station, but it appears that the ISS [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-51235555 is less well equipped] than that. Neither facility is ever likely to have room for 'stellar-sized' equipment of any kind.)

* An energetic stellar-sized object in the observatory break room would be surprising, as we have yet to see a break room large enough to contain a stellar-sized object. Although unlikely, he says he sends a grad student there to double-check. Presumably, the student is being sent rather than Cueball himself both because it is unlikely to give useful data, and because if there is indeed energetic stellar plasma in the break room, the million-degree temperatures would probably kill anyone who enters it, and grad students are disposable when compared to researchers.

Note that, as well as the ''universe-''sized {{w|Cosmic microwave background}} radiation, there are various microwave-bright {{w|Pulsar}}s and other strong microwave signals [https://www.space.com/40840-nanodiamonds-mysterious-cosmic-microwave-light.html originating from actual stars], but no reason to believe that they are deliberately purposed/engineered as any actual oven, despite [https://science.nasa.gov/missions/hubble/hubble-sees-a-stellar-furnace/ misleading language] sometimes employed by those in the field.

The title text references several other discoveries, with Dr. Petroff suggesting explanations based on microwave ovens for each of them, as was the case with her discovery:

* The [https://science.nasa.gov/resource/first-image-of-a-black-hole/ image of a black hole] captured by the Event Horizon Telescope was a burning bagel (a notably ring-shaped bread product with the charred portion being black)

In each case, these are highly improbable - for instance, LIGO used a complex suspension system, and two sites (one in Louisiana and one in Washington State) comparing signals, to rule out such interference. The real Dr. Petroff has not made any such claims.{{Citation needed}}

:[Cueball standing behind a lectern, with a poster hung from the ceiling behind him, raising his hand]

: Potential sources of fast radio bursts:

:Cueball: This was some of them, oops. (Petroff et. al., 2015)