Editing 1549: xkcd Phone 3

{{comic
| number    = 1549
| date      = July 10, 2015
| title     = XKCD Phone 3
| image     = xkcd_phone_3.png
| titletext = If you're not completely satisfied with the phone after 30 days, we will return you to your home at no cost.
}}

{{Incomplete|First draft}}

==Explanation==
This is a follow up to [[1363: xkcd Phone]] and [[1465: xkcd Phone 2]]. It parodies common smartphone specs by attributing absurd or useless features to a fictional phone.

{| class="wikitable"
!Feature
!Explanation
|-
|'''Ear screen'''
| A strange phrase as the word screen refers to a visual artifact while the ear process sound. It may refer either to the loudspeaker or 'earscreen' as in 'sunscreen': a device to protect (against?) ears.
|-
|'''Heartbeat accelerator'''
| A mashup of heartbeat sensor and accelerometer. May be some sort of external pacemaker. If that's the case, it's worrying that it only accelerates, potentially causing a positive feedback (heart attack).
|-
|'''MobilePay money clip'''
| While mobile pay is a form of payment involving electronic transfers via cellphone, this model includes a money clip; a way of holding physical bills together, which beats the purpose of electronic payment. Whether this is a clip that transfers money digitally or the phrase mobile pay is just a marketing tag is unknown. 
|-
|'''Siri, or whoever it was we put in here'''
| A joke on intelligent personal assistants. It also jokes that Siri and the like are actual people, trapped inside of phones.
|-
|'''Instead of being on surface only, screen goes all the way through''' 
| A reference to surface screens
|-
|'''theknot.com partnership: Phone licensed to perform wedding ceremonies and does so at random'''
| [https://www.theknot.com/ theknot.com] is a website that assists in all stages of wedding planning. Due to this partnering, the phone has apparently obtained legal status as a {{w|Justice of the peace}} capable of performing legally valid marriages. It exerts this capability randomly however, so the phone's owner (or potentially any other unsuspecting bystander) could suddenly find themselves with a new spouse without their knowledge, generally an undesired effect. Whether this would result in unintentional {{w|bigamy}} or if the phone enacts divorce first if necessary is left unclear.
|-
|'''Fingerprint randomizer'''
| Presumably randomises the user's finger print, which may or may not be inconvenient depending on the intent of the user. It is not clear whether the device will change the person's fingerprint into a human-like fingerprint that is randomly selected from all possibilities, or if it completely mangles the fingerprint of the user
|-
|'''USB E (hotswappable)'''
| A USB cable that presumably charges the phone and allows to transfer files like normal, but this kind lets you perform {{w|Hot swapping}} (replacing computer system components without turning the system off) with it, which would be pointless because the USB will not affect the phone if you took the components out, so you can keep it in away. May be a reference to the eSATAp (Power over eSATA) hybrid port that is functioning as a USB and eSATA port at the same time. The Serial ATA bus interface has standardised hot swapping support.
Furthermore, hot swapping of usb-cables has also been a primary design goal of the USB standard since its first inception, and is therefore not worth mentioning separately other than for marketing reasons. Hot-swapping of the ''connector itself'' would be novel, but useless.
The most recently released version of the USB standard was {{w|USB-C}}. A hypothetical next version would likely use "D" first, so the "E" is just suggesting being "more advanced" without any substantiation.
|-
|'''waterproof, but can drown'''
| Perhaps a reference to Siri or the person trapped in the phone drowning, but the phone itself staying functional. This is another human-like function, which the first 2 XKCD Phone comics had.
|-
|'''Foretold by prophecy'''
| Likely mocking people on the internet who attempt to predict when Apple will release their next device.
|-
|'''Runs Natively'''
| All software in the phone will run specifically to the capabilities of the internal hardware. This would make the phone incapable of running most widely used applications from app stores, which would render it useless to most people.
|-
|'''Wristband'''
| Probably mocking trending smart watches
|-
|'''Wireless discharging'''
| Many modern cellphones feature wireless charging, which uses electromagnetic induction to charge the battery of the device. This model, apparently uses the same technology to discharge the battery; which, of course is something undesired, as one needs the battery's energy to run the phone. May also refer to the standard behaviour of the phone's antenna, which communicates wirelessly via EM radio waves, but discharges the battery in doing so.
|-
|'''Magnetic stripe'''
| Likely a dig at the NFC (near-field communication) wireless radio modules in many modern phones. NFC allows, among others functions, mobile payment. This magnetic stripe could be a cheap way to imitate payment functionality, but "compatible" with classic credit cards.
Magnetic stripes are a data storage method used by devices such as credit cards and key cards to hold and transfer smalls amounts of information like key codes. Usually cellphones don't have them as they utilize more robust and protected ways to store and transmit data (such as NFC). The magnetic stripe shown would likely be unusable with current magnetic stripe readers due to the phone's thickness, in contrast to that of regular cards, thus breaking all imagined 'compatibility' arguments.
It would also be very annoying as it seems to block part of the screen.
|-
|'''2 AA batteries (not included)'''
| A phrase usually shown on small low powered electronic devices like remote controllers, and not on cellphones; which use lithium ion batteries and need to be constantly recharged for continuous use.
The apparent thin-ness of the phone (according to the scale as judged by the wristband) would also preclude inserting AA-batteries, unless a protruding battery compartment is hidden out of view on the back of the phone (not discountable), or the batteries were physically deformed or ground up (a practice warned against due to risk of explosions, heavy-metal poisoning and environmental damage)
|-
|'''Boneless'''
| Reference to meat or fish products being boneless, i.e. having all the bones removed, making it convenient to cook or eat. Unclear why a phone would be boneless since it is mostly inedible, perhaps a reference to the person trapped inside having their bones removed to make them easier to fit inside, or stating that the phone is flexible. (A possible reference to the iPhone 6's reported problems with it's chassis, where it {{w|IPhone 6#Chassis bending|could bend under pressure}})
|}

The phrase "We made another one®©™" is a reference to how phone companies release new phones very often, and the trademarks that surround the phone itself.

The title text is a joke on guarantees and customer service. Usually the advertisement says that if the customer is not satisfied with the product, they'll refund the money and take the product back at no additional cost. In this case they guarantee the customer they'll send him/her home without charge; implying they won't fix or refund anything.

==Transcript==
:Ear screen
:Heartbeat accelerator
:MobilePay money clip
:Siri, or whoever it was w put in here
:Instead of being on surface only, screen goes all the way through
:theknot.con partnership: Phone licensed to perform wedding ceremonies and does so at random
:Fingerprint randomizer
:USB E (hotswappable)
:waterproof, but can drown
:Foretold by prophecy
:Runs Natively
:Wristband
:Wireless discharging
:Magnetic stripe
:2 AA batteries (not included)
:boneless

:Introducing
:The XKCD phone 3
:we made another one<sup>&reg;&copy;</sup>&trade;

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Smartphones]]
@@ Line 2: / Line 2: @@
 | number    = 1549
 | date      = July 10, 2015
-| title     = xkcd Phone 3
+| title     = XKCD Phone 3
 | image     = xkcd_phone_3.png
 | titletext = If you're not completely satisfied with the phone after 30 days, we will return you to your home at no cost.
 }}
+{{Incomplete|First draft}}
 ==Explanation==
-This is the third entry in the ongoing [[:Category:xkcd Phones|xkcd Phone series]] which parodies common smartphone specs by attributing absurd or useless features to a fictional phone that sounds impressive but would actually be very impractical. The previous comic in the series [[1465: xkcd Phone 2]] was released over half a year before this one and the next [[1707: xkcd Phone 4]] was released almost a year later. The phrase "We made another one®©™" is a reference to how phone companies release new phones very often, and the trademarks that surround the phone itself. From the top, going clockwise:
+This is a follow up to [[1363: xkcd Phone]] and [[1465: xkcd Phone 2]]. It parodies common smartphone specs by attributing absurd or useless features to a fictional phone.
-; 2 AA batteries (not included)
-: A phrase usually shown on small, low-powered, electronic devices like remote controllers, and not on cellphones; which use lithium-ion batteries and need to be periodically recharged for continuous use. The apparently thin phone (according to the scale as judged by the wristband) would also preclude inserting AA batteries, unless a protruding battery compartment is hidden out of view on the back of the phone. Alternatively, it could mean two Anti-Aircraft (artillery) "batteries" which would be groups of light or medium artillery pieces or missiles (2 to 9 weapons per battery, depending on country, weapon system and organization). In any case, they would badly hamper the portability of the phone.{{Citation needed}}
-; Boneless
-: Reference to meat or fish products being boneless, i.e. having all the bones removed, making it convenient to cook or eat. Phones do not typically have bones{{Citation needed}}, so this is wholly unremarkable. A possible reference to the iPhone 6's reported problems with its chassis, where it {{w|IPhone 6#Bendgate (chassis bending)|could bend under pressure}}. Likely a reference to "Bone Conduction Microphones" implying that needing bones to work is a disadvantage and this phone has the feature of being "Boneless". The [[xkcd Phone 4]] was instead "seedless".
-; Ear screen
-: An overcomplicated term for a speaker, connecting a screen which emits light to send visual information and the portion of a speaker which vibrates to send auditory information. Comparing the two makes a speaker a screen for the ear. Could also be implying that there's a screen protecting the user's ear from the phone's internals, or the reverse.
-; Heartbeat accelerator
-: A mashup of heartbeat sensor and accelerometer. May be some sort of external pacemaker. If that's the case, it's worrying that it only accelerates, potentially causing a positive feedback (heart attack). It may also be the result of the phone being so exciting or frustrating that it increases its user's heart rate.
-; MobilePay money clip
-: While mobile pay is a form of payment involving electronic transfers via cellphone, this model includes a money clip; a way of holding physical bills together, which defeats the purpose of electronic payment. Because you can take cash wherever, this is a "MobilePay" using physical money.
-; Siri, or whoever it was we put in here
-: A joke on intelligent personal assistants. It also hints that Siri and other assistants are actual people, trapped inside of phones, which is not the case.{{Citation needed}}
-; Instead of being on surface only, screen goes all the way through
-: A reference to surface screens. Possible reference to smartphones with screen display wrapping one or more edges, like Samsung Galaxy Note Edge or Samsung Galaxy S6 Edge, or dual-screen smartphones with screen on the back (usually e-ink) like YotaPhone 2, or smartphones with minimal bezel like e.g. Sharp AQUOS Crystal. Screen going ''all the way through'' would leave no place for innards of smartphone: processor, battery etc., and unless each layer is designed to be semi-transparent to see the inner {{w|voxel}}s the inner displays would be unseeable anyway.
-; theknot.com partnership<nowiki>:</nowiki> phone licensed to perform wedding ceremonies and does so at random
-: [https://www.theknot.com/ theknot.com] is a website that assists in all stages of wedding planning. Due to this partnering, the phone has apparently obtained legal status as a {{w|Justice of the peace}} capable of performing legally valid marriages. It exerts this capability randomly, however, so the phone's owner (or potentially any other unsuspecting bystander) could suddenly find themselves with a new spouse without their knowledge, generally an undesired effect{{Citation needed}}. Whether this would result in unintentional {{w|bigamy}} or if the phone restricts itself to pairing up singles, or even enacts divorce first if necessary, is left unclear. May be a reference to how same-sex marriage was fully {{w|Obergefell_v._Hodges|legalized}} in the United States just two weeks prior to the release of this comic.
-; Fingerprint randomizer
-: Presumably randomizes the user's fingerprint, which may or may not be inconvenient depending on the intent of the user. It is not clear whether the device will change the person's fingerprint into a human-like fingerprint that is randomly selected from all possibilities, or if it completely mangles the fingerprint of the user. Either way, physically altering the user's finger to this degree will likely involve a painful process. Likely a cynical reference to fingerprint scanners, which are touted as password replacements.
-; USB E (hotswappable)
-: A USB port that makes fun of the three current systems, A, B, and recently C, by skipping D completely and jumping to E. The port presumably charges the phone and allows to transfer files like normal, but this kind lets you perform {{w|Hot swapping}} (replacing computer system components without turning the system off) with it, which has always been a feature of USB, so mentioning it is redundant at best. May be a reference to the eSATAp (Power over eSATA) hybrid port that is functioning as a USB and eSATA port at the same time. The Serial ATA bus interface has standardized hot swapping support.
-; Waterproof, but can drown
-: Perhaps a reference to Siri or the person trapped in the phone drowning, but the phone itself staying functional. This is another human-like function, which the first 2 XKCD Phone comics had.
-; Foretold by prophecy
-: Likely mocking people on the internet who attempt to predict when Apple will release their next device. Might also be a joke on many videogames or fantasy novels, in which the main character is 'the chosen one', because 'the prophecy' foretold it.
-; Runs natively
-: The comic is making a joke about the phrase "runs natively" when referring to a phone. In the software context, "runs natively" means that an application is specifically compiled and optimized to work on a particular platform, resulting in better performance. However, when talking about hardware like a phone, it's not meaningful to say it "runs natively" because that phrase is only applicable to software. The joke might also poke fun at the marketing term "runs natively" when used for phones, implying that the phone can operate without any modifications. This could be a humorous reference to previous xkcd phones, which may not have lived up to expectations.
-; Wristband
-: Probably mocking trending smart watches, this feature would not be very useful on a full-sized smart phone, as it would be uncomfortable to wear due to its size. Also possibly a follow-up to xkcd Phone 2 being described as a 'phone for your other hand', as the wristband would make it possible to have all three phones accessible at once.
-; Wireless discharging
-: Some modern smartphones use a system called "wireless charging," in which power is delivered to the phone without a wire. This phone, however, uses wireless technology to ''discharge'' the phone, which would be useless given that the phone needs power and removing power from its battery doesn't seem to help. It may also refer to the standard behavior of the phone's antenna, which communicates wirelessly via EM radio waves, but discharges the battery in doing so. It could also be simply and literally describing the nature of all cell phones, and indeed all battery-powered electronic devices, to gradually use the battery (discharging) when there are no wires attached (wireless), since wireless also means no power cord is plugged in (and assuming the absence or non-use of the aforementioned wireless charging function, which this phone may not even have).  Depending on the avenue of discharge, this may also be related to the heartbeat accelerator, accelerating the user's heartbeat by shocking them. Notably, a few recent flagship phones now have a built in Qi wireless charging pad, so other devices can charge from its battery; this is usually marketed as power-sharing but could also be called wireless discharging.
-; Magnetic stripe
+{| class="wikitable"
+!Feature
+!Explanation
+|-
+|'''Ear screen'''
+| A strange phrase as the word screen refers to a visual artifact while the ear process sound. It may refer either to the loudspeaker or 'earscreen' as in 'sunscreen': a device to protect (against?) ears.
+|-
+|'''Heartbeat accelerator'''
+| A mashup of heartbeat sensor and accelerometer. May be some sort of external pacemaker. If that's the case, it's worrying that it only accelerates, potentially causing a positive feedback (heart attack).
+|-
+|'''MobilePay money clip'''
+| While mobile pay is a form of payment involving electronic transfers via cellphone, this model includes a money clip; a way of holding physical bills together, which beats the purpose of electronic payment. Whether this is a clip that transfers money digitally or the phrase mobile pay is just a marketing tag is unknown.
+|-
+|'''Siri, or whoever it was we put in here'''
+| A joke on intelligent personal assistants. It also jokes that Siri and the like are actual people, trapped inside of phones.
+|-
+|'''Instead of being on surface only, screen goes all the way through'''
+| A reference to surface screens
+|-
+|'''theknot.com partnership: Phone licensed to perform wedding ceremonies and does so at random'''
+| [https://www.theknot.com/ theknot.com] is a website that assists in all stages of wedding planning. Due to this partnering, the phone has apparently obtained legal status as a {{w|Justice of the peace}} capable of performing legally valid marriages. It exerts this capability randomly however, so the phone's owner (or potentially any other unsuspecting bystander) could suddenly find themselves with a new spouse without their knowledge, generally an undesired effect. Whether this would result in unintentional {{w|bigamy}} or if the phone enacts divorce first if necessary is left unclear.
+|-
+|'''Fingerprint randomizer'''
+| Presumably randomises the user's finger print, which may or may not be inconvenient depending on the intent of the user. It is not clear whether the device will change the person's fingerprint into a human-like fingerprint that is randomly selected from all possibilities, or if it completely mangles the fingerprint of the user
+|-
+|'''USB E (hotswappable)'''
+| A USB cable that presumably charges the phone and allows to transfer files like normal, but this kind lets you perform {{w|Hot swapping}} (replacing computer system components without turning the system off) with it, which would be pointless because the USB will not affect the phone if you took the components out, so you can keep it in away. May be a reference to the eSATAp (Power over eSATA) hybrid port that is functioning as a USB and eSATA port at the same time. The Serial ATA bus interface has standardised hot swapping support.
+Furthermore, hot swapping of usb-cables has also been a primary design goal of the USB standard since its first inception, and is therefore not worth mentioning separately other than for marketing reasons. Hot-swapping of the ''connector itself'' would be novel, but useless.
+The most recently released version of the USB standard was {{w|USB-C}}. A hypothetical next version would likely use "D" first, so the "E" is just suggesting being "more advanced" without any substantiation.
+|-
+|'''waterproof, but can drown'''
+| Perhaps a reference to Siri or the person trapped in the phone drowning, but the phone itself staying functional. This is another human-like function, which the first 2 XKCD Phone comics had.
+|-
+|'''Foretold by prophecy'''
+| Likely mocking people on the internet who attempt to predict when Apple will release their next device.
+|-
+|'''Runs Natively'''
+| All software in the phone will run specifically to the capabilities of the internal hardware. This would make the phone incapable of running most widely used applications from app stores, which would render it useless to most people.
+|-
+|'''Wristband'''
+| Probably mocking trending smart watches
+|-
+|'''Wireless discharging'''
+| Many modern cellphones feature wireless charging, which uses electromagnetic induction to charge the battery of the device. This model, apparently uses the same technology to discharge the battery; which, of course is something undesired, as one needs the battery's energy to run the phone. May also refer to the standard behaviour of the phone's antenna, which communicates wirelessly via EM radio waves, but discharges the battery in doing so.
+|-
+|'''Magnetic stripe'''
+| Likely a dig at the NFC (near-field communication) wireless radio modules in many modern phones. NFC allows, among others functions, mobile payment. This magnetic stripe could be a cheap way to imitate payment functionality, but "compatible" with classic credit cards.
+Magnetic stripes are a data storage method used by devices such as credit cards and key cards to hold and transfer smalls amounts of information like key codes. Usually cellphones don't have them as they utilize more robust and protected ways to store and transmit data (such as NFC). The magnetic stripe shown would likely be unusable with current magnetic stripe readers due to the phone's thickness, in contrast to that of regular cards, thus breaking all imagined 'compatibility' arguments.
+It would also be very annoying as it seems to block part of the screen.
+|-
+|'''2 AA batteries (not included)'''
+| A phrase usually shown on small low powered electronic devices like remote controllers, and not on cellphones; which use lithium ion batteries and need to be constantly recharged for continuous use.
+The apparent thin-ness of the phone (according to the scale as judged by the wristband) would also preclude inserting AA-batteries, unless a protruding battery compartment is hidden out of view on the back of the phone (not discountable), or the batteries were physically deformed or ground up (a practice warned against due to risk of explosions, heavy-metal poisoning and environmental damage)
+|-
+|'''Boneless'''
+| Reference to meat or fish products being boneless, i.e. having all the bones removed, making it convenient to cook or eat. Unclear why a phone would be boneless since it is mostly inedible, perhaps a reference to the person trapped inside having their bones removed to make them easier to fit inside, or stating that the phone is flexible. (A possible reference to the iPhone 6's reported problems with it's chassis, where it {{w|IPhone 6#Chassis bending|could bend under pressure}})
+|}
-: Likely a dig at the NFC (near-field communication) wireless radio modules in many modern phones. NFC allows, among other functions, mobile payment. This magnetic stripe could be a cheap way to imitate payment functionality, but "compatible" with classic credit cards. Magnetic stripes are a data storage method used by devices such as credit cards and key cards to hold and transfer small amounts of information like key codes. Usually, cellphones don't have them as they utilize more robust and protected ways to store and transmit data (such as NFC). The magnetic stripe shown would likely be unusable with current magnetic stripe readers due to the phone's thickness, in contrast to that of regular cards, thus breaking all imagined 'compatibility' arguments. It would also be very annoying as it seems to block part of the screen, albeit a small portion. However, some modern phones actually have {{w|Magnetic secure transmission}} which allows them to interface wirelessly with magstrip readers by simulating the magnetic field from a passing magnetic stripe.
+The phrase "We made another one®©™" is a reference to how phone companies release new phones very often, and the trademarks that surround the phone itself.
-The title text is a joke on guarantees and customer service. Usually, the advertisement says that if the customer is not satisfied with the product, they'll refund the money and take the product back at no additional cost. In this case they guarantee the customer they'll send them home without charge; implying they won't fix or refund anything. Or that due to anticipated but unspecified faults of some kind, the phone's owner will ''need'' help to get back home when things go wrong, and probably be thankful for such assistance, in yet another example of a worryingly non-specific 'reassurance'.
+The title text is a joke on guarantees and customer service. Usually the advertisement says that if the customer is not satisfied with the product, they'll refund the money and take the product back at no additional cost. In this case they guarantee the customer they'll send him/her home without charge; implying they won't fix or refund anything.
-In addition, it says it would do so only AFTER thirty days, as opposed to the usual thirty-day return guarantee, which means you may be stuck with your phone for a month until you can be taken home yourself. Alternatively, the owner of the phone must be taken to a specific place in order to use the phone, and if they return it, they will be allowed to return home.
 ==Transcript==
-:[An image of a smartphone lying down, with many labels pointing to it. There is a black stripe across the top left corner of the phone. At the top right something is protruding from the side, like a volume control. There is a wrist band (only partly shown) attached to the middle of each side of the phone. Above the screen are several small features, below only a central square and on the bottom a socket. Clockwise from the top left the labels read:]
-:2 AA batteries
-:<small>(not included)</small>
-:Boneless
 :Ear screen
 :Heartbeat accelerator
 :MobilePay money clip
-:Siri, or whoever it was we put in here
+:Siri, or whoever it was w put in here
 :Instead of being on surface only, screen goes all the way through
-:theknot.com partnership: Phone licensed to perform wedding ceremonies and does so at random
+:theknot.con partnership: Phone licensed to perform wedding ceremonies and does so at random
 :Fingerprint randomizer
-:USB E
+:USB E (hotswappable)
-:<small>(hotswappable)</small>
+:waterproof, but can drown
-:Waterproof, but can drown
 :Foretold by prophecy
-:Runs natively
+:Runs Natively
 :Wristband
 :Wireless discharging
 :Magnetic stripe
+:2 AA batteries (not included)
+:boneless
-:[Below the phone:]
 :Introducing
-:<big><big>The xkcd Phone 3</big></big>
+:The XKCD phone 3
-:We made another one®©™
+:we made another one<sup>&reg;&copy;</sup>&trade;
 {{comic discussion}}
+[[Category:Smartphones]]
-[[Category:xkcd Phones]]
-[[Category:Comics sharing name|xkcd Phones]]
-[[Category:Virtual Assistants]]