Editing 1933: Santa Facts

This was the second [[:Category:Christmas|Christmas comic]] in a row after [[1932: The True Meaning of Christmas]]. It was released on Christmas Day in 2017

 

The comic provides some dubious "Facts" and "Figures" of the creature known as "Santa". We can see from the drawing that this is obviously meant to be either {{w|Santa Claus}} or a parody of Santa Claus. It is the third comic using [[:Category:Facts|Facts]] in the title. Another fact comic was released six years later as the Christmas Day comic of 2023: [[2872: Hydrothermal Vents]]. Here it was an Ocean fact about the demise of Santa Clauses...

:A reference to {{w|Pokémon}}. The {{w|Gameplay_of_Pokémon#Pok%C3%A9mon_types|type}} of a Pokémon describes and determines its abilities (including attacks), affinities, and general nature. In most stories Santa Claus rides a sled pulled by flying reindeer (all other [https://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Flying_(type) Flying-type] Pokémon fly under their own power) and some kind of magical power. Psychic possibly refers to his ability to know a child's activities and behavior, including when they are {{w|Santa_Claus_Is_Comin%27_to_Town| sleeping or awake}}, implying a psychic ability to read minds. There is a Pokémon based on Santa, [https://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Delibird_(Pok%C3%A9mon) Delibird], although it is Ice/Flying instead of Flying/Psychic.

:The plural form of 'Santa' conveniently parallels that of 'reindeer' (as well as those of all species of Pokémon and the term "Pokémon" itself). In real life, "santa" means "saint" in most {{w|Romance languages}}. However "santa" is not plural in any of these languages (for example, in Portuguese the proper plural would be "santos"). Under the most common English approach for making a plural noun, Santa would have a plural of "Santas". Taking "Santa Claus" as a separate noun, the plural would be "Santa Clauses". (Or, possibly, "Santas Claus".)

:The diagram indicates that Santa's attire is lubricated to ease his traditional method of ingress and egress. This explanation is incomplete, however, as a great many chimneys have cross-sectional area substantially smaller than that of a normal human body, let alone a portly one, as commonly described. The common presence of chimney caps, fireplace dampers, and the like would also impede Santa's passage down a great many chimneys. That said, if we take the classic poem "{{w|A Visit from St. Nicholas}}" into account, the statement is technically true, just "lubricated" with magic rather than physical lubrication. A less classic example of Santa going down the chimney with help of magic can be seen in The Santa Clause [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WBaQwGTHCL8]. "Lubricated" is also a reference to lubricated condoms - see "Ribbed" below.

:For a non-magical being or object, a vertical leap of 14 miles (~23 km), ''ignoring air resistance'' would require an initial launch velocity of slightly more than 2180 feet per second (665 m/s), somewhat over twice the speed of sound. Achieving this velocity by means of bending then straightening the legs would require an acceleration of roughly 25,000 G, placing extraordinarily high demands on the strength of the legs. As Santa does not have a particularly aerodynamic shape, air resistance would increase the launch velocity and launch acceleration requirements substantially. Santa may be able to overcome these problems due to his magical nature; however, there is clearly still a limit to what this can achieve, as there is a maximum to his leaping ability.

 

:However, a ship's flag state exercises regulatory control over the vessel and is required to inspect it regularly, certify the ship's equipment and crew, and issue safety and pollution prevention documents. One suspects that this does '''not''', in fact, happen regularly with Santa's sleigh. Also, as a ''flying'' sleigh, the registry for ''ocean-going'' vessels is not applicable. Instead, it would be registered as an aircraft, with the FAA (in the U.S.), EASA (in Europe), or the equivalent in another country. Civilian aircraft have their registration number painted on their tails, but are not required to display a "flag". (However, U.S. Airways used a stylized version of a U.S. flag as a corporate logo prior to its merger with American Airlines.)

 

:The {{w|United_States_presidential_line_of_succession|Presidential Line of Succession}} specifies the order in which persons may become or act as {{w|President of the United States}} if the incumbent President becomes incapacitated, dies, resigns, or is removed from office. Having Santa as the 9th in that order would place him above the {{w|United States Secretary of Agriculture|Secretary of Agriculture}}. An alternative interpretation would hold that Santa '''is''' the present Secretary of Agriculture, {{w|Tom Vilsack}}.

 

:Assuming Tom Vilsack is not Santa Claus, Santa is likely ineligible for the Presidency, as most origin stories of Santa have him a natural-born citizen of a European country (or of Turkey) rather than the United States.  Alternately, Santa might be old enough to qualify under the "citizen at the time of the adoption of this constitution" clause, although in light of the information that Santa is actually an arthropod and/or a vampire (see below), his status as an American citizen is dubious.  

:This "fact" uses an absurd misconception to correct a relatively common misconception. Absurdly, Randall has mistaken Santa for a lobster, given his bright red coloration and the surname Claus (which is pronounced the same as a lobster's "claws"). This may be an homage to the film the Nightmare Before Christmas, where Jack Skellington believes Christmas Town is led by "Sandy Claws" who is "like a lobster, huge and red".

 

:There is a relatively common misconception that lobsters are insects. In fact, lobsters are crustaceans, but there is a kernel of truth to the misconception, as crustaceans and insects are related (both are arthropods).  Thus, the "fact" states that Lobster-Santa is not technically an insect; he is actually an arthropod.  

:In traditional vampire folklore, a vampire {{tvtropes|MustBeInvited|cannot enter an abode without an invitation from the owner of the same}}. Santa, however, seems to be able to enter houses even without explicit invitation (although plenty of children do welcome him, either via written notes or by their general sentiments), so if he is a vampire he is the exception to that rule. This juxtaposes interestingly with the previous point about his arthropod nature.

 

:May have any of several meanings, including that Alexa (Amazon's virtual assistant) is Santa's colleague, that Santa uses Alexa in his work, that Santa is somehow functionally compatible with Alexa, or a reference to various Santa-themed 'skills' that Alexa can be associated with. A common advertisement states that a product is compatible with Amazon's smart device, Alexa. But it could also be a play on the idea or fear that Alexa may be used to spy on people from the privacy of their own homes, much like what is claimed of Santa ("he sees you when you're sleeping, [...]"). Finally, several skills designed to entertain users of Alexa are themed around Santa Claus, including asking Alexa where Santa is on Christmas Eve, whether or not you've been naughty or nice, or even leaving the jolly old elf a voicemail.

:A reference to condoms, which have ridges or ribbing in order to promote pleasurable stimulation during coitus (see "Lubricated" above). This also puns on the fact that, as a humanoid, Santa presumably has a rib cage. (This might directly contradict the claims about his being an arthropod.)

The title text states that as a result of intervention Santa's diet is now 20% milk & cookies, implying that previously it was 100% Reindeer. It is a tradition to leave out milk and cookies as a "gift" for Santa. If he is indeed a vampire, it is odd that Santa could survive on a diet of reindeer, milk, and cookies, since vampires supposedly need human blood to survive. Of course, his entering without being invited already shows Santa to be a highly unusual vampire. Additionally, it is possible that he consumes ''reindeer'' blood as part of his reindeer diet (vampires living off animal blood is not unheard of in modern fantasy). Related to that may be the observation that he seems to develop "nutritional deficiencies" when going below 80% reindeer meat, as that would logically result in him consuming less blood and thus starvation due to his vampiric nature.