Editing 2570: Captain Picard Tea Order
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| Iced | | Iced | ||
− | | {{w|Iced tea}} is a typical variation of tea. In the United States, iced tea is a popular alternative to soft drinks and makes up about 85% of all tea consumed | + | | {{w|Iced tea}} is a typical variation of tea. In the United States, iced tea is a popular alternative to soft drinks and makes up about 85% of all tea consumed. |
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| Decaf | | Decaf | ||
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| Boiled | | Boiled | ||
− | | Boiling the water used to make the tea is a common way to increase the flavor and nutrients extracted from the tea leaves | + | | Boiling the water used to make the tea is a common and normal way to increase the flavor and nutrients extracted from the tea leaves, though it is suggested that the actual ideal temperature of hot water is 75-98°C (167-210°F), according to whether it is a light tea or a dark one, and that perhaps it should be sipped at around 65°C/150°F-ish if desired 'hot'. |
− | + | Having made a tea and ''then'' bringing it back to the boil (especially after adding milk/etc.) may destroy some of the desirable qualities previously imbued. {{w|Masala chai}} is generally boiled, but would never be made with Earl Grey. | |
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| Watery | | Watery | ||
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| Sour | | Sour | ||
− | | Many people do not enjoy sour | + | | Many people do not enjoy a sour taste, which can accompany rot and is a strange thing to specify when ordering Earl Grey tea. Although lemon juice is often an additive used in the same way (but as a complete alternative) to milk. |
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| Meaty | | Meaty | ||
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| Solid | | Solid | ||
− | | Tea is usually drunk as a liquid. It would be strange to ask for solid tea, | + | | Tea is usually drunk as a liquid. It would be strange to ask for solid tea, unless there was a situation where it could be rehydrated later. Alternatively, Picard could be asking for frozen tea, or ice, which would begin solid but melt in his mouth. |
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| Dry | | Dry | ||
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| Magnetic | | Magnetic | ||
− | | Tea is not magnetic. | + | | Tea is not magnetic. Magnetic metals would have to be added to the tea, which would not be pleasant to drink. In addition, consuming more than one magnetic source may end up squeezing tissues in the intestines or bowels, with potentially lethal consequences. However, this would not be the {{w|Irn-Bru|first drink}} to be supplemented with iron. |
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| Ballistic | | Ballistic | ||
− | | Usually the replicated beverage is deposited | + | | Usually, the replicated beverage is deposited in a stationary cup, but Picard could ask for it to be dropped or thrown out instead. Unless the good captain has a sufficiently quick reaction time and the dexterity to catch the projectile cup, the tea will likely end up spilled onto the floor or splattered against a wall, making the temperature setting of the tea a moot point. |
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| Unstable | | Unstable | ||
− | | This word is often used to refer to radioactive or explosive materials, which hopefully is not a property | + | | This word is often used to refer to radioactive or explosive materials, which hopefully is not a property that would apply to something meant to be ingested. Alternatively, this could imply that the receptacle into which the tea is delivered should be unstable - being unbalanced, or lacking a flat bottom. This is likely to lead to the tea being spilled. |
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| Blessed | | Blessed | ||
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| Virtual | | Virtual | ||
− | | | + | | Virtual tea cannot be produced physically, so asking a physical tea machine for it would be very strange. However, it might be useful on the holodeck, a device that can produce a virtual environment able to be interacted with. |
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| Intravenous | | Intravenous | ||
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| Expanding | | Expanding | ||
− | | In a sense, most hot tea is expanding: water | + | | In a sense, most hot tea is expanding: as the water in the tea evaporates, it becomes much less dense, increasing in "size". |
+ | But most people would probably argue that the evaporated water is no longer part of the tea. Water, like most materials, usually expands as it increases in temperature—except between freezing and about 4° C, where it has the unusual property of {{w|Water_%28molecule%29#Density_of_water_and_ice|''contracting slightly''}} as temperature increases. If tea behaves similarly despite the extra dissolved compounds, then "expanding tea" would describe any tea between 4° C and boiling point. Possibly beyond, and explosively so, if {{w|Superheating|superheated}} and then nucleating points are introduced. | ||
On the other hand, this tea may simply be tea spilled on the floor, which could then spread out as it evaporated. | On the other hand, this tea may simply be tea spilled on the floor, which could then spread out as it evaporated. | ||
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| Cursed | | Cursed | ||
| As with "Blessed", above, items can be Cursed in role-playing games, i.e. having greater negative or lesser positive effects; while there are strategic uses for Cursed items, generally the player would prefer uncursed ones (neutral or blessed). Amongst curseable items are potions, a class of consumables that do not usually include any teas but does contain the "potion of water", which may therefore be the cause of this cursed cuppa. | | As with "Blessed", above, items can be Cursed in role-playing games, i.e. having greater negative or lesser positive effects; while there are strategic uses for Cursed items, generally the player would prefer uncursed ones (neutral or blessed). Amongst curseable items are potions, a class of consumables that do not usually include any teas but does contain the "potion of water", which may therefore be the cause of this cursed cuppa. | ||
+ | Cursed items have featured in xkcd previously: [[2332: Cursed Chair]], [[2376: Curbside]], and [[:Category:Cursed Connectors]]. | ||
− | "Cursed items" are more vaguely defined in real life, | + | "Cursed items" are more vaguely defined in real life, making "cursed tea" something rare. |
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| Unexpected | | Unexpected | ||
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| Infinite | | Infinite | ||
− | | The scope of this request is unclear. It could mean endless production (a steady stream of tea, without obvious limits so long as servicing the request remains practical), an instantaneous production of an infinite volume of tea (possibly more immediately shown to be flawed in its method of execution), or tea which will exceed the heat death of the universe. | + | | The scope of this request is unclear. It could mean endless production (a steady stream of tea, without obvious limits so long as servicing the request remains practical), an instantaneous production of an infinite volume of tea (possibly more immediately shown to be flawed in its method of execution), or tea which will exceed the heat death of the universe. Either could result in an infinitely ''dense'' tea (eventually?), but this may no longer be {{w|No-hair theorem|identifiable as tea}} so might be one of the less practical options, even amongst those on this list. |
+ | Indeed, Randall ranks it as the least 'normal', except for just ''one'' further named order. | ||
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| Tea for him, too | | Tea for him, too | ||
− | | The comic ends its punchline by | + | | The comic ends its punchline by suddenly changing the syntax. Instead of adding a second adjective, Picard adds a second order of tea for an unseen guest. In ''Star Trek'', Jean-Luc Picard often offers tea to other people, so it is unclear why this would be the least normal, other than to place it at the bottom of the chart. |
− | The change in syntax can be further combined with the title text: now this Replicator order is for "Tea" ( | + | The change in syntax can be further combined with the title text: now this Replicator order is for "Tea" (not otherwise qualified), plus a replicated version ''of'' the Earl Grey (one or other of those {{w|Earl Grey|of that name}}, possibly the {{w|Charles Grey, 2nd Earl Grey|2<sup>nd</sup> Earl}} for whom the tea blend was supposedly named), and a second such beverage for him to later drink. See more in the [[#Explanation|explanation]] above regarding the title text. |
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! colspan="2" | Words Picard could have seen in the first drawing, but which were not included as labels on the line | ! colspan="2" | Words Picard could have seen in the first drawing, but which were not included as labels on the line |