Editing 2655: Asking Scientists Questions

Answering the questions in [[Randall]] Munroe's ''[[what if]]'' books (and the [[blag]] before it) requires a wide variety of scientific expertise, much of which he is unfamiliar with. To make up for this deficiency, Munroe (here represented by Cueball) has to ask other scientists for help.

People have certain expectations about scientists, as they would any group of people. In the case of scientists, they are often expected to be overly serious, "measuring the marigolds" rather than enjoying the simpler or more subjective things in life. This is reflected in the first panel, where the scientist is annoyed by Cueball's "frivolous scenario" and wants to work on formulas instead.

In reality, scientists are people.{{citation needed}} In the second panel, the scientist is relieved that they have "something fun to think about" as part of their work, instead of just filling out grant applications. Grants are donations of money from private or government organizations specifically aimed to fund scientific experiments and projects; in many fields, they are the most common source of funding, and the vast majority of scientists not directly employed by private industry rely on grants to support their work.  These organizations require applicants to provide detailed information on the goal of the project, the methodology, the expected results, the specific uses to which the money will be put, and more. Applying for a grant is thus a lengthy, painstaking process that more often than not results in disappointment since most granting agencies have enough money to accept only a small percentage of all applications. It also has little to do directly with the actual science the scientists want to perform. Thus most scientists find it a necessary but time-consuming and unpleasant part of their job, and the one here expresses relief at having a break from this part of their work. She then asks if Cueball would like to fill out grant applications, trying to bribe him with coauthor credit, powerful magnets, and plutonium. Co-authorship on scientific papers helps scientists advance in the "{{w|publish or perish}}" world of academic careers; such co-authorship might be above-board, if Cueball were to contribute scientific ideas while helping write grant applications, or it might not. Plutonium is used in making atomic bombs and is thus a tightly controlled substance, as well as being {{w|Plutonium#Toxicity|highly toxic}} due to both its radioactivity and its heavy metal poison effects. The scientist is so relieved to have found someone who might take over filling out grant applications that they are willing to give them access to such a dangerous material without even knowing their name.

The title text notes that not all responses were complaints about grant applications, noting two kinds of answers to the question "Does the substance feel weird to the touch?" which Munroe claims are equally common. The first is the sort of response you would expect from a stereotypical scientist, just noting the sorts of safety procedures that are common with such a substance and how they would impede attempts to determine how weird a substance feels. The second is "Yeah, and it tastes AWFUL," implying that the scientist in question has not only touched the weird substance, but also tasted it. It could have been carelessness of some kind, perhaps having touched their mouth after handling a sample, but it might have been from deliberately licking it or even putting it in their mouth. Whatever the reason they tasted it, they are enthusiastically volunteering this elaboration without any actual prompting. Eating a bizarre substance is likely not a good idea,{{Citation needed}} as it could be poisonous; however, less toxic minerals such as halite are sometimes [http://www.galleries.com/minerals/property/taste.htm evaluated based on taste] as an informal test of their composition; nearly every mineral of low toxicity (and some otherwise) has been tasted for science.

:[Caption above the panels, in lighter gray:]

:For the last few years, I've been working on answering peoples' ridiculous questions for ''What If? 2'', which sometimes meant asking scientists for help.

:[Left panel top caption:]

:[Cueball, representing Randall, stands holding a pad and pencil in front of a desk. There are a stack of three books and some papers on the desk. Hairbun is seated behind the desk, pointing at Cueball.]

:[Right panel top caption:]

:[Cueball stands holding a pad and pencil in front of a desk. There are a laptop computer and a stack with a book and some papers on the desk. Hairbun is seated behind the desk while holding another stack of papers.]

:Hairbun: Hey, do '''you''' want to fill out some grant applications? I'll give you literally anything. Coauthor credit. Powerful magnets. Do you want plutonium? I can get you plutonium.

:[Caption below the panel, in lighter gray:]

:To see the answers I found, preorder at xkcd.com/whatif2 (out 9/13)