Editing 2890: Relationship Advice

{{comic
| number    = 2890
| date      = February 5, 2024
| title     = Relationship Advice
| image     = relationship_advice_2x.png
| imagesize = 740x241px
| noexpand  = true
| titletext = Good to be a little wary of advice that sounds too much like a self pep talk.
}}

==Explanation==
In this comic, [[White Hat]], [[Cueball]], and [[Ponytail]] can be seen having a conversation about relationships. White Hat expresses the opinion that "relationships aren't easy". The others accept this advice, which is generally accepted as a reasonable view: two people are always going to have at least some difference in opinions, desires and needs that need to be communicated, negotiated and worked out. This requires mutual effort and some level of compromise in any healthy and successful relationship. 

In the subsequent frames, however, White Hat continues to push the matter, describing relationships in increasingly unpleasant terms, starting with calling them "constant work" and ultimately calling it a "grueling ordeal". Cueball and Ponytail correspondingly agree with him less, and instead {{w|The lady doth protest too much, methinks|begin to worry about him}}. 

White Hat's views on what is necessary and appropriate in relationships appear to go to unhealthy extremes. While his initial comments about relationships requiring efforts are reasonable, the notion that relationships consist of endless, overwhelming effort is not, for most people, though for some people who experience significant asociality this can be how most relationships feel. Rather than representing a realistic and healthy viewpoint, it turns into a fairly disturbing view of what relationships require. Cueball and Ponytail appear to suspect that White Hat may be describing a relationship that he's currently in or that has severed, and trying to rationalize an unhealthy situation by telling himself that "this is normal". 

When someone is in an abusive relationship, they may struggle to see that the relationship is abusive, often confusing genuinely destructive behavior with normal relationship troubles. There are various reasons this may occur. Some people experience {{w|traumatic bonding}}, some have spent so much time in or around unhealthy relationships that they've come to seem 'normal', and some experience various forms of {{w|Codependency|codependence}}. For people in such situations, help from friends and/or professional counselors is often necessary to allow them to even identify the situation they're in, and particularly to separate themselves from the situation.

Seeing Randall’s often negative thoughts on [[223: Valentine's Day|Valentine’s Day]] and the [[1016: Valentine Dilemma|problems it produces]], it may not be a coincidence that this comic was released only nine days before the event. 

The title text explains that advice which focuses on remaining upbeat in a bad situation (like a "pep talk"), should give others pause. There's a good chance that the person giving such advice is trying to {{w|Reaction formation|convince themselves that their situation is alright}}, rather than providing useful guidance for others. In this comic, this sentiment is seemingly applied to White Hat, whose "relationship advice" may be much more personal than such advice should reasonably be, and the reader is thus warned to take advice like this with a grain of salt. This is similar to [[449: Things Fall Apart]] where Cueball tells Megan "I love you" repeatedly and Megan points out he's only saying it to reassure ''himself'' rather than express it to her.

This comic's title is reminiscent of [[Randall|Randall's]] [[:Category:Tips|Tips]] comics. Here, though, there turns out to be no actual advice or tip, and thus not part of the tip category.

==Transcript==
:[White Hat, Cueball and Ponytail are walking. White Hat has his palm out.]
:White Hat: What you have to remember is, relationships aren't easy.
:Ponytail: Yeah, fair.

:[Close-up of White Hat with his finger raised.] 
:White Hat: They're hard. They require constant work.
:White Hat: A relationship is a job.
:Off-panel voice: I guess...

:[White Hat has stopped walking and is facing Cueball and Ponytail standing a bit further away.]
:White Hat: It's a challenge that feels overwhelming. It's a crushing burden.
:Cueball: Umm.

:[White Hat has his arms raised while still facing Cueball and Ponytail.]
:White Hat: A relationship is a grueling ordeal.
:Cueball: ...Who are you trying to convince, exactly?
:Ponytail: Yeah, are '''''you''''' okay?
:White Hat: I'm '''''fine!''''' This is '''''normal!'''''

{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:Comics featuring White Hat]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Ponytail]]
[[Category:Social interactions]]