886: Craigslist Apartments

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Craigslist Apartments

Title text: $1600 / 1386153BR 3BATH, MODERN SLIDING DOORS, GUEST ROOMS, GARBAGE DISPOSAL. FREE MANDATORY PARKING (ENFORCED). CONVENIENT TO ALDERAAN.

Explanation

This is a comic about the potential pitfalls in finding an apartment on Craigslist. Just as in Craigslist, some of the posts are re-posted several times. Additionally, lots of posts use lots of tildes, exclamation points or asterisks as above to set their posts apart from others.

BR means bedroom, e.g. 3BR means that apartment has 3 bedrooms (common measurement of apartment size).

• $1600 / 2BR ~~~ Hardwood floors, utilities included. Cats OK, limit one per square foot.

This ad is aimed at people who compulsively keep a number of cats much greater than is appropriate to the living space.

• $1100 / **** GREAT DEAL SQUARE HOUSE DOOR IN FRONT!!! ****

This is the first repetition of an entry that appears multiple times. It is also extremely generic, telling the reader little useful about the house. The square house might be a garage, or just a regular square house. Beside that, most houses have a door in front. There's nothing special about a door. It's possible this refers to an elevator. The different places it appears on the page could be the different floors it stops on.

• $2300 / 3BR !!!!!!!! Elegant apartment permanently lit by strobe light!!!! No floor.

A strobe light is a very bright light that, instead of remaining on, flashes very quickly. It's frequently used in parties. A constant strobe light and the stated lack of a floor would probably make living in the apartment somewhat difficult. It is not clear whether "no floor" means a dirt floor with no foundation or tiling, or whether there is literally some form of pit where a floor would be.

• $980 / 1BR New "hammock"-style dwelling. Water and heat free from same dispenser. Viking landlord.

This is a post to live as an oarsman on a Viking ship. The water and heat presumably both come from the sky, in the form of rain and sunlight, or from a hot spring in Iceland.

• $1550 / 2BR (one inside the other). Has running water, in a sense. Free heat in short, intense bursts. Klein stairs.

This is a vague ad for a very unusual apartment. First off, the ad indicates that the two bedrooms are nested. This is an impractical layout, and it is very rare to see this.^{[citation needed]} Possibly this refers to a tesseract, a four-dimensional cube. This conjecture is supported by mention of a Klein Bottle. Running water "in a sense" is both vague and concerning. The note about heat is similar. Short intense blasts of heat are not a comfortable way to heat a room. Depending on how intense the blasts are, they also may be dangerous or deadly. (Alternatively, the house could have a geyser inside, which would explain both the 'free heat in short, intense bursts', along with the 'water that runs in a sense'.) A Klein bottle is a surface which has no difference between "inside" and "outside", similar to a mobius strip but with an extra dimension. It is physically impossible to build a Klein bottle in a three-dimensional space. It isn't certain what Klein stairs are, but they probably aren't very useful. This may be a pun on "clean" stairs.

• $3200 / 1BR W/trimmed carpet and pert fixtures. Previous tenants clean. Call now, want you inside. $120/night (no animals)

This is a disguised "adult services" (sex) posting, with references to trimmed pubic hair, an attractive body, a desire for penetrative sex, and a lack of STDs. This is supported by the fact that $120 per night is highly expensive for an apartment but more usual as a sex worker's rate. Craigslist no longer allows posts for this, because prostitution is illegal in most places in the US. This post tries to evade the adult services ban by pretending to be something else. "No animals" would normally be assumed to mean "no pets", but in this context probably refers to STDs (possibly crabs or scabies) or bestiality.

• $2100 / 3BR on scenic Ash Tree Lane. Builder unknown; house has always existed. Walls shift; center of house may contain minotaur.

This Minotaur house is an ad for the house in the novel House of Leaves. In the novel, a family moves into a house only to discover that its outer dimensions don't match its inner ones; in essence, it's larger on the inside. This soon escalates into rooms that appear and disappear at random, a door in an outer wall that leads into an apparently endless labyrinth, and walls that shift and warp. The novel also contains numerous crossed out references to the Minotaur.

• $600 / 5BR Three floors w/pool, rooftop garden, beautiful glass facade, no catch, 5-min drive to historic Pripyat.

This is an ad for a residence in the Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant, located near to the town of Pripyat, in northern Ukraine. The NPP is a 3-level structure, and contains a pool for temporary spent nuclear fuel storage. The rooftop now has plants growing on it after years of neglect, and the glass facade references radioactive glassy minerals created by the explosion. Pripyat was founded in 1970 to serve the power plant, so is only 'historic' in the sense that it is associated with the Chernobyl disaster.

• $7100 / 60BR Sleek modern w/extreme running water. Previous tenants may resist entry. Contains all new wiring and is a submarine.

This house is a submarine, as indicated by the advertisement, presumably operated by a navy. The "previous tenants", being members of the armed forces, would undoubtedly resist entry of someone attempting to board their submarine. The sixty bedrooms refers to the crew members' bunks on board the ship, which are in extremely tight quarters and can be very uncomfortable. This may also be a reference to 496: Secretary: Part 3, which makes reference to Black Hat stealing a submarine, presumably for 405: Journal 3 - apparently this is him trying to get rid of it.

• $1616 / 3BR + 2Bath, tub full of blood. Closet full of board games which play themselves. Pets OK but won't survive long.

This is an ad for a house in a generic horror movie.

• $1600 / 1386153BR 3bath, modern sliding doors, guest rooms, garbage disposal. Free mandatory parking (enforced). Convenient to Alderaan.

Appearing in the title text, this is a reference to the Death Star in Star Wars. Alderaan is the home planet of Princess Leia, which was obliterated by the Death Star. Mandatory parking references the tractor beams used to drag nearby ships (such as the Millennium Falcon) into the base. The garbage disposal refers to an iconic scene from Star Wars aboard the Death Star, in which the heroes are in danger of being crushed to death inside a trash compactor chamber. It seems somewhat inconvenient that this "apartment" has over a million bedrooms but only three bathrooms. The guest rooms are probably the detention blocks such as Detention Block AA-23.

Transcript

[The comic is a single panel, presented as an apartment search.]

[Title bar.]

All apartments

Search for: [_______] in: All apartments ( ) Title only (*) Entire post Search

Rent: [Min] [Max] 0+ BR [ ] Cats [ ] Dogs [ ] Has image

[Date bar.]

Fri Apr 15

[Begin the apartment listings.]

$1600 / 2BR ~~~ Hardwood floors, utilities included. Cats ok, limit one per square foot.

$1100 / **** GREAT DEAL SQUARE HOUSE DOOR IN FRONT!!! ****

$2300 / 3BR !!!!!!!! Elegant apartment permanently lit by strobe light!!!! No floor.

$1100 / **** GREAT DEAL SQUARE HOUSE DOOR IN FRONT!!! ****

$980 / 1BR New "hammock"-style dwelling. Water and heat free from same dispenser. Viking landlord.

$1550 / 2BR (one inside the other). Has running water, in a sense. Free heat in short, intense bursts. Klein stairs.

$1100 / **** GREAT DEAL SQUARE HOUSE DOOR IN FRONT!!! ****

$1100 / **** GREAT DEAL SQUARE HOUSE DOOR IN FRONT!!! ****

$3200 / 1BR W/trimmed carpet and pert fixtures. Previous tenants clean. Call now, want you inside. $120/night (no animals)

$2100 / 3BR on scenic Ash Tree Lane. Builder unknown; house has always existed. Walls shift; center of house may contain minotaur.

$1100 / **** GREAT DEAL SQUARE HOUSE DOOR IN FRONT!!! ****

$600 / 5BR Three floors w/pool, rooftop garden, beautiful glass facade, no catch, 5-min drive to historic Pripyat.

$7100 / 60BR Sleek modern w/extreme running water. Previous tenants may resist entry. Contains all new wiring and is a submarine.

$1616 / 3BR + 2Bath, tub full of blood. Closet full of board games which play themselves. Pets ok but won't survive long.

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Discussion

The house with a house inside may be a reference to the tesseracted, 4D house from Robert Heinlein's "-And He Built A Crooked House." ‎173.225.52.131 (talk) (please sign your comments with ~~~~)

Agree. I'm adding that to the text. -- The Cat Lady (talk) 00:17, 22 August 2021 (UTC)

I would have thought the klein stairs with the intense heat in short bursts may be a reference to a research fusion reactor. 'Net searches seem to suggest there may be connections between plasma behaviour and klein bottle mathematics. 108.162.250.5 (talk) (please sign your comments with ~~~~)

The Minotaur sounds like a reference to Doctor Who The God Complex. 173.245.52.201 05:05, 1 December 2013 (UTC)

The closet full of board games which play themselves could be a reference to the movie Jumanji. Can't remember a tub full of blood from that movie, though, however surely pets won't survive long. 173.245.53.180 21:13, 12 December 2013 (UTC)

I explained the third one, but I have no idea about the lack of floor. Because of this and others, I added an 'Incomplete' tag with the appropriate reason. 108.162.212.206 03:32, 17 January 2014 (UTC)

I believe that the "616" "$1616" is a reference to the number of the beast. 173.245.54.90 18:53, 10 March 2014 (UTC)

The number of the beast is 666. Not 616. NealCruco (talk) 01:54, 18 April 2014 (UTC)

It sounds like you must have some good information to make that statement so plainly - maybe you should correct the appropriate section on Wikipedia (Number_of_the_beast#616) and add your references/citations. It would seem several sources (including the oldest known "version" of the text) indicates '616' as a "variant" Brettpeirce (talk) 12:59, 18 April 2014 (UTC)

I do not belive the glassy minerals would make up the entire facade

"including the oldest known "version" of the text"

Have you read that article? I used Google News BEFORE it was clickbait (talk) 23:20, 23 January 2015 (UTC)

I motion to close/complete this one. 199.27.128.65 17:57, 17 April 2014 (UTC)

Regarding the house near Pripyat explanation, "the glass facade references radioactive glassy minerals created by the explosion" seems to be conflating the Corium produced at Chernobyl with the Trinitite produced by nuclear explosion at Alamogordo. There was a steam explosion at Chernobyl, but the Corium was produced by the heat of the subsequent meltdown, not by the force of the explosion. The current explanation also includes, "It may also be the nuclear facility itself, depending on interpretation; ...". It seems clear to me that the apartment for rent is the nuclear facility itself, and not some house in Pripyat, which is "5-min drive" away; why else the "Three floors w/pool, rooftop garden, beautiful glass facade". -- 108.162.219.43 12:03, 18 April 2014 (UTC)

Agreed. I have edited to reflect the same, and have also noted the likelihood that the "pool" referenced is probably temporary containment for spent nuclear fuel. Not so sure about the "3-level" thing, though. My knowledge of nuclear power plant design is extremely limited. Orazor (talk) 12:20, 22 July 2014 (UTC)

I just reread this and I think that the the pool in question may be the glass walled three story swimming pool azure in pripyat. The same one as was in modern warfare. 173.245.54.167 13:48, 25 April 2015 (UTC)

Any idea what 1386153 means? Lucas often 'hid' 1138 everywhere, so could this be part of it? Other thoughts:

• RGB (138,6,153) is purple.
• It isn't prime
• It isn't totient

— Fluffy Buzzard (talk) 15:26, 18 April 2014 (UTC)

Is the (no animals) part of the veiled porn ad another reference to 'no furries' maybe?141.101.98.217 19:15, 25 July 2015 (UTC)

I think the square room with a door in front is an elevator, making several floor stops in the list. PaperDragonCA 108.162.216.89 21:43, 19 October 2016 (UTC)

No. They are just selling a large, square, wooden front door. The word deal means wood. --162.158.79.33 20:46, 20 August 2020 (UTC)

I read it as "Great Deal, Square House, Door in Front", which jibes with it being an elevator. -- The Cat Lady (talk) 00:17, 22 August 2021 (UTC)

I thought that "water and heat from same source" meant being pissed on by the Viking. 173.245.50.246 17:34, 20 July 2017 (UTC)

I think that:

• "Strobe light" AND "no floor" together may refer to a greenhouse.
• Cats ok, up to 1/square foot --- literally cat-only animal shelter.
• Viking landlord AND same source for water and head --- the area is Iceland, near geothermal water source.

My impression of the viking one was that it was on a hot spring. IIRC there are a lot of hot springs in scandanavia

Can someone explain why "it is impossible to build a klein bottle in 3 dementianal space"? It seems to me that klein bottles are readily available to purchase: https://www.kleinbottle.com/

Those are three-dimensional projections of a Klein bottle. A real Klein bottle is a mathematical abstraction that exists only in 4-space. Nitpicking (talk) 01:11, 9 September 2021 (UTC)