Editing 2976: Time Traveler Causes of Death

{{comic
| number    = 2976
| date      = August 23, 2024
| title     = Time Traveler Causes of Death
| image     = time_traveler_causes_of_death_2x.png
| imagesize = 332x677px
| noexpand  = true
| titletext = Many a hungry time traveler has Googled 'trilobites shellfish allergy' only to find their carrier had no coverage in the Ordovician.
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|Created by a TIME TRAVELLER SLOWLY APHIXIATING IN THE PROTEROZOIC ERA- Please change this comment when editing this page. Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}

Time travel is a common sci-fi/fantasy plot, in which someone from one era is sent forward or backward in time to another era. Normally, the travel itself goes off without a hitch, with the usual threats to the time traveler being what happens ''after'' they arrive at their destination. More rarely, a time traveler might encounter some hazard because of where their time travel method has deposited them.

This comic takes the latter situation to the extreme, observing different causes of death for potential time travelers through the ages based on the geologic evolution of earth, from its formation over 4 billion years ago to the present. Only one fatal cause is given in each case, presumably the single most likely (or the one most documented, from all known time-traveler accidents), although the title text shows that there may always be others possible.

{| class=wikitable
! scope="col" | Cause of death
! Scope=“col” | Time frame
! scope="col" | Explanation
|-
| Lava || Earth Forms || During the formation of the Earth, the surface was a hellish landscape of lava. 
|-
| Asphyxiation || 4 billion years ago || Before {{w|cyanobacteria}} started photosynthesising and producing oxygen, the atmosphere of the Earth was mainly composed of hydrogen sulphide, methane, and carbon dioxide. Humans need oxygen to breathe.{{Citation needed}} 
|-
| Meteors || 3.9 billion years ago || During the {{w|Late Heavy Bombardment}}, the Earth's surface was subjected to a large number of asteroid and comet impacts, destroying much of Earth's early crust.
|-
| Slightly slower asphyxiation || 2 billion years ago|| Cyanobacteria had started photosynthesising, leading to the {{w|Great Oxygenation Event|Oxygen Catastrophe}}, but the oxygen levels weren’t high enough to support human life. 
|-
| Freezing || Less than 1 billion years ago || During the {{w|Cryogenian|Cryogenian Ice Age}}, the Earth’s temperature fell to -12°C, much too cold to support human life.
|-
| Starving || 600 to 485 million years ago || During this time, the temperature was mild and comfortable; however, the only life during this time was single-cell organisms and – especially later – tiny multicellular organisms, which humans cannot eat or would not tolerate.
|-
| Eaten by fish || 485 to 250 million years ago || During the {{w|Great Ordovician Biodiversification Event}} and subsequent times, fish {{w|Evolution of fish|evolved jaws}} and some species grew quite large.
|-
| Trampled || 252 to 66 million years ago || The {{w|Mesozoic Era}} is often called the “Age of Dinosaurs." The majority of these dinosaurs were herbivorous and many were quite large, so being eaten would be less likely than being trampled on.
Note that this is an almost exact inversion of what happens in the classic story ''{{w|A Sound of Thunder}}'', in which the traveler survives personally unscathed but tramples an 'age of dinosaur' creature (to unfortunate effect).
|-
| Eaten by mammals || 66 million years ago to sometime before now || The {{w|Cenozoic Era}}, which began 66 million years ago, is often referred to as the "Age of Mammals". Though some eras have more likely causes of death (such as wars), overall being eaten by large mammals is probably the biggest risk.
|-
| Time machine door gets stuck || Present || Since the time traveler is already living in the present, there's nothing else more likely to kill them than getting stuck in the time machine and starving (or, if the time machine is air-tight, asphyxiating). This assumes the Time Machine is also a {{w|Faraday Cage}} (that can block the signal of an emergency call) or the traveler doesn't take their phone with them, although the title text indicates they will.
|-
|}

The title text suggests that an alternative fate within the "eaten by fish" era is the exact opposite. Seafood allergies are not unknown in the present day and, having fortuitously avoided the primary "Starving" fate from the prior era, it may be that the traveler tries eating a "fish" of the time and finds that ''either'' some existing allergy is just as applicable to the prehistoric 'fishy' ancestors ''or'' that the flesh of the creatures of that age spark off an allergic condition that (as a modern human) they were not previously aware of.

The former might be the one intended, as a person with a known shellfish (or lactose, or peanut, etc) allergy might double-check the possible presence of a problematic ingredient in a potential snack by referencing online resources; a facility that is claimed not to be available, here, with the smartphone stuck in the past, long before any reliable phone-service/wifi is available to connect to. Otherwise, suspecting the food has not agreed with them, they are now denied access to the best online information on how to properly treat their symptoms.

==Transcript==
{{incomplete transcript|Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}

:Top causes of death for time travelers by geologic era:

:Earth forms
::Lava
::Asphyxiation
:4 billion years ago
::Meteors
::Asphyxiation
:3 billion years ago
:2 billion years ago
::Slightly slower asphyxiation
:1 billion years ago
::Freezing
::Starving
:500 million years ago
::Eaten by fish
::Trampled
::Eaten by mammals
:Now
::Time machine door gets stuck

{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:Time travel]]
[[Category:Geology]]
[[Category:Animals]]