Editing 2212: Cell Phone Functions

{{comic
| number    = 2212
| date      = October 7, 2019
| title     = Cell Phone Functions
| image     = cell_phone_functions_(1).png
| titletext = ... tazer ... fire extinguisher ... bird feeder ... toilet paper ...
}}

==Explanation==
This comic pokes fun at the ever-increasing function of smartphones and their users' reliance on them through an unusual horizontal bar graph showing what services a smartphone provides (or will provide) that were performed by other devices in the past and when the switch took or will take place. It starts sensibly: Calling, browsing the Internet, and taking pictures are the most prominent examples of tasks that many if not most people use a smartphone instead of a specific device nowadays. The next item, newspaper, extends the Internet's capabilities (either from within the mobile browser or as a dedicated app), and the next, flashlight, repurposes the phone camera's flash unit; both are now commonplace features of smartphones. Some people even use their smartphone as the remote for their TV (either via RF wireless [e.g., WiFi] for smart TVs, or via their phone's infrared port) or to pay in stores using payment providers like Google Play Wallet, Samsung Pay, or Apple Pay, which utilize the {{w|near-field communication}} functionality of modern smartphones. A few cars now support using a phone app instead of a key fob, rendering yet another item obsolete; apparently, Randall just started using this feature in his car, as this item is in the very recent past in the comic's diagram.

Then the comic drifts off into smartphone capabilities either not yet possible or likely never to be possible. These capabilities are right of the "now" mark, meaning Randall has not switched to using a smartphone for them: One cannot currently use a phone app as a dog leash, nor as an adhesive bandage. While using a phone as a steering wheel is possible (likely interfacing with the car's self-driving features), it would be a reversal of current initiatives to prevent drivers from using cell phones while driving. Things get increasingly odd, to the point where a smartphone is allegedly used as a toothbrush. Several items would require physical changes to the phone and not just repurposing existing capabilities, such as operating as a cheese grater, stapler or nail clipper, which would make the phone look and feel more like a {{w|Swiss Army Knife}} instead.{{Citation needed}} 

The title text continues this path by continuing the list of objects his phone will supposedly replace. These include a "tazer" (a misspelling of {{w|taser}}), a fire extinguisher, a bird feeder, and toilet paper, continuing the path of absurdity the comic implies with its supposed future uses for a phone.

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Function
! Possible way a phone could be used
|-
| Dog leash
| While this could be a physical leash that spools out of the phone, it would more likely be some kind of an electronic leash, which would activate an electronic dog collar which would somehow (mild shock? vibration? ultrasonic or audible sound?) alert and/or stop the dog when it gets too far from the phone.
|-
| Steering wheel
| This could entail rotating the phone in the same manner as one rotates a steering wheel, it could involve dragging your finger on the screen on a picture of a steering wheel, or, less literally, it could be more along the lines of a self-driving car where you use the phone to designate a destination, and the phone (or car) would steer the car automatically to get there. A phone that can steer a car was featured as a {{w|List of James Bond gadgets|James Bond gadget}} in the film ''{{w|Tomorrow Never Dies}}''. Or simply, a lot of remote-controlled drones/cars are steered by a smartphone nowadays, it is just not as common as other smartphone functions because of a lesser market it has.
|-
| {{w|Band-Aid}}
| As a way to cover wounds, it could dispense physical adhesive strips, such as Band-Aid brand strips. It might also contain a liquid or gel that would harden over a wound to seal it. It's unlikely this could be done without some physical substance which would need to be replenished sometime after use unless Randall widened the definition of Band-Aid to include devices such as dermal regenerators featured in Star Trek.
|-
| {{w|Cheese grater}}
| This would be relatively easy but impractical, adding bulk to the phone and risking accidentally grating or slicing substances other than cheese, such as your hand or your pocket. You might also get cheese particles in the phone; a waterproof or water-resistant phone might be okay, but those ratings generally do not test for cheese dust.{{Citation needed}} This may be a reference to Homer’s personal organizer having a cheese grater in the Simpsons episode [https://simpsons.fandom.com/wiki/Brother%27s_Little_Helper/Quotes Brother’s Little Helper]. If cheese graters are ever built into smartphones, it will make life quite difficult for furries.
|-
| Stapler
| This would again add bulk and require replenishing of supplies, and where the phone is presumably helping to eliminate paper, this would work counter to that goal as it would only be useful in the presence of paper. Some "stapling" techniques do not involve actual staples; they work by cutting and folding little bits of paper so a few sheets hang together. This would eliminate bulk and the need to store pieces of metal but would be limited to very short stacks of just a few sheets of paper.
|-
| Nail clipper
| This might not be too hard or add too much bulk, but it's just one more of potentially hundreds or thousands of little things that could be added but aren't justified based on how single-purpose the function is. Maybe as a general-purpose cutter/scissors?
|-
| Electric {{w|drill}}
| More bulk, and it would be a real power drain for the batteries. Maybe that's why it's further into the future, as it probably depends on better battery technology. Many phones already have a built-in motor that rotates, purposely off-balance and meant to cause vibrations (for tactile notifications, especially when sound is turned off). Perhaps that could be made more powerful and given a center hole that can take a bit?
|-
| Toothbrush
| More bulk, and while useful it probably isn't useful enough to justify adding it to the phone. The phone should probably also dispense toothpaste, otherwise, the toothbrush doesn't accomplish the goal of letting the phone completely replace the needed items for a particular function (brushing teeth in this case).
|-
| {{w|Taser}} (misspelled as ''tazer'' in the title text)
| A Taser is a brand of "conducted electrical weapon", typically used as a "less-lethal" weapon by law enforcement. Commercial Tasers are also marketed for the general public for self-defense purposes. With the battery power available for a functional electric drill, a Taser may not be far behind. A Taser as a phone feature is not currently available, but other stun gun-type phone cases are [https://www.google.com/search?q=taser+phone+attachment already on the market].
|-
| {{w|Fire extinguisher}}
| While this might entail having to stock fire-controlling substances (water, Freon, powders, etc.), it's unlikely a phone could contain enough to do anything substantial against a fire. Perhaps there is a future and as yet unknown role for sound or light emissions in the combating of fires?
|-
| {{w|Bird feeder}}
| A phone could contain some seeds or bird food which could be dispensed, but most people would not want a bunch of birds too near their phone, especially pooping on it. Again, not very practical for the space those seeds would take, and it would need frequent refilling.
|-
| {{w|Toilet paper}}
| Definitely not... unless maybe those fictitious sound waves or vibrations or light could be used to "shake" the poop or dirt particles loose, like in Star Trek's sonic showers, and not require actual paper or physical contact. Or unless a wirelessly controlled bidet becomes ubiquitous.
|}

==Transcript==
:[A graph with time on the x-axis and items Randall replaced with his smartphone on the y-axis. For each item, the time he (allegedly) replaced it is marked; the marks form a jagged line down the graph, roughly sorted by when he switched. The regions are marked]
: I have a specific device for this
:[and]
: I just use my phone
: [items where the switch-over date is in the past:]
: Telephone
: Web Browser
: Camera
: Newspaper
: Flashlight
: TV Remote
: Credit Card
: Car Key
:[items where the switch-over date is in the future:]
: Dog Leash
: Steering Wheel
: Band-Aid
: Cheese Grater
: Stapler
: Nail Clipper
: Electric Drill
: Toothbrush

:[The x-axis (time) shows at point labelled as 'now' roughly halfway along the graph, a grey dashed line runs vertically down the whole graph. Car Keys have just been replaced by a phone, all other items listed below that have yet to be replaced. For the most part the gradient of the trend is constant at around -1. The last item (Toothbrush) is replaced before the penultimate item (Electric Drill)]


{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Charts]]
[[Category:Smartphones]]