Is the title text a reference the Librareome project in Rainbow's End (Vernor Vinge)?
See, e.g., 
--188.8.131.52 18:06, 7 October 2020 (UTC)
I don't think "eat" and "corrugate" are intended as malfunctions. People sometimes eat paper -- it's a common trope in spy parodies where someone will eat a document to prevent someone from getting access to it. And corrugate just sounds like it's making corrugated cardboard from the input paper. Barmar (talk) 19:22, 7 October 2020 (UTC)
Seems like plagiarize would be somehow related to scan and copy.
shred and scan (or scanf) are also unix and C functions. Shred overwrites a file on disk, deleting it and preventing any subsequent recovery of the lost data. scan reads input according to a format string. Should one take a standard file and scan a string per the format '%s', the program will read in the variable until an end-of-line character is encountered. If the file were shredded first, resulting in a random set of bits, this end of line character might never be read. This seems to be more of a memory problem than a CPU problem, thus might not be the full explanation of the alt-text. --184.108.40.206 21:10, 7 October 2020 (UTC)
The incomplete template mentions that there might be a reason for Randall making this topic, but I don't think there is other than just making a funny joke. 220.127.116.11 22:42, 7 October 2020 (UTC)
What, it can fold but not spindle or mutilate? :( 18.104.22.168 23:14, 7 October 2020 (UTC)
- Doubt it. 22.214.171.124 23:39, 7 October 2020 (UTC)
- Staple-detection is (fairly) trivial, but consistently extracting them 'nicely' while preserving the paper as much as possible might be beyond a device (it's tricky enough for a person, sometimes). 126.96.36.199 23:51, 7 October 2020 (UTC)
I'm disappointed there's no "jam for no particular reason in the most difficult place to access" option. 188.8.131.52 23:18, 7 October 2020 (UTC)
- I thought there should be Paper Cranes in the right-hand column... But your suggestion is also an obvious omission. 184.108.40.206 23:51, 7 October 2020 (UTC)