3068: Rock Identification

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Rock Identification

Title text: 'Is it worth anything?' 'I dunno, is the answer to that question worth another $5?'

Explanation

This explanation is incomplete: Created by a SPECIALLY ARRANGED ASSEMBLY OF SILICATES THAT WILL DO IT FOR $4. If you can fix this issue, edit the page!

Geologists, being specialists who study natural features of the earth, are often called on to interpret rock formations, either to understand the formation of our planet, identify suitable sites to mine resources, or explain what the pretty thing you're holding is called. It can be somewhat hard to identify rocks without knowing their original location and the materials that surround them, as this gives information on features that can form similar-looking hard things, such as local lava flows, subduction into layers causing metamorphic rock, or the presence of local sediments.

In the first panel Cueball is seen handing a rock to the geologist Ponytail, who tells him something like the above and concludes that she cannot identify the rock without more information. Randall then insinuates that this issue of provenance is a minor hurdle, and implies that the best way to get rocks identified is to motivate the geologist you ask by paying them for the service. As the old adage says, “If you’re good at something, never do it for free.” Geologists make their living identifying rocks (among other things), and while some scientists may be excited to discuss their work with a layperson in any context, a shrewd business sense would discourage them from “giving away” such a valuable skill.

In the second panel Cueball has wrapped the rock in a $5 bill, likely to pay/bribe Ponytail, and claims that this is how he found it. Suddenly it is easy enough for Ponytail to identify that it looks like garnets in a mica schist, despite the fact that it was presumably not naturally surrounded by currency.^{[citation needed]} (Furthermore, if a rock was wrapped in paper and put in a hole in the ground, the $5 bill would be covered with dirt and no longer be usable.) Palming people with "tips" like this when trying to sweeten an interaction is a common trope, the implication being that whatever happens to the attached object (a rock, a driver's license, an offered handshake), the cash is discreetly kept by the recipient.

This subverts the expected "correct" way to ask the question, which in these sorts of tips is often made by asking a slightly different question that gives a reason for the person who knows the information to become interested, rather than feel like they are being asked to do work for you. Examples of expected ways to get the information might be to ask preemptively, "Can you tell me where this rock came from?", or to draw their attention by being intentionally wrong, e.g., "Why is this granite red?", or even to just provide the kind of fuller details that can give the expert more confidence that any answer they give is more useful to you.

The conversation continues in the title text, with Cueball asking about the economic price of the rock which, unfortunately for him, is quite low as a hand-sized sample. He may find this out by paying Ponytail another $5 bill. Unfortunately for him, he cannot know whether the total outlay will be offset in full (or more) until he has already made the second payment, or gone to the trouble of trying to blindly recoup his expenses from the first gratuity, not even knowing if he's badly over- or underpricing any offer he might get.

Transcript

[Caption above two panels:]

How to ask geologists to identify a rock

[Above each of the two panels there is a label.]

Wrong:

[Cueball holds out a rock to Ponytail.]

Cueball: Can you identify this rock that I found?

Ponytail: Not without knowing where you found it. It's difficult to identify minerals by sight without the geologic context.

Right:

[Cueball holds out a rock, with a piece of paper beneath it, to Ponytail, who reaches out to touch it.]

Cueball: Can you identify this rock that I found wrapped in a $5 bill?

Ponytail: Sure! Looks like garnets in a mica schist.

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Discussion

I made a transcript New editor (talk) 21:03, 26 March 2025 (UTC)

It might also imply that the geologist doesn’t know but just wants the $5 so comes up with an answer 198.41.236.163 00:01, 27 March 2025 (UTC)

I doubt they're lying about what rock it is since both mica schists and garnets are visually obvious and even more obvious if a scratch test is performed.172.69.186.157 04:36, 27 March 2025 (UTC)

The funny part is it works the other way round: you first identify minerals by sight (also Mohs scale and polarizing microscope), then conclude what the geologic context is. 172.71.232.25 11:01, 27 March 2025 (UTC)

I think this random "it was wrapped in the bill, no idea where the money came from" also implies corruption and destroying the traces of the money, instead of just payment or tip. --Lupo (talk) 11:29, 27 March 2025 (UTC)

Unfortunate missed chance to call this comic a “Geologist Tip” 172.70.176.56 13:04, 27 March 2025 (UTC)

Surely the joke is that it only takes $5 to bribe a Geologist.

Hey, if you want to pay me $5 to pay attention to you for a minute, I would take the deal. That's a great hourly rate! Though I guess my perspective might be skewed, since I'm not a professional scientist but just a (somewhat broke) grad studentDextrous Fred (talk) 17:38, 27 March 2025 (UTC)

wonder if the comic is referring to the (somewhat popular) whatisthisrock subreddit --172.68.210.176 19:29, 27 March 2025 (UTC)

Whoever entered "If you're good at something, never do it for free" should be congratulated for doing quality voluntary work Kev (talk) 22:27, 27 March 2025 (UTC).

"the $5 bill would be covered with dirt and no longer be usable." - technically, as long as 50% or more of the bill is left, it's still legal tender. if it's less than 50% you can ask the US government to exchange it for intact money. --172.71.146.79 21:59, 28 March 2025 (UTC)

"Furthermore, if a rock was wrapped in paper and put in a hole in the ground, the $5 bill would be covered with dirt and no longer be usable." Citation needed. In addition to what the previous commenter said, dirt typically can be brushed off of things. NoriMori (talk) 01:50, 29 March 2025 (UTC)

Ha! I asked this exact (well, paraphrased) question to geologist Eugene Shoemaker during a class field trip to the Grand Canyon. “What kind of rock is this?” He identified it as a carnelian agate, and said I hadn’t found it there unless some tourist had dropped it. Test passed, Professor. I took it back and put it back in my rock collection I’d brought to college with me. 162.158.167.15 02:08, 29 March 2025 (UTC)
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