3234: Europa Missions

Europa Missions

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Title text: Before resurfacing, they promise to inspect the ice for any evidence of hockey-playing life.

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Explanation

This is one of 66 incomplete explanations: This page was created recently by the Zamboni Voyager. Don't remove this notice too soon. If you can fix this issue, edit the page!

Transcript

[Cueball is standing in front of an image of a spacecraft.]

Cueball: There are now three spacecraft headed to Europa:

Cueball: NASA's Europa Clipper, which investigate Europa's subsurface ocean,

[Cueball, Ponytail, and Hairy are standing in front of another spacecraft image, with Cueball gesturing at it.]

Cueball: ESA's Jupiter Icy Moons Orbiter, which will study the topography and chemistry of Europa and the other moons,

[Cueball is in front of an image of a Zamboni with a firing rocket nozzle on its bottom.]

Cueball: And the NHL's Zamboni Voyager, which plans to resurface Europa.

Voice out of frame: Oh no.

Cueball: We tried to stop them, but the league is set on an expansion.

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Discussion

What is the possible area a Zamboni can do? How many would be needed to cover the whole surface? SDSpivey (talk) 02:56, 18 April 2026 (UTC)

Europa has a surface area of about 3.061×10^7 km^2. A zamboni seems to cover about a 1.2 m^2 area (about 0.6m by 2m) at any given time. So if you simply cover all of Europa in zambonis (only like 3 trillion) and then drive them all forward their own length at the same time without crashing them into each other. So probably less than 3 trillion would be my guess (Also probably more than 2).

They probably do like 8L/h and cover about 8000 m^2/h. So if they had 30 litre tanks, you would need 1 billion zambonis (0.03 km^2 each), and they would take 4 hours. Or for 1 month : 5 million Zambonis, refueled 200 times each (30 billion litres propane total). For constant resurfacing, like a normal ice rink (~10 times a day), you would need 2 billion zambonis running constantly (90 terawatts). Sameldacamel34 (talk) 08:41, 18 April 2026 (UTC)

I think for the complete covering option you'd need at least one zamboni to rotate in place, as a consequence of the hairy ball theorem. 137.25.230.78 15:58, 18 April 2026 (UTC)

Is Randall confusing the Jupiter Icy Moons Orbiter and Jupiter Icy Moons Explorer here? wikipedia link Also this feels like it is probably a reference to 17776, what with all of its topics and the recent rise in interest in that work. SkiesShaper (talk) 03:47, 18 April 2026 (UTC)

The hovertext leaves ambiguity between the transitive and intransitive meanings of "resurface", leading to me imagining a Zamboni Voyager mission profile that involves cracking through the ice layer just to make moonfall and then climbing out of the ocean somehow. 108.71.212.208 17:09, 18 April 2026 (UTC)

The Zamboni Voyager also has a suspiciously sharp part on the bottom side, which could conceivably support this view. Resurfacing would probaly involve 3-D manoeuvres not necessarily allowed in 2-D Hockey on Earth. But the Federation MUST EXPAND 2001:861:3F07:A020:A19A:2BA:622D:DCA4 23:09, 18 April 2026 (UTC)

That's just a standard(-looking) Zamboni machine sat on top of a booster/lander chasis that's currently firing its main rocket... 81.179.199.253 23:30, 18 April 2026 (UTC)

That's what they want you to think. "170 to 2 due to burrowing" was just not acceptable for the Confederacy's teams managers. 2001:861:3F07:A020:A19A:2BA:622D:DCA4 23:34, 18 April 2026 (UTC)
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