3234: Europa Missions

Europa Missions

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Title text: Before resurfacing, they promise to inspect the ice for any evidence of hockey-playing life.

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Explanation

In recent years, multiple space agencies have sent spacecraft to observe Jupiter’s moon Europa. According to NASA, the moon could be a candidate for life due to the presence of a subsurface ocean and (possibly) hydrothermal vents, so it would make sense that the scientists would send spacecraft to observe it. The first two craft, the Europa Clipper and Jupiter Icy Moons Explorer (Juice), respectively, will investigate the ocean, topography and chemistry of the moon, to help in searching for signs of life. Europa's ocean is frozen on the top, the whole surface being solid ice with no exposed liquid, except perhaps at the bottom of any transient deep crevasses, which is why it described as a "subsurface ocean".

A Zamboni is a vehicle that, rather than being a scientific mission or a transport for other scientific missions, is meant to quickly resurface ice rinks that have been worn down. This is where the comic diverges from reality, describing a nonexistent spacecraft known as the Zamboni Voyager, operated by the National Hockey League (NHL). The spacecraft would be carrying a Zamboni because the NHL is trying to 'expand the league'. Normally, expanding a sports league would involve, at the very least, forming a new team in a city which did not have one. In this scenario 'expanding the league' appears to be in a more literal sense, resurfacing Europa to make it viable for hockey-playing. (Although Europa is the smoothest known body in the solar system, it's probably not smooth enough for playing hockey. Yet.) Hockey in reduced gravity — Europa's gravity is less than 1/7 that of Earth — would be an interesting idea.

The title text talks about finding hockey-playing life on Europa, which would be unlikely, as the life on Europa would exist underwater, where it's difficult to play hockey.^{[citation needed]} In addition, any conceivable culture(s) there would almost certainly be extremely different from Earth's, so even if the lifeforms on Europa do have kinds of entertainment similar to sports, it's unlikely that the sports played have even remotely similar rules or equipment. If, though, there were intelligent non-hockey-playing life on Europa, the NHL may consider them fair game as a virgin market for their product.

On top of that, making a spacecraft to send a Zamboni to Europa would be very difficult, as 14000 m/s of delta v (change in velocity) is needed. With a Zamboni weighing 5 tons, a very heavy rocket would be needed. Europa Clipper will not preform an orbital insertion and only a flyby to save fuel. Also, the water in a Zamboni would freeze, and this is neglecting Jupiter’s intense radiation environment. Also, operation would have to be robotic ones as life support systems would also greatly increase weight. I’m top of all of that, successfully achieving a propulsive landing would be very difficult, demonstrated by IM-1 and IM-2, which both failed to land on the moon. USA is excluding missions outside of the United States.

Kerbal Space Program is a great way to learn orbital mechanics.

Transcript

[Cueball's upper body is shown; he is in front of an image of a spacecraft.]

Cueball: There are now three spacecraft headed to Europa:

Cueball: NASA's Europa Clipper, which investigate Europa's subsurface ocean,

[In a longer shot, Cueball, Ponytail, and Hairy are all shown standing in front of another spacecraft image, with Cueball gesturing at it.]

Cueball: ESA's Jupiter Icy Moons Explorer, which will study the topography and chemistry of Europa and the other moons,

[Another closeup on Cueball, who is in front of an image of a Zamboni with a firing rocket nozzle on its bottom.]

Cueball: And the NHL's Zamboni Voyager, which plans to resurface Europa.

Voice out of frame: Oh no.

Cueball: We tried to stop them, but the league is set on an expansion.

Trivia

• The original version of the comic incorrectly referred to the "Jupiter Icy Moons Orbiter" rather than "Jupiter Icy Moons Explorer."

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Discussion

What is the possible area a Zamboni can do? How many would be needed to cover the whole surface? SDSpivey (talk) 02:56, 18 April 2026 (UTC)

Europa has a surface area of about 3.061×10^7 km^2. A zamboni seems to cover about a 1.2 m^2 area (about 0.6m by 2m) at any given time. So if you simply cover all of Europa in zambonis (only like 3 trillion) and then drive them all forward their own length at the same time without crashing them into each other. So probably less than 3 trillion would be my guess (Also probably more than 2).

They probably do like 8L/h and cover about 8000 m^2/h. So if they had 30 litre tanks, you would need 1 billion zambonis (0.03 km^2 each), and they would take 4 hours. Or for 1 month : 5 million Zambonis, refueled 200 times each (30 billion litres propane total). For constant resurfacing, like a normal ice rink (~10 times a day), you would need 2 billion zambonis running constantly (90 terawatts). Sameldacamel34 (talk) 08:41, 18 April 2026 (UTC)

I think for the complete covering option you'd need at least one zamboni to rotate in place, as a consequence of the hairy ball theorem. 137.25.230.78 15:58, 18 April 2026 (UTC)

Is Randall confusing the Jupiter Icy Moons Orbiter and Jupiter Icy Moons Explorer here? wikipedia link Also this feels like it is probably a reference to 17776, what with all of its topics and the recent rise in interest in that work. SkiesShaper (talk) 03:47, 18 April 2026 (UTC)

The hovertext leaves ambiguity between the transitive and intransitive meanings of "resurface", leading to me imagining a Zamboni Voyager mission profile that involves cracking through the ice layer just to make moonfall and then climbing out of the ocean somehow. 108.71.212.208 17:09, 18 April 2026 (UTC)

The Zamboni Voyager also has a suspiciously sharp part on the bottom side, which could conceivably support this view. Resurfacing would probaly involve 3-D manoeuvres not necessarily allowed in 2-D Hockey on Earth. But the Federation MUST EXPAND 2001:861:3F07:A020:A19A:2BA:622D:DCA4 23:09, 18 April 2026 (UTC)

That's just a standard(-looking) Zamboni machine sat on top of a booster/lander chasis that's currently firing its main rocket... 81.179.199.253 23:30, 18 April 2026 (UTC)

That's what they want you to think. "170 to 2 due to burrowing" was just not acceptable for the Confederacy's teams managers. 2001:861:3F07:A020:A19A:2BA:622D:DCA4 23:34, 18 April 2026 (UTC)

Is this a joke about the NHL expanding to Europe? --Coconut Galaxy (talk) 06:37, 20 April 2026 (UTC)

That's how I took it, as a joke on the silly Americans confusing Europa with Europe. (As a silly American, I get to say this) 130.76.187.47 13:44, 20 April 2026 (UTC)

Playing hockey underwater isn't as tough as you might think: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Underwater_hockey

I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. Doing physical activites in water is just the worst (Except swimming like a normal person in a pool, thats the exception). Respect to all the marine labourers out there. RG (talk) 04:45, 21 April 2026 (UTC)
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