2964: Olympic Sports

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Olympic Sports

Title text: Thankfully for everyone involved, the Winter Olympics officials spotted me and managed to stop me before I got to the ski jump.

Explanation

This explanation may be incomplete or incorrect: Created by A VERY CONCERNED OLYMPIC OFFICIAL - Provide an explanation of each sport for the convenience of those unfamiliar with some or all listed sports. Do NOT delete this tag too soon. If you can address this issue, please edit the page! Thanks.

This comic was officially published on the day of the opening ceremony of the 2024 Paris (Summer) Olympics, though it actually appeared early the following day.

In this comic, Randall, who has no athletic training, imagines himself participating in various Olympic events, with his degrees of failure measured in terms of their humor potential.

Olympic sports ranked by how funny it would be if a regular person competed

How funny	Sport	Reason	Depiction
Not that funny	Rowing - One or more people row a boat to a destination.	The person would simply struggle to row effectively.
	Fencing - Two contestants attempt to land hits on each other with a long fencing weapon.	They might fail to land any hits, but it wouldn't be overly humorous.
	Weightlifting	They might just fail to lift the weights.
	Golf - Contestants attempt to hit, with golf clubs, a golf ball into one or more holes in as small a number of hits as possible.	They would likely miss the ball or hit poorly.	The illustration depicts Randall missing the hole at very close range.
	Archery - Using a bow and arrow, contestants attempt to hit a target with as much accuracy as possible.	Arrows might miss the target, but it's not particularly amusing.	Randall misses all his shots on the target.
Pretty funny	Swimming - Contestants swim to a destination or complete laps as fast as possible.	They might struggle to stay afloat or swim awkwardly.
	Long jump - Contestants, with a running start, attempt to jump as far as possible.	They would likely make a very short jump.
	Pole vault - Using a bendable pole, contestants attempt to propel (vault) themselves over a bar.	They would miss the plant and end up dropping the pole and running under the bar.
	Diving - Contestants attempt to fulfill multiple criteria while diving into water.	Awkward or painful-looking dives could ensue.
	Hurdles - Contestants run on a track with hurdles positioned at various places.	They might trip and fall over the hurdles.	Randall repeatedly and painfully runs into the hurdles, unable to jump over any of them. He appears to be holding a hand on his head, possibly covering his eyes or due to having hurt his head.
Incredibly funny	Figure skating	They might slip and fall continuously on the ice.
	Horizontal bar - A horizontal bar is used to perform gymnastics.	They might fail to perform any flips or fall off the bar.
	Equestrian sports - Various activities involving the use of horses.	They might struggle to control the horse or fall off.	Randall is completely unable to control his horse. He is in the process of falling off and is flailing his arms.
	Freestyle BMX - Contestants ride BMX bikes and perform various tricks, and are then judged by trick quality.	They might crash or fail to perform tricks.
	Pommel horse - Using a gymnastic device somewhat similar to a horse, gymnasts perform various tricks.	They might awkwardly flop around or fall off.	Randall is attempting to perform a routine but clearly is not very graceful, balanced or typically dynamic, as made apparent by the rather basic agitrons surrounding him.

The title text may be a reference to ski jumper Vinko Bogataj, whose spectacular crash at a (non-Olympic) ski flying event in 1970 in Oberstdorf, (then) West Germany became emblematic of the expression "the agony of defeat" in the opening narration of the popular US television program "Wide World of Sports". Alternatively the reference may be to Eddie the Eagle, whose poor performance at the 1988 Winter Olympics led to the introduction of the top 50 or 30% qualifying rule.

Transcript

This transcript is incomplete. Please help editing it! Thanks.

[Header above three panels:]

Olympic Sports ranked by how funny it would be if I, a regular person without athletic training, snuck onto the team to compete:

[Three panels are shown with a header, a bullet list with five listed sports in each, and one or two depictions of sports.]

Not that funny

Rowing

Fencing

Weightlifting

Golf

Archery

[Cueball putts a ball with a golf club and misses the hole.]

[Cueball is aiming with a bow. Three arrows are on the ground at various distances from the target.]

Pretty funny

Swimming

Long jump

Pole vault

Diving

Hurdles

[Cueball runs stomach-first into a hurdle, while holding a hand on his head. Another hurdle behind him has fallen down.]

Cueball: [Bonk] Ow! [Bonk] Ow!

Incredibly funny

Figure skating

Horizontal bar

Equestrian

BMX freestyle

Pommel horse

[Cueball tries to balance himself on a pommel horse. His both hands and one leg are down, while the other leg is slightly raised.]

Cueball: Look! Look!

[A horse rider wearing a black helmet is struggling to maintain balance on the running horse, with both hands and one leg raised.]

Horse rider with black helmet: AAAAA!

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Discussion

What took bro so long Is he stupid 141.101.98.119 13:05, 27 July 2024 (UTC)

Seems totally unclear what you're referring to, here. ProphetZarquon (talk) 15:00, 27 July 2024 (UTC)

i think they're referring to this comic being somewhat late. youtu.be/miLcaqq2Zpk 15:07, 27 July 2024 (UTC)

The comic appeared around 0800 EDT 20240727 (Saturday, a day late). As most folks here surely know, late posts are common on xkcd but aren't often later than the stated "MWF". After 19 years, and without the "weeks ahead" buffer insisted upon by "traditional" syndicated comics (as shown by Crowdstrike, posted the day of the event), I think Randall has done remarkably well. I'd struggle to keep a schedule like this for 19 weeks.172.71.151.95 15:34, 27 July 2024 (UTC)

To be fair, there's nothing stating he doesn't have a buffer and simply spontaneously creates relevant comics when particular events happen. 172.69.130.18 15:42, 30 July 2024 (UTC)

There are a number of comics (back quite a few years) that I would potentially indentify as pre-preped 'filler', and occasionally the later and more technically complicated April Fool/other-event comics with unforeseen delays may have forced the advancement of what might have been originally the next one or two lined up post-April-1st 'normal' comics.

But I think the main point is that he clearly has not done the rather impersonal task of using a cron-style auto-publisher that would reveal it to the world 'on cue' without further intervention (we know he can do something like that, from Time and other cases like the latest What-If Book promotional 'reveal' flip-book image). When he was on a European(/UK-which-was-then-still-in-EU), I think we got his typical range of 'variable' publication times shifted by around 5 or more hours just because he was 'working' five-or-six hours advance of his usual home one. So he seems to like to do it 'realtime'.

It probably lets him be more happy with what goes up, rather than go to sleep/see a film/drive to the next city over having commited himself to something. It has still gone wrong, from wrong-sized non-2x images to the time he had to switch comics due to a clash with a news event, but I'm rather more sympathetic to perhaps a bit more of a late-night/next morning (especially by UK time) release rather than potentially all of the next week's comics invisibly locked and loaded for a precise release time (e.g. midnight, GMT+5(+DST, as necessary), albeit with the obvious possibility of a topically novel idea or response to insert/remove from the queue at will to make it look hands-on.

Of course, he could yet be doing that. But have a randomised (or pre-selected) 'timing offset' added to the process. "This week, I'm going to pretend I have nervous insomnia and release super-early, then next week I'll make it look like I got snowed under with other distractions, and make them all appear late every following morning..." You can speculate wildly about process and motives. But it seems to not be anything like that. Hard to tell, unless he finds himself unfortunately unable to do anything (e.g. a severe and newsworthy hospitalisation) but the 'irregular thrice-weekly update' continues regardless, at least until they start to mismatch the news-cycle or hit half-prepared placeholders and then someone thinks to pull the plug on the dithering-autoposter, or he recovers enough to put up an "I still aten't dead" comic of some kind (pre-prepared, held over for just such an emergency, or hurridly drawn as soon as he can hold a stylus)...

Honestly, I don't ever wish to test my imagination like that. But I'm just postulating from both types of basic premise, now. I know there are a few interviews where the general process has been explained, but one could just as well imagine that these explanations are as much a front as any tall tale. 172.69.194.36 18:39, 30 July 2024 (UTC)

I think "Synchronized Swimming" would be the most hilarious. One person flailing while a whole team tries to make it look choreographed. ProphetZarquon (talk) 15:00, 27 July 2024 (UTC)

I picture two people that are synchronized to each other while the third person tries to look choreographed - 162.158.212.172 15:11, 27 July 2024 (UTC)

Why must I think of "The fox has left his lair"... 172.71.160.71 16:39, 27 July 2024 (UTC)

Google "SNL synchronized swimming". There's a classic sketch. Barmar (talk) 23:20, 27 July 2024 (UTC)

I reckon discus has got to be up there. On the other hand, least funny has to be the walking. 172.69.43.166 10:05, 29 July 2024 (UTC)

I hear there's an opening on the GB equestrian team. Just sayin'... 141.101.69.119 19:15, 27 July 2024 (UTC)

I'm going to disagree about a couple. Beginning pole vaulters are incredibly funny. Beginners on the pommel horse aren't usually very funny. 162.158.186.252 19:54, 27 July 2024 (UTC)

I also think pole vault would be in the last category. It has always looked to me like an incredibly difficult maneuver. And I remember doing pommel horse in school; I wasn't very athletic, but I could swing around a little. Barmar (talk) 23:21, 27 July 2024 (UTC)

"Ski jump" has got to be a reference to Eddie the Eagle. 172.70.115.96 (talk) 20:33, 27 July 2024 (please sign your comments with ~~~~)

Eddie was British champion. And he changed Olympic qualification rules. 172.69.43.166 (talk) 23:27, 27 July 2024 (please sign your comments with ~~~~)

Both Bogataj and Edwards were competitive ski jumpers (Edwards, admittedly, marginally so), whereas the trope of this cartoon is that the protagonist (presumably Randall) is trying to enter the competition without any prior experience. The vibe seems to be - Challenger: "Can you fail more spectacularly than these two?" Randall: "Hold my beer." Olympic official: "Nice try, stick guy, but no. Here's your beer back." 'Thankfully for all concerned' seems a better fit to the Bogataj case, in which he was injured, spectators were put at risk, and the competition schedule was likely disrupted, than the Edwards case in which the only injuries were to the reputations of Olympic administrators, and which yielded a nice 15 minutes for Edwards. 108.162.245.253 00:02, 28 July 2024 (UTC)

I really doubt the ski jump thing is a reference to anything specific. 108.162.221.23 13:00, 28 July 2024 (UTC)

Randall has clearly never heard of an ejector crab https://youtu.be/UcOjeneHJ6E 172.69.6.207 16:04, 28 July 2024 (UTC)

Actually this is an even better example https://youtu.be/hxOW739UlWk 172.69.6.144 16:07, 28 July 2024 (UTC)

A German surfer managed to moon all Olympics viewers today, so I doubt Randall could beat that... 108.162.221.24 16:31, 28 July 2024 (UTC)

This is one of the worst XKCDs I've ever seen, I think. 162.158.63.70 (talk) 05:49, 29 July 2024 (please sign your comments with ~~~~)

You wouldn't be saying that if he'd happened to mention breakdancing. 172.68.27.24 06:44, 15 August 2024 (UTC)

Possibly Randall is aware that an uncoached newcomer to the single sculls will almost certainly capsize their boat, quite possibly one the first stroke as this is the most unstable position. It might be possible to flip a pair oar as well, since the professional rower can only hold up the boat on one side. 172.68.64.223 08:54, 29 July 2024 (UTC)

Further, the the pair oar would likely inscribe a circle due to the asymetric thrust. In the larger boats he'd likely get smashed in the spine by an oar handle (TBF not that funny) or catch a crab (dig in an oar) that literally throws him out of the boat (both painful and funny) 172.68.64.148 09:02, 29 July 2024 (UTC)

I doubt that running through the hurdles would really be painful, as depicted - they're pretty light and designed to be easily knocked over.141.101.99.148 10:13, 29 July 2024 (UTC)

Clearly a study on what is funny in these situations must be performed. I would like all checks in this study to be written to me. However, if they are written to Munroe Randal and he and his selected sample attempt them I would be satisfied. 172.71.254.103 (talk) 13:22, 29 July 2024 (please sign your comments with ~~~~)

So we're not going to talk about his Randall's reference to winter Olympic sports in 2024 (Summer Olympics year)? 172.71.154.9 (talk) 16:44, 29 July 2024 (please sign your comments with ~~~~)

In Rowing untrained persons actually might be able to win a medal as coxswain (or at least were able so in the past, see Rowing at the 1900 Summer Olympics). --172.68.253.135 17:53, 29 July 2024 (UTC)

There should be a section for most horrifying. Lead climbing and shooting spring to mind as sports that I would not want to watch a compltely untrained person do. 172.69.60.184 13:15, 29 September 2024 (UTC)