3047: Rotary Tool

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Planetary Alignment

|< < Prev #3192 (January 9, 2026)

Title text: We're going to need to modify the surface to mount it on the test stand. Which ocean basin do you like the least?

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Explanation

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This is one of 62 incomplete explanations: This page was created by SLARTIBARTFAST, CARVER OF FJORDS. Don't remove this notice too soon. If you can fix this issue, edit the page!

In this comic, Ponytail (presumably a planetary mechanic) is informing Cueball of the results of a planetary inspection.

According to her, the planet needs to be re-aligned, as the magnetic and rotational axes of the planet are 400 miles (640 km) offset from each other, which could create a number of problems with the planet, such as unbalanced magnetic fields. This is presented in the same casual manner as a car mechanic might regarding wheel alignment, or perhaps even the tire balance.

Ponytail mentions radiation anomalies over the South Atlantic ocean. This is a real phenomenon, known as the South Atlantic Anomaly, where satellites experience increased malfunctions and solar radiation is higher than average due to the alignment of the magnetic field as well as a massive rock structure underneath Africa.

In the final panel, Ponytail says that they will provide a loaner planet while Earth is in the shop. This is typically done with vehicles, not planets,^{[citation needed]} but perhaps this particular shop has a very large back room. Ponytail then asks if a gas giant is okay, as they are out of solid surface planets. This is likely alluding to the practice of car dealerships offering replacements or loaner vehicles that are very different from those brought in for service, which can greatly frustrate and inconvenience the customer.

The title text continues the mechanic metaphor, stating that they (the shop) will have to modify Earth to fit it on the test stand, asking Cueball which ocean basin he like the least, implying that they intend to remove or alter one of the Earth's oceans to mount it for adjustment and retesting.

The similar previous comics 3037 and 3059 also had Ponytail as an inspector complaining about problems with the planet as if they were the client Cueball's fault.

Transcript

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This is one of 36 incomplete transcripts: Don't remove this notice too soon. If you can fix this issue, edit the page!

[Ponytail is approaching from off-screen, holding a clipboard and some sort of handheld apparatus. She is talking to Cueball, standing to the right.]

Ponytail: The inspection revealed a few problems.

Ponytail: Looks like your planet needs an alignment.

Cueball: Oh?

[Close up of Ponytail.]

Ponytail: Yeah, your magnetic axis is 400 miles off-center from your rotational one.

Cueball (off-panel): Is that bad?

[The view zooms back out, showing Ponytail holding her equipment, with Cueball holding a hand to his face, as if thinking.]

Ponytail: The unbalanced magnetic field could cause radiation anomalies over the South Atlantic. Have you noticed any spacecraft equipment failures in that area?

Cueball: There have been a few, actually.

[The final panel shows the same as the third, apart from Cueball's gestures.]

Ponytail: We can give you a loaner while yours is in the shop. Is a gas giant OK?

Cueball: I'd really prefer a solid surface.

Ponytail: Sorry, it's all we have. But it'll just be for a few days.

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Discussion

How come it's at 0.017 RPM for a minute?? and yet 1 RPM for a second? pls fix this randall Midnightvortigaunt (talk) 18:01, 5 February 2025 (UTC)

Its 0.017 RPM for the minute hand. The minute hand revolves once per hour or at 1/60 RPM ≈ 0,017 RPM --172.71.148.59 18:14, 5 February 2025 (UTC)

Ohhh that makes sense I didn't think about it like that Midnightvortigaunt (talk) 19:27, 5 February 2025 (UTC)

Mr.Dude (talk) 17:20, 7 February 2025 (UTC) I wonder what torque is needed to launch the average backyard telescope worthy of a tracking mount at Mach 8 given standard state pressures and temperatures of perhaps average conditions found in Randall’s back yard.

How come the comment above is invisible to me? 172.68.245.229 18:03, 5 February 2025 (UTC)

Possibly because people indented with spaces rather than with colons? 162.158.79.77 19:40, 5 February 2025 (UTC)

72 RPM for a record player...? 162.158.74.25 18:08, 5 February 2025 (UTC)

I could only find 78 RPM disks in the german wikipedia. 172.70.114.56 18:41, 5 February 2025 (UTC)

I came here to make the same comment: 72 is most probably a typo. The old records (at this date, very old, since the transition to vinyl records was 1948 to 1958 (in the US)) were 78 rpm, not 72 rpm https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phonograph_record Rps (talk) 19:30, 5 February 2025 (UTC)

72 is (for example) relevent to font sizes (size 1 = 1/72 of an inch, size 72 = 1 inch), which might therefore have envaigled Randall's head for numbers by a different route, and got him confused. Conceivably he has had to deal with playing old 78s, but probably not for a long time... even the retro-revival of vinyl, recently, has probably not had quite so many old old records released to fill such nostalgic needs. So an easy brain-fudge/thinko to trip over on. 162.158.74.48 00:54, 6 February 2025 (UTC)

There used to be a record label call 72RPM records. 172.69.229.146 (talk) 19:07, 5 February 2025 (UTC) (please sign your comments with ~~~~)

We need one of those tables in here. DollarStoreBa'al (talk) 18:37, 5 February 2025 (UTC)

I made a change to the explanation that all of these numbers are realistic because, I checked out the speed of dental drills and they really do rotate that fast. I haven't checked out all of the other tools, but I suspect that they are also accurate. If you find that any of them are misstated, please correct my correction. Rtanenbaum (talk) 22:38, 5 February 2025 (UTC)

TABLE REQUEST When someone uploads a table, I'd like to recommend a second column for the frequency / reciprocal of the speed. "0.000000000073 minutes" is one every 13.7 billion minutes, or ~26,000 years. Thanks! 172.70.46.107 20:20, 5 February 2025 (UTC)

Me again. Should the column header "revolution time" be "rotation time"? In every instance, the axis of motion is within the object itself; even the second/minute/hour hands go around the axis. 141.101.76.73 16:41, 6 February 2025 (UTC)

TRIVIA 16 2/3 RPM phonographs were used for some voice-recorings back in the day. 172.68.26.24 21:01, 5 February 2025 (UTC)

My parent's old record player (60's, probably) had 4 possible speeds: 16, 33, 45, 78. By the early 80's the current ones only had 33 and 45. Rps (talk) 16:59, 7 February 2025 (UTC)

Album goes back to stacks of 78s. A symphony or opera would be 2, 3, 4 or more disks. They were bound like a photo-album with a leaf for each disk. "78" wasn't "standardized" until the format was fading. 3600-rpm motor and 46-tooth gear is incomplete (one tooth gear??) Early discs were from 60 to 130 rpm. Users would adjust speed by ear (also to ease pitch-matching for karaoke). Only as LPs arrived did someone invent the number "78.26 rpm" (no recordplayer and few lathes of the period were near that accurate). --PRR (talk) 02:34, 6 February 2025 (UTC)

Indeed, my parents had a large collection of old records and at least one had a speed marking of 80rpm.--172.68.186.43 09:17, 6 February 2025 (UTC)

With wind-up players, a lot of them started off playing at one speed and ended playing at a completely different one anyway...172.68.186.50 09:43, 6 February 2025 (UTC)

I suspect there's not many consumers needing a Uranium Enrichment Centrifuge... at least outside of a few countries in the Middle East. --172.70.58.6 08:50, 6 February 2025 (UTC)

Might face some regulatory / export license issues too.172.70.86.129 11:34, 6 February 2025 (UTC)

I feel like there was a lost opportunity to have Dr. Who's Sonic Screwdriver on the list. Maybe the rpms are unknown.162.158.159.107 13:05, 6 February 2025 (UTC)

The table says that 0.00070 "seems off; a sidereal day is 23.93 hours". That's just because (like all of the other settings) 0.00070 is quoted with only 2 significant digits. Every period between 23.64 and 23.98 hours would round to 0.00070 RPM. 162.158.134.199 13:58, 6 February 2025 (UTC)

The question I have is: why are dental drill speeds so high? 172.70.247.92 17:21, 6 February 2025 (UTC)

"why are dental drill speeds so high?" It hurts less. (Are you old enough to remember routine use of belt-driven dental drills?) You can cut a given amount of material (wood, steel, tooth) quickly with heavy force or high speed. Neither is really fun, but hi-speed is generally preferred. --PRR (talk) 19:08, 6 February 2025 (UTC)

Although some materials behave badly to heat (either work-hardening, for some alloys, or melting/burning, like plastics) and that's why variable-speed hand-drills/etc usefully have low speeds (for essentially the same force, when that's done via reostat rather than an actual gearbox). On the few occasions I've had my teeth drilled, I'm pretty sure I've detected the pungent smell of fried tooth-fragments, but it was nothing like as strong as smelling my own nose-flesh being burnt one of the times I had it cauterised to try (and fail) to prevent excessive nosebleeds. 172.69.79.139 21:15, 6 February 2025 (UTC)

The latest NMR CPMAS probes send their rotors to go at 9.6 Mrpm, M=mega. [1] --172.69.109.172 21:56, 7 February 2025 (UTC)

Should we list the rotor diameters to achieve the mach 8 speed mentioned in the title text in the table? I don't think that we should. guess who (if you desire conversing | what i have done) 06:01, 24 February 2025 (UTC)

I (obviously since I worked it all out) think it is in the spirit of the ridiculous idea of the comic and XKCD generally to do these calculations. That said, I'm getting different numbers than your update to make it Mach 8. Denver87 (talk) 16:21, 24 February 2025 (UTC)

I get the following: 4,799au, 74,866km, 37,733km, 3,144km, 52.4km, 1,588m, 1,165m, 728m, 175m, 34.9m, 21.0m, 149.7cm, 87.3cm, 174.7mm. Denver87 (talk) 16:21, 24 February 2025 (UTC)

Happy to share calculation notes, but here's the example for the dental drill: 300,000rpm = 5,000 rps; diameter of: 174.7mm --> circumference of: pi * 174.7mm = 548.8mm; 548.8mm * 5000rps = 2,744,000mm/sec = 2744m/sec; Mach 8 = 8 * 343m/sec = 2744m/sec. Denver87 (talk) 16:21, 24 February 2025 (UTC)

If you agree with the calculations, one of us can at least update it. Denver87 (talk) 16:21, 24 February 2025 (UTC)
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