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Particle Census

|< < Prev #3247 (May 18, 2026)

Title text: Remember, your answers to the physics census are confidential; we will not be issuing Pauli exclusion principle citations.

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Explanation

This is incomplete: This page was created at an INDETERMINITE TIME. Don't remove this notice too soon. If you can fix this issue, edit the page!

This comic references the Heisenberg uncertainty principle of quantum mechanics. Put simply, it states that there's a limit to how precisely we can know both the position and momentum of a particle — the more precisely we know one, the less we know the other. Megan says they're taking a census of the positions of all particles in the universe, so they'll be known precisely; therefore, all their momenta will be unknowable. And by the time we use the census results, we won't know where any of the particles are, we'll just know where they were at the instant their positions were recorded by the census.

In the United States, the Constitution mandates that a population census of people living in all the states be taken every ten years. This is primarily for the purpose of apportioning representatives to Congress, but it has come to be used for many other demographic purposes. There's no legal requirement for a decennial physics census; if physicists want to do this, it's their own decision. However, it's not really possible to measure the positions of all particles in the universe, as there are a lot of particles in the universe, many are quite far away,^{[citation needed]}, and unless the particles happen to be at absolute zero, they will be moving, potentially quite fast, so it would be a needlessly difficult census. Furthermore, some of those particles will be in the equipment used to measure, and the people doing the measuring, which will further complicate matters.

In the third panel, someone speaks up and is worried about what they will do with the particles during the potential “disruption”. Randomly taking someone’s particles and relocating them would be considered unpleasant,^{[citation needed]} even if you tell them where the particles are going.

If all particles locations were determined (as exactly as possible) it would have to be done using very high energy particles (where would they then be?), leaving all the measured particles moving very fast (less than the speed of light, of course, but close to it), destroying everything (and everyone). So the concern voiced is very fair, but unnecessary, as it would not be possible to perform the task that Megan claims will happen.

The title text refers to the Pauli exclusion principle, which states that no two fermions — types of particles that include all ordinary matter — can occupy the same quantum state. As the results of the census are confidential, physics officials will not use it to determine whether to issue citations for particles that violate the exclusion principle. This confuses physical laws, which describe how the universe works and by their nature cannot be violated, with societal laws, which declare what is allowed or required by the government.

Transcript

[Megan is standing behind a lectern, addressing an unseen audience.]

Megan: Remember, Tuesday is the decennial particle census.

Megan: Physicists will be recording the location of all particles in the universe.

[Zoom out to show Megan is on a podium behind the lectern. She holds one hand, palm up, out towards the still unseen audience]

Megan: Of course, this will cause their momenta to become indeterminite, so please plan for some disruption.

[The same scene with Megans hands held down. A voice comes from off-panel at the left through a star burst at the edge of the panel.]

Audience member [off-panel]: Wait, disruption? Where will my particles go?

Megan: No one can say, but you'll know exactly where they were.

Trivia

• When this comic was uploaded the normal sized image was incorrectly 2x size. It kept showing up at 2x size on unixkcd for awhile.
• "Indeterminate" is spelt "indeterminite" in the second panel text.

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Discussion

Make changes, try things out, or just have fun with the wiki here! Just leave everything above the line alone, please.

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This is a test. PoolloverNathan^{[stalk the blue seas]} 20:48, 16 March 2021 (UTC)

This is not. —While False (museum | talk | contributions | logs | rights | printable version | page information | what links there | related changes | Google search | current time: 12:42) 18:38, 17 November 2022 (UTC)

A foreign student asked me to help fight against his math teacher. That was unusual. He was in that class for just a couple of weeks. The teacher's phone number was sent to me. The student asked me to spam-call the teacher. 172.71.155.55 22:58, 18 September 2023 (UTC)

here i'm just messing around in html, ignore this

^furhhfghure _{guyrburgryhuyvfr} "rvhru"

interesting way of writing quotations xd

hmmm this one of putting "<p>" in a line break will come in handy for when i want it to start at the same place than the first line

Please beware that <p> on mediawiki also disables automatic paragraph breaks, so you need a closing </p> or you'll break automatic paragraph formatting for the rest of the page. Zmatt (talk) 22:06, 31 July 2024 (UTC)

edit: da hek did that "</div>" come from An user who has no account yet (talk) 14:14, 13 October 2023 (UTC)

hi uh its hard to get here. is this a reference to undocumented feature??? hmm... this is interesting.
108.162.241.216 02:05, 23 November 2023 (UTC)

	Soup

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	Soup

	Soup

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	Soup

	Soup

	Soup

	Soup

	Soup

	Soup

	Soup

	Soup

	Soup

	Soup

	Soup

	Soup

	Soup

	Soup

	Soup

yum yum [citation needed]

Hiuiedeixgeyceiyedhcdiedcve {{trout}}

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<a href=" [AT THE JULY 28TH MEETING][tab] "Cancel the meeting! Our cover is blown."> More testing: hello ​ does​this​work (yes​it​does) This isn't a good name (talk) 22:44, 28 January 2026 (UTC)

‮hi 164.58.172.158 14:21, 23 February 2026 (UTC)

What is this?????????????????????? King Pando (talk) 04:25, 10 March 2026 (UTC)‭

Hello 107.1.219.44 19:29, 29 April 2026 (UTC)
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Recent comments:

19 May 2026

		11:06	Talk:3247: Particle Census‎‎ (5 changes | history) . . (+1,334)‎ . . [SomebodyElse‎; 2a00:20:6346:8265:f4e8:8c7:66e:1d5‎; 197.185.221.9‎; 82.13.184.33‎ (2×)]
			11:06 (cur | prev) . . (+404)‎ . . SomebodyElse (talk | contribs)
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			04:20 (cur | prev) . . (+118)‎ . . 197.185.221.9 (talk) (Reply to YZ100)

03:45

Talk:3125: Snake-in-the-Box Problem‎ (diff | hist) . . (+153)‎ . . 2001:4c4e:1c16:4500:f8d4:791f:ceab:97a6 (talk) (link fix)

18 May 2026

		N    23:31	Talk:3247: Particle Census‎‎ (5 changes | history) . . (+1,314)‎ . . [YZ100‎; TheusafBOT‎; CalibansCreations‎; 2001:861:3f07:a020:cbe1:3bdb:88f9:709a‎ (2×)]
			23:31 (cur | prev) . . (+1)‎ . . 2001:861:3f07:a020:cbe1:3bdb:88f9:709a (talk)
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			22:01 (cur | prev) . . (+169)‎ . . CalibansCreations (talk | contribs)
		N	18:54 (cur | prev) . . (+461)‎ . . TheusafBOT (talk | contribs) (Created by theusafBOT: talk page for 3247)

		22:29	Talk:3184: Funny Numbers‎‎ (2 changes | history) . . (+89)‎ . . [81.179.199.253‎; 142.186.28.137‎]
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			21:52 (cur | prev) . . (+82)‎ . . 129.222.167.170 (talk)

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			20:32 (cur | prev) . . (+625)‎ . . 81.179.199.253 (talk)
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		m	13:35 (cur | prev) . . (+186)‎ . . 《プロキシ》 (talk | contribs)

		20:24	Talk:3245: Results Age‎‎ (2 changes | history) . . (+217)‎ . . [AndyShow1000000‎; 81.179.199.253‎]
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		17:53	Talk:3246: Speedrun‎‎ (7 changes | history) . . (+1,730)‎ . . [AdmiralMemo‎; Utdtutyabthsc‎; These Are Not The Comments You Are Looking For‎; RG‎; BunsenH‎; 82.13.184.33‎ (2×)]
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10:37

Talk:3234: Europa Missions‎ (diff | hist) . . (+256)‎ . . 2600:6c44:107f:657c:1ef:5c72:3c33:a6d1 (talk) (Obligatory misquote)

17 May 2026

		13:19	Talk:3246: Speedrun‎‎ (2 changes | history) . . (+2,371)‎ . . [RegularSizedGuy‎; 82.132.238.107‎]
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08:22

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16 May 2026

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