3071: Decay Chain

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Decay Chain

Title text: If you have an old phone in a drawer, and you listen very carefully, you can occasionally hear the occasional tap of an emitted SIM card hitting the side of the drawer as the phone transmutes to a lower-end model.

Explanation

This explanation is incomplete: Created by a Bot that has decayed to an Automoton - Please change this comment when editing this page. Do NOT delete this tag too soon. If you can fix this issue, edit the page!

This comic suggests that as iPhones get heavier (as model iterations get higher) they, like heavier chemical elements, become unstable and susceptible to decay. In science, some atoms decay into other atoms, releasing some energy in the process. This process is generally dictated by the ratio and configuration of the positively charged protons in an atomic nucleus, which dictate its chemical identity, with the neutrons, which need to act to keep the protons in as stable a clump as possible. Particular isotopes, increasingly so for the heavier atoms, are known to be subject to one or other modes of nuclear decay in order to attain a more stable and simpler form, including by several such steps. This comic humorously explores how an iPhone would decay if decaying works the same, which is obviously absurd as iPhones are not radioactive^{[citation needed]} and thus aren't subject to atomic decay.

The difference between iPhones undergoing alpha decay (vertically downwards, in the diagram) is the change in model number from a higher one to one two steps lower, except for the step involving the iPhone X which apparently exists instead of a "9" model. This is equivalent to the change in atomic number, when two unstable protons (together with a couple of neutrons) leave the nucleus in the form of a helium ion. The mass number of such atoms reduces by four (that held by the departing He²⁺), though no evidence is given as to how the respective masses of the phones actually changes in this analogy.

The process of beta minus decay (in elements, the effective conversion of a neutron into a proton and a free electron) raises the atomic number by one by transforming an excess neutral particle to a positive one, by emiting the small negatively charged beta particle (leaving the mass practically the same). In the terms of iPhones, this is represented by the removal of a brand-name modifier (usually denoting additional features included within the same model range) in order to perform a version-upgrade but now being closer to that new range's most basic release of model. This is represented by a sideways and upwards step. The decay step from the iPhone 13 Pro to the iPhone 14 Plus, which is missing a symbol, is clearly one of the beta minus decay steps.

(After alpha or beta decay, atoms may then emit gamma radiation as they rearrange their atomic state without changing their composition, but this process does not change the element in any meaningful way. It also will occur when neutron capture and/or atomic fission has occured, which is generally considered outwith the natural decay chain of any such isotope, and can also result from nuclear fusion.)

The title text suggests that the "alpha particle" of the iPhone is a SIM card, and that alpha-decaying phones will emit one of these each time (despite few phones having more than two, and most working ones only having one, but perhaps that's part of the mystery of telephonic transmutation). The sound of an old phone, sitting in a drawer, ejecting the unnecessary SIM is likened to the slow click of a Geiger counter being prompted to register the decay particles ejected from a decaying radioisotope. Presumably, without the sound, one would never otherwise know if the phone even had decayed without opening the drawer to find out.

Transcript

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[A flowchart with arrows leading from a circle with the words "iPhone 16 Pro Max", to circles with other iPhone names, eventually leading to a circle with the words "iPhone 7"]

[Caption below the panel:]

Physicists believe that an iPhone 16 Pro Max will, if left alone long enough, eventually decay into an iPhone 7, the heaviest stable model.

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Discussion

... should have gone down to the 5S. That was really rock bottom... 172.70.114.36 01:53, 3 April 2025 (UTC)

My old SE was a real workhorse. Small enough to comfortably use in one hand, power button on the top so I don't have to worry about turning it off when gripping it, headphone jack, black background on the reboot screen, and twice as much storage as my current iphone 7. It kept working until the screen cracked and glass was peeling out of the screen, and several months beyond that, when the screen just went blank and refused to turn on. guess who (if you desire conversing | what i have done) 05:10, 3 April 2025 (UTC)

No april fools' comic? Sad. Onestay (talk) 01:58, 3 April 2025 (UTC)

Takes some time. Might still be one.--me, hi (talk) 02:18, 3 April 2025 (UTC)

Yeah, escape speed was late for 18 days, maybe the new interactive comic will be the same Aprilfoolsupdate! (talk) 05:06, 3 April 2025 (UTC)

Yes we could still hope for a treat. However, last time the election did not go as he wished he did not make any April fools' comics as he was quite Sad at the time, it was in 2017 see this trivia... It might be even worse this time. --Kynde (talk) 12:50, 3 April 2025 (UTC)

As anyone with liberal political views (which includes me), I think this is the worst it could've possibly gone. Might not get an april fools comic for the next four years. DollarStoreBa'al (talk) 13:03, 3 April 2025 (UTC)

I SERIOUSLY hope there is one.My opinion is that there is defineatly one.--me, hi (talk) 13:55, 3 April 2025 (UTC)

Probably will be one 2017 is a long time ago(relatively) Aprilfoolsupdate! (talk) 14:24, 3 April 2025 (UTC)

Just because the last absence was eight years ago, under a similar political climate, I can't see that being a prime factor behind not doing an April Fool. If the circumstances alone makes him not think up anything funny, he'd be drying up in the realm of normal comics. (And, please, before anyone says that this is happening, I shall pre-emptively disagree; business as usual, IMO, by which I mean it's all still good.)

If it's a large-scale flight of imagination that's not happened, that doesn't even need joyous thoughts every day. In fact, a degree of depression could well drive some of the development as a coping mechanism.

On the whole, though, I'd say that any reason why (if it happens/doesn't happen) there's nothing this year is the sheer amount of effort required. Conceptualising, planning, coding and drawing seem to be the main units of work. All but the latter can be helped by a team, but certainly the core of the latter really needs to be kept personal, even if some flood-filling or careful recompositing can be farmed out to others he trusts to not spoil his style.

There was a tradition in the UK for the Morecambe and Wise Christmas Show to be the thing to watch (as an example), and it was probably the most stressful show for the writers and stars because it got to the stage that it had such a reputation for being entertaining (by the standards of the era - but repeats, even decades later, still are enjoyed...) that it had to be good.

I can quite imagine that Randall is in a similar position of only just getting one April Fool over with, and wondering whatever he's going to do to follow it (never mind any other non-Fool specials he's also working towards). Even while feeding us our regular three comics a week, like an insatiable chick in a nest demanding more and more food from its parents.

I even have had a few ideas of my own, that I'd happily contribute (and could even help with, having satisfied myself with proofs of concept), but I respect him too much to bother him with unsolicited advice from someone he doesn't know. Plus, I'd rather get pleasingly surprised by the true Randall spirit (or none at all) than feel like I forced him into doing my thing. (Or, worse, being to close to his own ideas, and deciding that he can't do that any more, lest it look like he took my concept and pretended it was already in his mind.)

I actually don't know how he set about prior works (solo or collaboration), but I'd have to already be far closer to him (socially, or perhaps with prior professional outreaches, neith of which are on the horizon) to have a proper idea. With everything he may have on his plate (What If? 3 and/or other books, more YouTubed conversions, some decidedly non-Fool future specials that he might have plans for, the continuing thrice-weekly comics...) maybe there just wasn't a way to give us want we're waiting for this year (maybe that was 2017's basic issue?). Or maybe he's almost there, just not yet.

He won't read this (that's ok, I don't read his Twitter - though that's mostly because it's been made too awkward to read things there without an account on the now-X, and I'm well past the point that I might have ever considered signing up) so this is not for his benefit, but for those who seem to think it's a cut'n'dried contract that he will entertain you. When he will only as much as he feels he can. With the caveat of "horses for courses", as he'll never please everybody, however much he might try.

Be calm, fellow xkcd community members. Maybe we're due a truly humdingery Summertime special release (or Halloween, or Christmas, or next April (twice as good as a normal year!), or just at some random time that may or may not coincide with a book launch, or... If we already knew about it, would it be as nice a surprise..? 172.71.178.59 16:44, 3 April 2025 (UTC)

I thought it obvious that this presidency was the joke? Did not everyone get the joke? I mean, maybe it's in bad taste, but the irony is right there. ProphetZarquon (talk) 13:42, 4 April 2025 (UTC)

A quick search for "newest iPhone" gave me that 16 (various models) is the newest. That is, if it's newer than 15. 172.68.15.141 04:39, 3 April 2025 (UTC)

Most stars only produce Bell rotary phones, perhaps producing touch tone or even cordless phones briefly as they move off the main sequence. Massive stars can produce up to Nokia phones, but that's the final stage that stars can produce in their normal lifespan. All smartphones are produced in supernova. 172.69.246.149 05:32, 3 April 2025 (UTC)

I thought they were produced in a Movistar. 172.70.163.167 09:01, 3 April 2025 (UTC)

The iPhone 13 mini is not listed because it's a rare isotope that only forms within highly compact spacetime conditions that no longer exist in our region of the universe. ProphetZarquon (talk) 14:22, 4 April 2025 (UTC)

The iPhone 12 mini and iPhone 13 mini decay into the standard iPhone 11 and iPhone 12 models, respectively, via the less common beta+ emission mechanism. Neither is part of the displayed decay chain without external excitation into non-standard models. It is also theoretically possible for the iPhone 13 mini to spontaneously transition into the lower energy state 3rd generation iPhone SE, and then follow a parallel decay chain beyond the iPhone 7, but it is so rare that it has not yet been observed during the current lifetime of the universe. SammyChips (talk) 18:39, 7 April 2025 (UTC)

I miss an explanation of the iPhone models. Are these the only ones there are? In which order were they released? (Of course, I could google iPhone, but that would defeat the purpose of this page, wouldn’t it?) It feels strange that there is an iPhone 7, but no 8 and 9, then X (assuming X means 10), 11, 12 only with the addition “pro max” and so on. 172.70.43.67 06:26, 3 April 2025 (UTC)

I think there is an 8 172.70.162.195 (talk) 09:18, 3 April 2025 (UTC) (please sign your comments with ~~~~)

There are more phones theorised to exist in nature, but they're mostly only found in high-energy colliders. 172.68.205.179 07:12, 3 April 2025 (UTC)

Note that the comic shows a decay chain not a table of nuclides, i.e. it only shows iPhones which occur during the decay of an iPhone 16 pro max. I also wonder why iPhone X apparently has Z=9, but according to List of iPhone models apparently no iPhone 9 was ever observed. --172.69.109.89 09:57, 3 April 2025 (UTC)

Before iPhone 11, Apple tended to bump the major number only every second year. They released the iPhones 8 and X the same year, then XS and XR the next year. So: ... 6, 6S, 7, (8 and X), (XS and XR), (11, 11 Pro, 11 Pro Max), ... 172.68.0.151 (talk) 10:20, 3 April 2025 (UTC) (please sign your comments with ~~~~)

Maybe this references how especially for iPhones, new models are constantly made and old ones traded in or discarded? As if the new phones are actually the same and current phones are just getting worse? 162.158.167.10 07:18, 3 April 2025 (UTC)

Is this like how Randall's TI-85 decayed into a TI-83? 172.69.17.144 11:04, 3 April 2025 (UTC)

I think that's a corollary worth noting in the description! ProphetZarquon (talk) 13:36, 4 April 2025 (UTC)

So, is there a neutronium analogue, in the "iPhone <no number> expert super plus pro max elite extra master genius limited edition"? 172.71.178.29 12:14, 3 April 2025 (UTC)

I wonder if there's a real element that has a similar decay chain. Bigyihsuan (talk) 13:08, 3 April 2025 (UTC)

I wonder what the actual weights are of the phones and if that does track... 172.68.54.69 13:59, 3 April 2025 (UTC)

Presumably it ends with the 7 because that's currently the earliest iPhone still receiving security updates 172.69.114.83 17:16, 3 April 2025 (UTC)

I think this needs to be mentioned in the official explanation, that's the only sensible explanation for why "stable" ends at 7 (assuming it is true that 7 is the last supported model for OS updates, I did not double check. 162.158.103.187 (talk) 23:13, 3 April 2025 (UTC) (please sign your comments with ~~~~)

I agree that 7 being the earliest with updates, should be mentioned. (It's the first reason I thought of as well, for it being the final decay state.) ProphetZarquon (talk) 13:38, 4 April 2025 (UTC)

Side note: the SIM part could also be related to the fact that, since the iPhone first came out, the standard size of SIMs has changed twice (by shrinking). In a curious twist of things, different phones have different compatibilities with each standard SIM size: some accept SIMs one size bigger if trimmed to size, some accept SIMs one size smaller if surrounded by extra material (cardboard or plastic) to bring them to size, some accept both and some accept one; I'm not sure about compatibility two sizes away. (TL;DR: the phone may be ejectng the incompatible SIM)--172.64.236.38 22:22, 3 April 2025 (UTC)

The iPhone X doesn't exist "instead of a 9 model", it is actually the model between the iPhone 8 and the iPhone XS.172.71.114.123 12:24, 10 April 2025 (UTC)
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