826: Guest Week: Zach Weiner (SMBC)

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Guest Week: Zach Weiner (SMBC)

Explainxkcd note: Don't try and click on this image to see the exhibits. Visit the actual comic instead

Title text: Guest comic by Zach Weiner of Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal. When I was stressed out, Zach gave me a talk that was really encouraging and somehow involved nanobots.

Explanation

This comic is drawn by a guest webcomic artist, Zack Weiner, following the theme of "Guest Week". Zach is the author of the webcomic Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal. The original comic is interactive. It will show images of the exibits (see below) by clicking on them.

The entire comic is a hypothetical "Smithsonian Museum of Dad-Trolling, an entire building dedicated to deceiving children for amusement." It is an common occurrence that curious children will ask simple questions about science to their parents, such as, "Daddy, why is the sky blue?" and a parent could respond, "Well Susie, the sky is blue to match your dress."

Hall of Misunderstood Science

Each exhibit is a display set up to reinforce the false, sarcastic, or exaggerated answers to typical questions that children may ask their parents about scientific topics. The answers given involve just enough information that the child may be satisfied with the answer and repeat it to others while maintaining the irony for adults that the answers are obviously misleading or false. These explanations may be given because the parent does not know how to explain the topic.

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  In this exhibit the marquee claims that basilisks exist, and that they live under your bed. The basilisk is a mythological reptilian monster that was described as having the ability to turn other living things to stone with its gaze. This story might be believed by children because children often imagine that a monster or a dangerous creature is hiding under the bed at night, and verifying that the basilisk is under the bed might turn the child to stone.

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  In this exhibit the marquee claims that "In my day" molecules did not exist, and everything was just atoms. Molecules are chains of atoms, and therefore more complex than atoms. This story might be believed by children because old people often tell unbelievable and questionably credible "In my day" stories about how different, or in this case less complicated, things when they where younger. This story may sound no less credible then these stories to a child. Like most "In my day" stories there is at least a grain of truth. The word atom has changed its meaning over time; at one time all discovered molecules were called atoms, as when they were modified their properties change. Also, according to the Big Bang theory, there was a period billions of years ago when the universe contained no molecules, yet still contained atoms.

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  In this exhibit the marquee claims that magnets are only attracted to each other when they are teenagers. This is a inside joke that the child is not in on about how there is a loss of sexual desire in adults. This story might be believed because magnets are seen as mysterious and possibly magical by children.

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  In this exhibit the plaque on the statue of Jesus claims that snow is composed of Jesus' dandruff. This story might be believed because some children take the expression that rain is "God's tears", and this would be a logical extension.

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  In this exhibit the marquee claims that the reason that there are only four components of DNA is because there where only four letters back then. The following letters describe the nucleotides that make up DNA chains: "G" guanine, "A" adenine, "T" thymine, and "C" cytosine. This story might be believed by children as DNA can be thought as an instruction set to build life. Instructions contain words, and therefore the letters G, A, T, and C can be thought of as the letters that the words in the instructions are made from.

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  In this exhibit the marquee claims that you are more vulnerable to the boogie man when you are sleeping. "The Boogie Man" is a common legend used to scare young kids; he typically hides in closets and underneath beds, and attacks sleeping children. This story might be believed by children as some believe in the boogie man.

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  In this exhibit the marquee claims that water increases its size to frighten predators. Ice is less dense than liquid water. This is an unusual property as most materials are more dense in solid form. This might be believed by a child because many animals appear to increase their size to frighten away other threatening animals. A rhinoceros, although not traditionally a predator, would be a predator of water.

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  In this exhibit the marquee claims that anti-matter is composed of half ant and half matter. The prefix anti means "the opposite of", but sounds similar to the word ant. This story might be believed by children because a hyphen is often used to combine two words together with different meanings to create a word with the meaning of both. Combining the words ants and matter could produce a word meaning something composed of both ants and matter.

Regrettable Pranks: An Interactive Experience

This section holds falsehoods that a dad might use to frighten his children. Fear is often used to discourage children from disobeying their parents. It is an interactive experience, so visitors can try something for themselves, then learn the frightening fact it indicates.

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  In this exhibit the sign claims that helium makes your voice higher because you are about to explode. Helium makes your voice high-pitched, because sound travels faster in helium than in air (79% nitrogen and 21% oxygen), and it does not explode because it is a noble gas; although it could rupture containers in accordance with the combined gas law, which governs the relationship between pressure, temperature and volume: i.e. if a balloon is over-inflated or exposed to heat, it will burst. This story might be used by parents to discourage children from inhaling helium. This story might regrettably convince a child that they are dying after they inhale helium. On the other hand it can be dangerous to inhale helium from a gas container if the pressure is too high. So maybe better scared than dead.

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  In this exhibit the sign claims that if your middle finger is longer than all the others, you are an alien half-breed. For almost all people the middle finger is longer than all the others. This story might be used by parents to tease their children. This story might regrettably convince a child that one of their parents is a alien, and therefore not to be trusted.

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  In this exhibit the sign claims that one of the cups of Jello had a rabbit brain instead of a cherry. Cherries are a common ingredient in gelatin based deserts. One cup is missing and in the hands of the child, possibly eaten. This story might be used by parents to tease their children, or discourage them from eating more dessert. This story might regrettably convince a child that they ate the brain of a small cute fluffy animal.

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  In this exhibit the sign claims that monsters will eat you if you do not make your bed. In some stories monsters specifically prey on children. This story might be used by parents to encourage children to make their beds. This story might regrettably convince a child that there are monsters under their beds and frighten them so they can not sleep.

Concessions

This area holds concession stands, which sell food. There are misleading names on each stand. The pop-outs in this section are based on jokes parents tell their children to frighten them about food.

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  In this exhibit the marquee announces the name of the concession stand as KFP. The parent claims that the "P" stands for phoenix, and the operator adds "also ponies". KFP is a parody of Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC), a popular fast food chain which specializes in fried chicken. A phoenix is a mythical bird that throws it self into a fire and later rises from the ashes. This story might be believed by children because phoenixes are birds and a fried one may look similar to a chicken. It could be even worse for many girls if they belived they just ate a pony.

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  In this exhibit the marquee announces that the concession stand sells ground beef and further enplanes that ground beef is beef that is found on the ground. The word ground sometimes refers to the floor other times is past tense of the word grind. This story might be believed by children because the words are spelled and pronounced the same.

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  In this exhibit the marquee announces that the concession stand sells ice cream and claims that ice cream is really spelled eyes cream, and always composed of eyeballs. This story might be believed by children because the words "eyes cream" sounds similar to "ice cream".

Conservatory of Poorly Remembered History

Each exhibit is a display set up to reinforce the false, sarcastic, or exaggerated answers to typical questions that children may ask their parents about history. The answers given involve just enough information that the child may be satisfied with the answer and repeat it to others while maintaining the irony for adults that the answers are obviously misleading or false. These explanations may be given because the parent does not know how to explain the topic.

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  In this exhibit the marquee claims that Genghis Khan achieved his victories by using dragons. Genghis Khan was a Mongolian conqueror who conquered almost all of Asia and much of Europe founding the Mongol Empire, and creating the then-largest continuous land empire in history. This story might be believed by children because some children associate magical and other fantastic elements with the past instead of fantasy.

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  In this exhibit the marquee claims that the Crimean War was a war on crime. The Crimean War is an often forgotten Eastern European conflict between Russia and a European coalition with aims to stop Russia's expansion. This story might be believed by children because adding an "a" to a people group sometimes is used to create a country name, making Crimea sounds similar to a nation of criminals.

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  In this exhibit the marquee claims that wizards where in control during The Renaissance. The Renaissance is a cultural movement in Europe that took place after the Dark ages. This story might be believed by children because some children associate magical and other fantastic elements with the past instead of fantasy.

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  In this exhibit the marquee claims that Star Wars is actual history. Star Wars is a fantastical science fiction movie. This story might be believed by children because the movie begins "a long time ago in a galaxy far away", and some children associate magical and other fantastic elements with the past instead of fantasy.

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  In this exhibit the poster claims that France does not exist. The adult in the comic continues to attempt to convince the children that France does not exist. This is supposed to be funny because the knowledge of France as a country is common. This may be parodying the global warming debate, a common theme in both XKCD and SMBC.

Rotunda of Uncomfortable Topics

Each exhibit is a display set up to explain uncomfortable topics that children may ask their parents about. The answers given so that the children do not ask further questions.

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  In this exhibit the sign on the box covering up a couple in bed claims that naked wrestling is perfectly normal, but kids should never engage in it. "Naked wrestling" is a euphemism for sex. A parent may give this explanation if a child walks in on their parents having sex and they have to come up with an explanation on the spot, or they feel that the children are too young to know about sex.

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  In this exhibit the sign over the stand claims your parents drink alcohol to prevent you from drinking it as alcohol is a poison. This is technically true, as alcohol is a toxin. A parent may give this explanation to a child who asks their parents why they drink alcohol if it is bad for you, and did not want to explain the pleasurable experience of alcohol because it might encourage children to drink.

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  In this exhibit the banner claims that mommies have big tummies because storks like chubby girls. According to some childhood stories storks deliver babies. Also, there are men who prefer heavy women, these men are often called chubby chasers. A parent may give this explanation to a child who asks why, if a stork delivers babies, their mother is changing while she is pregnant, and the parent continues to try to avoid the topic of sex.

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  In this exhibit the sign claims that grandma did not die, but is going back to Saturn. Some parents tell their children that their loved ones have gone away instead of telling them the truth, their loved ones are dead. Going to Saturn "for revenge" is added for comic value. A parent may give this explanation to a avoid causing their child pain.

Miscellaneous

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  In this exhibit the marquee claims that dinosaurs are made of bones only. The fossil record includes the imprints of the other tissues of dinosaurs including skin, nails, teeth, and feathers. This story might be believed by children because the majority of all displays of dinosaurs in museums only include bones.

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  The Bathrooms have 3 doors. Clicking reveals that there the two standard gendered bathrooms found in the majority of public buildings, and another one for "Korgmen & Spangs" which does not correspond to any known human trait. This is most likely a reference to the Marvel alien species the Korg.

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  In this exhibit the sign (which the children can not see) explains that the "Magic Eye poster" contains no hidden images. Magic Eye is a company that sells autostereograms in books. Autostereograms contain a "hidden" three-dimensional image that can only be seen by focusing one's eyes at a point other than the poster itself. This takes time and many people find it difficult or impossible to do.

Transcript

In the spirit of xkcd I present a proposal for a new Smithsonian museum:

The Smithsonian Museum Of Dad-Trolling

An entire building dedicated to deceiving children for amusement

(Click to view exhibits!)

The top left room is 'The Hall of Misunderstood Science'. It contains six exhibits.

Exhibit: A giant basilisk looms over children.

Exhibit label: BASILISKS: Real, deadly, under your bed.

Exhibit: Four magnets hang from a square arch. A child is touching two of them together.

Text on the arch: Magnets only leap at each other when they're teenagers. Later, they lose interest.

Exhibit: A child on his dad's shoulders looks up at a looming statue of Jesus behind a lectern. There are flakes falling from Jesus onto them both.

Exhibit label: Snow is Jesus' dandruff. His scalp gets dry when it's cold.

Exhibit: A child lies asleep, while hands and a scary face reach up around the bed toward him.

Exhibit label: Sleep: Now you're vulnerable to the boogie man!

Exhibit: An ice block sits on a stand in front of pictures of a wolf and rhinoceros looking frightened.

Exhibit label: Freezing water: Expands to frighten predators.

Exhibit: An insect on a stick is orbited by a small sphere.

Exhibit label: Anti-matter: Matter that is more than 50% ants.

Exhibit: A DNA strand with the letters T, A, C, and G hanging around it.

Exhibit label: DNA only has four letters because the alphabet was smaller back then.

Dad, to child: Told you so.

Exhibit: A bunch of molecules hang from the ceiling.

Exhibit label: Molecules? In my day, we only had atoms!

The top right room is 'Regrettable Pranks: An Interactive Experience'. There are four exhibits.

Exhibit: Five balloons float tethered to a table. A child is holding a sixth balloon. The Dad looks alarmed.

Sign on exhibit: If this helium makes your voice go higher, it's because you're ten seconds from exploding.

Exhibit: An alien face is shown above an outline of several hands next to a ruler. A child holds his hand up to it.

Sign on exhibit: Measure your middle finger. If it's longer than the others, you're an alien halfbreed.

Exhibit: Three cups are on a table. A child is walking away with a fourth cup, the dad's arm around the child's shoulder.

Exhibit label: Has anyone seen my rabbit brain? It looks like a cherry, and I dropped it in a Jello cup.

Exhibit: A monstrous set of jaws open upward around a bed.

Sign on exhibit: Make your bed or monsters will know a kid lives there.

The center right room is 'Concessions'. There are three booths.

Booth: A concession stand is labeled 'KFP', and displays a KFC-style bucket. A dad and child are eating.

Dad: The "P" is for "phoenix".

Booth: A concession stand.

Sign on stand: Ground beef: Beef we found on the ground.

Dad, to child: Told you.

Booth: A stand shaped like a giant eye.

Booth label: EYES CREAM

Subtitle: How did you think it was spelled?

Sign on booth: Now with more of the goo in your eyes. Same as every other creamery.

The lower left room is 'Conservatory of Poorly Remembered History'. There are five exhibits.

Exhibit: A man is riding a dragon.

Exhibit label: Genghis Khan: victory through dragons.

Exhibit: A criminal in front of some windows.

Exhibit label: The Crimean War: The first war against crime.

Exhibit: A castle with flags hanging on it.

Exhibit label: The Renaissance

Subtitle: Long story short, the wizards were in control.

Exhibit:A man in Jedi-style robes with a fake beard.

Exhibit label: Star Wars is a documentary. No, seriously.

Dad, to children: Kids, this man is a veteran.

The lower right room is 'Rotunda of Uncomfortable Topics'. There are five exhibits.

Exhibit: A wrestling ring, with a man and woman mostly obscured by the exhibit label.

Exhibit label: Naked wrestling: perfectly normal. NEVER DO IT.

Exhibit: a figure sits at a booth in front of a bowl of food. The dad is holding a bottle.

Exhibit label: Alcohol is poison. I drink to save you from it.

Dad: You're welcome.

Exhibit: A large bird.

Exhibit label: Mommies get big tummies before babies come because the stork likes chubby girls.

Exhibit: A rocket ship.

Sign on exhibit: Grandma's not dead. She just returned to Saturn. For REVENGE.

In the areas outside the rooms, there are two more exhibits and restrooms, all clickable.

Exhibit: A dinosaur skeleton.

Exhibit label: That's right. Dinosaurs were made entirely of BONES.

Dad, to kid: If you think about it, it makes sense.

Exhibit: A large image hangs on the wall. It is a dense squiggly jumble of lines.

Dad, to kids: You gotta squint juuust right.

Sign on exhibit: Magic eye trick that doesn't actually work.

Restrooms: There are three doors, each with a sign.

First door (male logo): Men & Boys

Second door (female logo): Women & Girls

Third door (unrecognizable logo): Korgmen & Spangs

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Discussion

The third door has a logo of a Korgman. Duh. --Dangerkeith3000 (talk) 16:33, 14 March 2013 (UTC)

What the hell is "Korgmen & Spangs"? I think it belongs to some user profiles (YouTube, etc.). Can someone explain this? --Dgbrt (talk) 21:08, 9 March 2014 (UTC)

There is the red cape man in the hallway between Misunderstood Science and Pranks. A few other character seem to be present such as double black hat. --108.162.241.11 19:25, 8 April 2014 (UTC)

HELIUM IS *NOT* FLAMMABLE! Like, not even a little. --108.162.246.232 11:55, 16 July 2014 (UTC)

"Your middle finger is always longer than the others, so this test will always tell visitors they are an alien half-breed." is incorrect. If you are female, the ring finger is longer.Seebert (talk) 21:09, 18 July 2014 (UTC)

Your middle finger is always longer, index and ring fingers lengths change a bit by gender. 108.162.216.43 23:49, 19 July 2014 (UTC)

I feel like a lot of this explanation entirely misses the point. It constantly goes "Regrettably, this might cause children to believe..." or "they might think this because..." The entire museum is intentionally lying to children. It's supposed to fool them into believing non-truths! And yes, I'm too lazy to change it. Also, maybe we should point out the people in the main image? (Cory Doctorow, Sauron, Gandalf, the flying ferret, and the usual cast) 108.162.216.126 19:32, 29 October 2014 (UTC)

Also: This page is tagged "Comics featuring Beret Guy". I have not seen him anywhere in here. Am I blind? Should I change it? 173.245.52.89 (talk) (please sign your comments with ~~~~)

Yes; in the conservatory near the bottom right. 173.245.48.158 04:20, 5 June 2015 (UTC)

I have also looked through this three times, I could not see Black Hat anywhere. I have removed him from this list. Please revert if you see him, and kindly explain where he is. (as well as Beret Guy.) Dontknow (talk) 04:24, 13 April 2017 (UTC)

Black Hat is in the Rotunda of Uncomfortable Topics, the third person to the right of the stork. Beret Guy is in the Conservatory of Poorly Remembered History, the third person up from the south entrance. Blondie is in the center of the Hall of Misunderstood Science, White Hat is between the two left sections, Ponytail is next to the skeleton, and Megan is by the Regrettable Pranks entrance. Also, Two Black Hats of 455: Hats is next to the Restrooms third gender entrance, and Cory Doctorow is between the top two sections, the third person down in the main hallway. Those are the characters I recognized. --108.162.221.166 08:44, 23 June 2017 (UTC)

Ms. Frizzle can be seen at the bottom right corner of the museum with two children. What this field trip was about, I don't want to know.Catnerd8695 (talk) 22:41, 13 December 2018 (UTC)

Basilisks exist, several species. Gazing at them when they run could leave you petrified in awe as it is quite a sight. Especially if they perform the Jesus water stunt (no dandruff). See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Common_basilisk. 108.162.253.174 (talk) (please sign your comments with ~~~~)

What is it with their squared shoulders???108.162.245.115 21:51, 28 September 2016 (UTC)

SMBC comics has a red button below the comics, which shows an extra black-and-white panel, as opposed to normal colored main panels. The behavior for this one is similar: the main comic is colored, and when you click on it extra panels show.

I wonder if there are any other xkcd comics that reference My Little Pony. --162.158.50.42 18:07, 30 December 2021 (UTC)