1679: Substitutions 3

explain xkcd: It's 'cause you're dumb.
(Redirected from 1679)
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Substitutions 3
BREAKING: Channing Tatum and his friends explore haunted city
Title text: BREAKING: Channing Tatum and his friends explore haunted city

    Explanation[edit]

    This is the third comic in the Substitution series where Randall suggests substitutions that will make reading the news more fun. But there have been several comics using substitutions both before and after these ones. This is the full series:

    The title text in original form would be "Scientists explore ancient city", which most would consider a fairly bland headline. Two days before this comic came out, there was news that a potential ancient Mayan city had been found by a 15 year old boy through satellite imagery, which may be what Randall was referencing. The Mayan city has now been proven nonexistent. Imagining Channing Tatum and his "friends", and pretending that the city is haunted, provides a much more dramatic setting mirroring many episodes (and later films) of Scooby Doo featuring a gang of friends (Mysteries, Inc.).

    Table of Substitutions[edit]

    Original word/phrase Substitution Explanation
    Gaffe Magic spell A Gaffe is a social mistake, or faux pas. A magic spell is a series of actions or words used to create an effect through magic. Possibly a comment on how seemingly random words or actions can have dramatic consequences.
    Ancient Haunted Old structures and objects in certain genres of fiction, particularly horror, are frequently haunted.
    Star-studded Blood-soaked Star-studded means featuring a lot of popular celebrities. Blood-soaked means covered in blood, or can be used to describe a place where a lot of violent deaths occurred. This might suggest that concentrating famous people in one place is likely to lead to bloodshed. If you were studded with throwing stars you might be blood-soaked.
    Remains to be seen Will never be known The first phrase means that something is not known, while the second phrase means that something cannot be known. This adds a layer of fantastical mystery to an otherwise mundane phrase.
    Silver bullet Way to kill werewolves Replaces a phrase usually used for it's metaphorical meaning with the literal purpose the metaphor was derived from.

    In werewolf folklore, a silver bullet was usually the best way to kill a werewolf permanently, as most conventional methods would leave it able to recover. Thus the phrase "silver bullet" is metaphorically used to mean something like "perfect solution." In a more literal sense, this also means that silver bullets are indeed a "way to kill werewolves."

    Subway system Tunnels I found A more personal and colloquial way to refer to underground tunnels, as though they had just been discovered for the first time.

    Could also be some other kind of tunnels, such as a sewage system that the author uses for transport, which would be very strange.

    Surprising Surprising (but not to me) The speaker/writer claims that everyone else is surprised by something, but they had anticipated it all along.
    War of words Interplanetary war A pun based on the original phrase's similarity to "War of Worlds," meaning interplanetary war, (a major conflict involving the civilizations of multiple planets), or it's similarity to War of the Worlds, a book about interplanetary war.
    Tension Sexual tension Inserts a single word to make a situation way weirder. (Sexual tension is a situation in which two or more people attempt to avoid acknowledging being sexually attracted to each other.)
    Cautiously optimistic Delusional Replaces a cautious and moderate opinion with an extremely supportive one.
    Doctor Who The Big Bang Theory Replaces one popular TV series with another unrelated one.
    Win votes Find Pokémon Pokémon is a game franchise based around trying to collect a complete set of characters. This substitution suggests that the vote hunter is on a quest to collect the votes (of outlandish creatures) one by one.
    Behind the headlines Beyond the grave Essentially unrelated phrases that sound similar.
    Email / Facebook post / Tweet Poem This substitution has some historical merit as poets often used their artform as a medium to spread their opinions to a large number of people.
    Facebook CEO This guy When the comic was released, the Facebook CEO was Mark Zuckerberg, meaning this phrase would usually appear in the form "this guy Mark Zuckerberg," implying Mark Zuckerberg isn't special or important, but rather just a random person who happened to say something.
    Latest Final This substitution means that any recent entry in a series will be treated as the final one. Possibly a joke about the ambiguity in the use of the word "last."
    Disrupt Destroy Replaces a fairly standard "tech bro" phrase with a much more violent one.
    Meeting Ménage à trois Another entry that attempts to make the mundane weird. A meeting is a gathering of people to discuss a topic, as in business, while a ménage à trois is one or more sex acts performed among three people.
    Scientists Channing Tatum and his friends Replaces a vague, anonymous phrase for a group of people with a very specific yet almost certainly unrelated group of people, given the context.

    Channing Tatum is a famous actor and was likely chosen at random.

    You won't believe I'm really sad about Replaces a catchphrase used in "click-bait" headlines to attract attention and web traffic with a more sincere yet uncharacteristically personal phrase expressing genuine disappointment in the topic.

    Real life examples[edit]

    Transcript[edit]

    [Caption above the panel:]
    Even More
    Substitutions
    That make reading the news more fun
    [A table of words/sentences on the left that change in to those on the left. Between each set of words there is an arrow pointing from right.]
    Gaffe ➜ Magic spell
    Ancient ➜ Haunted
    Star-Studded ➜ Blood-soaked
    Remains to be seen ➜ Will never be known
    Silver bullet ➜ Way to kill werewolves
    Subway system ➜ Tunnels I found
    Surprising ➜ Surprising (but not to me)
    War of words ➜ Interplanetary war
    Tension ➜ Sexual tension
    Cautiously optimistic ➜ Delusional
    Doctor Who ➜ The Big Bang Theory
    Win votes ➜ Find Pokémon
    Behind the headlines ➜ Beyond the grave
    Email \
    Facebook Post ➜ Poem
    Tweet /
    Facebook CEO ➜ This guy
    Latest ➜ Final
    Disrupt ➜ Destroy
    Meeting ➜ Ménage à trois
    Scientists ➜ Channing Tatum
    and his friends
    You won't believe ➜ I'm really sad about


      Add comment        Create topic (use sparingly)       Refresh 

    Discussion

    The title text may be a reference to the Mayan city discovered by a 15 year old, but that city hasn't yet been visited by scientists or Mr Tatum. https://translate.google.com/translate?tl=en&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.journaldemontreal.com%2F2016%2F05%2F07%2Fun-ado-decouvre-une-cite-maya 198.41.239.34 13:32, 11 May 2016 (UTC)


    Here's the code for the full set of substitutions from all three comics, to be inserted in the Chrome extension the page listed, which can be found here: https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/replacerator/gaajhenbcclienfnniphiiambbbninnp?hl=en

    {"Google Glass":"virtual boy","a unknown number":"like hundreds","allegedly":"kinda probably","ancient":"haunted","at large":"very large","behind the headlines":"beyond the grave","candidate":"airbender","car":"cat","cautiously optimistic":"delusional","congressional leaders":"river spirits","could not be reached for comment":"is guilty and everyone knows it","debate":"dance-off","disrupt":"destroy","doctor who":"the big bang theory","drone":"dog","election":"eating contest","electric":"atomic","email":"poem","expands":"physically expands","facebook ceo":"this guy","facebook post":"poem","first-degree":"friggin' awful","front runner":"blade runner","gaffe":"magic spell","global":"spherical","homeland security":"homestar runner","horsepower":"tons of horsemeat","latest":"final","meeting":"ménage à trois","minutes":"years","new study":"Tumblr post","no indication":"lots of signs","poll":"psychic reading","rebuild":"avenge","remains to be seen":"will never be known","scientists":"Channing Tatum and his friends","second-degree":"friggin' awful","selfdriving":"uncontrollably swerving","senator":"elf-lord","silver bullet":"way to kill werewolves","smartphone":"Pokédex","space":"spaaace","star-studded":"blood-soaked","subway system":"tunnels I found","successfully":"suddenly","surprising":"surprising (but not to me)","tension":"sexual tension","third-degree":"frigging' awful","tweet":"poem","urged restraint by":"drunkenly egged on","vows to":"probably won't","war of words":"interplanetary war","win votes":"find pokémon","witnesses":"these dudes I know","years":"minutes","you won't believe":"I'm really sad about"}


    I would put it somewhere more convenient if I knew a site for it. 141.101.104.158 13:46, 11 May 2016 (UTC)

    I almost forgot about adding this, but then i randomly saw 40% more spaaace on a website.--Nathanieljay216 (talk) 03:37, 24 July 2019 (UTC)

    This reminds me an awful lot of the title text in the previous comic 1678: Recent Searches regarding autoexec code posted by verified twitter users. :-p Kynde (talk) 13:48, 11 May 2016 (UTC)
    Is there a way to easily enable/disable the extension?Bmmarti3 (talk)
    It appears there isn't... Go to your list of browser extensions, and enable/disable it.141.101.75.245 18:59, 11 May 2016 (UTC)
    I personally use a different extension than was linked to on xkcd.com, titled xkcd substitutions, which can be turned off by clicking on the icon for it at the top of your Chrome window, and also allows you to set specific sites on which it will never change words (i.e. on Gmail). Here's the shortened link: http://bit.ly/VF8nTw 173.245.54.49 22:31, 11 May 2016 (UTC)
    Hey, what about [Keyboard --> Leopard]? Papayaman1000 (talk) 00:45, 15 May 2016 (UTC)


    It would be wonderful if the celebrity injunction was about a ménage à trois and somehow all the hype was Randall's fault. 141.101.70.133 15:13, 11 May 2016 (UTC) Great. Now I have to update this:https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/xkcd-substitutions/jkgogmboalmaijfgfhfepckdgjeopfhk?hl=en&gl=001 --108.162.215.69 18:24, 11 May 2016 (UTC)

    108.162.216.91Here's a funny link, but I don't know how to edit it in: https://www.washingtonpost.com/investigations/how-clintons--scandal-took-root/2016/03/27/ee301168-e162-11e5-846c-10191d1fc4ec_story.html, it the substituted version is "How Clinton’s poem scandal took root"108.162.216.91

    On Doctor Who > Big Bang Theory - the real life example isn't particularly interesting, as it's substituting one TV show for another. The more interesting cases are those where news headlines reference an actual doctor, who (something). For instance, in the criminal trial of amputee Oscar Pistorius, one TV banner referred to someone as "Doctor who cut off [his] legs". "The Big Bang Theory cut off [his] legs" is, to my mind, more bizarre. 141.101.98.119 16:54, 12 May 2016 (UTC)Andrew Williams; one day I'll make an account. 12/05/2016

    I think any article about Doctor Who - e.g. an interview with David Tennant about his leading role on The Big Bang Theory, would come across as funny to Whovians. :) KieferSkunk (talk) 20:08, 16 May 2016 (UTC)


    Weird substitution

    Isn't 'tension' -> 'sexual tension' weird? It could result in the following texts:

    'sexual tension' -> 'sexual sexual tension',

    'cable tension' -> 'cable sexual tension'.

    In short, whenever there's already something before 'tension' that gets modified, don't substitute (or replace those words (difficult to do automatically)) --Zom-B (talk) 07:43, 12 May 2016 (UTC)

    Here's some javascript to run these substitutions (page may be unusable afterwards) - imma
    document.body.innerHTML=[
    [/Gaffe/ig,"Magic spell"], [/Ancient/ig,"Haunted"], [/Star[- ]Studded/ig,"Blood-soaked"], [/Remains to be seen/ig,"Will never be known"], [/Silver[- ]bullet/ig,"Way to kill werewolves"], [/Subway system/ig,"Tunnels I found"], [/Surprising/ig,"Surprising (but not to me)"], [/War[- ]of[- ]words/ig,"Interplanetary war"], [/Tension/ig,"Sexual tension"], [/Cautiously optimistic/ig,"Delusional"], [/Doctor Who/ig,"The Big Bang Theory"], [/Win votes/ig,"Find Pokémon"], [/Behind (the )?headlines/ig,"Beyond the grave"], [/Email|Facebook Post|Tweet|twitter post/ig,"Poem"], [/Facebook CEO/ig,"This guy"], [/Latest/ig,"Final"], [/Disrupt/ig,"Destroy"], [/Meeting/ig,"Ménage à trois"], [/Scientists?/ig,"Channing Tatum and his friends"], [/You won't believe/ig,"I'm really sad about"]
    ].reduce((t,s)=>t.replace(s[0],s[1]),document.body.innerHTML)
    162.158.34.139 08:30, 12 May 2016 (UTC)

    Could War of words be a mention to The War of Worlds by H.G. Wells? 162.158.255.137 (talk) (please sign your comments with ~~~~)

    Breaking news: A The Big Bang Theory Helped A Patient Out Became The Patient's Employee. 2659: Unreliable Connection (talk) 09:00, 29 March 2023 (UTC)

    I'm no linguist, but the word "Last" happens to share the meanings of both "Latest" and "Final". 2659: Unreliable Connection (talk) 09:02, 29 March 2023 (UTC)
            Add comment
    Retrieved from "https://www.explainxkcd.com/w/index.php?title=1679:_Substitutions_3&oldid=411824"